Chapter 10 Beckham
BECKHAM
“What’d that wrench do to you?” Wyatt asked, running a stained rag between his grease-covered fingers.
“Nothing.”
“I said I was sorry, Beckham. I don’t know what else to say.”
“I wanted her to know. I just…” I braced my hands on the front fender of the car, staring in at the engine.
“Wanted to tell her another way,” he filled in.
“What other way is there to tell the girl you’d do anything for that you ended up just like her father?” Regret hit me in the gut, stealing the air from my lungs. I never should’ve drank that much. Never should’ve turned to alcohol to fill the hole Garrett’s death had shot through my chest.
Four months later, simply thinking about him still made me want to scream. To tear my hair out and beat myself up and sob for hours. Garrett should be here. He should be fucking breathing, giving me shit for falling off a fucking horse. Not under so much dirt that I couldn’t hear his laugh.
Grief chose the wrong fucking times to rear its ugly head. I didn’t want to grieve. I wanted my best friend.
“Beckham?”
I shoved off the car, swiping away the tear that’d fallen. “Yeah?”
“I asked if you were good.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose before sliding a hand down my face. Counted my breaths because Garrett couldn’t. “Yep.”
Wyatt studied me as I closed the hood and started to clean up the mess from the day.
“I apologized to Parker, too,” he stated when I tossed a handful of trash in the can.
“She accept it?” Parker was sweet, but she had heavily fortified walls. Her parents put them there, and she didn’t let them down for just anyone.
“Yeah. Told me to keep any details about you out of my mouth around her.”
That piqued my interest. “Why?”
He shrugged before setting a box of oil filters on the shelf. “My guess is she wants to hear it all from you.”
My focus moved to the door that led into the office that doubled as the shop’s lobby. Had she been sitting in there thinking about me all day, like I had her?
“Maybe take her on a date,” Wyatt suggested.
My gaze shot to him. “What?”
He crossed his arms, splotches of grease dotting his tan skin. “Take some time to catch up with her.”
“She’s living in my house. There’s plenty of time to do that there.”
He shook his head. “In a neutral place, Beckham. She’s not going to open up if she’s surrounded by your things, feeling like she doesn’t belong there.”
“For someone who doesn’t think before he speaks, you’ve sure got a lot of wisdom.”
He sent a frown my way. “Thanks. But complimenting me won’t get you a raise.”
“I’ll have to try harder next time.” Despite the teasing, Wyatt had a point.
Parker likely felt out of place. Even though I’d told her she was more than welcome to stay, I’d seen her hesitancy in opening cabinets or closing doors.
Like she didn’t feel comfortable enough to treat the place like her own.
“I’ll figure something out with Parker.”
“You better, man. She’s carrying your baby. And by the way”—he arched a brow—“when did that happen?”
I rubbed the back of my neck, not knowing if Parker had told him anything I needed to keep in line with. This whole ruse was going to be harder than I thought. “Few months ago.”
It wasn’t entirely a lie. She did get pregnant a few months ago. Just not by me.
Every time I remembered that little fact, my heart stung a little worse, my jaw clenched a little tighter. Someone else had the audacity to get her pregnant and then up and ditch her. I needed to know who the fuck he was so I could find the fucker and shoot him in the goddamn dick.
“Woah, there.” Wyatt held up his hands, taking a step back. I blinked back into reality, out of the red haze that always came over me when it came to protecting Parker, and noted him taking caution of me like one would with a bear. “Sensitive subject, I take it.”
I grunted. Paused. Maybe comparing me to a bear was the right thing to do. I was damn sure starting to sound like one. “Something like that.”
“Alright. Well.” He grabbed his hat from the workbench and popped it on. “Thanks for the help today. I probably don’t need you around till next week.”
Next week? I didn’t want that. I wanted every excuse I could take to be around Parker. Wanted a reason to talk to her, even if it was only for her to order a truck part.
“But,” Wyatt went on, casually walking across the shop toward the door, “because I know you probably want to be around your girlfriend, I tacked on an extra client this week so you have a reason to be here.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
He wrapped a hand around the knob, patting me on the shoulder with the other. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy.”
Before I could send some smart-ass retort his way, he opened the door that led to the lobby. I followed after him, stopping short when I saw Parker and her big eyes staring up at me from the swivel chair.
“Good day?” she asked. For a moment, it felt like we were the only two in the room.
I’d done my best to avoid coming in here for the sole reason that she’d hate if I kept checking in on her. Parker was strong, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. But seeing her pregnant, growing an entire baby inside of her, awoke some feral need to take care of her at all times.
“Other than Beckham giving me shit for calling him out?” Wyatt asked, his back to the exit. “It went smoothly.”
He already knew how her day was, so he didn’t ask. He didn’t have a reason to avoid that desk. He’d come and gone like he always did, while I’d holed up in the shop like some broody wet puppy.
“I’m going to head out. Lock up on your way out?”
I nodded in Wyatt’s direction. “Will do. Drive safe.”
“You, too. See you two tomorrow.”
Then he was gone, and we were alone.
The small space felt like a live wire. Every flutter of her lashes, her small intakes of breath, the way her eyes held mine so intently—like she had a million things to say and didn’t know how to say them—all of it had my skin buzzing and my head a mess.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, figuring that was a good place to start.
She offered a closed-lip smile before reaching forward to turn off the monitor and stand. “Good. And you?”
“Good.” For the first time in a long time, it wasn’t a lie. “You still want to see my family tonight? I can always postpone—”
She stepped out from behind the desk, setting a hand on my chest. “I want to go.”
Every cell in my body froze, raising its head to the feel of her.
When we’d touched earlier, it had felt the same.
I wanted nothing more than to pull her into me and skip all the rest. But I didn’t know if that’s what she really wanted, and I wouldn’t be selfish enough to add that to her plate. She had enough to deal with already.
She removed her hand from my chest, staring at the place it’d once been like she’d felt it too. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
Being this close to her gave me too much opportunity to do exactly what I wanted to, so I moved to the coat rack by the door. I grabbed hers, handing it to her when she followed, before sliding my arms into my own.
“Sage knows someone is pregnant, but no one knows that it’s you. I don’t know if Wyatt told them anything, so…” I didn’t know how the fuck to ask if she wanted me to pretend around them, too.
A look of shame crossed her features, and she ducked her head as she tugged her jacket on. Her left arm got stuck halfway through and she wiggled it to try to rectify it, but her attempt was futile.
“Here.” I walked around her, straightening the sleeve and tugging it a bit so she could maneuver herself into it more easily.
“Thanks.” She messed with the cuff like it needed fixing. “I should probably get new clothes soon. These are getting a little tight.”
“The girls would probably love to go shopping with you,” I offered. I’d have volunteered to go with, but she likely wanted space from me. We were living in the same house and working at the same place. The last thing I wanted to do was suffocate her.
She slowly turned in place, our chests brushing when she came face-to-face with me. “I’d love that.”
I nodded, but I didn’t really know what I was nodding to.
Not as her eyes sucked me in and a thousand flashes of memories blared in my head.
Her riding me in my truck. Her laughing on her horse.
Her crying on the side of the road instead of being at school.
So many versions of Parker, and I’d loved all of them.
This version, though… She was almost a stranger, and I hated it. Same Parker, but…different.
Her voice was quieter, the red of her cheeks brighter, the hope in her eyes deeper, as she said, “I’m ready to go.”
But even with her words, I couldn’t force myself out of this stupor. My hand moved of its own accord, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She wore gold studs today, the color bringing out the flecks of yellow in her hazel eyes.
I hadn’t realized I’d drifted closer as she whispered my name. “Beckham.”
It was a warning and a plea. Confusing and alluring. Would it be so bad if we went back to how things were before she left? Would she hate me if I tried?
My phone ringing in my jacket didn’t give me the chance to try.
With a sigh, I stepped back and pulled my phone out.
“Yes?”
“Lettie’s asking how far away you are. Charlotte needs to know when to put the casserole in the oven,” Bailey said. A horse whinnied in the background, and I suspected he was out feeding the animals their dinner.
“We’re leaving the shop now.” My tone was a bit harsh when I should’ve been thanking him.
He’d unknowingly stopped me from making a grave mistake.
How did I know that testing the waters wouldn’t result in Parker leaving?
Right now, she and the baby came first. I could settle for my fist in the shower and just the thought of her. Hell, I’d do that forever if I had to.
“Alright. I’ll tell her. Don’t drive like an idiot.”
“To a family dinner? Never. I drive like a grandpa.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. I already knew that.”
I frowned before we said our goodbyes and hung up.
I pocketed the phone, finding Parker staring out the glass door to the parking lot. The setting sun cast rays of rich pink across the black asphalt, reflecting hints of strawberry hues into the lobby.
“That was Bailey,” I explained. “Lettie’s impatient.”
“Just like always,” Parker noted, a hint of sadness in her tone.
She looked at me over her shoulder, and I closed the distance.
Reaching a hand around her, I shoved the door open.
The burst of cold air had her wrapping her arms around herself.
The sight made me remember all those times I’d picked her up at the end of her driveway: cold, hot, crying, antsy.
“Just like always,” I repeated.
I followed her to my truck after locking up the shop and held the passenger door for her while she got in.
Finding out who got her pregnant and abandoned her could wait. Kissing her could wait. All of it could wait if it meant she was here.
I was tired of missing memories.