Chapter 5
***WALKER***
“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” Walker said, lying through his teeth. “I really should pay better attention. I’ve ruined your date, what a shame.”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Price?” Thomas demanded instantly on his feet. “You did that on purpose. Look what a mess you made. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Hey, it was an accident, I swear, this place is so crowded,” Walker said, backing away from them and holding out his hands.
“I wouldn’t dream of trying to interfere, I’d never even think about telling Maddie what you’re really like, and I certainly didn’t plan on telling her about all the other women in your life, or the… ”
“Back off, Walker,” Thomas said, getting in his face. “This is none of your business. Stop harassing Maddie, or I’ll report you to campus police. She doesn’t want anything to do with you, get that through your head and leave us alone.”
He looked over at Maddie, unable to believe that she really wanted to be with Thomas, but she didn’t disagree; she didn’t step away from his enemy.
Instead, she looked away, letting silence speak for her.
It wasn’t what he’d expected. He wasn’t sure what he thought would happen when he broke them apart, just that he couldn’t watch them holding hands and making puppy dog eyes at each other.
Now he felt like his guts were being ripped out and when Maddie turned her back on him, he had no choice but to back away.
Feeling like something inside him was broken, he stumbled out of the student center, the picture of Thomas putting his arm around Maddie as he walked away burned into his brain.
What he didn’t see was Maddie shrugging away Thomas’s touch or her gathering up her things and walking away from the other man without a backward glance.
Physically ill by the time he got home, he collapsed at the kitchen table as soon as he walked through the door, sure that there was something terribly wrong with him.
“Walker, what’s wrong?” Hattie, their housekeeper, asked, rushing over to him.
“You’re white as a sheet and sweating. Let me feel your forehead. When did you start to feel this way?”
“I was okay all day, this just hit me out of nowhere,” he said, groaning as his head began to spin. “I’m dizzy and hot…I’ve never felt like this before. Maybe I need to go to the hospital.”
“What’s this about a hospital?” Jackson asked, walking into the kitchen. “Is someone hurt?”
“Walker is sick,” Hattie said, setting a glass of water down in front of him. “You’re the medical student, come look at him. We might need to take him to the hospital.”
“I’m not a doctor yet, I haven’t even started medical school, but we don’t get sick, there must be something else wrong with him,” Jackson said, then sat down next to him and studied him for a second. “What were you doing when you first started feeling like this?”
He looked over at Jackson, opened his mouth, then closed it again and looked away, then shrugged his shoulders to buy himself a couple of minutes to come up with an explanation without exposing his feelings for Maddie.
The last thing he wanted to do was admit out loud that he was in love with her; putting those feelings into words would mean that he could never take them back.
It had been too much for him to handle back then and it was still more than he was ready for now.
His life was a mess, he had no idea what he was going to do with his life, he didn’t even have a job.
There was no place for love in his life.
He realized with a start that he’d been silent for too long and looked over to find Jackson watching him, a mixture of surprise and curiosity on his face.
“Holy crap, you’re in love,” Jackson finally said, shaking his head. “Who is she?”
“I am not…that’s ridiculous…I don’t fall in love…” he stammered, wondering how his friend knew. “That’s not what’s wrong with me.”
“Really? Are you lying to me or yourself?” Jackson asked, relaxing back in his chair, a silly grin on his face. “I can feel it, you idiot, you’re broadcasting it loud and clear. All the guys are going to know after they spend five minutes with you.”
“Great, this sucks,” he said. “I didn’t ask for this, I sure as hell didn’t want it, I’m too young to be tied down, no offence, Abby is a great woman and I’m glad that you found her, but…I’m not ready for marriage and all that.”
“We don’t always choose when it happens, and fighting fate usually doesn’t work that well,” Jackson said, shrugging his shoulders. “You still haven’t told me who the mystery woman is. Have I met her before?”
“Once, when we were freshmen,” he said, then let out a long sigh. “Do you remember Maddie? We dated for the first few months of first year.”
Jackson was silent for a second, then his face lit up. “I remember her,” he said. “Tall, long black hair, big green eyes, she was a doll. I never could figure out why you broke up with her.”
“Things got too serious if you know what I mean, she’s a regular human, Jackson, when I realized what I’d done…
well…it scared me,” he said, staring down at the table, unable to meet his friend’s eyes.
“Then I started feeling all this stuff…that scared me even more…so I just…well, I ghosted her, didn’t talk to her, blocked her on all my social media, and when she tried to talk to me, I walked away like I didn’t know her. ”
The silence that followed seemed to drag on forever, and he finally forced himself to look up at Jackson, who was shaking his head.
“I never pegged you for a coward, but I guess you’re paying the price now,” he said.
“You bonded with Maddie, you idiot. There’s nothing you can do about it now.
I know that feeling, the one that makes you think nothing will ever be right again unless you’re with her. ”
“Bonded…that can’t be…we only…I mean…it was just once,” he stammered. “It takes more than that, I mean that’s what the legends say, it didn’t happen that fast with you and Abby, I mean it couldn’t have…”
“Sorry, buddy,” Jackson said, slapping him on the back. “I think you’re stuck, but hey, you could have done worse. Maddie’s a knockout, and she’s a sweetheart if I remember right. Now you’re only problem is convincing her that you’re not the colossal jerk you were back then.”
“Have you lost your mind?” he said, jumping to his feet, knocking over the chair. “I’m not in love, I haven’t bonded with Maddie, I’m just sick or something.”
“Heartsick,” Jackson said, an understanding look on his face. “I feel the same way when I have to be separated from Abby. The difference is, she’s mine, and I know that she’s coming back to me. Trust me, if you want to feel better, figure this thing out with Maddie.”
“You’re wrong,” he said, stomping out of the kitchen. “I am not in love.”
***Maddie***
Maddie made it all the way to the parking lot before Thomas caught up to her. “Hey, I’m sorry about that. Walker needs to mind his own business,” he said. “I don’t know why he has it out for me. I’ve never done anything to him; just ignore him.”
She knew exactly why Walker was behaving like a jerk, but she wasn’t about to tell Thomas the intimate details of her life, she didn’t trust him enough. “It’s okay, no harm done, the stain will wash out of my shirt, but I really need to get going,” she said. “I have stuff to do before practice.”
“You never answered me about dinner tonight,” Thomas said, flashing her a big smile. “We’ll get all dressed up and paint the town, that will show Walker, we can rub it in his face tomorrow, post it all over social media, that will get him good.”
“I can’t, evenings don’t work for me, I told you that before,” she said. “And I don’t want to start anything with Walker, my plan is to just ignore him, and that’s what you should do too.”
Thomas looked disappointed, “What do I have to do to get you to go out for more than coffee?” he finally asked, an edge to his voice she didn’t like. “You’re not making this very easy. You could try to meet me halfway.”
“I agreed to have coffee with you twice, that’s the best I can do,” she said, unlocking her car. “You seem like a nice guy, Thomas, but I’m not looking for a relationship or whatever it is you want right now. I’m sorry, I wish it could be different, but there’s just nothing there.”
“You’re not giving this a chance,” he said, taking a couple of steps toward her, a glimmer of desperation in his eyes. “We could be really great together, Maddie, we’re perfect for each other, you just need to spend some more time with me, then you’ll see it too.”
“I’m sorry, that’s just not going to happen, don’t take it personally, I’m just not ready for romance right now,” she said. “I’ve got to go, I’ll see you at practice.”
She got into her car and closed the door before Thomas could argue with her anymore, then started it up and drove away after giving him a quick wave, feeling his eyes on her until she turned onto the street.
Shivering, she turned on the heat, but knew that the ice in her veins didn’t come from the snow outside; there was something about the look on Thomas’s face when she drove away that scared her.
Telling herself she was being silly, she headed home, desperate for a little Justin time before she had to go back to the school for basketball practice later that afternoon.
Her son launched himself into her arms when he saw her and she hugged him to her, sucking in his little boy smell and fighting back the tears that suddenly filled her eyes.
A second later, Mrs. Mathews came down the hallway drying her hands on a towel. “Well, isn’t this a surprise, you’re home early,” she said, then saw Maddie’s face. “Oh no, it looks like we need cookies and milk.”
“Cookies…” Justin said, wiggling out of her arms. “Cookies…”
He disappeared down the hallway and into the kitchen, making them both laugh, and she instantly felt better. “It’s already been a long day,” she said. “I should be at the library studying, but I needed a break.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Mrs. Mathews asked, helping her out of her coat. “Sometimes it helps to get it all out.”
“Not in front of Justin,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t want him to hear me badmouthing his father.”
“Oh, this must be bad,” Mrs. Mathews said, shaking her head. “He can eat his cookies in the playroom while we talk.”
She felt a little guilty, but some adult time was just what she needed. “I guess that would be okay, this once,” she said, following the older woman down the hallway. “I could use some advice. It’s getting harder and harder to be around Walker, and this Thomas guy isn’t helping.”
“Oh dear, this sounds better than my soaps,” Mrs. Mathews said, then looked guilty. “I’m sorry, my dear, I shouldn’t have said that, this is your life, not television.”
“It’s okay, if this was happening to someone else, I’d think it was funny,” she said, sinking down at the table. “Let’s get Justin set up in the playroom, then I can tell you all about it.”
When they were finally alone in the kitchen, she explained to the older woman about what had happened on her coffee date with Thomas.
Mrs. Mathews sat quietly, letting her get it all out without interrupting, then was silent for a few minutes when Maddie finished, clearly thinking it all over.
Eventually, she got to her feet and refilled their cups before sitting back down, and Maddie realized that she was both dreading and looking forward to hearing what Mrs. Mathews had to say.
“It sounds to me like Walker is still in love with you. Only a jealous man behaves that way,” she said, then fell silent for a second.
“Maddie, you have to tell him about Justin, you can’t keep hiding it from him.
It’s only a matter of time before he finds out from someone else.
A child is difficult to hide. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but maybe now that you know he still cares about you, it will all be okay. ”
“What difference does it make if he still cares about me? That doesn’t change what he did to me, and I’d like to point out, he’s never explained, never apologized for what he did.”
The older woman was silent for a few seconds, giving her pain and anger time to fade just a little before she spoke again. “Have you given him a chance?” she finally asked. “It sounds like you shut him down before he could even apologize.”
She didn’t answer right away, but had to face her own fear.
“I’m afraid to trust him again, he hurt me more than anyone ever has, and he still can,” she said, trying to hold the tears back.
“I still care about him, I still dream about him. I’ve tried to get over him, but nothing works, I just end up missing him more.
And I don’t even want to talk about what it feels like when I look at Justin and see him.
It breaks my heart all over again. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. ”
Mrs. Mathews reached out, took both her hands and gave them a big squeeze.
“Has it ever occurred to you that Walker might feel the same way?” she asked, making Maddie look up at the older woman.
“Talk to him, Maddie, you don’t have to tell him about Justin right away, but you owe it to both of you to at least try.
It’s been three years, you’ve both changed, but deep down I think you both care about each other.
Don’t throw something good away because you’re scared.
The best things in life can be scary at first. Besides, you’re one of the bravest people I know. You can do this.”