Chapter Thirteen #2
Putting a voice to the question that plagued him just earlier wasn’t something Felix wanted to hear, but he knew it was important that he did.
“I honestly don’t know, but I can’t just go back to normal and leave her to figure things out on her own.
” Even the thought of doing so caused pain to slice through his chest.
“Is that for her sake or yours?” Lottie speared him with a knowing look.
Leave it to the woman who seemed unable to bullshit to cut right to the chase.
Felix did sometimes wonder if keeping Autumn mostly to himself wasn’t the most selfish thing he’d ever done.
He told himself he was helping her get her memories back, but that wasn’t really happening either.
At what point was he just keeping her from living her life, whatever it looked like now?
“Fuck.” He buried his head in his hands, shaking with fear that he would lose her before he ever really had a chance to be with her the way he wanted to. “I don’t know anymore,” he sniffed.
Lottie circled around and started to rub his back.
“I can’t pretend that I know what it feels like to go through something like this, but I can tell you that I am sorry that you’re having to go through it at all.
” A business card appeared in front of his face, the name of some kind of investment group written on the front.
“I wasn’t going to give this to you now, but maybe this is the best time for it. ”
Felix stared at the card, flipping it over in his hand. “Where did you get this?”
“Well, I’m sure you noticed the bigger crowd out there.
” She nodded to the open door where he could see people continuing to pour into the brewery.
“There was an influencer in here a few weeks back, some guy who travels and finds bars that are hidden away. He was shooting some footage with his phone, and I didn’t really think anything of it, but I guess he has a ton of followers and now you’ve got people from all over the state coming to try some cider and other local drinks.
” She pointed at the card Felix held in his fingertips.
“This guy came yesterday asking to talk to the owner about selling his recipes.”
Felix balked at the idea of selling the project he’d started as a teen.
“Selling? I don’t want to sell my cider.
” Felix couldn’t imagine doing anything else, but then again, selling his cider business and then the bar could give him enough money to follow Autumn wherever she wanted to go.
The thought of getting rid of his bar was akin to imagining one of his limbs missing, but even though it seemed essential to his functioning, he could adapt if it meant being with Autumn. “At least, I don’t think I do.”
Lottie smiled sadly. “Well, he said he wasn’t in a rush, so take some time to think about it.” She walked over to the corner and pulled an album out of a huge canvas bag. “One more thing. I was going to stop by sometime and give you this, but now seems as good a time as any.”
Felix flipped past the cover and looked at pictures of the town’s history.
Images from events that had been around since the town’s founding were in the album, but only from the last twenty or so years.
His fingers brushed over photos of large gatherings like the Fourth of July parade and Harvest Festival as well as other smaller ones like pie-making contests, sidewalk sales, and church clothing drives.
Each picture showed something that had taken place in Applewood since the time he was born, and many of the photos included him and his family, but he spotted a younger version of Autumn wandering around them as well.
“This is incredible, Lottie. Where did you get these?” Felix had seen the photos she’d procured for his brother’s restaurant, but it seemed there was no limit to the vestiges of town history that she had access to.
A fat curl tumbled out of her headscarf when she bobbed her shoulder.
“I know a lot of people.” Lottie smiled widely and tapped the album with her fingernail.
“I thought that maybe seeing some of what she grew up with might help Autumn’s memory a little, and even if it doesn’t, it’s a nice way to show her the town she lives in now. ”
Standing, Felix pulled his friend into a hug. “Thanks, Lottie. For everything.” Selling the bar would also mean less time with another good friend, but he knew Lottie would understand if he had to do it.
“You’re welcome.” She leaned back and looked him straight in the eye. “Just promise you’ll think about what you’re going to do about the bar. I don’t want to rush you, but I would like to devote more time to my newsletter. The last couple of issues have been pretty lackluster.”
Felix hugged her again. She didn’t give herself nearly enough credit for the reports she put out, something he needed to remind her of. “No, they haven’t, but I’ll think about it. Thanks again, Lottie.”
A throat cleared behind him. Felix stepped back, surprised to find Nate standing in the doorway. “Am I interrupting something?” The furrow in his older brother’s brow was so deep it rivaled the Grand Canyon. “I can come back if you two want your privacy.”
Felix rolled his eyes at Nate, but before he could say anything Lottie beat him to the punch.
“We’re done here. I need to get back to work anyway.
” Lottie reached up and patted Nate’s chest lightly.
“He’s all your, Mister Mayor.” With a wink, she brushed past his brother, her body rubbing up against him slightly as she went.
Felix watched as Nate closed his eyes and ran his nose in the air, staying that way long after she was gone. “Yeah, that’s not creepy at all.” When Nate raised a middle finger to him, Felix chuckled and retook his seat. “What are you doing here, Nate?”
After one last look out the door, his brother ran a hand over his trimmed beard and took a seat opposite him. “I wanted to check up on you.”
Felix wanted to call bullshit since no one but Autumn knew he was at the bar, but he figured he would let his brother save face just this once. “Well, as you can see, I’m doing fine.”
While Felix was content to let Nate keep his dignity intact, apparently his older brother wasn’t going to extend the same courtesy.
“You’re full of it,” he said bluntly. Wiping a hand down his tired face, he turned pleading eyes on Felix.
“Come on. Spill it. I don’t often find myself in the position of being able to help out, but since no one besides Willa wants to help me with my project, I find myself with extra time on my hands. ”
Felix felt a pang of sympathy for his brother.
Nate wanted nothing but a bright, prosperous future for their hometown, but it seemed the citizens were a little more reluctant to accept change, even if it was for the better.
“Sorry, Nate. I wish I could help out, but I kind of have my hands full at the moment.” A thought occurred to him and he smiled wickedly.
“If you’re really sincere about your offer, you could always pick up a few shifts behind the bar.
I know Lottie would appreciate the help. ”
Nate snorted. “I don’t think you want to be cleaning the blood spilled between the two of us off your hardwood, so I’ll pass.” Waving away his comment, Nate leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Seriously though, Felix. What can I do to help?”
Felix tried to think of anything concrete that he needed help with, but what he really wanted was to ask his brother for advice.
Nate was as single as they came, sticking to out-of-town hookups as a rule of thumb as far as Felix knew, so romantic advice wasn’t really his forte, and even though Beckett or even Aiden might have more experience, Felix wanted a straight, no-nonsense answer, and for that he needed the man in front of him.
“Well, I could use your thoughts on something.” Felix proceeded to download every thought in his brain about Autumn to Nate, watching as he took it all in and analyzed it carefully as he did any problem he would face himself.
When Felix was finished, Nate sat back and released a slow exhale. “Wow, bro. That’s a lot.”
Felix snorted at the understatement. “Yeah, it is.” He drummed his fingers onto the desk and waited for his brother to say something, but he was suspiciously silent. “So you have no ideas for me?”
Nate smiled sadly as his shoulder bobbed up and down.
“I wish I did, but I think this is the sort of thing you’re just going to have to feel your way through.
” He stood up and patted Felix on the shoulder.
“I could sit here with you and make a thousand spreadsheets, flow charts, and diagrams trying to analyze what the correct course of action would be, but the truth is, no one knows your relationship with Autumn better than you do. The amnesia threw a wrench in the gears, but I think you should just talk to her about it. See where her head is at, no pun intended.” He stepped over to the doorway and looked over at Felix.
“We’ll all be here for you, no matter what happens. You know that right?”
“I do.” Felix stood and pulled his brother into a tight embrace, patting him on the back for good measure. “You’re a good guy, Nate. Even if you have a stick up your ass sometimes.”
Nate shoved him away playfully. “Don’t knock the stick, it gets things done.”
With a parting nod, Nate went back out through the bar.
Felix watched him go, trying to take what he said to heart.
No one did know his relationship better than he did, but what he knew then and what he knows now were two very different things.
Could he be satisfied if their shared past was something he carried on his own?
He wasn’t sure, but it was something he definitely needed to figure out sooner rather than later.