Chapter 50
EDEN
“You need to eat.”
Kayla sets a plate in front of me on the coffee table.
I sink deeper into the couch and keep staring at my laptop. “I’m not hungry.”
“I know. I also don’t care.” She plops down next to me and yanks away my computer.
“What the?—”
“Give it a rest, will you, Eden?”
I take in the look in my best friend’s eyes, how it’s both pointed and pleading.
“I can’t, Kayla. I can’t rest, not until I figure out a way to fix this mess.”
She shakes her head before focusing on the screen of my laptop. “How exactly is doom scrolling on social media going to fix things for Dream Guy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Eden, come on. I know you want to figure out a way to fix this. I do too. But I’m serious. You need to take a break. Sitting on the couch and reading negative comments and reviews nonstop isn’t going to solve anything. It’s just going to make you feel like shit.”
I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. Because Kayla’s right.
I lean back on the couch and close my eyes. It’s only then that I feel just how tight the muscles in my neck, shoulders, and forearms are. When I try to flex them, I wince. My head feels so heavy, like it’s filled with bricks. And that’s when I realize just how foggy my brain is.
Kayla reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. “Good god, you’re stiff.”
I shrug. “I guess that’s what happens when you sit while staring at a computer for, like, twelve hours.”
She pulls me into a hug.
“I just don’t know what to do, Kayla. It’s been just a few days since that horrible blog post dropped, and it’s been awful. We’ve lost almost half of our subscribers. We’re being dragged on every social medial platform. Our app rating is in the mud. And I just… It’s just not fucking fair. But I have no idea how to fix this.”
“I know,” Kayla says softly, leaning her head on my shoulder. She wraps her arms around me in a tight embrace.
“We didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not an escort service. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as long as everyone participating is consenting and of legal age. But that’s just it—we’re being bashed because of a lie. It doesn’t matter how often I go on our social media accounts and refute the claims from the Dream Guy account. No one seems to believe us.”
When I close my eyes, they burn so much that I start to tear up. “I really thought Ava would go to bat for us. She was our best shot at fixing this. I mean, I get why she felt like she couldn’t. Still though. It’s upsetting. God, this is so hopeless.”
Kayla sits up and turns to me. “It’s not, Eden.”
I’m taken aback by her firm tone, how confident she sounds. I let out an exhausted, delirious laugh. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because just like you said: this isn’t fair. And I’m not going to stand back and watch the app you worked so hard on go down in flames for a completely unjust reason.”
I jolt at the conviction in her tone, at how determined she sounds.
“You’re not going to stand for it either, Eden. You’ve got tons of fight left in you. I know you do. I know you’re going to figure out a way to fuck shit up and fix this mess. I’m going to help you. But you’re not a robot. You’re human. You need to take breaks. You need to rest. You need to eat.”
She grabs the plate with the sandwich and sets it in my lap. “Eat first. Then fuck shit up.”
I let out my first genuine chuckle in days. And then I take a bite of the sandwich.
“Wow. Really yummy.”
“Sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them.”
Another laugh. God, that feels good. I devour the rest of the sandwich and drain the water in my glass. Kayla hops up to grab me an apple and some chips.
“Here. Eat more.”
I do exactly, feeling my energy replenish with each bite of food. When I finish, I notice I’m sitting up straighter. My thoughts are clearer too.
I turn to Kayla. “I feel a million times better. Thank you.”
“That’s what best friends are for,” Kayla says as she pulls me into another hug. “To keep you alive by force-feeding you and making you listen to pep talks.”
I pull my computer back on my lap and type furiously. I feel like I’ve taken a ginkgo biloba supplement. Or a vitamin B12 shot. I’m more alert than I’ve felt in days.
“So what’s the plan?” Kayla asks.
I start to tell her, but see a message pop up in my email inbox. “One sec.”
I see it’s a message from Portland State College administration. Weird.
Dear Ms. Shaw,
We regret to inform you that as of today, you have been expelled due to violation of the student code of conduct. It has come to our attention that you have been engaging in unethical activities.
Specifically, it has been determined by the administrators at the university that your involvement in the development of the app Dream Guy is incongruent with the ethics and morals of our institution. Your expulsion is effective immediately.
Should you wish you talk about this matter further, please call us at the number listed below.
I’m sputtering by the time I finish reading the email.
“What’s wrong, Eden?”
“I just got expelled from the university.”
“What?”
Kayla grabs my laptop and turns it toward her. After she quickly skims the text, she looks up at me. Her cherub face is red and she looks like she wants to punch something.
“No way. This is beyond fucked up.” Kayla shoots up from the couch and starts pacing up and down our tiny living room. “They have no right to do this to you.”
She goes on about what bastards they are, how I should sue their asses. The whole time I listen, in a strange haze. I’m shocked and upset, of course. But the longer I let the news sink in, the more I realize that I’m not actually angry.
I’m annoyed, of course—what a self-righteous and judgmental action for the university to take. They didn’t even bother to meet with me, to ask me my side of things. They just sent me a form letter rejection. I’m mad about that. But about the expulsion? Not really.
“Eden. Eden, what’s going on? Why aren’t you saying anything? Aren’t you pissed?”
“Honestly? Yeah, a little. But at the same time I kind of don’t care.”
She halts her pacing. “Um, what?”
I shrug. “I’m pissed that the university got rid of me in such a chickenshit way. They could have at least done it face-to-face, instead of sending an email. But honestly, Kayla? If they don’t want me, that’s fine. I don’t want to be enrolled at a school that would drop one of its students for such a shitty, judgmental reason. They did me a favor. Good riddance to them.”
As soon as I finish speaking, clarity hits. I wasn’t even that passionate about school in the first place. The only reason I attended was to get on my parents’ good side. But now that we’ve fallen out, there’s no reason for me to bust my ass to earn a degree I never wanted.
Kayla sports a bewildered look on her face as she sits back down next to me. “Oh. That’s a good point.” She grabs my hand and flashes a weak smile. “Angry rant over then. You’re free. No more school. Yay.”
I smile. “Thanks, Kayla.”
Just then there’s a knock at the door. When she answers it and Danny steps inside, I’m surprised and heartened all at once to see him.
“I thought you had class. Did it get canceled again?” I ask as I walk over to hug him.
“Um, kind of.”
I step back and take in the confused and bewildered look on his face. He looks like a lost puppy that’s been wandering around.
“Are you okay?”
He shakes his head. “No. I just got fired from the university.”
“Oh my god…”
“What the…”
I look over and see Kayla covering her mouth. “Shit, Danny. I’m sorry. What happened?”
Danny’s gaze turns focused. “They found out I was working for Dream Guy.”
Dread pools in my stomach as he describes the meeting he just had with the chairperson of his department, how they used a lot of the same reasons they used to expel me: accusations of working for an escort service and violating the college’s code of ethics and conduct.
I pull Danny into another hug. “What assholes. I’m sorry.”
He nuzzles the top of my head and makes a contented sound.
“I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you,” I say after a second.
“Tell me what?” he says softly into my hair.
“I got expelled from the university. Same reason you got fired.”
He pulls away, his look of bewilderment soon shifting to anger.
I can tell he’s gritting his teeth by the tight set of his jaw. “Those fuckers.”
“It’s okay.” I grip one of his hands in both of mine in an effort to soothe him. “Really. I don’t care. They did me a favor honestly. I was thinking about quitting school anyway.”
Danny’s furrowed brow is a shock to see. Almost like he’s looking at an alien, trying to make sense of what he’s seeing.
“What do you mean it’s okay? You were thinking of quitting school?”
There’s a slight bite to his tone. It’s so weird and off-putting all at once. Has he ever used this tone with me before?
I tell myself not to focus too hard on that. He just lost his job. He’s angry and confused and freaked out. That on top of the disaster with Dream Guy, it makes sense why he’d be agitated right now.
“Well, yeah. I mean, when Dream Guy started to take off, I thought about quitting school in order to focus on that fully.”
Danny’s frowning at me now. “Okay, but what about now that Dream Guy’s kind of in the shit? Being able to finish your degree is probably more important now than ever seeing as you no longer have your job.”
I step back, put off by his accusatory tone. I notice Kayla move toward the front door. “Um, I’m just gonna step out for a sec, give you two some privacy.”
She leaves and I focus back on Danny. “You don’t need to speak to me like that.”
Danny leans his head back, closes his eyes, and rubs the back of his neck. “Like what, Eden?”
“Like I’m some naive little kid who doesn’t know anything about how school or jobs work.”
Danny looks back down at me. “That’s not how I mean it. It’s just that you don’t seem to be taking this very seriously.”
I let out a laugh of pure disbelief. “What?”
“Eden, listen. I get that you want things to work out with Dream Guy, but it’s not looking so good.”
“Danny, it’s been less than a week since that awful article came out,” I sputter. “God, give it a bit more time before you give up on my business completely, will you?”
“Eden.” He pinches the bridge of his nose while closing his eyes, like he’s sick of speaking to me. Like he’s annoyed and has to call on the last reserves of his patience to deal with this conversation. “I know how much Dream Guy means to you. But I’m not blind. I see every day how it’s suffering more and more. Every day we lose social media followers. Every day the app’s rating goes down. Every day we lose users and money.”
“You don’t think I see that too, Danny?” I bite. “I’m the one trying to fix it all.”
He tilts his head at me. Like I’m an idiot. Like I’ve said the stupidest thing in the world. “And how’s that been working out so far?”
My mouth falls open. Wow. He really has no faith in me to salvage my business.
I start to turn away, but he catches me by the hand. “Wait. Please, Eden. I’m sorry.”
His tone has turned gentle and pleading, and it’s enough to soften me, to get me to turn around and look at him.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. He tugs both hands through that mop of sandy blonde hair. “I just… I’m pissed about losing my job, and I’m not thinking straight. I’m saying all the wrong things.” His chest heaves as he huffs out a breath.
“I get it,” I say softly.
“I thought I carved out a good path for myself at the university. I thought that if I started as an adjunct, I’d be able to get a full-time position and finally have a job that I loved, that I’m passionate about. And now I’ve lost it.”
I step closer to him and lace my fingers his. “I know. I’m so sorry. It’s so unfair.”
A hard swallow moves through his throat. Even though he’s looking at me, his gaze is distant. Disconnected. Distracted.
“We’ll get through this,” I say, squeezing his hand in mine. “I promise, I’m going to figure out a way to save Dream Guy. You’ll be able to work and make money and find a way to keep focusing on your artwork, and you’ll eventually get a teaching gig somewhere else and…”
He slides his hand out of my grip. “Eden, I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
He closes his eyes and swallows again. This time I notice his bottom lip is trembling. “I can’t do this. I can’t keep working for Dream Guy, not if I want to work at a university ever again. No place is going to hire me, not after this disaster.”
I try to speak, but the sting that hits me at the center of my chest renders me speechless for a solid few seconds. It shouldn’t hurt—what he’s saying is true. Still though. I didn’t think my boyfriend would be so quick to give up on my work—my dream.
“Um, okay. Yeah, I get that.”
I reach for him again, but he steps away from me. I freeze, taking in the pained look on his face.
“I just need some time, Eden.”
“What?”
“I need to clear my head, to figure out what the next steps of my career will be. And I need to do that alone.”
I almost laugh. Is he seriously breaking up with me? Right now? Right after he got fired, I got kicked out of school, and my business is in free fall? Because that would be the icing on a shit cake.
“Danny, what are you saying? That you want to break up?”
When he doesn’t say anything, when he just looks at me with a torn-up look on his face, that dread pooling in my stomach turns to acid.
“I just need some time, Eden,” he says again. “A lot of stressful and upsetting things have happened, and I need to figure it out on my own.”
Tears prick at my eyes, but I try my hardest to blink them back. “So what you said before was total bullshit, wasn’t it?”
He frowns like he’s confused. “What?”
“‘I’ll always be with you, Eden.’ You said that to me. The other day. When Ava refused to publicly support the app, when it felt like the whole world was falling down around me, you said that. But you changed your mind. You want to be alone. You said it yourself.”
Still frowning, he shakes his head. “No, that’s not… Look, this is just a lot to deal with, okay?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I mean that life has been kind of a whirlwind for me lately—both good and bad. In a matter of months, I break off my engagement and move back home, then I reconnect with you and we start working together, then work takes off, then we get together, and it’s all great. Until it isn’t.”
His gaze falls to the floor for a long moment before he aims that defeated expression at me once more. “Maybe right now what I need is a break from all the chaos. I think I need a break from everything so I can clear my head and sort out my life.”
“You need a break from me.” My voice cracks on the last word. I quickly clear my throat. “I’m standing here, offering to support you, to wade through this mess right alongside you, but you don’t want that. You’d rather be alone.”
Danny opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. “Eden, I’m sorry. I care about you so much…”
“Just go, Danny.” Tears tumble down my cheeks. I spin around so he won’t see me ugly cry.
“Eden, I?—”
“Leave.”
Danny lets out a heavy sigh. Then I hear him walk out the door and shut it behind him. I count to five before I let myself sob.