Chapter 27 #2
I snickered over how Yuless described the egotistical assholes at my firm.
“I am. He’s actually a really nice person.
I honestly don’t know how he managed to get up so high into the hierarchy.
He won’t do sleazy shit with the financials he is assigned.
He just won’t. And he’ll report it if he catches a hint of it. ”
“That’s probably why. He’s their cover guy, and he doesn’t realize he’s their cover guy.”
I winced at the realization Yuless was probably right. “How do I lure him out?”
“Call him and tell him you have the woman’s ashes and that you wish to discuss the situation with him,” he suggested. “I’m sure the tyrant in the lake will be fine with you meddling. And if not, just punt him until he agrees.”
I liked the way Yuless thought. “You should move your stuff into my bedroom and permanently serve as my furnace. You did an excellent job of keeping me warm. I’m paying in conquesting, food, shelter, monthly dates, and meetings in the kitchen to bake pie.
If we team up, I bet we can make pies so good we make the dragons downstairs cry.
Also, we’re going to have to renovate the third floor kitchen.
Right now, the second floor kitchen is my favorite kitchen. ”
“Why don’t we move our new bedroom to the fourth floor, renovate the fourth floor kitchen, and then turn the third floor into guest rooms for temporary visitors and the second floor into permanent suites for those you intend on adopting for ridiculously low rent?
” Yuless raised a brow at me. “You’re charging them five hundred a month to live in paradise.
The two are dragons. They can afford five thousand a month each without missing a cent of it—or noticing it’s missing out of their hoards. ”
“The dragons are my security, and they receive a generous discount for serving as security and keeping Ashley emotionally stable. Is there anyone stupid enough to rob a house protected by two dragons?”
With widening eyes, he stared at me. “I suppose not. And if they are, they deserve to be eaten by a dragon.”
“And right now? I have at least twenty-two dragons loitering on my property. I’m pretty sure there is a pink one living in a cherry tree, there’s an orange one in one of my mango trees, and these little shits are building actual nests. And apparently, all of them are male?”
“I believe so, yes. You have an infestation of male dragons at your home.”
“Our home,” I corrected. “If you don’t move in willingly, I’m considering turning it into a mutually beneficial hostage situation.”
He laughed. “Please give me a week or two to handle such a move sensibly. I have a few things I want to take care of before making permanent arrangements.”
I could work with a week or two. “A week or two will confirm I will not get sick again, allow me to regain my strength, and plan a proper conquest of your person. I like this. You can handle your personal matters while I plan on handling you personally. I have been told men don’t like having to play guessing games, so I’m making it clear what my general expectations are when you permanently move into my domain. ”
“The message has been received, and I am looking forward to being a willing participant in your future plans. But I’m still going to insist an archangel confirms everything is safe for you to eat before you try anything.
And if it isn’t safe for you to eat, we will learn what we were supposed to be eating in case they ask. ”
I could see that ploy working. “For some reason, they don’t tell me what type of pie they made, but they do expect me to identify what it’s supposed to be.
” I sighed, aware the old biddies were probably trying to kill me with their attempts at kindness.
“I don’t understand how they can be worse at baking than a bunch of men and dragons who are trying to invent pie rather than follow the instructions. ”
“Honestly, that question might keep me awake tonight. How is it even possible? Do you think the Devil knows? We should ask him.”
“Yes, we should.”
* * *
Making use of my phone, I summoned Lucifer, requesting he confirm if my neighbors were trying to kill me off again. Within thirty seconds, he appeared, and he stared at my counters, which were burdened with my neighbors’ generosity. He pointed at the dutch oven. “Where did you get that?”
“The lecher across the street from Donna Leanne gave it to me, and he said the dutch oven is part of the gift,” I replied, and I headed to my red enameled prize, taking off the lid for a sniff.
The tantalizing aroma of beef stew went for my throat.
If the Devil deemed it inedible, I would have no shame in crying. “Please tell me I can eat it, Lucy.”
“While your guess that he is a lecher is unfortunately accurate, he prefers his women willing. He just is not shy about informing women he is on the prowl. He has always found your generosity absurd yet endearing, your courage admirable yet frightening, and your determination to keep everyone on your street fed to make you worth more than everyone else on the street combined. He has a soft spot for Ashley; he respects her loyalty to her husband, and he is relieved he no longer has to worry about what will become of her. He catcalled her only so she might feel there was at least one other human in the world who felt she had beauty.”
Lucifer’s statements reminded me of the emotional stick offered to those in need. While not the way I would have done it, I could accept the attempt for what it was.
Any stick in a storm would do.
“Yes, precisely. And his efforts did make a difference. What you do not know about him is threefold. First, he is a doctor, one with a pristine reputation where he works. Second, before he became a doctor, he was a chef, a rather excellent one. He still loves to cook. Third, he is a practitioner of significant strength, and he is not fully human. You do not see him leave for work because he teleports.”
I sucked in a breath. “He can teleport?” I blinked. “Wait, he’s a doctor?”
Lucifer laughed at me. “Yes to both. He knows what you did, and he’s quite close to comprehending what you are.
It is well enough you asked me about the food.
I do not recommend allowing anyone other than yourself, Yuless, and the dragons to partake.
He has infused the food with his magic, magic meant to heal and bring you longevity and prosperity. ”
I eyed the tall, dark, and handsome I was determined to move into my bedroom. “Are you sick and in need of longevity and prosperity?”
“It appears so. What would happen to Ashley should she partake?”
“She would have quite the extended lifespan. It is not something that should be foisted upon her without her consent. Now, should she agree to partake of it, Isaac and her dragons will not face grief from her departure for many a year. The burden of her loss would be greater for it, but the joy of her passage would become a thing of beauty. But I will not see her suffer as the Fates suffered.”
“And it’s fine for me because I have, through my choices, agreed to such a thing,” I murmured.
“Exactly so. Yuless?”
“I would agree to such things as well.”
“So, how do you wish to approach the issue with Ashley?”
I fetched numerous bowls from the counter and went to work dishing out servings.
“Inquire first with Isaac and the dragons to confirm that is a fate they wish for themselves. Should they be in agreement, then they should be the one to present the offer—and the stew—to Ashley. It’s not my choice, it’s not my life, and it’s not my commitment.
It is theirs. I am more than happy to share with them.
She deserves that long life of joy, and I do feel they are more than capable of offering it to her. ”
Once I had a serving in each bowl, I worked a charm over it to keep everything warm. I retrieved a tray, moved the dishes to it, and grabbed a bowl for myself. “Anything else I should know about this stew?”
“You will be changed consuming it, because that lecher down the street made some mistakes in its crafting, not understanding the power of wishes and intent. For Ashley, a lifespan comparable to her incubus and dragons is the consequence. She will, in all other ways, remain human. For you, the changes will be… more substantial. His magic will bring you healing, longevity, and prosperity. It just won’t be in the ways he envisioned.
I can promise you this much: you will benefit completely from his working—and I will be making a journey down your street and meddling so that he does not suffer consequences from the magic he did not understand he wielded.
And no, no universal laws were broken. He came close, however.
Had he wielded those powers with intention, we would have witnessed tragedy instead of triumph.
But that is your nature. You change those around you. In this case, for the better.”
“Yuless, we’re going to go hunt for an old cow or steer ready to retire for a year or two in paradise before filling a freezer, and we’re going to take the best parts to the old lecher down the road.”
“Sure.”
Lucifer picked up the tray with a low and dark chuckle.
“I will assist you with this and bring you young cattle fated for short lives but with sound meat so that their final days are of love, care, and in paradise. That way, your homestead can continue its intended purpose and you will have excellent quality meat while fulfilling your personal mission.”
“But what sort of things can cause their meat to still be good but their lives to be short?”
“Injury, genetic disorders, and things of that nature. There are a few cognitive disorders in cattle that leave their meat sound but they can no longer live healthy, happy lives—most of your young cattle will suffer from those. There will be a few breaks, and you will accept their fate because you brought them into your home knowing in advance they would not live long.”
I could work around—and live with—that. “All right. I will set up a pasture just for them, and it seems I’m going to need another cattle barn for my freeloaders.”
“I will procure an annex for your homestead as soon as the opportunity arises. It will be soon. And I will handle the matter of Isaac’s property, as this stew will guarantee he will be staying close to your home because of the nodes.”
Right. That reminded me: I needed to venture to Tennessee to handle the node there.
“After I have my share of the stew and clean my dutch oven, we should go on that field trip. I am going to have a permanent guest in my personal chambers within a week or two, and I wish for that unfinished business to be handled before then. I will be busy for at least a week upon the acquisition of my permanent guest. Then I have to worry about the races, conning Mr. Noran into batting for my team, and otherwise preparing to take over the horse world.”
“I will see if I can make arrangements for Mr. Noran to meet with you in Tennessee, and I will escort you there myself. Yuless, I trust you can handle matters here while we’re gone? I’ll bring her back in two to three days.”
Yuless scowled. “Fine.”
“You’ll have your woman back soon, so try not to worry much.
Why don’t you go browbeat that idiot dragon in the lake for a while?
You can make certain he gives Crystal sufficient time to recover.
The work she is about to do in Tennessee will be tiring, and when I bring her back, she will want nothing more than her personal furnace and good rest. You can work on baking her a pie, perhaps? ”
“We have plans to bake pie together,” Yuless grumbled.
“You can still do that,” the Devil replied with a grin.
“But while you wait, see what you can do. You can also start looking into what makes the perfect kitchen. I recommend you start with the second floor kitchen and think about how it can be improved. You can surprise her with a kitchen floor plan that will make you both quite pleased to rule the fourth floor together.”
Sneaky Lucifer, listening in on our discussions. “Just go with it, Yuless. He’ll nag you to a near death state otherwise. We best polish off the rest of the stew, because I don’t want to throw any of it out, nor do I want to find out what will happen should anyone else get a hold of any.”
“A most excellent suggestion,” the Devil replied before strolling out of the kitchen. The instant he turned the corner, something popped.
“Interesting. I wonder why he waited until he was out of sight to teleport.”
“The flash of light betrays which plane of existence he’s traveling to,” Yuless explained. “He is doing something sneaky. What? That I can’t tell you. But he’s being sneaky.”
“He’s Lucifer. That’s what Lucifer does. Let’s just eat this before someone tries to take any and gets an unpleasant surprise.”