Chapter 10
TEN
Did dragons fight over their toothpicks?
As the Devil had warned, trouble came calling early, and the banes of Fox Hunt Drive brought with them snide commentary, promises to attend my funeral, and more pies than any one person needed. I feared the pies would be the reason I required a funeral.
The reality of my situation might drive me mad.
The dragon needed a secretary.
The assholes of Fox Hunt Drive believed they had someone to serve as bait and a snack so they could continue to enjoy their lives.
For several long moments, I considered warning them that I did, in actuality, have a darker side. I contemplated inconveniencing them until they learned to be better people. Rather than drop a curse I’d have to unravel later, I plastered a smile on my face.
“Yes, there is a castle in the lake. No, there haven’t been any problems with it,” I repeated for the fifth time.
I doubted they’d listen.
While most people wouldn’t turn to Lucifer for salvation, relief swept through me when the limo approached and came to a halt near our gathering. Once again, Lucifer’s son-in-law proved to be the driver, and Malcolm released his wife from the vehicle before opening the door for the Devil.
While disappointed Yuless hadn’t come for the ride, a dark yet pearlescent shape on Lucifer’s shoulder caught my attention. A few brave and foolish people had captured a picture of the dragon as he’d devoured entire chunks of Georgia, and he perched and viewed the gathering with serpentine disdain.
I appreciated my new boss’s size, as it offered the illusion my bones wouldn’t be serving as toothpicks anytime soon.
Then, because one dragon wasn’t enough, Lucifer had two more lurking in his limousine, a pale green one and a pale blue one, and they’d opted to come as the size of large dogs.
Unlike the Destroyer of Georgia, the other two growled and made it clear they were threats.
Did dragons fight over their toothpicks?
Morbid curiosity goaded me into asking, “Sir, why did you bring three dragons with you?”
“I could, so I did.”
As far as power plays went, Lucifer did a good job of instilling the deepest of fear into my neighbors.
To defuse the situation—or at least get some of my eggs and fruit out of my wagon and into the hands of the banes, I went about filling the reusable bags I’d gathered from various grocery stores and handing them off to their recipients, taking care to thank the women for the pies and promising there would be more tomorrow.
Susie Marie had the sense to take her plunder, thank me, offer a bow to the fancy people and the dragons visiting me, and flee to the safety of her home.
Donna Leanne stood her ground and glared. “And just who do you think you are?”
Fortunately for Donna Leanne, Isaac chose that moment to wander down the street, and Ashley followed close behind him.
My entire world shifted on its axis when the widow beelined straight for the Devil’s shoulder dragon, and she petted his glossy black head.
The movement made the sun reflect in rainbows off his scaled hide.
Rather than devour her, the dragon cooperated, stayed still, and allowed the woman to indulge.
“He’s so cute.” According to Ashley’s tone, she kept back a squeal by the thinnest of threads.
She picked him up, turned, and almost made her escape with the tiny dragon before Isaac reached over, snagged her shirt by the back of the collar, and held her in place.
“You can’t steal the dragon. He is not a pet.
He is sentient, which means he needs to consent to being your pet, and I’m pretty sure this specific dragon is not on the market right now. ”
“Aww,” Ashley complained, and while she stopped, she didn’t relinquish her hold on him.
As Isaac was a sex demon, he added, “The other two are on the market and don’t mind sharing.”
Somehow, I kept from bursting into laughter as the widow stopped and spent a rather long time contemplating the benefits of sharing.
Once again regretting my decision to buy my personal slice of heaven on the cheap, I eased the black dragon out of my neighbor’s hold, situated him on my shoulder, apologized in a whisper for the insanity of our street, and said, “You could go for gold and have two dragons and an incubus, but you need to leave this specific dragon alone.”
When Ashley turned to face us, Isaac released his hold on her shirt, and he took the time to straighten her collar.
The woman grinned at me. “I even know where to buy collars and leashes at the feed store!”
The little old ladies gasped at Ashley’s commentary, made their excuses, and left. To keep the remaining pair from doing something I might regret, I offered them their goodies for the day. “You might even have enough eggs to feed them breakfast.”
Wise sentients ran when the dinner bell rang, and both pale dragons shuffled towards the woman, their snouts pointed directly at the source of breakfast.
It was nice to know dragons shared similar motivations with humans, although I worried there might not be enough eggs on the planet to appease two dragons and an incubus.
That Ashley would try amused me and would for a long time.
Ashley checked her bag, and she nodded. “I will valiantly make the attempt. Come along, then. Breakfast won’t take long to whip up, and I got bacon and sausage yesterday. If I run out of bacon and sausage, I surely have enough potatoes to tame all three of you.”
If anyone had told me that dragons could be tamed with the offer of breakfast, I would have laughed myself sick. Yet, without any hesitation, her trio fell into line to do her bidding.
If I had a third of her luck, I’d be set.
Damn.
Life had a way of making me regret everything.
By tomorrow, the gossip mill would be hard at work making my life miserable.
In good news, the Destroyer of Georgia seemed remarkably tame for an entity capable of gobbling down three cities, one of my bosses seemed tolerable, and I had plenty of eggs.
After I ditched the audience, I would eat my feelings before getting back to work.
“I’m going to go drop all this stuff to everyone else down the street while I wallow in regrets.
You can go visit the horses while you wait if you want.
The horses would love to be given their owed attention.
Nothing beats a dessert of attention after breakfast for that lot. ”
“We’ll go check on the horses,” Lucifer stated, and he began the process of herding his family into the limousine. “However tempting, please don’t feed the dragon to the alligators, especially not the big one.”
“As long as you bring Mr. Magic the Bold a treat, he limits his aggressiveness to posturing and terrifying demands to be petted. That only works if you’re on my property, though.
Off it? You’re dinner. I highly recommend that you do not leave my property.
There are a lot of gators in the water, and they are not shy about eating people and pets.
There is a reason I warded my place like I did, and that reason involves valuing my own life.
” I dug out my phone, careful not to dislodge my scaled passenger, and opened the gate.
“You can be my security while I’m walking down the street and delivering eggs.
Just mind Mr. Magic. He’s only nice on my property.
The rest of the time? He absolutely will eat you without regret.
Or try to with enthusiasm and great passion. That one is always hungry.”
“Alligators usually are,” Lucifer replied with a laugh. “Do yourself a favor and don’t knock on any doors today. You will regret things even more than you already do now that the castle is a reality rather than just a looming myth.”
I sighed at that. “I truly was hopeful the castle was just a myth.”
“You’ll get over it,” the Devil promised.
“But are you sure?” Rather than wait for an answer, I began the tedious process of making certain my neighbors had something to eat even if life didn’t work out quite as planned or hoped for.
* * *
Accepting the Devil’s advice paid off, as I managed to drop off all the eggs and fruit without having to deal with any more of my neighbors.
I suspected having a dragon on my shoulder helped to hold everyone at bay.
Then again, they likely watched from their windows, expecting the dragon to tire of me and my black hair, toxic green eyes, and dark apparel.
I thought I added to the ambience of having an entire castle in the lake behind my home.
On my way to the gate, which I’d left open to save myself the hassle, I decided to strike up a conversation with my passenger.
“There are a few rules around here, Mr. Dragon. My livestock are pets until they’re of old age, and then they’re supper.
Specifically, they’re my supper unless I decide otherwise.
You’ll be entitled to a fair share of the eggs, as I have more than a few chickens and can’t eat that many eggs even if I wanted to.
I share from my garden and orchard, so if you want anything, just come ask.
As for your business work, investments, and so on, that’s a job I’ll work on tonight.
I meant to do it yesterday, but the Devil keeps paying me visits, and he’s pretty damned needy.
I really don’t know how Darlene puts up with him. ”
The succubus popped into existence beside me and matched my pace.
“I really don’t know how I put up with him myself.
He’s engaging in an argument with Zenzi, as he loves his precious little mare and she loves you more than she loves him.
Your colt? He’s bucking on Lucy’s back because that lout of mine thought it was a good idea to do his whining and crying from a prone position.
She is not correcting him, as she feels he deserves a little pain.
Your colt? He’s having the time of his life. ”