Chapter 32 Confessions
I stood in front of the mirror and barely recognized myself.
For months, my reflection had been sweat and bruises, tears and hair pulled back without thought.
But tonight, I had used every trick I’d learned in the Glass Castle, lining my eyes in black so the gold stood out, shaping myself into something deliberate again.
For the Solstice Celebration, I wore the look of royalty and nobility, not the soldier I had become. The unease crept immediately.
It felt wrong to be standing here, choosing pins and silk, when war simmered just beyond the veil.
Each choice toward normalcy felt like betrayal, dragon attacks had increased again during the week.
No casualties this time, at least, though most of the public didn’t know anything.
Not even many at the academy. Life continued as if nothing were wrong, and I felt complicit in maintaining that illusion despite my discomfort.
That was when Lorik’s absence pressed in. He wasn’t in Elarion all week as he had warned me. He had been summoned beyond the veil for the entire week with other second- and third-year students.
Part of me was relieved that my temptation was far away. Another part felt guilty for missing him. Beneath both, I feared what Lorik faced beyond the veil.
The realization left me tangled.
I didn’t know if my thoughts were worry or something riskier.
“I might see him tonight, but I couldn’t examine these feelings now, not with the trials at sunset tomorrow.”
So I didn’t.
I straightened my spine, met my own gaze in the mirror, and chose control.
As I finished the pink blush, my thoughts went back to my failed third practice. Again.
I hadn’t achieved the ruby. No one had but knowing that didn’t soften the blow.
It didn’t mean I would fail the Dragontail trials, yet the missed challenge still bruised my pride.
Even so, beneath the frustration, I felt ready for my three trials.
Or as ready as anyone could be for what waited ahead.
“You look so hot to find yourself a Sunheart male,” Shakari said from behind me. I had almost forgotten she was there.
She wore her golden hair loose and a tight, deep-green dress, just like mine. Everyone would wear their legion colors for the Solstice Celebration.
"I told you, I’m not looking for anyone," I snapped. "There’s too much going on: war, trials. My mind’s full."
“And yet that tight dress, the pins in your hair today clearly show how you don’t want to find yourself a male,” she teased with enough sarcasm to make me blush.
“You are too logical, too structured, as any Emberkeep still. Dragontails are visceral, don’t plan as much, and live intensely since they don’t know what happens tomorrow. ”
“I guess that Emberkeep soul will never leave me,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes. “Besides, I just like to take care of myself once in a while.”
And that was the truth. I was even proud of my looks today. At least it helped distract me from all my worries.
“Stop carrying the island’s burdens on your shoulders,” Shakari begged. “Just try to unwind tonight.”
I turned around and met her gaze.
“Are you and your twins making bets again? What is it now?” I asked. Shakari grinned.
“Well, yes, you know them. Tran and Rowan are convinced you were too focused on your studies and that you wouldn't accept anyone’s rose, but I thought there was a spark in you. I think you want to put yourself out there.”
“Grabbing a rose doesn’t mean I would hook up with someone,” I said, rolling my eyes slowly and deliberately so she would notice.
“Yes, it does if you are a Dragontail in its first-year that will fight for its life the next day,” Shakari spat.
“It's just a dumb tradition. At the Solstice, we are supposed to honor the Gods for their magic. I just don’t understand why we need to wear masks and wait for Sunhearts males to give us a flower.” I chastised.
Shakari clearly was not deserving of my hate, but she knew me too well to understand I wasn’t mad at her.
“You used to love this celebration and patiently waited each year for Thalen to bring you his rose,” she said, grabbing me by the arm, attempting a hug. “Now you are in Dragontail, and that might just be awesome sex instead of future king Thalen. Unless, of course, you want him again.”
She laughed at her own joke, but I didn’t.
“No one dares to approach me,” I said. “All the Sunhearts in this academy will just come near me to bow for me, but then just run away. After that newspaper article, everyone believes I belong to Thalen’s.
Perhaps they are terrified of Thalen or his father, General Barret.
And I am definitely not hooking up with Thalen after how he manipulated everything for our parents' political agenda.”
But now that I thought about it, maybe sex with someone would erase Lorik Draventh from my soul, maybe even with treacherous Thalen Barret.
Shakari stopped laughing and looked at me with sadness. She knew this topic was not up for jokes.
"Don’t worry. I’m fine. I plan to have fun with you guys," I said, forcing a grin. “Well then, let’s go,” she said. “What are we waiting for?”
“We promised to wait for Soehl. She is bringing the masks,” I said while she let a low growl of annoyance.
Wearing masks for the Solstice celebration was customary, regardless of where you celebrated it on the island.
Sunhearts wear golden masks covering their eyes to praise the God of Solvir, while Moonveils wear silver masks to honor the God of Lunareth.
Shakari’s hands then slid to the pillow behind her as she was getting herself comfortable to wait for me.
My heart stopped for a second in remembrance of what was hidden beneath the pillow.
The first hiding place of the dragon guide was on my desk, but that was too obvious, so I thought of the bed. Now that I thought about it, it was a terrible location as Shakari would always sit on my bed.
My eyes widened as I saw her hand go beneath the pillow. Her head tilted at what must have been the touch of the hardcover book.
“Which color blush should I use? Pink or brown?” I said, trying to distract her.
“Pink, obviously, looks good with your beige skin,” she said, taking the book out from below the pillow.
“Very heavy night reading,” Shakari said, curiosity already piqued, as she opened the book.
The problem was not her reading the book's contents; it was the handwritten note within. I should have burned that note, but I didn’t.
I kept it, as I was keeping all the memories of Lorik Draventh impregnated in my head every day for the past week.
“Maybe we can meet Soehl in the common areas, let’s go,” I said, standing up, hoping she would too.
Then, my heart froze. The handwritten note fell to the floor. I watched Shakari carefully pick it up and read it out loud.
She wasn’t dumb. She was going to figure out who those initials belonged to. “P.S: You are special,” She repeated, her eyes on the note.
“Who is LD?” She asked, finding my gaze. “And why are you nervous?”
Perhaps, the note itself wasn’t going to give me away on its own, but my attitude would.
“I am not nervous,” I said, my voice shaky, clearly nervous.
“I just want to go to the party.” “You just said we were waiting for Soehl,” she said while standing up to see me straight in the eyes. “LD is Lorik Draventh, right?”
She stepped closer.
“A couple of weeks ago, you had just seen him in the Sky Terrace,” Shakari added. “And you said he didn’t want to help you with your third trial. Yet, you have a book to study all the
types of dragons in the Wastelands with a handwritten note from him. “
I stayed silent while Shakari’s expression was completely unreadable. I wasn’t sure she was mad or just observant. But I clearly was afraid, not of her, but for her if she realized what happened between the Moonveil and me.
For a long moment, we stood in silence while she just examined my face, my posture, all of me tensed in front of her.
“He is not threatening you. He isn’t just lurking around,” she said while pausing just a second. “The Moonveil is after you… “
I must have widened my eyes in surprise because she read me like an open book. “I am right? Am I?” Shakari asked again, her expression unreadable.
I opened my mouth, but no words came out of it.
“You slept with him, didn’t you?” She finally asked.
I didn’t need to respond. My silence was a clear answer. My friend didn’t flinch, though. “What’s done is done,” she said. Her expression softened. “You won’t be the first or the last to cross that line.”
“It won’t happen again,” I swore.
She didn’t respond. Her eyes just searched mine for more answers.
“I didn’t tell you because it's dangerous, even criminal if you knew and didn’t say,” I added.
“A truthfinder could force the truth out of you and kill you just for knowing and not telling.” “I knew this Moonveil was up to something with you since he saved you,” she said, pausing for a moment.
“I don’t fully trust him, but he has saved your life, kept your secrets.
Perhaps there is more to this Moonveil than the first impression suggested. ”
I swallowed hard because there was more to the mysterious, grumpy Moonveil he showed himself to be.
“You are my best friend, Thea Solenhart,” Shakari said. “For the God of Solvir, you are my family. I would hold your secret no matter what. I would be even if this wasn’t a one-time thing.”
Of course, she was going to be by my side.
“I would freaking look for a cure for the curse if it came to it,” she said while grabbing my hands. “But I would prefer to know everything. And this... this needs to be a secret, no one can know, it's too dangerous.”
I hugged her with all my strength. And before I could tell her more, Soehl entered the room.
“I got the masks,” Soehl said with kindness.
She was holding two masks in one hand and a rose in her other, likely from Jan.
Her own mask was already tight on her face, her black curls falling slightly over it.
The light blue long dress screamed her auroric legion.
“We will have time after the Dragontail trials to figure out everything,” Shakari added, stepping back and grabbing a golden mask from Soehl’s hand. “Today, focus on forgetting everything and having a clean slate for your Dragontail trials tomorrow.”