23. Eliza #2
Something rough and firm cupped my face, turning my head about until my eyes focused on a familiar pair of stony ones.
"I know you need the time and space to process things and arrive at them at your own pace and shit, but you need to give me something right here, right now.
" His soft empathy hardened demandingly.
"You are worrying me with how distracted you've been, so please, talk to me.
Give me something." He sounded a little torn with his pleading, as if he wanted to rip my confessions from my very soul.
His grip on my face tightened slightly as his jaw clenched, and a heavy breath pressed out of his body.
"I am so torn between letting you go about your merry way with some light nudging and strapping you down and belting you until you talk through your tears and sobs.
" I don't think I've ever seen his eyes become so dark with intent and so broken with care until now.
The whole world came crashing down on me.
It felt like a bomb went off and blew my dam apart.
It started as a shiver; then it moved into a tremble before my whole body broke out in a full sob.
"I'm just so exhausted," I managed to strain through my uncontrollable crying.
"I don't know what to do or what I want, and I just feel lost and so tired and so ugh! "
Finding the right words to describe the turmoil within me was difficult, and what I threw out just now didn't come close to scratching the surface. "And I'm just so scared."
Things between Adam and I were getting serious, and that terrified me. Everything was so perfect, and I didn't like that. Things shouldn't be perfect! Not when it was all built on a lie. Yes, I wanted and needed a new life, but it was killing me every day to keep my past from Adam.
In hindsight, it might not matter since it was the past. Most of it shouldn't affect us, but I felt such guilt over keeping it all from him the more he opened up to me about his life.
I wanted to tell him about my boring life growing up when he'd talk about all the fun times he had playing sports growing up, but I couldn't. Instead, I had to feed him spoonful after spoonful of lies about a quaint life in a place I've never been to in my life.
Holding me tight and close, he kissed the side of my head. Soothing me with soft shushes, he stroked the back of my head while occasionally wiping away my burning tears. "What are you scared about?"
Through my pathetic sobs, I managed to get my strangled words out. "Of losing you… Of losing all of—" I waved an arm around, gesturing at everything around us and the two of us. "This."
Adam's eyebrows furrowed together slightly in irritation and concern as he stared at me for a long while. Before I could question him about it, he pulled me into a tight hug, shoving my face into his chest. "You won't." He sounded so certain, and that worried me.
Why did he sound so sure? Why wasn't his answer calming me? Having such assurance should've settled my nerves. Yet, I couldn't find any solace in his firm words.
"You will never lose me." His usual soothing strokes to my hair and back did nothing but raise my hackles this time around.
Taking in a shaky breath, I pushed myself away to look up at him warily. "Don't say that." For once, I didn't feel safe around Adam, not with how his hawklike eyes bore right through me. "You don't know what I'm hiding from you to say something like that with such certainty."
Cupping my face with both his hands, he focused my gaze on his unwavering one.
"Tell me and see if I run." It was almost a command as it was a challenge with his smug and strong tone.
"Because I can promise you—no, I swear to you, that I won't end our relationship no matter what comes out of your mouth the next minute. "
There was an edge of excitement to his voice that made fear grip at every single one of my nerve endings until I could feel the chill of it down to my bones.
None of this felt right. I felt… trapped almost. It felt like Adam was some predator cornering me, toying with me until he was ready to pounce.
Further pushing him away, I slowly backed away from him by scooting backward on the couch.
"I-I… I-I'm not who you think I am…" Everything pounded within me as I continued to nervously back away from Adam, who slowly advanced on me.
My heart rammed against my chest like a raging bull wanting out, and every pump of blood rushed against my eardrums as my every breath became white noise. "I haven't—"
A sharp gasp cut my sentence short when Adam suddenly lunged forward, causing me to squeak and lay flat on the couch with him looming over me. "I know."
In a flash, his hand shot and wrapped around my neck, holding me down as he pressed his body weight against me.
Adrenaline surged through my body, burning through my veins like lava as I struggled against him, attempting to throw him off.
My hands clamped themselves around his wrist and forearm, clawing and prying at it.
"Adam, you're scaring me," I whimpered through my quickened breaths.
His face leans down close to mine, looming a mere inch from me to where every inhale was a lungful of him.
A chilling shudder choked my body out when I caught the way his sharp eyes softened in a split second.
"Eliza darling, I'm not going to hurt you, nor am I angry or upset at you.
" His thumb slowly stroked at my pulsating neck, making me calm a little instinctively.
Letting out a controlled breath, he uttered a single command, "Settle.
" Instinctively, every fiber in my being snapped until not an ounce of tension remained.
"Talk to me, mia rosa ." His hand released my neck, and he stroked my tear-stained cheek with the back of his finger.
"Let me in," he pleaded with a needy and broken voice.
"It's okay. It will all be okay. Nothing you say will change my love for you," he assured me with a genuine smile full of ardor.
An ache twisted my lips into a frown. "You can't say that." My voice croaked and cracked as my throat felt like it was closing in on itself. "You love the person I wanted you to love, not—"
His hard grip on my jaw made it impossible to move it.
"Elisabella Stone." The sound of my legal name made my body freeze up with shock.
"I love you, Elisabella Stone, and I love you, Eliza Huyen.
" The depth of the fondness in his voice was as endless as the warmth in his stony orbs.
"I love the woman you have bloomed into.
All those smiles, the laughs and giggles, the wonderful and doting mother, the amazing girlfriend who only ever looks at me with pure happiness and gratitude. "
All the turbulent fear and emotional turmoil simmered out the more I fell into his comfort.
"Who you were before doesn't matter to me because you are here with me now.
" Soft waves of warmth rippled throughout my body from his touch against my cheek.
"I love my Eliza, the one who has been around me all this time.
" Leaning down, he kissed my cheek. "My Eliza darling.
" Then, a kiss on the edge of my lips. "My little rose.
" A deep one right against my lips, one that steals my whole soul away.
"And don't you try to deny any of it either.
I know it's easy to act and fake things, but there is no way to imitate genuine emotions in the eyes or hide micro expressions or any of those natural and instinctual things. "
There was no denying or arguing with him because he was right.
I lied to him about my real identity, but my true self was something I couldn't hide from him.
Thinking back on it all, as much as I tried to deny it to myself, it was impossible.
Everything from his lips hit the truth right on the head.
"How can you love me? If you know the truth somehow or anything about my past, then you should very well know that I am nothing but broken goods." The next wave of words caught in my throat for a moment until I forced my nerves back down. "I am nothing but a used body full of baggage."
The next few seconds blurred by, and nothing hit me until I felt Adam's hand on my bare bottom.
It felt like everything happened in a blink of an eye.
One second, I was on the couch. Then the next, I was hauled up by my neck and bent over Adam's knee with my dress thrown up around my waist and panties bunched up between my ass crack.
It wasn't until the third crack that I snapped out of my stupor entirely. Craning my head back, I looked at Adam with wide eyes filled with disbelief. "Adam! We are having a—ah!"
Another spank from his rough hand promptly shut me up.
"We're not done with our conversation, not by far, but we're going to finish it with you over my knee.
" I barely caught his breath hitching with the next smack that jerked my body.
"Just because we are talking doesn't mean you get to berate yourself like that, so punishment is in order for you breaking that rule. "
Kicking my legs and grunting in frustration, I lightly hit his thigh with my fists. "You jerk!" I huffed, growling softly with a displeased scowl.
Glowering at the ground didn't last long, not with how he fisted the back of my hair and yanked my head back to look up at him.
His stern eyes bore into me, but not in a disappointed or upset way, but in a tough love kind of manner.
"You are none of those, and you never will be.
Just because you had a rough few years doesn't make you any less of a person, even if it may seem like it.
The only people who are trash are deplorable criminals. "