Chapter 14 The Vague Definition of Virginity #2
I jumped at his exclamation. Pascal hit the tap with his elbow and put his hand under the stream of water. I shot out of my chair.
“What happened?”
“Just a little nick. It’s okay. There’s a first aid kit above the fridge. Can you get it for me? Just so we don’t get blood in our breakfast.”
“Sure.”
I had to climb onto a chair to reach the cupboard, but in a minute, Pascal’s finger was taped up. The cut was tiny, so it should soon stop bleeding. With how fast he healed, it would probably disappear entirely in an hour.
We sat down for breakfast and began to eat in a silence that felt tremendously awkward. I wondered if I should repeat my question. He wasn’t handling any sharp objects now, so maybe it was a better time than before.
When I’d knelt for him, I’d felt so empty inside. I wanted Pascal plain and simple and saw no reason to wait. I was just about to open my mouth when Pascal sighed.
“There’s stuff we need to talk about.”
That didn’t sound good. “Okay?”
“When you and I have sex, your body will react.” He spoke slowly as he studied his toast.
I grinned. “I certainly hope so.”
Pascal snorted. “You’re a menace, Ansel. What I mean is, as a dragon mate, you will have certain symptoms that might take you by surprise.”
I blinked. “What did you call me?”
“A dragon mate.” He gazed at me with tenderness. “My dragon’s mate.”
I had no idea why, but the term made me feel warm inside.
I had my own dragon.
Pascal was mine. He’d said it was for life. How did one even start unwrapping that?
“We call the first few weeks bonding,” he continued, getting serious.
“During the bonding phase, your body will change, as will mine. You will lactate a little, clear milk coming out of your nipples. It’s nothing to worry about.
It’ll feel good and cease after a few weeks.
Your lower belly might swell, and you’ll experience heat-like sensations. ”
My head was buzzing. “Heat-like?”
“Um. Arousal. Slickness. Sensitivity to certain scents and tastes. We’ll both be very…drawn to each other.”
“Hornier than we already are?”
His lips twitched. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
I shuffled the information around in my head so it made sense. “So I’ll feel a little like in heat. Stuff might come out of my nipples, but it’ll go away again. That’s it?”
“Not entirely.”
Pascal spread butter on another slice of toast and handed it to me. I bit into it and chewed as he kept explaining.
“Your heat will come soon, depending on where you are in your cycle.”
I swallowed. “I have no idea where I am since I haven’t had my first heat. Last time I was at a doctor, he said there were no signs yet.” I must have looked worried because Pascal put his hand over mine on the table and squeezed reassuringly.
“You’ll be healthy, Ansel. All dragon mates are. You’ll even live longer than other people.”
“How long?”
“Over a hundred years.”
I am bound to a mythical creature. For the rest of my life. Which will be suspiciously long.
Studying the man in front of me, I raked my mind for something bad. Some fear, doubt, a sense of foreboding or entrapment.
Pascal gazed back, patient, his eyes soft. Loving.
It must have been the bond affecting me already because I couldn’t for the life of me find anything to worry about.
My mind was circling back to the possibility of sex and how much I wanted it with him.
I pushed off the table and walked around to sit in Pascal’s lap.
He hugged me to him, and I gave him a brief kiss.
“And those changes in our bodies, that starts when we…make love?”
He blew out a breath. “It’s happening already. It’s the pheromones. The…eh…dragon community… We have some books about these things, and there’s a specialized doctor in the city. He’ll tell you when your heat will come.”
I chuckled. “A dragon doctor?”
Pascal’s big shoulders lifted under my hands as he shrugged. I stroked the round muscles over his T-shirt. My big alpha beast. Huge. Everywhere.
“He’s a dragon mate himself and helps other omegas who’ve bonded with dragon shifters.” He was talking about the doctor. Right.
“But you said I’d be healthy.”
“Yes. But some things are different for you now. Like heat cycles and…um…fertility. You’ll need contraception during your first heat already. We should probably call tomorrow and book you an appointment.”
Oh. I hadn’t even thought of that. It was like another realm opened in my mind. Contraception. Pregnancy.
“That means we’ll be able to have kids together one day?” Suddenly, that felt vital.
Pascal’s face lit up, eyes twinkling, lips curving, and I knew my answer. “Yes.” He wanted that. His hand even drifted to my belly. I liked the warm touch.
“And will they be like me or like you?”
“They’ll be shifters.”
I squinted at him. It was all starting to make perfect sense.
The logic cut through my sexed-up, hazy mind with perfect clarity.
“This whole bonding thing, my body changing, me being healthy and living longer, the way I’m attracted to you and want you, that I can get pregnant during my first heat already…
All of that is nature’s trick to make sure your kind procreates.
You seduce human omegas and knock them up with little dragons. ”
I said it half joking, but Pascal looked guilty.
He bit his lip, rubbing my stomach. “I didn’t invent evolution, I promise. It’s the same for people. With heats and ruts and the drive to breed.”
He had a point. And I still wanted to have sex with him. “Maybe.”
“How do you feel, Ansel? You might notice some changes already.”
I exhaled through my nose, looking into his now familiar eyes.
“Yes, there are changes. I used to suffer from anxiety, but it’s just gone.
I used to feel hesitant about sex, but I want you so much it’s insane.
I should be afraid and confused, but I’m not.
I trust you with everything, Pascal. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I just do. ”
He petted my hair, frowning as he inspected my face.
“Why are you worried?” I asked.
“I guess I’m waiting for you to freak out.”
But I felt great. Sitting in his lap, mellow after orgasms and my belly full of a wonderful breakfast, I had nothing to complain about. A small part of me kept insisting I should be freaking out, but when was the last time I’d felt this good? I was…happy.
“The bonding, us becoming mates for life,” I said, “that’s already happening, correct? That’s why I feel like I know you. That’s why I trust you.”
Pascal glanced down. “Sex will speed up the process. We won’t be able to leave each other’s sides, not even for a few minutes, and we’ll be…making love a lot.”
“And the downside?”
He smiled briefly, but it looked a little sad. “I don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”
“I think it’s a little too late for that.” I stroked his scruffy jaw. “Aren’t you overwhelmed?”
Pascal swallowed. “Ansel, sweetheart, I’m a mess.”
“How?”
“I ache for you all over even as I’m holding you.
You’re all I can see, your scent is all I can breathe, and your taste is constantly in the back of my mouth.
When I touch you, I feel like I’m burning up and floating on clouds at the same time.
I don’t think overwhelmed is a strong enough word for what you do to me. ”
His words filled my heart and spilled into my veins. The green light in his eyes must have hypnotized me long ago because I was a different person than who I’d been on Friday.
I’d lived my life in a bubble, the world around me obscured and distorted. Now I could see everything much sharper, in bright colors. Pascal’s lips tightened with worry, the expression already familiar to me, like I’d known him for years. Then his face softened with tenderness.
He traced the shape of my mouth with a fingertip and kissed me, stroking my tongue with his. I lost myself in the moment. I forgot about all those strange things about to happen to me. They didn’t matter.
Pascal was all that mattered.
I wanted to give myself to him and feel him inside me. I wanted to make love.
An hour later, my papa ruined my mood.
Pascal had to sort out something work related and was sitting in his office with the door slightly ajar. He said it would only take half an hour. Stupid me, I looked at my phone again. I hadn’t heard the message when it arrived during our breakfast. Now it glared at me from the screen.
Papa: You need to call your father before he sends someone to get you.
My stomach in knots, I scooted off the sofa and tightened Pascal’s bathrobe around me. I padded to the terrace and closed the door so I wouldn’t disturb him. The morning was bright, the air fresh and cool high above the noisy city streets. I took a few calming breaths and dialed.
My father answered without a greeting. “Ansel, explain yourself.”
“I told you everything already. I’m not marrying Valentin.”
“I know where you are.”
“How?”
“That’s not important.”
A lightbulb went off in my head. “Do you have a tracking device in my phone?”
“That’s not important.”
“Father! I could sue you for that!”
“It’s an app. Not a device. Which is why we didn’t know where you were when you didn’t have signal. I regret that mistake. I should have used a proper GPS tracker, but you had always been true to your word before, so I didn’t see the need. Until now.”
He was unbelievable. “You’ve been stalking my every move.”
“Do you think we’d let you go on vacation by yourself without being able to check on you?”
“I am of age, Father.” Which was a fact my father chose to perpetually ignore.
“You’re with that man, aren’t you?”
“His name is Pascal. He’s my boyfriend.”
Silence stretched. I checked my screen, but the call was still on. “Hello?”
“How long have you known him?”
“That’s none of your concern.”
“I already know all about him. He’s a college professor twice your age. You’re a student. I’ll have him sacked tomorrow.”
I rolled my eyes. He would do that, no doubt, but I wouldn’t let him. “He teaches at a different college.”
“I can make his life hell, Ansel.”
“You won’t. If you try hurting him in any way, I’ll sue you for spying on me. Publicly.”
“Don’t you dare!” I heard it in his voice. He was trying to sound threatening, but he was floundering, grasping at straws.
“Father, you don’t want to hurt me or Pascal, not really. You think you must protect me. You want a good life for me, and I’m grateful to you and Papa for that. Except you can’t enforce your version of a good life on me when I want something else entirely.”
At my mild tone, he remained quiet. Was I finally getting my point across?
“Why did you want me to marry Valentin, Father?” I asked gently.
“He’s the best choice.” Terse and matter-of-fact. He was so sure his perception of the world was the only objective truth. I almost felt sorry for him.
“No, he’s not. I don’t like him. I don’t want him. Not at all.”
“How can you know what you want? You’re a child.”
“So you’d marry off a child?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he sputtered.
“Just think about it for a moment. According to you, I’m old enough to get married but not old enough to decide to whom. Are you aware how medieval that sounds?”
“Valentin has been a family friend for years. And now you’re with some stranger doing God knows what…”
“Father, I’m safe,” I told him imploringly. “Pascal is a good man. He has a respectable career, he’s well-off, from a nice family, and responsible. He cares more about me being happy and safe than Valentin ever did.”
“How can you say that? Valentin—”
It seemed I had to be blunt. “Father, Valentin forced himself on me. He kissed and groped me in the garden at the party, ignoring that I tried to push him away. I had to step on his foot so he’d let go.
Only the risk of being seen made him stop.
He doesn’t care about me. At all. He wants my body and status, but nothing else. Would you give me to a man like that?”
My father was silent. I could easily imagine the conflicting feelings warring inside him. He wanted me safe and happy, but he also needed to be right. He was afraid of the growing rift between us but could never admit to feeling anything other than anger. In his world, alphas didn’t have feelings.
My poor father.
“Come home, Ansel, and we will talk about it.” His voice grew softer, but he still managed to sound commanding.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t trust you to listen. I’m staying at Pascal’s for the time being. I’ll call you in a few days when we’ve both had time to think.”
A frustrated grunt came from the speaker. Maybe I’d learned something from my papa over the years of watching him handle my father. I didn’t have to convince him. I only had to stand my ground long enough for him to relent.
“This is not over, Ansel.”
“I feel good. I haven’t been anxious at all. Do you at least care about that?”
Another grunt.
“Have a good day, Father.”
Resigned, I ended the call. He did worry. He just didn’t know how to express his worry outside of controlling my every move and shouting commands. He’d have to learn.
I messaged Howard, asking him to sneak into my room and get my wallet, laptop, a few course books, and maybe some clothes. I doubted he’d do it, but it was worth a shot.