Chapter 30
Finally, this stretch of the tour is over—without any unwanted guests in his bed.
Rafe looks exhausted. His usually flawless skin is pale, and the blue bruising under his eyes gives another sign away.
I’m not sure he’s going to make it through the next stage.
The European tour starts in two weeks, giving him hardly any time to relax and recuperate before he’s back on the road.
The three months have been exhausting, exhilarating, and loud, but with spaces in between where we could be quiet and peaceful in each other’s company.
Rafe laughs melodically and smiles his beautiful smile.
This man used to make me come on command, would pour hot wax over my most tender parts, and I only ever craved more.
I don’t crave it from him any longer. A tall dark-haired man with sparkling eyes with a wicked glint has my interest now.
But I never called him. I tried, even let it ring a couple of times before ending it, not sure what I would say.
Please wait for while I’m off with my ex-Dom and lover.
Yeah, that shit doesn’t sit well with another Dom.
I don’t think I’ll be going back to him.
Three silent months is a long time to be away.
I’m a shit. I know that I put Rafe first; I had to. I will always go if he calls.
“There’s someone out there for you who won’t see the pop star; they’ll see the man you’ve become, and he’ll love you for you. Be good to yourself, Rafe, and think long and hard about what you want and where you want to be in the future.”
“I promise. Go and grovel to Finn for leaving him in the dark. Tell him I insist he punish you in the loveliest way.” He kisses my cheek, and I hold him for probably longer than I should, but he doesn’t seem to be letting go either.
I watch him walk away, back to the team that keep his crazy life in order, including the new bodyguard we picked together. When I can’t see him anymore, I turn and face the future.
As I push the door to my apartment open, I let out a sigh of relief.
Home. It smells stale, but I can get some fresh air in.
At least Pops came and cleared out all the perishable food.
I haven’t got rancid milk to deal with. I drag my case to my bedroom and lift it into my bed, unzip it, and sort through the clothes, sorting dry cleaning from home laundry.
Simple things that have always moved me from work mode back to civilian life and probably something I’ll always do and always drive my partner crazy.
That makes me think of Finn and how and what I can do to show that I’m sorry but sometimes work needs to come first. I think grovelling will be up there high on the list, especially if he saw any of the papers.
I’m a selfish dick, after years of orders, I’ve got used to only having to answer to myself.
After 3 months with no contact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s moved on, got involved at Bound, and found a new sub he wants to play with.
I can’t blame him; I just hope he hasn’t.
I should call my dads, too, but I know my body needs sleep.
Well, shower, then sleep. I don’t even care that it’s mid-morning—that’s what blackout curtains are for.
As I stretch out in my enormous bed, a groan that borders on obscene escapes my lips, and my eyes flutter closed, my mind empty as I slip asleep.
It’s dark when I stumble out of my bedroom, my stomach growling for food. I may have something in my freezer but even defrosting it in the microwave sounds too much hassle. I go back for my phone. Delivery it is.
With the food delivered, I kick my feet up on the coffee table and settle back on my sofa.
A huge bowl of pasta and my tv remote and it’s like I’ve never been away.
The last thing I expect to hear is someone knocking on my door.
For more than one reason: like not pressing the intercom to get in or anybody knowing I’m home.
I really want to ignore it. I cannot deal with any hassle tonight.
I want silence; after three months on the road with musicians, I have great respect for silence.
The knocking continues. Fine, but someone’s apartment better be on fire. I swing the door open, and the unknown annoyance falls through the door.
Royal.
Why is it always Royal?
“What are you doing here?” we both say.
“I live here,” I remind him, sarcasm dripping heavily from my words.
“I know that, dickhead. I mean what are you doing back without letting anyone know?” he says equally snarky. Do brothers ever grow up? We’ll be giving each other nuggies and arm burns next.
“I got back this morning.” I walk away, leaving the door open for him to follow me in. I hear the door shut and his footsteps on the wooden floor. “How did you know?”
“I saw your car was back,” he says. There’s more to it than that, but I’m hungry and don’t want my food to get cold.
Royal will tell me whether I ask or not.
What’s odd is that he has no reason to be around here; he lives in a more residential area on the other side of town. “Have you spoken to Dad or Pops yet?”
I’d kept in reasonable contact with Pops, but with the constant travelling and time differences, it was difficult.
Instead of explaining, I give him a withering look.
“Royal, I’ve been asleep all day. I’m hungry and have jetlag.
And this part is important: I don’t need to tell everyone my whereabouts every minute of the day.
I’ve been doing my own shit since I was seventeen. ”
All he does is give me a smile and shake his head as if I’ve said something stupid.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. But just because this is what you do, it doesn’t mean that we don’t worry about you.
Pops is always worried about you when you’re away.
Even if it’s you swanning around the States with the hottest popstar.
You’re a bodyguard, and you’re armed. That’s a good enough reason, don’t you think? ”
“I’ll call him later,” I promise him. “You never said how you were here to see my car. Have you all been taking turns to watch my parking space?”
Again, he shakes his head, yet a pink blush blooms on his cheeks. “No, nothing like that, I was over here with Memphis. Did you get my text about the sentencing?”
Yes, I’d seen it and felt a little guilty for not being with them all for support.
Plus, the chance to see Mansbridge get a life sentence.
Matt Bennett took a plea deal and got six years.
“Yeah, thanks for sending that. Is Memphis happy, more relaxed now it’s over?
” I should ask about Finn; this is the perfect time to bring him up, and to see if he’s single.
“And Finn, how’s he? Was he satisfied with it all? ”
This time he grins like a loon. “You’ll have to ask him since he’s practically your neighbour. That’s why I’m over here. Memphis is with him now.”
I remember Finn saying there was a place here for sale.
I didn’t believe he’d buy it. How is that going to go if he’s with someone else?
I’m not going to be happy if I see them together.
The little voice in my head whispers that it’s all my fault for leaving and not calling him.
A smile plays on my brother’s face; the slight tilt of his lips makes him look like he’s hiding a secret from me.
“Aren’t you going to ask me? It’s gotta be killing you.” He laughs, and I feel better with that reaction. I know that he’s not going to take the piss if Finn has met another guy. I can tease as much as him. If I show nonchalance, it will bug the hell out of him.
“I’ll find out sooner or later, but I’m good for now. You’d better get back to your boy.” It’s my turn to smirk.
“You’re not even gonna ask?” He stands up and crosses his arms over his chest and laughs loudly. “Anyway, it’s 604. See ya later and call home.”
He shuts the door, leaving me to my thoughts about the sexy man two floors below—and the chance that he’s still single.
Royal is going to tell Finn I’m home. It’s up to him now.
I hope he’s still interested, but he has to understand my job.
If he does want something with me, I know that honesty is paramount.
I’m not used to being accountable to anyone other than my boss, and in recent years it’s been Pilkington, or me, seeing as I’m a one-man band when it comes to being a bodyguard.
But you can’t have a Dom/sub relationship without it.
Rafe wants me to find the Dom I need in Finn and to not take anything less.
If it’s right, it’s a learning curve for both me and Finn.
It’s not easy to start a relationship like this without knowing much about each other.
We may need to try having a relationship outside of any clubs first.
I can see the parking area from my floor to ceiling living room window. I can’t decide if it’s a good idea to watch for Royal and Memphis to leave or not. It’s not like Finn will rush up to see me. Still, I watch the car park as I keep my promise to Royal and call home or, more specifically, Pops.
It answers almost immediately. “Drake, are you okay? Where are you?” The concern in his voice has guilt flooding me. Royal is right: I am a selfish bastard. Not that he used those words, but I got the gist.
“Hi, Pops, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know I’m home. I got in this morning but had to crash. It’s been a long, hectic time. I’ll come over tomorrow, if that’s okay. How are you and Dad?”
His words are full of joy, but there’s a little wariness in what he says next. “How long are you home? Did Rafe come with you?”
That takes me by surprise, why would he think that?
He guessed the first day I called him. But there have been pics of us together.
Pics that Finn will have seen too. Yeah, he’s not going to be knocking on my door any time soon.
“No, to Rafe. There’s nothing between us but friendship; we’d ended that part of our lives before I went out there.
And I have no plans to go anywhere soon.
” I take a deep breath, before telling him what I hadn’t even admitted to myself.
“I’m done with all of it. It’s time to be a normal person for the first time in my life. ”
Relief whooshes out of me. A tension I didn’t know I was hanging on to slips from me.
My shoulders relax. Why now? Because of a chance with a man I ignored for three months.
The same man with whom I shared one moment, a blissful moment, but still probably less than a couple of hours. Why should he feel the same?
Maybe he won’t, but if there’s a chance, however small, it’s worth trying.
Isn’t it?