Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Gaspar resisted the urge to lift Isobelle into his arms. Her disappointment nearly dropped her to the ground, but she recovered quickly.
“Ah. I see you are more disappointed than I expected. Perhaps you were hoping to find some way of escaping my little idyll. But there is no escape, my sweet. If something were to happen to Icarus and he failed to return in the morning, we might well die here together if we ever tired of fish.”
It might have been the play of stars, but Isobelle seemed to be shaking—no doubt from the shock of finding nothing more interesting than a continuation of beach.
She pulled her fingers from his and he allowed it.
If he were wise, he might consider moving out of her reach, but he did not feel particularly sensible at the moment.
In fact, he felt nearly as disappointed as she.
Of course, he had not wished her to escape, or to attempt it, but he had wanted her happiness to last a bit longer.
They might have sat at the little pool for hours talking nonsense, but her impatience had stolen that bit of peace from them both.
“Leave me,” she whispered. “I beg ye, leave me in peace for a bit.”
If she were anyone but Isobelle, he might have granted such a request. But he knew her too well now to believe she might sit quietly and contemplate her fate, that she might not do something as foolish as to throw herself into the sea.
“I am sorry, my lady, but I cannot leave your side. Perhaps, on the morrow, you might have a different outlook on your time here. Perhaps you can find contentment…with me. And one day, we might leave this place…together.”
She dropped her chin to her chest, then collapsed to her knees in the sand, and the only thing visible, in the blue starlight, was that little cut across the bridge of her nose.
His stomach turned at the thought of her feeling as hopeless as he’d once felt, just before he’d slid that hot iron across his face.
But of course, she already had.
He’d taken away all hope when he’d warned her she might never leave. Hadn’t his mother done the same to him? Taken away all hope to escape the life she’d shaped for him?
Heaven help him, he’d tried to make her into himself. And she was right—letting her live or die by the sharpness of her own tongue would have been better. He should have never taken her. Never supposed his intervention would save her. He hadn’t saved her. He was the man from whom she needed saving!
He’d been lying to himself from the beginning. He’d stubbornly ignored the truth.
He had to let her go!
“I could convince ye I am content to stay with ye.” She whispered, but with the stillness of the sea, he heard, clearly, every word. “I could convince ye of anything, but it would be a lie.”
His chest caved in upon itself at the bursting of his heart, but he fought against the pain. Surely there were some things he had come to believe that were not a lie.
“Ye doona believe me? Here. Sit beside me. I will tell ye everything.”
Gaspar forced breath in and out of his body and wondered which of her words might have been the truth.
What of this world could he trust? The sea?
The stars? Was his redemption now so out of reach?
Could he be forgiven, as he refused to forgive his mother?
The doctrine of forgiveness tried to flood his mind but he would hear none of it.
He remembered his first sight of her, through the rood screen. The way he felt about her then was nothing compared to his feelings for her now. But even so, they’d been strong enough to prod him on, to make her his own in the only way he would allow himself—as his possession.
And he’d given her nothing but pain.
As for himself, he felt more mortal than he’d felt for years.
Mortal. Vulnerable. Alive. Wounded, but breathing deeply of the world around him.
And now he felt it all simultaneously. Isobelle was to blame.
Isobelle was to thank. She’d done this for him, brought him back to himself.
The least he could do was return the favor.
But first, she wished to tell how she’d lied to him? So be it. If her confession caused him pain, it would be only too fair. His eyes were open. But after all he’d done to her, she would never believe that his heart was open as well.
He dropped to his knees beside her and sat back upon his heels. “Isobelle, forgive me. Forgive—”
Her arm swung around. A large stone jarred his attention as it tried to force its way into his skull. Then it was gone. But the pain remained. The noise remained.
Isobelle stood over him as he fell onto his back. Her bottom lip tucked itself behind her teeth. She shook her head and tears dripped onto his face.
Then she, too, was gone. But there was nowhere for her to go—
Nowhere but the sea! And she could not swim!
“Nooo!” He rolled. Found his feet, stumbled, searched the darkness for the whiteness of her gown. Saw nothing.
He turned.
There! Already so far into the water. How fast she moved! How anxious was she to run into the arms of death!
God help him, what had he done? He’d driven a beautiful creature out of her mind. But he could undo it. He could bring her back if only he could get to her before it was too late.
“Isobelle! Wait! Forgive me! You are free!”
He rushed into the water, blinking over and over, but the white was gone. His skull threatened to come undone beneath his hand, but he could not pause to recover. She was out there, drowning.
“Isobelle!” Waist-deep now.
As if rising to the sound of her name, the white gown surfaced. Twenty feet away!
He lunged, pulled his hand away from his head and swam as furiously as he could. He needed air. He had to pause. Had to breathe.
There. She was still there. Above water. Pushing the water out of her way.
“Isobelle! You are free! Come back!”
The vision turned and faced him, treading water. She could swim?
He laughed. She could swim! Praise be, she’d lied to him!
“Isobelle, forgive me. Come back! The boat. In the morning. Forgive me!”
He stopped fighting the water, allowed it to cover him. The cool liquid soothed the ache in his head.
Air. He needed air. And he needed Isobelle’s forgiveness.
He kicked, over and over, until the water parted.
She’d come closer. She stayed above the water easily, but her breathing was labored. She could have never lasted long. Even if she could swim, she likely hadn’t done so often. Trying to swim from the island would have been suicide. At that, she might have succeeded!
“Gaspar! Are ye badly hurt?” She sounded so close, and yet, she was still beyond his reach.
Again, he allowed himself to sink. Ah, the relief. Like sleeping when one is tired. So tired. But he needed air again.
He kicked and fought his way to the surface once more and found Isobelle there, coming for him.
He permitted her to pull him close, then with a furious kick, he rose above her in the water, wrapped his arm around her, across her chest, and took a firm grasp beneath her arm.
Then he began dragging her back to shore in spite of the screaming in his skull.
After a few half-hearted struggles, she settled down and allowed him to take her.
When they reached the shallows, he stood and helped her to do the same. Then he took a step away from her.
“Forgive me,” he said. “I was wrong to take you from your home. I was wrong to expect you to change. If I’d have succeeded, I would have never forgiven myself. You may leave the island as soon as Icarus arrives with the boat, Isobelle. I vow it.”
She looked at him askance as she filled her lungs over and over again. “Then it wasn’t a lie, to lure me back to shore?”
“Yes. It was a lie that I was drowning. I swim like a Venetian fish. Even if I’ve been struck on the head.
” He lifted a hand to his bleeding forehead in a bid for sympathy, but she came no closer.
“But the other, your freedom, was no lie. You may return to the city, to your cottage, or wherever you wish. I only hope you will avoid Venice because of what I have done to your name there. And I can afford to send you anywhere in the world. You need only choose.”
Instantly, anywhere in the world, even if it were the next island, sounded much too far away from one particularly lonely dragon. But he bit his tongue to keep from sharing that sentiment. His eyes were open. But after all he’d done to her, she would never believe that his heart was open as well.
“You changed your mind because you thought I intended to drown.”
“You would have drowned, even though you can swim. Even I could not cross this channel without a boat.” He reached out and pushed her shorn hair from her eyes, unable to go another minute without seeing them clearly.
“But that was not why I changed my mind. You have transformed me, Isobella. You have made me see the dragon and I have chased it away, never to return, even if the Pope himself demanded I resume my office.”
She eyed him suspiciously while he helped her to the soft grasses where they both collapsed.
“I was attempting to change you as I had once changed myself. I had turned myself into a cold creature that had no place in the world, and I suppose I was trying to make you the same, that somehow you might feel the only place in the world for you was at my side.”
She shook her head and water sprayed around them. “I will not be content in yer tower, Gaspar.”
He nodded and looked out upon the shadowy waves. It was not an easy thing to hear, but he could not blame her.
She sighed. “But at your side would not be such a bad place, I suppose.”
His heart tried to rouse his hopes but he bid it to settle. He dared not hope she could forgive him in truth, and told her so.
“I can try.” Her eyes lit up and her gaze fell to his mouth, then she looked away, embarrassed.
Though he would like nothing better than to take her into his arms and beg her forgiveness in a dozen different ways, he would forbear. He would not risk her mistaking passion for love. And love, like trust, must be earned.
He was finished lying to himself. And he knew that remaining on the beach with her, both of them dripping beneath the starry drapes of a warm sky, weakened their wills. So he got to his feet and brushed half-dried sand from his legs.
“I am going inside, Isobelle. I will change into dry clothes and start a fire in the kitchens. You come inside only if you wish. I will understand if you do not. I can find you a dry tunic. I do not suppose you wish to wear the white gown again?”
She shook her head sharply.
“When you are ready, then.”
She swallowed awkwardly.
He grimaced, then offered a hopeful smile. “We can leave the doors open…”
The woman wrapped her arms around her knees and turned away from him, showing the awkward outline of her hair—another reminder of the damage he had done to her.
No. She would never truly be able to forgive him. Nor did he hold out hope of ever forgiving himself. The morning would bring with it a small Greek man and the vessel that would take her away from him forever.
But he would not waste this final night in mourning. He’d have plenty of time for that after she was gone.