Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
“But you, Lucifer, named my chicken Misquawkfelees?”
To celebrate my victory, Lucifer hosted a fancy dinner in his mansion near Churchill Downs, which allowed all the horses and other equine species to attend. Alligator Bait enjoyed pampering and her spa day.
Elegance in Moonlight napped, and once he woke up enough to eat and drink safely, he got a taste of his new life as a pasture prince.
After we stuffed ourselves silly, Lucifer presented a wrapped box with holes punched into it.
The box moved, and it made scratching sounds.
As Joy was nestled in a bed on the table, having been fed an offensive number of treats by just about everyone, I assumed there would be a new bird added to my flock.
I always needed new birds in my flock, and with the delight of a child on Christmas, I tore into the wrapper.
A pitch black rooster popped his head up and crowed. I squealed and clapped my hands before getting to work freeing the bird from his makeshift prison. He seemed happy enough to be petted and cuddled, so I indulged, rubbing my face against his silky soft feathers.
My parents sighed.
“Seriously, Crystal?” my father asked in a resigned tone.
“Yes, seriously. I fucking love chickens.”
“This is the frizzle rooster I promised you,” the Devil announced.
I pulled back from my new pet, unable to spot a single sign he’d suffered through adorable electrocution. “He doesn’t look like a frizzle.”
“He is a frizzle gene carrier, the first of his breed to have developed the mutation. Frizzles are not actually a specific breed of chicken. The gene is found in numerous chickens. Joy is actually an Orpington, a breed that originates in England. Misquawkfelees is an Ayam Cemani. There’s three female Ayam Cemanis for you as well, but they do not have the frizzle gene.
I have manipulated both Joy and Misquawkfelees so that you can safely breed them to any other chicken.
The frizzle gene can have unfortunate health consequences if the gene has a severity strong enough to cause shaft deformations.
As you would be unhappy should shaft deformations and other health problems occur, I have opted to do a special form of gene manipulation.
Any chickens descending from them will never be able to produce an unhealthy sizzle.
Now, you may end up with a sizzle, but only if the combination of gene faults does not result in an unhealthy bird.
Sizzles do require special care, as the shaft deformations make it difficult for them to regulate their body temperature.
You will get a sizzle or two, and they will be indoor chickens for the duration of their life.
They will not be egg layers, but I’m sure you can handle a layabout or two. ”
“I will be sorely challenged,” I replied, resuming my most important work of cuddling with my new rooster. “But you, Lucifer, named my chicken Misquawkfelees?”
Darlene burst into a rather evil cackle. “I named him, and I told Lucy he would accept the name if he ever wished to enjoy my company in any bed ever again.”
“With that sort of threat issued, I’d be using the appropriate name, too. Thank you both. He’s beautiful.”
Darlene pointed at Yuless. “He helped. He made the recommendation we look for unique frizzles to add to your household, and he was the one who did the research work into how frizzles could be safely bred without amassing huge vet and gene therapy bills.”
The tall, dark, and handsome grinned and waved at me from farther down the table.
Yep, I would be conquering the art of making him pie, and I’d be trying to figure out the best way to ask him on a date. My rules, while smart at the time, had outlived their usefulness.
He who did his best to grow my chicken empire deserved at least one date. “Thank you. Also, thank you for helping so much at the track. I’m pretty sure I resembled Joy by the time I got out of there.”
“You’re welcome. Once word about the accusation spread, I was pretty sure every jockey in that race, including the one that Harthing fellow had hired, was ready to revolt on your behalf.
They’d all witnessed your angelic verification.
But then that Dryden fellow pulled up Alligator Bait’s record and realized Harthing had bred her.
Nobody knew where you’d gotten her until a little later.
He checked the sales records and pieced together what had happened roughly when Harthing was disqualified.
Were you aware that how much you purchased her for is available as part of her record? ”
I laughed and nodded. “I just took home a serious purse on a horse that cost me less than a thousand dollars.” Grabbing my napkin, I threw it at Lucifer.
“Elegance in Moonlight needs the best stall, and if you have a way to add extra cushioning, he could use it. He is going to be on stall rest for a while.”
“Your stalls are plenty cushioned.”
I huffed, moved Misquawkfelees to my lap, and grinned when the rooster settled down to take advantage of his cozy new position.
“I bargained with Zach over healing the fracture, so I’m going to need medical equipment for my barn.
I’m going to have a fragile rescue, and I don’t know anything about caring for fragile rescues. ”
“I’ll handle it,” Lucifer replied, and he engaged his wife in a staring contest. “Do you want to handle the rescue issue?”
“I better. You’ll find some way to complicate things.
You should have warned her against bargaining, however.
Angels cheat worse than you do, and they cheat in ways you can’t escape.
You will pay for your transgression, Crystal.
Either the rescue is going to bleed your wallet dry or result in great wealth being showered upon you.
One of these is worse than the other for you. ”
I crossed my fingers to ward the Queen of Hell away. “I earned my purse fair and square, thank you. Also, your husband owes me and my new horse a trip where we hunt for gemstones.”
“I’m aware. Also, good job with that win.
The crowd had a blast; Lucy was cursing you the entire race, swearing vengeance for daring to weaponize a bridle.
You should watch the footage sometime.” Darlene giggled, checked her phone, and after a few moments, handed it over, showing me the first race of the day.
Aramathea had stolen the show, and I giggled over how tiny I appeared on her back. “That’s so ridiculous. I’m an ant on her back basically.”
“You really were. Apparently, she’s four years old, and He created her once He was confident of the futures coming to be. He knew you would be in need of a sensible companion. You aren’t getting any sense from us, that’s for sure.”
“Hey,” Yuless complained.
Darlene hissed. “You can’t talk, asshole. You can’t even combine canned pie filling and a premade crust without creating a disaster. Don’t you even try me.”
My groom scowled.
If I didn’t rescue the tall, dark, and handsome, he would perish at the hands of the Queen of Hell. “How about this, Yuless? To spare your pride for one evening, I’ll try to make a pie when we get to my place. It can be my turn to terrify us all.”
My mother shook her head and made slicing motions across her throat.
My father stared at the table and pretended he didn’t exist.
I sighed.
“I feel like I’m about to make a mistake, but after your mother’s reaction, I need to know,” Yuless confessed. “And it seems fair since I’ve been torturing you with bad pie. Why do you keep eating it? That’s what I want to know.”
I pointed at my mother. “She made me this way. It’s only polite, and I will be hung from the tallest tree if I’m not polite.”
“I was not aware Florida was part of the actual South,” he admitted.
“It’s not. I just can’t stand rude children,” my mother replied. “But why are you feeding my daughter bad pie?”
“Only men who bring her good pies win dates,” Yuless stated. “So far, she has been offered pie from at least ten single men, and we have all failed, rather spectacularly, to bake a pie worthy of a date.”
That challenge was going to be the death of me, and I put some serious thought into crawling under the table.
“I thought it was a good idea at the time, but honestly, it’s hilarious watching a bunch of people, some of which are dragons, attempt to make pie and fail at it spectacularly.
I do not understand how you keep messing up pies so badly, Yuless.
You’re using canned filling and premade crusts! ”
“Let’s see you do better,” the tall, dark, and handsome challenged. “I’m sure Lucifer can provide ingredients so you can show us all up.”
Crap. The last time I’d made a pie, I’d been little, hadn’t been the greatest at reading, and hadn’t realized I was using salt instead of sugar, creating a monstrosity capable of felling any adult foolish enough to attempt eating it.
Careful to keep from dumping my new rooster on the floor, I got out my phone and began searching for a pie recipe, settling on one that seemed simple enough, had a bazillion positive reviews, and was marked as suitable for a beginner to make.
I held the device out to Lucifer. “Can you get me these ingredients, please? I can’t just allow this to stand. ”
The Devil took my phone, chuckled, and after tapping on the screen, he offered it back, showing me a peach pie recipe. “Try this one instead.”
I reviewed the directions, and as it made use of a premade crust while everything else was done from scratch, I nodded my approval and gave him the phone so he could make the ingredients appear.
“That one also works. We’re going to need milk and ice cream to choke the results down.
And as there are so many of us, I’ll make three of them. Everyone suffers tonight.”
Following a low chuckle, Lucifer vanished in a flash of golden light.
I raised a brow at Yuless. “Your move, sir.”