Chapter 23
As I step out of the academy, I exhale a long breath of relief.
Perhaps it’s just that I’m tired of the stuffy air in that building, tired of not being able to smell anything. I’m also thankful that I’m allowed free movement in and out of the academy, especially now, when I need to see my brother more than ever.
A whoosh above me makes me look up, and I see Auranius flying above the city. Revulsion twists in my gut, replacing that old sense of awe when in the presence of the gigantic dragon.
I consider Alayel’s point that we need to give Auranius something he wants, but the problem is that after seeing what he does, my trust in the kingdom broke. If one thing is wrong, one thing is false, why would everything else be upstanding and true?
Mallor’s explanation that it’s all a ruse to feed Auranius makes more sense than the idea that we need to fly to disorient the invaders, and on one point I’ll have to agree with Alayel; when something makes sense, it’s hard to dispute it.
Mallor. My… nothing. I don’t hold any anger, any sadness, any wound toward him. How can there be any feeling for someone who never existed?
It’s only my mother’s absence that hurts. My mother, who at least used to be someone in my life, who sang me songs, told me stories, and crocheted headbands.
Mallor, whose name I always thought was Sonos, was nothing. Always nothing. At least he’s willing to help now.
And to protect my brother, I’ll take any help I can, no matter from whom, no matter what I feel—or don’t feel—about them.
When I raise a fist to knock on the back door of the restaurant, I realize my hand’s trembling, perhaps still due to the shock of what I saw in Auranius’ lair, or maybe fear.
I don’t even know what I’m going to do, how I’m going to fix everything. For now, I just want to make sure that whatever happens, whatever I decide, Kaio’s safe.
Laristella opens the door and gives me a surprised look. “Mayara?”
For some reason, her reaction feels odd, as if I no longer belonged there. In truth, I don’t, and in fact, I never felt I did.
“Can I come in?”
She steps aside and gestures for me to enter. “Of course! I just thought you’d be training.”
“I… had the afternoon off.”
The kitchen’s clean and the dishes from lunch have been put away, but the working table has some spices, as I assume Laristella’s already preparing tomorrow’s stew.
“Did something happen?” Sudden worry mars her eyes, as if hit by the turbulent waves of my thoughts.
“Just… normal academy things. Everything normal.” Horrifically normal, but she doesn’t need to know.
Her stare deepens, and I start to think that perhaps she can read my mind.
“You tell me, Mayara. If you’re in trouble, talk to me.” She steps close and whispers, “If you need to run, let me know. I have… contacts.”
My breath hitches—and she notices it.
“What happened?” she insists.
“Something good,” I lie, wanting to shake away my discomfort. “I think I might be able to secure an apprenticeship for Kaio. I need to talk to him.”
Her brows contract, a worried expression on her face. “He’s too young, Mayara.”
“They take young apprentices, and he’s been working for years here. What’s the difference?”
“Here, he’s protected.” Laristella slams a hand on her apron. “On a boat, in the middle of the ocean, he’ll have nowhere to go. Imagine if something goes wrong.”
“I’m not planning to send him away with criminals.”
She heads to the counter, where she throws spices on a bowl of gallonfish. “Fair, but he can wait. One year, two years won’t make much difference, except that he’ll be more mature to make a decision.”
“I have an opportunity now. I don’t know if I’ll have it again in the future.”
She covers the bowl, then shakes it. “He’ll always have an opportunity.”
“It costs—”
She stops and stares at me. “I’ll pay for it. When the time’s right.”
That doesn’t make sense. “But it’s expensive.”
“And it’s not a problem.”
I blink, unsure if she understood what I said. Either way, I need to talk to my brother, not to her. “Is Kaio around?”
She shakes her head. “Went to the beach, I think. He should be back before the rain.”
“I’ll go look for him.” I head for the door.
“Mayara.”
I turn, and face Laristella.
Her eyes are like tongs holding me in place. “Something’s troubling you. Whatever it is, you can trust me. I won’t judge you, and we’ll find a solution.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, oddly embarrassed that she can see through me that well, and yet I still turn around and leave.
At the Outer Beach, I can’t find my brother anywhere near the tunnel, and I don’t want to walk too far, since he could be somewhere else.
No more gliders dot the sky, and yet every time I look up I expect to see Celine falling. I walk away from the beach, and decide to return to the academy.
I’ll come to the restaurant later or tomorrow, as I need to know if Kaio still wants to join a merchant ship as an apprentice, if he’s willing to go away in a few days.
Something in my chest is tight and will only loosen when I know that my brother’s far away from this place, this kingdom, this disgusting dragon.
But I need to make sure that he still wants to join a merchant ship.
And if he doesn’t want to go, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
In fact, I have no idea what to do regardless.
I get back to the academy and go down the stairs to the dungeons.
Four guards stand by the entrance of the hallway leading to the hatchlings’ room, and I bet there are more men outside.
There’s no way the rider could walk in unnoticed, although I’m sure he could defeat them with his magic—if he had his staff.
Where is the artifact? What is Dracolius doing with it? Can they even study it if they can’t touch it? And why could I touch it?
Amidst all the questions, what I don’t understand is why the rider left his magical object.
Protect them.
How? I’m just a recruit. Even whatever strange power I used to fight the rider and the smugglers feels like a feverish memory. None of it remained.
The guards let me through, as always, and I enter the hatchlings’ room. The place feels gloomy, empty, odd, maybe because it is gloomy, with so little natural light coming in.
The hatchlings are lying side by side, asleep by the water basin.
Ava’s head rests on Vos’ tail and vice versa, and they look so innocent and peaceful, their small chests moving up and down.
I don’t want to wake them up, so I sit by the basin and stare at the lovely creatures as a crevice cracks my heart.
What have I done?
Why did I take them from their parents? Sure, at the time I was under the illusion that they’d be free and happy in Dracolius, but still, part of me knew that I shouldn’t take baby dragons from their parents—and yet I didn’t care.
All I wanted was to join the Sky Academy. Well, here I am.
Ava sighs and coos, then looks at me, her eyes blinking.
I take her in my arms, and she rests her face against my chest. Vos grunts and looks for his sister, then sees me and climbs onto my lap as well.
I bet they wouldn’t like me if they knew I was responsible for ripping them from their world.
The thought hurts as shame courses through my veins.
I used to fancy myself as their savior, even protector. Stupid delusion. But I can become their savior if I manage to get them out of this room, this castle, this kingdom.
How? Can I even find an answer, or is this another delusion?
Ava rubs her head against my chest, as if to console me. Me, who snatched her from her mother.
“I’ll find a way,” I whisper, unwilling to speak my thoughts out loud for fear I could be heard. “You two are adorable, you know?”
Vos makes a gurgling sound, and I have no idea what it means, while Ava coos.
I need to save them. Need to undo my own evil deeds. How? The question is a hammer banging on my head. How? How? How?
A boat, I suppose. There must be merchants willing to sail west, to the riders’ lands. Once I’m in their waters, a dragon could find us and then take the little ones where they belong.
The issue is getting the hatchlings to the boat. First, I’ll have to cross some four to eight guards. Second, I’ll have to get the little dragons there without Auranius sniffing them.
There has to be a way. There’s always a way.
Ava falls asleep in my arms, her breathing steady and soft, while Vos wiggles as if trying to find a good position. The little dragons haven’t been as alert as before, and they could be getting sick, but I doubt Dracolius has the resources to treat baby dragons.
I’ll find a way to free them, I have to. And once I do it?
Alayel comes to mind, holding me tight, kissing me, kneeling before me and the academy and his father, asking me to marry him. Would he understand?
The staff then flashes through my mind, shining bright, so bright that even in my imagination, I have to look away.
Another image of Alayel surfaces, but this time he’s telling me it’s easy to get rid of a body. Then he’s in my room, asking me if I’m fucking someone else. He’s on the boat, furious to find out I have no magic.
I don’t think he’d ever hurt me, but still, is that who I want for me? Someone who might snap at any moment? The alternative is nothing. Nobody.
Is it that bad?
I think about my mother again, clinging to a man who never loved her enough. What was her fear? Being alone? Were the scraps of love she got worth it?
Vos falls asleep, and, for a second, I look at the little dragons and see myself and my brother—protected by Laristella. Single, but not lonely, and always there for us.
The words ring in my mind like a bell: always there for us.
Why do I only see it now? She never failed us, and yet I never allowed myself to feel anything for her other than a sliver of gratitude, my heart too corroded by pain to allow anything else.
My mother left us to find happiness because my brother and I were never enough for her. For Mallor, it was worse; we were nothing.
But Laristella was there. Always there. And I never saw it. The pit of shame grows inside me.