7. Ashley
7
ASHLEY
I sat with my plate balanced on one hand, fork in the other, and Julie sat next to me. Other than the night on the boat with Jack, Julie knew nothing about what had been going on between me and Jack. Lunches spent together turned to wild sex in his office after hours and for the past two weeks, I'd been hornier than ever before in my whole life.
Today, however, seated on the patio in my father’s back yard felt different than previous backyard barbecues Dad hosted. Jack was here, as were a few of my relatives and other family friends, and Julie, of course, but the crazy lust I had for Jack was starting to simmer. Not that it was gone, because if he would have told me to sneak away and meet him in my old bedroom for a quickie, I would have. No, today felt more relaxed, like Jack wasn’t just a family friend. Like the lie I'd been telling Sam for the past month to keep him off my back was true, like Jack was family.
"Well, I still beat you by two strokes," Dad joked, chiding Jack and my Uncle Gary. I watched them banter about their most recent golf outing, which Jack hadn’t said a word about. I assumed it meant the heat was off him and Dad wasn’t being nosy anymore.
"He seems comfortable around you," Julie whispered. We sat under the shade tree on the far side of the patio at a distance. I chose the spot so I could watch how Jack interacted with my aunts and uncles, not to check him out. But I did check him out. His burgundy Polo and khaki shorts were a nice change from the drab gray suits and ties.
"Well, we work together." I didn't know how much to tell my best friend or if she'd judge me for what I was doing. She was a firm believer that a woman should marry a man a few years older, but no more than three, though she had encouraged me to go for it with Jack. Probably just for the fling she thought I was after, but I was seeing Jack in a new light lately.
"Seems more comfortable than that. I saw you flirting." Julie sighed a little too obviously. "You’re not really dating him, are you?"
"I wouldn't exactly call it dating. And don't give me a lecture about it either. Just because you wouldn’t doesn't mean I shouldn't." I felt a little sick to my stomach and decided it was because I hated letting people down. Julie had been my best friend forever. I didn't want her to judge me. I wanted to feel supported even if I was being a bit irrational.
"Jack, now why aren't you married?" Aunt Linda buttered her roll and turned her narrow gaze on Jack, who glanced at me with a bit of frustration in his expression.
I was eager to hear the answer to that question even if he didn't want to give it. Aunt Linda had known Jack as long as Dad had. He'd been around at most of our family gatherings since his divorce.
"A man your age needs to settle down.” Linda continued, laying it on thick. "You should find a nice lady and settle down."
"Thank you, Linda, but I don’t have time for a relationship or a family right now. My career takes up all of my time." Jack's eyes were stormy, and he avoided further eye contact, but I could see he was annoyed by her questions.
"See," Julie hissed. "He has issues, honey. You need to be safe. You want a man who can commit to a relationship and?—"
"Shh," I hissed, swatting at her to make her shut up so I could listen to what they were saying.
"What about children?" Linda was baiting him, and she didn’t even know it. Jack looked tense, and Dad looked embarrassed.
"No time, Linda. I'm on call pretty much all the time. I'm married to my job." Jack lifted his burger to his mouth and took a huge bite, and I wanted to rush to his aid. At the same time, I felt my stomach knot up.
Julie was right. I did want a man who could commit and have a family with me, and while right now wasn’t the optimal time for either of us, I did want it to happen. It didn't sour my desire for Jack, but it might have sobered me. Either way, between Jack's sullen replies and Julie's harsh warnings whispered into my ear, I lost my appetite.
"I'm gonna go pee," I told her and heard how Dad intervened and changed the subject back to golf.
Standing, I headed toward the back door and watched as a football came sailing over the fence toward the patio table. Uncle Gary reached out and batted it down, and it rolled toward my feet. I looked up to see the neighbor peeking over the fence. Jeremy Irish—six-foot-three, strapping muscles, golden skin, gorgeous eyes, wavy, dark hair, and one hundred percent narcissistic personality.
Once upon a time, I'd thought him good-looking and appealing. Back in high school, he was the quarterback of the football team and every girl's desire. Except mine. He told rumors of how we would sneak out to my back yard and make out and lied to everyone about me. Nothing of the sort had ever happened, and after that, I knew it never would, either, despite his confessing to actually liking me.
I hit on Jack instead.
"I'll get it," I grumbled. I set my plate down on the table next to Dad's and picked up the football. I had horrible aim so instead of throwing it, I walked it over to the gate and opened it. Jeremy slid through and leaned on it suggestively.
"Hey, Ash.” He held out his hand for the ball, and I dropped it into his grasp.
"Jeremy."
"You look nice today.” At thirty, there was still no ring on his finger, and I assumed it was because he either hurt the women he dated or he refused to stop playing the field.
"You look sweaty and gross." His bare chest glistened with sweat, and I was actually attracted to that, but his personality ruined it.
"Want to come over for some homemade ice cream? Nana Irish brought her ice cream maker." He batted his eyelashes, and I rolled my eyes.
"Ew… Jer, it's not happening. Ask Julie.” I nodded at my best friend who was starry-eyed and staring. Then I walked off.
"Hey, Dr. Sutton!" Jeremy called, and I winced as everyone turned to look at him. All of my family knew he had a crush on me, and being closer to my age than Jack, they'd all approve of him and his accounting business over a man fifteen years older.
I slipped up the steps as Dad and Jeremy exchanged pleasantries and picked up my plate. Jack eyed me, and the storm in his eyes was still there. If anything, it had strengthened in force.
"I'll be right back," I mumbled as Aunt Linda looked up at me, and then I made a beeline for the bathroom, tossing my half- full plate on the way. If I wasn’t mistaken, Jack was jealous of that interaction, but I didn’t know why. He'd just said himself that he didn’t want a relationship because he had no time.
That stung a little as I recalled it, but maybe it was a lie, like the few we'd been practicing. The few that nauseated me every time I had to reaffirm them. Between Dad and Sam, I felt like I was on edge all the time with their questions about Jack. Seeing just how messy the situation had become and how my emotions were affected by Jack's responses to Linda's questions made me want to throw up.
I locked myself in the bathroom and yanked my shorts down. As my bladder emptied, I did a few deep-breathing exercises to avoid puking. My nerves were shot. I didn't want to sneak around with Jack and fear getting caught and disappointing Dad or losing my shot at a job at Cambridge. What I wanted was to have a real conversation with Jack and find out if it was true that he didn't want a relationship or a family.
I loved the sex, but my heart was getting wrapped up in this too. I didn't want my heart broken. It might be better for me to end it all with him if he really didn't see himself having a future with me, or anyone else, for that matter.
The nausea passed as I cooled down, and I finished in the toilet and washed my hands. My skin was pale, probably the heat outside, and I made a mental note to drink more water to avoid dehydration. That was probably what actually caused the nausea, anyway. Then I unlocked the door to walk back out to the patio where my family would be watching for me.
Except when I pulled the door open, Jack barged right into the bathroom and shut the door behind himself. His lips were hasty and hot, his hands on my face possessive and firm. I whimpered into the kiss and grabbed his wrists. I was shocked and a little frightened until he nipped at my lower lip and ground his pelvis on my thigh. Then I moaned and relaxed under his touch.
When he pulled back, I asked, "What was that?" I smiled, feeling overtaken by his greedy, impulsive behavior.
"You are mine. Do you understand?" His voice was gruff and gravelly. The demand was ridiculous to me.
I chuckled and said, "But you just told Linda you don't want a relationship or a family." I defied him, goading him to respond differently now, but the anger and jealousy in his expression didn't waver.
"You need to go put on something less revealing. I don't like the way that guy looked at you. I told you that you were mine, Ashley, and I meant it. I'm the only one who gets to look at you or flirt with you or touch you or?—"
"Jack," I said, interrupting him. His grip loosened but he didn't back away, though his face softened.
"Your body is mine now. I'm the one who gets to enjoy it. The only one."
Something told me the jealousy I was seeing wasn't just about me, that Jack had been hurt before and that he was protecting his heart. That sort of possessiveness felt scary, but I knew him too. He wasn't a monster. So I leaned into it.
"I'm yours, baby.” I rose up and kissed him softly. "But we can't get caught in here unless you want to explain to Dad why.”
We'd have to talk about this sort of behavior, but part of me found it extremely attractive. I liked a man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to stake a claim. I just didn't like it if he felt like he could control me.
"We'll talk, okay?" I dipped my chin, and he kissed my forehead. I thought for a second he was going to say something else, but I left the bathroom and walked to the kitchen where the nausea returned.
"You feeling okay, dear?" Aunt Linda shuffled into the kitchen with an empty pitcher, which previously had been filled with margarita mix.
"Just a little nauseous. I think it's dehydration," I told her, but I was a bit rattled by that interaction.
"Sit down. I’ll make you saltwater." She shooed me to the patio, and I slunk away to my seat.
Julie was gone, assumedly to Jeremy's back yard for ice cream, and I was left to wonder what the heck just happened.
Jack didn't want a relationship? But he wanted to own me. It made no sense, but there was no one I could even talk to about it. Not even Julie. She was already warning me off him now. I just wanted to feel better, both my gut and my heart. And the only thing that would fix that was time and a deep conversation with Jack. If he was thinking rationally.