Chapter 11
11
MATT
I didn’t bother to correct the cutie when they called me Lewis. I’m not sure why, but having this person call me Lewis feels wrong. I’ll have to correct them later if it keeps bothering me. Most of the people in my life for the last eight years or so use my first name. Only the people closest to me call me Matt. Well, now all of my new friends do thanks to Jackson, but for a long time, it was only those in my heart that would call me that, even in my dreams.
“I’m heading out,” I tell the table as I grab my button up shirt off the back of my chair. “I maybe met someone and want to see where it goes.”
I knew it was wishful thinking that I would get away with saying that, but it is the truth. I’m fairly certain the person at the bar is the same one I saw last weekend that disappeared from Pegasus. Up close, I could tell that, physically at least, they were assigned male at birth or are truly physically intersex. I saw the adam’s apple when they were talking to me.
Is it confusing as fuck to have your body decide to perk up for someone that you’re completely unsure of their gender?
Hell fucking yeah, it’s confusing.
But tomorrow is Eric’s birthday and I haven’t seen him since the fountain incident. It’s been almost ten fucking years since I broke my promise to him and lost the second most important person in my life. I guess if anything, having a sexual identity awakening at least serves as a good distraction from the guilt that has been eating me since I moved into my new place.
I send a wave toward the backstage area to say goodbye to Clarence, also known as Cleo Lee DeStarr, Mistress of Ceremonies. The promised act was a comedic strip tease set to Van Halen’s Hot for Teacher. Everyone at the table got a good laugh out of that one, except for Spencer’s boyfriend who has spent the entire evening coloring and ignoring everything else.
Eli walks outside with me and waves Theo away when the man goes to put out his cigarette to come back inside.
“I thought you’re straight?” he asks bluntly walking across the small lot with me. “You do realize the only women in there tonight were the ones dressed as men on stage, right?”
I give him a playful shove as I get to my car. Leaning against the door, I think about what he’s saying. I know he doesn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but it almost feels like he’s rejecting the possibility that I was allowed to change my sexuality.
“Humans have the capacity to grow and learn and change throughout their lives,” I say with my teacher voice to not show my surprise anger at his statement. “Is it really that difficult to accept that maybe I always said I was straight because I was never really exposed to anything that challenged that assumption until recently? Does a person have to be constrained into a sexual identity once they identify it to others? Or can it change and expand as the person grows and learns more about themselves?”
I turn to get into the car, but Eli’s hand on my elbow stops me. Turning back to face my new friend, he looks contrite.
“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “Knowing the stories I know, I was a shithead for saying that. I was told by a very smart friend once to not make assumptions when it comes to sexuality and discovery.
“I’m glad you felt open enough to share that with me, Matt. I just don’t want to see you get hurt or inadvertently hurt someone else by just experimenting or forcing yourself into a mold you aren’t supposed to fit. Just because you are surrounded by the alphabet mafia of sexual and kink identities doesn’t mean you have to change who you are to fit in. We will like you for who you are, even if you have to fail Toby.”
Laughing, I pull him into a one armed hug. I have to say, it feels really good to know that I’ve found someone like him to call a friend. Since high school, I haven’t really had anyone that I can say with certainty would have called me out like that. My friends in Boston would have either teased me or pretended not to hear it.
“Toby will get the grade he earns,” I say as I get into my car. “As for the rest, come on by for dinner tomorrow. You can meet my mom if you want. We’re supposed to do lunch. She just got back from her girls’ trip and if I don’t have a buffer, she will redecorate the entire trailer while chastising me for being so rude as to move while she was away, even though she demanded I do it. You’d really be saving my ass.”
“Fine,” he huffs out with a laugh before glancing toward the employee parking lot. “You better be making something phenomenal. I’m a picky eater.”
I laugh as I close my door, watching him head over to the back of the building. For a man who claims he isn’t a Daddy, he certainly has a lot of the tendencies.
Plugging the hotel into the GPS app on my phone, I appreciate the fact that it is located decently close to home. At least if things go well, I have a short drive home in the morning.
I really hope they go well.