Chapter 18 #3
All the evenings in his room come to mind, the kisses on the stairs, the times he walked me down to the dungeons.
There was never anyone around us. Fine, maybe people saw us when he took me to dinner, or during the last star nectar party, when he walked with me, or when we came to the Outer Beach, but not much more.
Maybe I should have noticed, but what about everything he told me? All his talk about wanting me to be his queen? Was I supposed to think he was lying?
Celine now stares at me wide-eyed and thankfully silent.
“I’m fine,” I mumble.
She clicks her tongue. “It might be nothing.”
“Yes,” I lie, not even sure what my friend means.
A hole is opening in the place of my heart reserved for Alayel, now filled with anger at myself. How could I have been so stupid? So gullible?
Angry tears threaten to fall, but he doesn’t deserve any tears. And he’s still talking to her—as if I didn’t exist.
I’ve had enough. “I’ll go back to the castle,” I tell Celine. “Star nectar party is boring when you’re just drinking water.”
“I’ll come with you,” she says.
“Stay. I don’t want to ruin your night.”
Celine shakes her head. “I came because of you two. Nelly’s fine, and you’re tired, so let’s go back. Let me just get another cup.”
She gets up, fills her cup with the star nectar, chugs it all in one sip, then deposits the cup in the box reserved for it. Across the circle, Alayel still pretends I don’t exist, or maybe doesn’t even have to pretend. Perhaps I’m that insignificant to him.
As I walk back to the castle in silence, Celine beside me, my mind goes over every interaction I had with the bastard prince, and I realize I’m the one to blame.
Wasn’t he clear about what he wanted? I guess I didn’t listen.
Cynthia is already asleep when we get to our room, perhaps after taking a calming draught or something. I change into the dress I’ve been wearing in the hatchlings’ room—and realize I have no excuse to give Celine as to where I’m going.
After some hesitation, I decide to tell her the truth—sort of. “I have to go somewhere. But I can’t tell you where.”
“Are you all right?” she asks.
“I’m fine. I’ll be here in the morning, as usual. Thanks for walking back to the academy with me.”
Celine nods, a slight frown on her forehead, as if she can’t understand what I mean or where I’ll spend the night, but then she smiles. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you.”
I turn around and leave the room, feeling bad for not telling her about the little dragons.
More than anyone, she would love Ava and Vos—their cute mannerisms, the way they look at you, the little squeaks they make.
Perhaps one day I’ll tell her, but I need to think about it carefully and be sure that she’ll keep the secret.
When I get down to the dungeons, two people are leaving the hallway that leads to the hatchlings’ room: instructor Katrine and a man with a thick, dark beard. I step back and walk in the other direction, close enough to get a wisp of their conversation.
“He’s practically forgotten about them,” she says. “We can afford to wait.”
Luckily, they don’t even glance in my direction, but then, whatever they said wasn’t that much of a secret, if she spoke in front of the guards. Who’s he? What are they waiting for? I wonder if I’ll ever find out anything.
Once they’re gone, I enter the hallway and the room. Ava and Vos run to me, as if they were scared of something, but there’s nothing different or strange here.
I sit and take both dragons on my lap, then caress their smooth scales. “It’s all right. I’m here. I know I don’t look like much, but I protected you once.”
Ava chirps, while Vos makes a strange, gurgling sound. I hope they’re not laughing at me.
The little dragons’ presence calms me, but still, in the silence of this room, I can’t stop reliving the moment when Alayel turned away as if we were strangers. As if we were nothing. I should have known. Should have expected it.
My stupidity is what hurts the most, or maybe I cling to my anger so that I don’t have to face my pain. That space he filled once in my chest is now bitter and poisoned, a tightness spreading through my body.
A touch brings me back to this room. Ava’s rubbing my belly with her little head. She and her brother have a place in my heart too. A beautiful place. So does my brother, and even Celine and Nelly. There’s so much love for me. I can’t let one idiot ruin everything, can’t let myself become bitter.
When I lie down to sleep, it’s Katrine’s words that come to my mind. He’s practically forgotten about them.
Who’s he? Auranius? Commander Mallor? He’s well aware of the little dragons. The king? Too many questions and nowhere to find the answers.
I cling to the end of her words: we can afford to wait.
Whatever’s going to happen, there’s time. Still, I need to find out what it is. If it’s something bad… My heart stills, but then I let the stuffy air from the room fill my lungs. There’s time. Nothing’s going to happen tonight.
When I close my eyes, the staff comes to mind, brilliant and powerful. And then the rider. Watching me, waiting.
What is he waiting for?