Chapter 5
Chapter Five - Olivia
The morning came too quickly for Olivia, her sleep light and restless.
As she lay in her bed, the pre-dawn silence of the desert outside her window was a stark contrast to the turmoil brewing inside her.
Today's schedule included an array of activities that, while meant to be rejuvenating, felt daunting to Olivia.
She dreaded the exposure, the group interactions, and the expected participation that seemed to demand a version of herself she wasn't sure existed.
The one part she was looking forward to was watching the sunrise with Emma.
With a deep breath, Olivia pushed herself out of bed, the coolness of the morning air a small comfort against her warming skin. As she dressed in lightweight, breathable attire and braided her hair back from her face, her mind raced with apprehensions about the day ahead.
Just as she finished her hair there was a knock at the door.
Emma was beautiful in the dim light blue eyes, sparkling hair, long wavy brown push behind her ears.
Olivia's heart jumped at the sight of her.
She barely knew Emma, but something about her was having such an effect.
Olivia felt excited yet calmed by Emma's presence.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Emma said smiling, a good nature grin. “I wasn't sure if you would be up this early.”
“I never miss an appointment” Olivia responded. If nothing else, Olivia was detail oriented.
“Yeah, you look the type,” Emma said smiling widely.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Olivia said, worried for a second that Emma was mocking her.
Emma reached and touched her arm and the touch of her strong fingers was warm and Electric. “Hey,” she said meeting Olivia’s gaze. “I am happy you are here.”
Olivia about herself flush deep inside. “Thanks,” she stuttered. “I appreciate you offering to do this.”
“It’s nothing,” Emma replied, “Sunrise is my favorite time of day.”
Olivia followed Emma's lead as they headed to a good viewing spot on top of a sand dune and Emma kicked off her sliders and sat down. Her legs were long and tan in her denim shorts.
“So what kind of doctor are you?” Emma asked looking up at her with these sparkling blue eyes that were as wide and welcoming as the ocean.
Olivia carefully sat down in the sand next to Emma and noticed the sky beginning to turn red and gold as the sun began to rise. It was breathtaking.
“I'm a surgeon. General. Specializing in trauma. My whole family are surgeons.”
“Do you enjoy being a surgeon?” Emma asked, and there was a peace to the moment and a curiosity to the question that made Olivia feel like it was the first time anyone had ever asked her.
“God, you know, I'm not sure anyone has ever asked me that before.” Olivia thought for a moment.
“I don’t know. I’m good at it. I save lives. Surely that is enough?”
“Is it?” Emma looked directly at her and saw straight through her.
“I just don’t know anymore,” Olivia said. “Maybe that is why I am here.”
The sky was a kaleidoscope of red, orange and yellow over the desert. It felt like it was the first time she had ever seen a sunrise. “Oh wow,” said Olivia “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”
Emma smiled and squeezed her hand. “I thought you might like it,” she said.
Breakfast was a quiet affair for Olivia.
Emma had dropped her off at the pavilion and gone to prep and work for the day.
Olivia sat slightly away from the cheerful chatter of other guests.
She picked at her food, her stomach tight with anxiety.
The sunrise with Emma has been peaceful and beautiful, but her anxiety had crept back unbidden.
The activities planned for today included a guided nature walk through the desert, a group painting session outdoors, and a meditation circle, all designed to promote connection with nature and inner peace.
For others, these might sound healing, but for Olivia, they represented a series of challenges, each pushing her out of her already uncomfortable comfort zone.
Walking to the first activity, the nature walk, Olivia felt the sun begin its climb higher into the sky, the temperature rising with it, mirroring the heat that flushed her cheeks.
She joined the rest of the group, standing at the back, where the guide was already discussing the local flora and fauna with enthusiasm that Olivia found both infectious and slightly irritating.
How can everyone seem so engaged and happy?
She felt even more isolated with her internal struggles.
As they walked, the guide encouraged everyone to touch the rough bark of a Joshua tree and to smell the sharp scent of crushed sage leaves.
Olivia hung back, observing but not participating.
Her mind was elsewhere, filled with a barrage of self-critical thoughts.
You’re just going through the motions, Olivia. You’re not really here, not like them.
When the guide handed out sketchbooks for the next activity, encouraging everyone to draw what they felt or saw, Olivia’s discomfort peaked.
She stared at the blank page, the white expanse somehow daunting.
Around her, others began to sketch enthusiastically, their faces alight with creativity and pleasure.
Olivia’s hand hovered over the page, her heart rate quickening. I can't do this. I don’t belong here.
She was about to close her sketchbook and excuse herself when she felt a presence beside her.
Turning slightly, she saw Emma, who had suddenly appeared.
Emma’s smile was understanding without needing an explanation.
Her hair was tied up in a messy bun now and her warm blue eyes with just the tonic that Olivia needed.
“Hey,” Emma said softly, sitting casually beside Olivia on the small boulder they had stopped near. “It’s okay to just watch, you know. Or to draw a squiggle. Or even just to close the book and enjoy the sun. This is your time, Olivia. There’s no right way to do it, except your way.”
Olivia looked at Emma. She was taller than Olivia and had an athletic presence. Long lean finely muscle legs that Olivia kept feeling her eyes drawn to.
Emma’s presence and her calm acceptance acted like a balm for her inner turmoil.
Slowly, Olivia opened her sketchbook again, this time with a slight nod of thanks to Emma.
She didn’t feel ready to draw, but perhaps she could start by just being present, by allowing herself to be part of the scene, even if only as an observer.
As the day waned and the group activities drew to a close, the sun began its slow descent toward the horizon, casting the desert in a softer light.
The intense heat mellowed into a pleasant warmth, and the air, which had been vibrating with the harsh cries of cicadas, now carried the soothing calls of the evening birds.
Olivia found herself lingering at the edge of the gathering area, her sketchbook tucked under her arm, more at ease after her earlier conversation with Emma.
Emma approached her with a soft smile, the lowering sun tinting her mid brown hair with hues of gold and amber. "There's an evening hike planned to watch the sunset from the ridge. I thought you might like to join. It’s quiet and not too strenuous, and the views are something else."
Olivia hesitated, a part of her craving the safety of her cabin, yet another part, newly awakened by the unexpected peace she felt whenever she was near Emma, longed to explore more. "Okay," she finally agreed, her voice soft but more confident than she felt. "I think I’d like that."
Together, they joined a small group assembling for the hike.
As they set off, the landscape around them transformed under the alchemy of the evening light.
The desert, so stark under the harsh gaze of the sun, now revealed a softer palette: the sands a deepening gold, the rocks casting long purple shadows, and the sky a vast expanse of changing colors from azure to lavender.
The path wound gently upward, snaking through clusters of sagebrush and past towering yuccas that stood like sentinels against the sky.
The air cooled quickly as they ascended, carrying the mingled scents of earth and juniper.
Olivia found herself drawn into the beauty of the moment, her earlier anxieties fading into the background as her senses were filled with the here and now.
Emma walked beside her, pointing out a jackrabbit darting through the underbrush or a hawk circling high above.
Olivia felt a gradual opening within her, a loosening of the tight knot of stress that had been her constant companion for so long.
The natural world, with its unassuming beauty and rhythm, was weaving its calm around her.
As they reached the ridge, the sun touched the edge of the world, the sky aflame with colors so vivid they seemed unreal.
The group spread out along the ridge, each person finding a spot to take in the spectacle.
Emma guided Olivia to a rocky outcrop away from the others, a private place where they could sit side by side.
"The desert teaches us about resilience and beauty," Emma said quietly, her eyes reflecting the sunset. "It shows us that even the harshest conditions can create something beautiful."
Olivia looked out over the desert, seeing it anew. The vastness that had once overwhelmed her now seemed embracing and protective. She took a deep breath of the cool evening air, feeling truly present for the first time in a long while.
"I never thought I’d find peace like this," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper, blending with the subdued sounds of the evening.
Emma smiled, her blue eyes warm. "Sometimes, peace finds us when we least expect it. And sometimes, it’s just about being in the right place at the right moment with the right person."