Chapter 13 What I Want
What I Want
Leo
On Monday morning, Davidson’s driver took us to the city. I was paranoid about showing my face in public, but Davidson didn’t leave anything to chance. The car’s windows were tinted, and I wore a baseball cap low over my forehead, plus sunglasses.
The driver let us out directly in front of the building. Davidson pressed an insignificant button with a mere number on it, the intercom beeped, and we rode the elevator upstairs. The nurse, a middle-aged omega wearing frameless glasses, was already waiting for us.
“Hello, Leonard, and welcome. Let’s do the tests first, and then you’ll meet with Dr. Clearbridge. He’s on his way and will be here in a few minutes.”
He took my blood and provided me with a kit to take my own slick sample in the bathroom. I filled in a standard form about my health and history. Again, I found comfort in how very ordinary the visit felt.
And then I had to spread my legs for Dr. Clearbridge a minute from meeting him. Oh well. Not my first preheat exam, and the normalcy of it baffled me. I was getting checked up before procreating with a dragon. Why was everyone so chill about it?
When I was dressed, Davidson and I sat down behind the desk in the doctor’s simple office.
Dr. Clearbridge was an elderly omega with a kind, round face but sharp eyes.
I felt automatically nervous under his scrutiny.
A part of me expected him to reprimand me for chewing gum during the English lesson and for my shorts being too short.
I let Davidson do most of the talking, but Dr. Clearbridge kept looking mainly at me.
“So you only met on Friday.”
When I didn’t say anything, Davidson cleared his throat. “I shifted to help him escape a dangerous situation. Leo was badly shaken. I think he went through a shock.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“He even thought he’d been given a rape drug, which from his perspective was a sound conclusion. I’ve been trying to make him feel safe. And to give him options.”
The doctor frowned, and I felt like a bug under a microscope.
“The test is fairly accurate this close to your heat,” he said, looking evenly into my eyes. “You should expect the first heat wave between Friday afternoon and Saturday morning.”
“Already?” Davidson rasped.
“Yes,” the doctor confirmed, still staring only at me. “Do you want me to insert the contraceptive now, or do you want to book another appointment during the week?”
This time, my alpha stayed silent. I took a deep breath. “I’m not sure I want it.”
The chair squeaked as Davidson turned to face me. He grabbed my hand in both of his. “You don’t have to do this, Leo. I expect nothing of you.”
Now or during the next heat.
Logically, I should wait two years. I’d get to know Davidson, sort out the mess with Fabio, and get used to the idea—I hadn’t even thought I’d ever want any children. Could I change my mind overnight just like that? Was I being irresponsible? Selfish?
But whenever I tried to think logically, my brain claimed Davidson didn’t exist and I was making it all up, tied to a bed in a specialized facility somewhere.
At the same time, my body and soul wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me in any and every way.
I longed to carry a piece of him with me all the time.
Not to mention that the idea of him breeding me made me leak slick even as I sat in a doctor’s office.
I was taking too much time to answer.
Davidson was looking at me with alarm, Dr. Clearbridge with mild concern.
“Davidson, can you leave us for a few minutes?” he asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t want Davidson to leave me alone with the doctor. But before I could say anything, Davidson stood.
“Of course.” He kissed my palm and let go of my hand. “It’s your decision, darling. You don’t have to rush into anything. Not for my sake and not for anyone’s.”
“I think he knows,” Dr. Clearbridge said.
With one last anxious glance my way, my alpha left the room.
The doctor steepled his hands on the table and peered at me above his glasses.
“Do you want a child in nine months, Leo?”
I looked down at my nearly flat belly. The small swell from the bonding was next to invisible as I slouched in the chair in my shirt and jacket.
“I don’t know. A part of me does.”
“Davidson said that you met under volatile circumstances.”
I nodded.
“And that was on Friday night?”
“Yes.”
“So you saw him in dragon form even before you were bonding. And at first you even assumed he’d drugged you.”
It was all true.
“Most dragon mates meet their alphas and get to know them a little before they realize they’re mated. It usually takes a few days or months even.”
Did the good doctor just suggest I was a slut? He was entirely on point of course, but it still annoyed me. “They find out they’re mates after they fuck, and I spread my legs for him the night I met him. Is that what you mean?”
Dr. Clearbridge didn’t even blink. “And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, the fact remains that you’ve had very little time to get to know Davidson and adjust to this new reality. To pause and reflect.”
“Reflect?” I scoffed. “I thought I’d gone crazy.”
“Would you say that you’re thinking clearly right now?”
Looking down, I shook my head.
“But you are.”
I snapped my gaze up to Clearbridge’s grandfatherly face. He was smiling, but it didn’t feel condescending, just kind.
“You’re doing what you can to navigate an extremely turbulent time in your life, Leonard.
” His tone was bright and encouraging despite his serious words, as if he found my situation exciting.
I supposed, for an outsider, it might have been.
“Your mind is working overtime, analyzing unknown dangers and adjusting to new circumstances. You’re not crazy, and you’re not muddled.
You simply need to work through an immense amount of new, life-changing information.
It’s exhausting, but you’re doing an incredible job. ”
His smile widened, and he leaned back in his chair.
“Your mate is happy to have found you. He’s been looking for you for a very long time. Much longer than’s usual.”
“What’s usual?”
“Most dragon alphas find their fated mates between twenty-five and thirty. Overwhelming majority before forty.”
“Davidson is forty-six.”
“Indeed. But as a dragon, he has a very long life in front of him.”
“How long?”
“Dragon shifters have around one-hundred-and-twenty years of a healthy, active life. You’ll live at least to one hundred yourself.”
I gaped.
“When he says you have time, that the decision is yours and he’s not in a hurry, he means it. He wants a child, no doubt about it. But you are his absolute priority. If you’re not happy, there’s no way he can be.”
I was still stuck on the numbers. That gave us what, more than seventy years together? It had been three days. “I’m not sure I follow. What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t want you to do anything. I’m not giving you a solution, Leonard. You know best how you feel. I’m only offering you more angles to consider. Because you are capable of clear thought. You can inspect your feelings, weigh your options, and then you can decide.”
“I can’t. Not now. My body wants it, but my head is a mess. No clear thought in sight. I only want Davidson to tell me what to do so I can do it.”
“Submitting to your alpha’s will is a quite common impulse omegas have during the first stage of bonding.
It’s one of the ways your mind deals with the growing bond.
Your feelings and rational thoughts seem to be in conflict, and it brings you relief to let someone else make decisions for you, especially your alpha, who you’re drawn to at all levels of your being. ”
Now that made perfect sense. I even felt my lips stretch in a smile. “Yes. That’s exactly how I feel.”
“You will soon find your place in your relationship, don’t worry.
Dragon marriages are usually quite equal when it comes to decision-making and division of unpaid work, but there’s nothing wrong with letting your alpha take responsibility for you when you’re overwhelmed.
However, this one question, whether you want a baby now or not, Davidson won’t decide for you.
He can’t. He genuinely needs you to choose what’s best for you so he can make you happy.
That’s his instinct and utmost priority. ”
“I want to get pregnant. The idea of carrying Davidson’s child…
I’ve thought of nothing else since I heard of the possibility.
It’s like a physical need, so powerful it scares me.
But wanting something this badly and abruptly doesn’t seem right.
I’m a selfish guy with a long history of bad decisions, Doctor.
I really shouldn’t be doing what I want to do. Especially not if I want it this much.”
Frowning, Clearbridge turned on his chair from side to side.
“You keep mentioning pregnancy, and of course you crave that. You’re twenty-seven, close to your fourth heat, and bonding with a dragon.
With those three factors combined, you must be daydreaming of breeding orgasms and a round belly nonstop.
” I smirked, trying to downplay the blush on my cheeks.
Pregnancy and sex were all I could think about, and they were intertwined in my head.
Sex to get pregnant, sex while pregnant, sex while giving birth.
.. God, I was horny. I’d beg Davidson to do me as soon as we were back at the house.
“You find the idea arousing,” Clearbridge continued, “because your body is longing to procreate. But to engage your mind, try to imagine the child. An actual person. Your and Davidson’s son.
A baby. A toddler. A growing being who depends on you but has his own will.
Can you see him? Are you ready to meet him? ”
Stunned, I forgot to breathe. A person. My son. He’d have a name.
Clearbridge was smiling widely while seconds ticked away on the clock above his head.