Chapter 38 Beckham
BECKHAM
If the ride back to the ambulance had been grueling, this was pure torture.
Search and rescue had scaled the mountain on snowmobiles to find us, and after ensuring Parker was well enough to get her down for medical help, I’d slowly started losing my grip on my ability to stay calm.
Adrenaline seeped out of me like water through a crack in a dam—though all my defenses tried to hold it together, there was no stopping the flood of regret. Guilt. Pain. Heartache.
In the hospital, when Parker was taken back without me, I broke. I sat in the chair in the waiting room, ripping my hair out and watching through watery eyes as each tear puddled on the linoleum floor. My clothes were soaked, I still felt cold, and the racing thoughts were painstakingly grueling.
I’d talked to countless officers, explaining what had happened multiple times. They checked the story, checked it again. There was no hiding the fact that I’d murdered someone, and the only reason I believed I wasn’t behind bars was because I fessed up to it on the initial phone call.
Parker was scared when they forced us apart. She had to take tests to be sure she and the baby were okay, and I had to answer what felt like hundreds of questions. Recounting the events was like being on autopilot at this point.
The fear in Parker’s eyes. The gunshot. The blood.
There was so much blood.
I’d dealt with all types of injuries on the ranch and delivered so many foals and calves I lost count—but the blood of a person? Someone I’d killed? It stained my mind more than it did the rug in that cabin.
But I’d do it again.
There were no limits I wouldn’t cross to keep Parker and our baby safe.
Safe.
I had to focus on that. We were okay now. We weren’t standing in that cabin, the two of us freezing and scared and facing potential death.
We were safe.
But I wouldn’t breathe until I knew our son was okay, too.
Parker was so strong, doing her best to keep it together for everyone’s sake, but I knew her mind was spinning just as much as mine was.
“Beckham Bronson?”
I was on my feet in a blink, focusing on the nurse in blue scrubs ahead of me.
“That’s me.”
“You can come back now,” she said. I tried to read her features to see if anything was wrong. Did we lose the baby, and that was why she hadn’t smiled? Were they both hurt, and she didn’t want to get my hopes up?
The walk to Parker’s hospital room was longer than that trek up the mountain, and each echo of my boots on the floor had my heart skipping beats and speeding up all at the same time.
The nurse slowed and gestured to a room. I wasted no time slipping past her, not stopping until I was at Parker’s side.
The tears in her eyes had me leaning over her sitting form to kiss her forehead, then her hair, and finally her cheek. My hand instinctively rested on her bump, hoping and needing to feel our baby kick.
“Are you okay?” I murmured into her hair.
She nodded, and I pulled back enough to look her in the eyes. I tucked her hair behind her ears and cupped her cheeks, swiping a rolling tear away. “We’re okay.”
Air rushed out of me, and there was no stopping the flood. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, tugging her to me as I kissed the top of her head over and over and over again.
“You’re both okay,” I whispered, needing to hear it again.
Her head bobbed and she sniffled into my shirt.
Relief had never been a more blissful feeling than in this moment. All the guilt, the pain, the what-ifs—they melted away until there was nothing but Parker in my arms.
“Beck, baby.”
I pulled away just enough to meet her gaze, and when I did, she reached up and gently wiped my cheeks.
“We’re okay,” she said again.
“I know—” I swallowed, forcing the lump of emotion away. “It killed me, Parker. All of this. You possibly being hurt. When I found you were gone, I—I thought—” I shook my head.
Her hand snaked around my head to the back of my neck, and she pulled me close until we were nose-to-nose. “I was scared, too.”
“I know, baby. And I’m so sorry.”
“But you found me,” she reassured in a whisper, and the faintest smile spread across her lips. It was forced, but it was enough.
“I’ll always find you, Parker. Fate works that way for a reason.”
“For the two of us, it always will.” This time, her smile was genuine. Bigger. Beautiful. “Don’t you know we can’t be apart?”
I grinned, and every worry melted away with the sight of our love shining in her eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”
Then I kissed her.
Slowly. All-consumingly. And I didn’t let her go until the doctor came in to go over the tests with me.
Parker already knew all the information aside from a few of the blood tests, but other than them wanting to continue monitoring the baby’s heart rate and have us track the baby’s kick counts at home, Parker and our baby were in the clear.
We discussed signs to look for in case the baby declined for any reason, and set up a weekly appointment to be on the safe side since Parker’s due date was fast approaching.
They kept her there until the early hours of the morning, offering multiple times to take a look at me.
I’d refused, but Parker finally insisted I at least get my vitals checked.
I was fine, and by the time I was done, we were being discharged.
Parker was wheeled out, and while I walked, I thought of how we’d be doing this same walk not too long from now, but with our son in our arms. That had the emotions hitting all over again, because we should’ve never been here.
We should have been safe at my house, soaking up some quality time as just the two of us.
When we walked through the waiting room on our way out and my family was there waiting for us, neither of us could hold back our tears.
We were exhausted, crashing from the night’s events, and as always, the Bronsons were there.
To hold us when we felt like crumbling, to bring gifts and food and make sure we were okay.
I watched as Lettie, Sage, Brandy, and Oakley wrapped Parker in their embrace, all the girls crying and smiling and squished together, and I’d never felt more full.
Parker had a family now, and it was all I’d ever dreamed of.
A family with me.
As exhausted as we were, the second thing Parker and I did when we got home was strip down and take a warm bath together. First, she’d wanted to see Tex, so I let her have her moment with him. The horse offered a sort of comfort no person could provide—not even me.
Now, I ran circles over her belly as her head lay back on my chest, her eyes closed and her body slowly relaxing further with each breath.
The sudden burn of oncoming tears would hit every so often, but I did my best to hold them back. Parker was safe. I had no reason to worry any longer. Her uncle was dead, and with that, the threat on her life was gone. There was no longer the question of who had been stalking her social media.
And still…
“Beck.”
My murmured name had me snapping my gaze from the wall down into twin hazel eyes. Ones I dreamed of often.
“You’re spacing out, baby.” Parker’s hand left the water, bubbles sticking to her glistening skin as she cupped my cheek. “Talk to me.”
We held each other’s stare as I tried to think of words that wouldn’t bring her down.
The truth was, I was beyond relieved that she was okay.
That no serious harm had come to her or our baby.
But my guilt still held the pain she endured, layering itself with the fear of losing the love of my life. It was suffocating.
“I just keep thinking to myself, what if I hadn’t found you?” My throat was closing, my eyes quickly burning. “What if you were gone forever just like—”
I couldn’t say his name. Not in the context of him never coming back.
Parker twisted until she was on her knees between my legs, both hands now pressed to my cheeks.
“I know it’s hard to love after loss. It’s hard to open your heart to the possibility of being hurt again.
Losing anyone is paralyzing.” Her thumbs moved of their own accord, grounding me as they swept across my skin.
“My first thought when I found out I was pregnant was that I was scared I would die, and my child would grow up without a mom. I know what it’s like to mourn, and maybe my version of it is different than yours.
I mourned while my parents were very much alive and breathing.
I constantly thought, why aren’t my parents like Beckham’s?
Why do they not love me enough to change the environment they brought me into? ”
Her eyes turned glassy, but she continued after a heavy breath.
“But regardless of the way I was raised, or the fear I hold that I could fail my child, I know I’m strong enough to change the future.
” Her smile was uplifting, but still masked a heavy sadness.
“You changed my life, Beckham. In seventh grade, in letting me experience the world instead of selfishly keeping me in Bell Buckle, in taking me in when you didn’t have to, in making the decision to love me again.
” She shook her head, shifting so she was a little closer.
“What my tired brain is trying to get at here is… You found me. I am here.” Her eyes turned stern, hard.
“I will never leave your side. You may think history is going to repeat itself to everyone you hold close since you lost him, but I promise you, there is nothing—no one—on this entire goddamn planet that can take me from you.”
Every word had my heart pinching and melting at the same time. Right when I thought I couldn’t fall any deeper, I found myself plunging off a cliff and utterly speechless at the capacity in which I was in love with Parker Summerhill.
She was right—Garrett might not be here with me, and I might still be trying to find ways to cope day to day, but I saved Parker.
She wasn’t going anywhere. Not if I had anything to do about it.
“You’re right, Parker. I—”
She shook her head, her thumb tugging on my bottom lip in an attempt to shush me. “Kiss me.”
There was no hesitation as I leaned forward and plunged my fingers into her hair, rocking her forward. Water splashed over the sides of the tub, and our lips collided.
Within seconds, I was slipping inside of her, thrusting up into her so she wouldn’t have to expel more energy.
Her moans drove me insane, tipping me over the edge.
I spilled every last drop into her sweet pussy as she came around my cock, and as her forehead hit my shoulder, I made a vow to give her and our baby the best life they could ever dream of.
If I could do one thing in Garrett’s honor, one thing to make my own parents proud, and one thing to change Parker’s life, it’d be that.
Love may be a word other people throw around in desperate times, meaningless and empty. But that was never the case with Parker. Our love stemmed from crispy Dr. Peppers, cheap Christmas lights, and a warm bed.
Life didn’t get much better than this.