Chapter 16
Mead turns men’s minds to sex...the same throughout the ages...
Right off, she told the oaf what she thought of him. “You are an oaf!” she said.
“Yeah, but a loveable oaf.”
“Why did you tell that man we are betrothed?”
“Quickest way to get rid of the jerk.”
“Jerk?”
“Loser.”
“Loser?”
“He was unworthy of you.”
“Oh. And you are not?”
“Nope. I’m very, very worthy of you. I deserve you. We are a match made in heaven.”
“So, now we are betrothed?”
“Well, no. Not unless you wanna be.”
She laughed. “I release you from that false promise.”
“What if I don’t wanna be released?”
She laughed again. “Zachary, to become betrothed, you would have to be smitten with me, which you clearly are not.”
“Hah! I’m smitten all right.”
“So you say!”
“Ask anyone.”
“The boy, he is smitten, all right,” Cage said, and the others, all of whom were listening with great enjoyment to their conversation, nodded their agreement. The woman whom Zachary had introduced as Linda did not look happy.
“Besides, I was rescuing you from a guy with a very bad reputation,” he told Britta.
She arched a brow with disbelief.
“Ask Linda. He makes his sex partners do perverted things.” She could tell that Zachary regretted making that statement. But Linda nodded.
“More perverted than incline sex?”
Zachary, oddly red-faced, gawked at her as if he could not believe she had said that. She realized why when she saw all the men go silent with interest, waiting.
“So, Zach, mon coeur, exactly what is incline sex?”
“Is it on an inclined plane, like a skateboard ramp?” Merrill the Geek asked.
Before Zachary could speak, she said, “It is rather like upside down sex. Well, not really that. More like a wheelbarrow. Hmmm. How would you explain it, Zachary?”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Do you blush, lout? Odin’s breath! You do,” she hooted.
Everyone at the table was laughing, so hard some were holding their sides, even Linda, who seemed to have moved her affections from Zachary to Luke the Slick, who paid her no never mind.
“Zach, Zach, Zach!” JAM said, wiping tears from his eyes.
“And here we were all thinking you’d lost your touch!” This from Sly.
“It would appear that our pretty boy has a bit of the nasty in him. Hoo-yah!” Cage teased.
“And you guys make fun of my penile glove!” Geek added with affront.
Linda turned slowly to gape at Geek. “You wear a glove on your penis? Do you mean a condom?”
“No, I don’t mean a condom, and that’s all I’ll say on the subject in mixed company.” He glowered at his friends.
Zachary was looking pleased that the attention had moved away from him.
But then Sly said, “Back to sexual perversions. What other kinky stuff does Pretty Boy do, Britta?”
“Well—”
Zachary slapped a hand over her mouth.
“Spoilsport!” JAM complained.
She had no idea what they were making such a fuss over.
“You wear a glove on your penis?” Linda persisted with Geek.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Sometimes it gets cold. And lonely. You want me to show you?”
“You men are crude and rude. I’ve heard that SEALs are nuts, and now I believe it.” Linda rose from her chair and walked away.
No one seemed to care much. Leastways, they did not try to talk her into staying.
But then, JAM said, “We were crude. Maybe you should go after her, Pretty Boy.”
“Hah! She was feelin’ up my family jewels under the table. She can’t be too offended by crudity.”
Britta turned to Zachary. “You have family jewels?”
Once again, everyone at the table laughed, presumably at a joke she did not understand.
“Oh, yeah,” Zach replied.
“Can I see them?”
“Oh, yeah.”
The laughter increased.
Zachary leaned close to her ear. “Family jewels refers to my...uh, package.”
She frowned. “Package. What package?”
Zachary rolled his eyes, took her hand and placed it over his manpart, which began to grown under her fingers. She jerked her hand away.
“Linda was correct. You are all crude.”
The men, including Zachary, grinned as if she’d given them a compliment.
“The best sex I ever had,” Sly related, as if that had aught to do with the subject at hand, “was with a showgirl who could stand against the wall on one leg, and lift the other leg straight up in the air, perpendicular to the floor.” He paused. “Naked, of course.”
Zachary looked at her.
“Not in a million years!”
“We’ll see.”
“We will not see.”
“That’s nothin’,” Cage added to the conversation. “I got it on one time with a gymnast who could stay in a backbend position, like forever, and—”
“What did you say about gymnasts?” Terri asked. She and Britta’s other friends had just walked up to the table, waving to Britta and the others. “I used to be a gymnast.”
“No kidding!” Cage smiled, but before he could say more, JAM said, “Have a seat, honey.” He gave her his chair, saying something teasingly to Cage in the process, something about “you snooze, you lose, bow-zo.” Soon the men were pulling another table closer so that their now-large group could sit together.
Even Dill-land, whose name was actually Dylan, came over to join them, much to Zachary’s displeasure, even though Dylan gave most of his attention to Donita, which seemed to annoy Sly, who had done naught but goad and taunt Donita in the past. In any case, Dylan greeted one and all by saying, “How-dee” and winked at her.
That, too, brought a growl out of Zachary’s tight mouth.
They all dined then on a feast. Two large rounds of manchet bread covered with a red sauce and cheese.
Wings...and only the wings...of a chicken, but so hot one needed tuns of ale to wash it down.
A large tray of salted sticks called French fries made from the potato, a vegetable she’d never heard of afore, although apparently it came to this country from Frankland.
A big platter of Notch-hose, which were crispy thin chips covered with melted cheese.
And two racks of pig ribs swimming in a sweet and sour red sauce, which was very messy to eat, but delicious.
After that the musicians began to play again. First off was a raucous song called “That Old Time Rock and Roll,” which prompted Cage to yell across the table, “Yo, Marie.”
She glanced up with surprise from a conversation she’d been having with Dylan.
“Wanna show these Yankees how ta dance?”
She looked skeptical.
“Yer Cajun, aintcha?”
“Yeaaaah.”
“Enough said! We Cajuns have an extra dance gene, ain’t that so, chère?”
She smiled. “Oh, yeah. My mama, she was dancin’ in the cradle, and Papa, that man been playin’ the washboard since he was knee-high to a crawfish.”
The two of them did not walk out onto the dance area; they danced out.
“Wait till you see this,” Zachary said in her ear.
And what a show Cage and Marie put on! One song ran into another and yet another. No longer about rocking and rolling, but one about a love shack. Do they have special shacks for loving here? Then, another with the oddest lyric, “honkeytonk bedonka donk.”
“What is a honkeytonk bedonka donk?” she asked Zachary.
“Female ass.”
“That remark is sorely lacking humor.”
“It’s true.”
She glanced around the table and those who had overheard nodded their heads.
Not for the first time, she thought, what an odd country! As ribald as Viking men were wont to be, even they did not sing about arses. Leastways, not in mixed company.
Cage and Marie were doing the most suggestive dance moves, all to the rhythm of a pounding beat of music.
They circled each other, never quite touching, sometimes undulating in unison, with Cage spooned up to her backside.
Britta could only describe their movements as a game of seduction.
And she didn’t think Marie even liked Cage all that much.
Then, one of the band of musicians yelled out, “Have we got any cowboys in the crowd?”
There was a wild roar of yes’s and yee-haws.
In response, the musicians launched into a song called “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy,” and Marie actually appeared to be riding Cage’s extended leg as if it were a horse. Still not touching, but everything but.
Britta shook her head at the absurdity and outrageousness of it all.
Other couples moved onto the dance floor, too, including everyone at their table. Dylan and Donita. JAM and Terri. Sly and Geek, with other ladies. Omar and Slick had already left, claiming other places to be.
“Wanna dance?” Zachary asked her.
“No.”
“That was blunt.”
“If you think I am going to engage in sex in public and call it dancing, I have a longship you might want to purchase.”
He smiled and squeezed her shoulder. His arm was draped casually over the back of her chair and his fingers played with the edges of her newly shorn hair.
Why was it that she was so aware of him when he merely smiled at her, whilst Dylan, and any other men in the tavern, could be stumps for all she cared.
“I have not talked with you for sennights.”
“Not for lack of my trying. If I recall correctly, you pretty much told me to go do something physically impossible to myself. More than once.”
She had to think a moment to figure what he meant, then said, “Tsk, tsk, tsk! I ne’er said those words.
Besides, every time you attempted to talk to me it was after having nigh drowned me in those bloody rub-her boats, or in the midst of dousing me with sand, or mostly after a brutal assault on my body by excessive exercising. ”
“I warned you how hard it would be, Britta. It’s my job to push you and the other WEALS as hard as you can stand. I haven’t treated you any differently. Besides, you can always—”
“—ring out,” she finished for him. “I have not struggled this far to quit now.”
He nodded. “How are the tutoring classes going?”
“Very well, but as much as I learn there is so much more I realize that I do not know.”
“Hey, that’s life.”
“Do I have you to thank for the classes?”
“Me and the commander. Next month, WEALS will go into half-day sessions in the classroom. We knew you’d never make it with your...background.”
“I feel so lackwitted.”