Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Katla tried not to stare at Merrill . It looked like he was just sitting there, but really, he was having a full-blown conversation in his head. She felt his eyes on her. She wanted to look at him but she kept her gaze on the fire. She had so many questions about the children. She wished she could talk to them herself, but she would have to be content with this—which was more than she had expected.
Merrill stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles. “ The bairns are doing well. The other children have taken them under their wing.”
“ That’s good,” she said, looking down at her lap. With the other kids, they probably didn’t even think about her. “ I’m glad they’re happy.”
“ They miss you.”
Her eyes lifted to meet his. “ Do you think so?”
“ I know so. They wanted to make sure Cullen passed that on. They willna forget you, lass. You saved them.”
She hadn’t been able to protect her nieces and her daughter, but she had Aven , Maely , and Perick . It had healed a part of her shattered heart she’d thought would forever be broken.
“ When this is over, you can return to Iron Hall for them. I know all three would go anywhere with you.”
“ You make it sound as if we’ll succeed.”
One side of his lips lifted in a seductive grin. “ Because we will.”
“ Even so, I would never take them away from such safety.”
“ Then remain with them.”
Katla cut him a scathing look. “ Don’t say such things.”
“ Why ? Because you doona want to consider a future? Or is it because you doona believe yourself worthy?”
Ire heated her blood. She surged to her feet and faced him. “ Both . Nor do I want to test how welcome I would be.”
“ No one would dare harm you.”
He hadn’t raised his voice, but there was steel in his statement. Enough for her to know he meant every word. Moreover , she believed him.
“ Are you no’ searching for redemption?” he asked.
“ I am, but?—”
“ Ah . So , if you take out Villette , that willna be enough for you to forgive yourself and move on.”
She didn’t like that he knew exactly what to say to make her blood boil. “ It will be a start.”
“ But no’ enough. What would be enough? Or is there no such thing?”
“ I don’t know,” she said, a hard edge to her words.
He quirked a brow. “ You need some kind of bar to meet that will release you of sin.”
“ Nothing will wash away what I’ve done!”
She saw the sparks as her words echoed around the room. That’s when Katla realized she had not only stood, but her fingers were also outstretched, her arms at her sides. Magic flowed through her so fast it was dizzying. She curled her fingers into fists to stop the sparks, but it was more difficult to turn the magic away.
“ Doona fight it,” Merrill cautioned as he got to his feet. “ I saw the sparks and wanted to know how far I could push you. Forgive me. I shouldna have done that.”
“ I didn’t even know it was happening.” Katla turned away, flipping between humiliation and shock.
Her eyes slid closed as Merrill came up behind her. She felt his solid presence. It wasn’t threatening or intimidating. He was like an immovable oak. Someone to lean on if she needed it. Or someone to shield her. Then again, perhaps she was imagining it because she yearned for just those things.
“ Emotions rule you. Control is an illusion others convince themselves they have. Doona try to deceive yourself. It’s about being aware of your feelings and your response, then adjusting to each circumstance.”
His voice was smooth, husky. That unique lilt was like a seductive caress as it slid over her, around her. She could listen to him until the end of time. His nearness was too powerful to ignore. She opened her eyes and turned to face him. He was closer than she realized. She could have leaned back and rested against his chest. Her palms itched to smooth over his wide shoulders and down his chest. He was magnetic, drawing her in. And she had no desire to be anywhere else.
“ You make it sound easy.”
“ Nothing meaningful ever is,” he replied.
This close, she could see the thick eyelashes framing his captivating blue eyes. They ensnared, beguiled.
Tempted .
His very presence did. Was he aware of what he did to her? Was it on purpose, or just a byproduct of being a Dragon King ?
“ Call to your magic,” Merrill urged hoarsely.
Her eyes lowered to his mouth. She pressed her lips together as she suddenly recalled how much she had enjoyed kissing. She remembered the motions, but she couldn’t recall the feeling of her husband’s lips on hers. Or his arms around her. Surely , he had held her in such a way. Why couldn’t she remember? She hadn’t made him up. She had once loved and been loved. But it was just an echo of memories she had once treasured.
“ Lass ?”
Merrill’s voice pulled her from the darkness into the light. She focused on his mouth once more. Desire , seductive and ardent, heated her blood. She yearned to pull his head down for a kiss and hold him close. She craved the feeling of his weight lying atop her. Need throbbed at her center. She longed for things she couldn’t have.
Katla lifted her right hand when she felt magic swirling in her palms. She looked down and saw teeny sparks coming from her fingertips. The magic within her was thick and clingy, but she still felt its vibrant potency. She focused on her power and could soon sense it throughout her body, flowing just beneath the skin, waiting for her command.
“ Just like that.” Merrill’s words were as soft as a whisper.
She lifted her other hand and urged the magic to her fingertips. In the next instant, sparks shot from her fingers. Katla brought her hands side by side and watched the dazzling display for several minutes. Then Merrill’s hand hovered over hers. She immediately yanked hers away.
“ What are you doing?” she demanded.
“ You willna hurt me.”
“ You can’t know that.”
He quirked a brow, refusing to move. “ Return your hands,” he bade.
Katla wanted to refuse. Merrill was the closest thing she had to a companion in centuries, and she didn’t want to cause him harm. But at the same time, she needed to be able to direct her magic. He was teaching her.
“ Trust me, lass,” he pressed.
Those eyes. That voice. She was powerless to refuse him, especially when he called her lass . Katla slowly returned her hands to rest beneath his. He dipped his chin, telling her to proceed. She pushed her magic up through her fingers once more. The sparks moved around him, converging over his hand to shoot toward the ceiling. Wonder filled her as Merrill turned his palm up so she could see there were no burns.
“ How ?” she asked in astonishment.
His eyes softened as his arm lowered to his side. “ The magic is a part of you. It feels what you feel, sees what you see.”
“ So , I’m controlling it.” She stopped her magic and dropped her arms.
“ Do you control your emotions?”
Katla started to say she did when she realized his ruse. “ Sometimes .”
“ How ?”
Despite how many years she had lived, it was easy to forget that Merrill had existed for eons longer. He had seen and experienced thousands of lifetimes more than she ever would. And he had come out the other side. Who was she to ignore whatever wisdom he wished to impart?
“ Anger may come, but I can choose whether to retaliate,” she replied.
“ When ire comes, you’ll be mixed in its storm before you know it. Your magic will respond and lash out simultaneously. What you speak of is irritation or frustration. You put it eloquently earlier when you said anger didn’t need to be fed.”
Katla blew out a breath. “ I get your point.”
Merrill gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist and lifted it. “ Think of strong emotions. Abhorrence . Indignation . Terror .” He paused, his gaze piercing. “ There will be triggers that set you off. You’ll react instinctively. We all do. But it’s realizing what you’re doing before the magic leaves you.”
She had difficulty concentrating on his words with his fingers wrapped around her. His grip was firm but gentle, his touch warm. He hadn’t done more than lift her arm, but her breath came in a rush as she silently begged him to pull her against him.
“ You’ll lift your hands without knowing it,” he continued.
Lift . Yes , she could do that. Wait . What did he say? She blinked and tried to concentrate.
“ The trick is to keep your arms at your sides. That way, if any magic escapes, it will shoot downward. Understand ?”
She nodded since words no longer formed on her tongue. He lowered her arm and released her. One innocent touch and she could barely remain on her feet. She was desperate for human contact. She hungered for it as the ravenous did with food. Her need was so profound she was prepared to do anything for another whisper of a connection.
“ It will take practice, but it’s achievable.” Merrill turned and walked away. “ No ’ that I think either of us will be able to contain ourselves when we find Villette .”
The mention of her nemesis yanked Katla out of her musings. She looked out the window, hoping the rain had stopped so she could get outside and walk off some of her restless energy before she did something embarrassing like throw herself at Merrill .
The storm was still going strong, however. It didn’t look as if it would let up anytime soon. She smiled then because she hadn’t felt rain in a long time. There were a few drops when she woke to find herself in the forest outside of Stonemore , but nothing like what was happening outside now. She might have lived for centuries, but she had been deprived of so many things that humans took for granted.
Katla strode to the door. She glanced at Merrill , their eyes meeting briefly before she walked outside and into the rain. It lashed at her body, soaking her instantly. The icy droplets pierced her like tiny daggers, but she didn’t care. She spread her arms and threw back her head as she twirled in the storm.
Rain pelted her eyelids and ran down her face and through her hair. She shivered, but she remained. Katla hadn’t truly comprehended how much she had missed rain until then. She had dashed out of a storm so many times, not wanting to get wet. Now , it was all she wanted.
Light flashed behind her eyelids and, a moment later, a thunderous boom brought her to a stop. It took her a moment to recall that it was thunder and lightning. She turned in a circle, looking for the direction the lightning had come from. She saw the zigzag of light just as it streaked across the sky in a dazzling display of raw power.
The autumn weather was putting on a stunning presentation, and she excitedly took in every moment. She didn’t want to go inside, even when her teeth chattered from the cold. After being denied something as simple as rain, Katla knew she would never be able to see another storm and not rush into it.
She wrapped her arms around herself for warmth and reluctantly pivoted to return to the building. Merrill leaned a shoulder against the doorway, watching her. She couldn’t see him clearly through the downpour, but she thought there might have been a smile on his lips.
Katla couldn’t wait to get in front of the fire to begin warming up. Merrill moved out of the way as she hurried past him, but she came to a halt a few steps inside when her eyes landed on the oval tub sitting before the hearth.
“ The water will stay warm for as long as you wish it,” Merrill said.
She turned to look at him.
“ Remain for as long as you want,” he told her. “ I’ll be outside.”
Then , he was gone. Katla turned back and saw the wisps of heat rising from the water. She hurriedly yanked off her clothes and sank into the tub.