28. Brandon
TWENTY-EIGHT
brANDON
After a season that kept raining down one raw deal after another—getting sent down right before the Northern Lights played his home team, spending a semester lying to his teammates and sister, not feeling good enough for Gabe, getting a bad grade on the story he spent a semester on because it “lacked a narrative arc,” the pain of seeing Gabe injured, along with the concurrent pain of feeling like it was his fault, and getting sent down once more to continue the grind of AHL hockey instead of getting a vacation like his NHL teammates (even though he knew he was getting called back up at the end of All-Star Break)—he was grateful for something unambiguously nice happening.
“We were going to get an RV—and maybe we still will—but then I realized we could put a popup rooftop tent on the Subaru,” Ashley said, as she, Brandon, and their mom sat on folding camp chairs next to Ashley’s Outback.
It took them two days to drive from Utah to San Jose, just to see him play hockey for one weekend.
They picked him up from the hotel his team was staying at and drove out to the beach, angling their camp chairs toward a beautiful view .
With the Subaru, Ashley was in control of her food and her bedding and didn’t have to worry about getting an anaphylactic response to the laundry detergent a hotel used or someone’s residual cat hair.
He had a worry in the back of his mind about Otis and Lola, even though he’d made sure to wash all of his clothes again before packing for this roadie.
They’d stopped at a boutique grocery store for food, and Brandon and his mom grabbed food from the hot bar while Ashley found food that was safe. She got a twelve-pack of Diet Coke, which Brandon prayed never betrayed her.
“Ashley was saying one of your friends was injured?” his mom asked him. He shot a look at Ashley to try to figure out if she told their mom about Skylar or about Gabe. And…actually, having an opening to talk about Gabe might be good.
“A couple of my friends, actually. Skylar, my roommate who’s been bouncing up and down between Minnesota and Iowa with me this year, injured his shoulder a bit ago.
He’s going to be out for the rest of the season, which he is…
livid about. And then I made a friend in Minnesota, one of my classmates last semester, Gabe, who got in a car accident. ”
“He’s the one who drew the cover for Brandon’s short story,” Ashley said, giving context without giving anything away.
“Oh, that’s awful.”
“It is. It was terrifying. Especially because Gabe is…my boyfriend.”
Brandon braced for impact. He’d never heard his mom say anything negative about queer people, but he had also never heard her loudly proclaim allyship, or even indifference.
Her reaction could be anything. But he’d have had to do it, eventually.
Plus, he wanted to tell his family about Gabe.
He loved Gabe. He loved his family. Hiding his sexuality had been hard enough. Hiding Gabe was impossible.
His mom cocked her head to the side, expression blank as she quickly processed the information.
Then her smile became intrigued. “I didn’t realize you had a beau.
” Slowly, she began to look excited. “Honey, I know your focus has always been hockey, but I’ve been so worried that would keep you from finding someone to share your life with. Tell us about him.”
“He’s an artist, obviously. Really funny. Kind, sweet. Super smart.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and found Gabe’s private personal Instagram, opening the most recent photo of the two of them to show his mom. “I love him.”
It was Ashley’s turn to look intrigued. “Are you two…official now?”
“Yeah. We uh, ironed stuff out. It’s real.”
“He’s so cute, sweetie. Those freckles are adorable. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“I’ll try to convince him to come to Utah with me this summer,” Brandon said, thinking he had a pretty good chance of getting Gabe to go out there with him.
They took a walk on the beach after they finished lunch, and Brandon skipped his game day nap to soak up his family.
He wished his dad had come too, but he’d already seen Brandon play this year—in the NHL to boot—so it was his mom’s turn.
Plus, having to only come out to one parent at a time was nice.
“I want to tell your father about what we talked about today,” she said, before they got back in the car to drop Brandon off at the arena. “But I won’t if you want to be the one to tell him.”
“You can tell him,” Brandon said, relieved to not have to be the one to do it.
“He’s going to be so happy for you,” she assured, giving him a big hug that Ashley crashed. Hockey had given him so much in his life, but it had also taken so much away. At least on an AHL schedule, they’d play two nights in a row, making the road trip his family took to see him more worthwhile.
“How’s Sky?” Brandon asked Beck as he took his seat in the stall next to him.
They were dressing for the game after their pregame routines of warmups and superstitions.
Brandon wasn’t anxious to get back to the AHL lifestyle, but he missed this team.
A lot of the guys he missed would eventually make it up to the big league, but Beck never would.
He was making a stop back down in the AHL after years in the NHL before the end of his professional career.
“Dandy. He’s like a feral cat right now.
Pretty sure he hissed at me before we left for the roadie.
He’s got a summer of PT ahead of him, which conflicts with his plan to work out to get back to his prime for camp in the fall.
He’s already spiraling about likely not making the NHL at the beginning of next season. ”
“Woof,” Brandon said. Skylar put so much pressure on himself. More than normal, which was impressive in its way.
Beck rolled his eyes. “I love that kid to death, but sometimes I think I’m going to be the one to cause his death. Kid needs a hobby.”
“Or a boyfriend. ”
“Nothing would cause a bigger spiral than not making the NHL and getting an Iowan boyfriend.”
“We’ll pray for a good training camp for him, then,” Brandon said, adjusting his elbow pads.
“Hey, don’t tell Sky this, but I’m proud of you,” Beck said, joking about the first part. “It’s always bittersweet to lose one of you kids to the big league, but that’s the purpose of what we’re doing here.”
“My mom and sister are here tonight, and that combined with anyone else being nice to me right now is going to make me cry, so quit it.”
Beck smiled. “You know I love riling you guys up. Now get out on the ice and score a goal to show your family it was worth it to come see you.”
After so many NHL games where Brandon had played at a level he could barely keep up with, the AHL felt slowed down.
Halfway through the first period, he made his way to the goal line in the attack zone, watching Chance Connelly catch the puck in the high slot, then pass it between a San Jose player’s skates right to Brandon’s stick.
He tossed it right over the goalie’s shoulder, in a tiny sliver of space, right where it belonged.
Chance Connelly was his roommate for this roadie. He was a nice guy and a great winger, with off-the-charts hockey IQ. But he had the same annoying issue that Skylar had, which was he was obsessed with one of their teammates.
“Do you mind if Nick comes and hangs out for a bit?” Chance asked. It didn’t feel like an ask .
“That’s fine. I’m going to call my boyfriend. I’ll go to the lobby.”
He pulled a hoodie on and found his slides, pocketing his phone and his keycard. In the hallway on the way to the elevator, he passed Nicholas Haaparanta, the Stars’ starting goalie. They waved to each other.
It was late on the West Coast, and later in Minneapolis. He sent a text to Gabe to see if he was even up, but he shouldn’t have been worried. Gabe called him immediately.
“Fuck, it’s good to hear your voice,” Brandon said, even just a “hello” from Gabe feeling like a healing balm.
“Same, babe.” Gabe’s heavy sigh, his disappointment in their distance, both made Brandon sad that this was his life for what he hoped was the foreseeable future, and also warmed his heart a bit that Gabe was missing him as much as Brandon was missing Gabe. “Tell me about your mom and sister.”
“It’s so good to see them. A little weird. Ashley is doing great. My mom was happy for a reason to see the ocean, even though it’s the ‘wrong one.’ She’s an East Coaster. I uh, came out to her. Told her about you.”
“Really?” Gabe sounded happy, proud. Gabe being proud of him felt like winning every trophy for every sport ever played.
Being in love was incredible when he wasn’t feeling the wound of distance.
He was unprepared for the magnitude of feelings that came with falling in love.
It was unlike any other experience in his life. “How did she take it?”
“Good,” Brandon said, letting himself feel the full force of relief he’d felt at the beach that afternoon. “She said she was worried I wouldn’t find someone to share my life with. She wants to meet you.”
“Good, because I want to see Utah,” Gabe said.
Another tiny relief. The tension Brandon had been holding in his body over the course of the season finally had a reason to release.
He had a couple more months to go before the end of the season, and while the Northern Lights likely wouldn’t make the playoffs, this had already been such a special season.
“I looked at the AHL schedule again,” Gabe said. It was physically painful to hear his voice—and to be this tired and not get to curl up in bed with his love. “When you’re done with San Jose, you’re back in Iowa for about a week.”
“I am,” Brandon confirmed. “Would you want to come hang out with me for a week?”
“I don’t think I’d survive not getting to see you,” Gabe said. “That’s five days away.”
“Can’t come soon enough. I’ve got a new road roomie, and he’s also obsessed with one of our teammates, so our room is a hangout club. I just want to hang out with you.”
“Soon, love. Oh fuck, Otis just brought me a dead mouse. I gotta go deal with my murderous son.”
“Give him a pat for me.”
“I will. Love you, baby.”
“You too,” Brandon said. His phone buzzed with a photo of Otis, who strangely looked very cute holding his mouse prize.
Being away from Gabe was excruciating, but Jackson and Ryan made it work. He and Gabe would figure it out, too.