11. Eliza
Eliza
Run. Run. Run!
My lungs ached in my tightening chest with their struggle to fill out properly.
Seeing the way his eyes darkened again with such desire and excitement spurred my body into a stress response momentarily.
A part of me felt like he'd grab me any moment, rip my clothes off, and take me until he was satisfied.
I'd conditioned myself to take such looks as a bad thing because of James throughout the years.
It didn't help that his creepy friends looked at me the same way and had bad intentions, ones they weren't shy about making known to me.
Dark eyes equaled bad; that's how I'd always seen and taken it for so many years.
Every time anyone looked at me with such wanton eyes, it meant painful sex was to follow soon after.
It wasn't necessarily rough sex or anything like that; it just always hurt me because I never wanted it.
No matter how much I tried to get used to the assault, I never could.
I couldn't even bring myself to fake it enough to be convincing, let alone fake it, until I made it.
So, it confused me a little when Adam remained rooted to his spot.
He didn't budge a millimeter as he stared at me with his burning gaze, which set my own body ablaze with feelings I hadn't felt in so long.
The way his lustful eyes bore into mine was almost adoring, which got my body purring with arousal.
When was the last time I'd desired someone?
Thinking back now, I hadn't wanted James in years.
When had my fire for fun fizzled out? When had it started?
Had it started at the first strike of James's hand?
The first time he disregarded my safe word?
The first time I opened my eyes and saw him for the monster he was?
Should I even be wanting a man after all of that?
It didn’t feel right for me to give myself to someone after all I’d been through.
I broke away from James to find myself and make a life for myself and Asher.
Would it be wrong for me to let another man in after suffering at the hands of so many?
I don't know why, but the thought of letting Adam in felt like a defeat, as if I was throwing in the towel and turning back to a bad habit.
I didn't need a man—I knew that… But deep down, I wanted a man.
A man, not some immature male who calls himself a man, nor did I want some bastard who had a fragile masculinity complex (cough, James, cough).
I desired a man who had his life put together, had a decent career to keep him sustained, had the emotional capacity beyond that of a teenager, and was overall a decent gentleman who knew how to treat a lady right.
Okay, it sounded like I wanted a Prince Charming, but that didn't hit the spot for me. Yes, I wanted all of it, kind of, but Prince Charming was nice, and I didn't want nice. At least not all the time.
As fucked up as it sounds and felt, I wanted a man who was a little rough around the edges, or at least a man who could give me a firm and guiding hand for my benefit.
Not to say I wanted to be abused again or anything, but I guess one aspect I liked about James, before he turned from a loving husband into a nightmare, was how dominant he was.
However, as our relationship went on, the dynamic between us shifted.
Of course, James never saw a problem with it, because he was the bully coming out on top.
Too much chatter from everyone and his family eventually got to him, and he went on a whole power trip, which didn’t end until I was broken by his feet.
Well, guess that was another huge reason why I didn't want to engage in another relationship with anyone.
Putting in time and effort to find that right fit was too much work and too tasking on my already fragile mental and emotional health.
Also, what if I just ended up getting hurt again in the end?
Having a relationship with power dynamics wasn't everyone's cup of tea, and I didn't want to dance around the whole self-discovery thing with a man who'd never looked at this lifestyle and community before.
If my situation were different, I wouldn't have minded, but I wasn't up to putting the small pieces of my heart up on the chopping board again.
A sharp inhale from Adam pulled me out of my head, making me zone back in on him with cautious eyes and bated breaths.
Maybe this was the part where he'd snap.
I didn't mean to reply like the way I had; it kind of slipped naturally from my tongue when I heard the slight command in his deepened voice. I felt a little ashamed about how easily I turned over and showed my belly to him, but at least the regret hadn’t hit yet.
If I hadn't been so caught up in my own anxiety, then maybe I would've enjoyed the praise and want in his eyes. I'd been quiet and awkward for too long and ruined the mood and whatnot.
My body instinctively flinched in response to his hands coming at my face, and I couldn't help but offer him an apologetic look.
His hardened gaze softened slightly in appeal as his hands slowed.
Even though his eyes sparkled with adoration, there was an underlying flare of lust, which became more evident the closer his face grew.
It was undeniable when he was a mere inch from me.
His forehead rested against mine, and my head remained still in his hands.
The air around us grew hot and heavy as our drawn breaths mingled with each other.
Our lips were a mere inch apart from what I could see through my half-closed eyes.
I was afraid we might touch in a chaste kiss if my body twitched from how hard my heart drummed in my chest.
But we never did. Not once did our lips touch, not even when Adam's hand caused my head to tilt a little with a downward movement.
Against my gut, I let my heart take over. Just for a moment wouldn't hurt, right?
Naturally, my head leaned back into his touch when one of his hands slipped to the back of my head.
Shivers of delight trickled down my body at the feeling of his fingers threading themselves through my dyed locks, and my breath came out airy with the faintest sigh of pleasure.
Then, it hitched sharply at the feeling of his rough hand sliding down along the column of my neck.
With heavy, trembling breaths, I looked at him with eyes full of wariness and excitement as the warmth of his hand coiled around my neck.
Anticipating a squeeze, I closed my eyes and waited for the pressure, cutting my oxygen off. Yet, it never came, much to my disappointment. Adam merely settled his hand around my neck firmly, making his presence known.
He was testing me, testing the waters. His gray eyes were nearly black from his dilated pupils, and it felt like he could see through every layer of me, right down to my vulnerable soul as he studied me so deeply.
Goosebumps followed my shudders at the feeling of his thumb brushing against the thrumming pulse in my neck. I wanted to tell him to continue, to choke me until my eyes rolled to the back of my head, but no words came out of my stunned mouth.
Another gasp of pleasure slipped from my trembling lips in response to the blazing trail of fire his thumb left as it moved up the underside of my jaw, over my chin, and to my lips. "I'm afraid to kiss you." His hot words fanned across my pouted lips and the lower half of my face.
Before I could ask why, he continued, "I don't want this dream to end.
The moment I kiss you, I feel like everything will shatter because you're not ready yet.
" Taking a deep breath, he slowly closed his eyes and pulled away reluctantly with a soft frown.
"Your pace, that's what I agreed to take this at," he reminded me with controlled smile.
The hot tension in the air faded in an instant with his soft chuckle.
"Eat up, mia rosa , before your food gets cold.
" His head nodded at my plate before he left for the fridge to grab a small bowl of baby food.
"I got the little munchkin handled, so relax and enjoy your dinner for once," he urged, lightly stroking my cheek with the back of his finger.
As if that was possible after he’d just mind fucked me.
Okay, he hadn’t, but it damn well felt like it.
It was almost impossible to simmer down while I ate my dinner.
Sitting there with my aching cunt pressed against my pants and the chair, getting the softest waves of pleasure every time I leaned forward to take a bite of my food, made it impossible to collect myself fully.
Of course, the world really wanted to rub it in my face because seeing Adam interact so well with Asher melted more of my icy-cold heart towards the charming man.
Seeing how well Asher took to Adam was the cherry on top.
It wouldn't matter if I was fine with Adam, and a relationship between us worked out more than perfectly.
If Asher and Adam didn't get along, or God forbid Adam hated kids, then none of it would work.
Also, vice versa, if Asher despised Adam for some reason, then I'd throw Adam back out into the open ocean.
Fortunately, neither of those scenarios seem to be likely, and I hoped they never would.
Everything felt perfect. If anyone had peeked in on us at that moment and had no idea about us, they'd probably think we were the perfect couple with a lovely family. Well, maybe that would become the case in the future, but I wouldn’t jump the gun with Adam.