17 #2
Somewhere behind us, Raina laughed.
I turned my head too quickly.
The hallway tilted.
I stopped.
Everything inside me seemed to sway a second behind the rest of my body, as though my brain had received the message to remain upright several moments after everyone else.
Raina noticed.
“Gorgeous, Stop for a sec.” Oliver immediately did.
She stepped around him, her expression sharpening as she looked at me.
“You're going to be sick?”
I swallowed, giving it a thought.
My stomach rolled once.
“Not—hiccup—right now.”
She waited, like she was giving me a minute to rethink my answer.
I breathed through my nose.
“No.”
This time, I sounded more convinced.
She studied me for another second before nodding.
“Okay. Slowly.”
Oliver adjusted his grip.
I leaned more heavily against him than I meant to.
The world had become pleasantly soft around the edges. Sounds were muffled. The lights were too bright. My shoulder was a dull, pulsing ache beneath everything else, but even that felt strangely distant.
I looked at Oliver. “Did you drive?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I had a beer.”
He glanced at Raina, and I followed his gaze. Slower this time.
“Did you?”
She shook her head too. “I don’t have a license, remember?”
I nodded solemnly, then paused.
“How did we get here then?”
Oliver laughed.
“We took a cab, left the rental at the pub. I’ll pick it up in the morning.” He replied as he helped me settle into my bed.
Finally.
Oh, I could lie down right now.
My stomach lurched again.
Maybe not right now.
“Smart,” I finally managed to blurt out. “How come you drank? You’re usually pretty good about finding ways to skip the peer pressure.”
“The guys were offering Rai a drink, and she told them she was the designated driver—for obvious reasons, so I couldn’t use that excuse.”
I nodded, before pausing midway. I was pretty sure if I did it again, it would’ve made myself more dizzy.
I pointed vaguely at him. “You're a good best friend.”
He smiled. “Thanks.”
“Your kid’s lucky.” His smile softened.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I hope so.”
Something in the answer made my chest ache.
I didn't know why.
Maybe because each one of my sibling seemed to have something ahead of them. Something they wanted. Something they’d been excited about.
A wedding.
A baby.
A multi-billion pound company.
A future.
I wasn't sure what mine looked like anymore.
“I’m getting you some water and painkillers,” Oliver said. “For your head.”
“My head is fine.”
“You've been holding your forehead for five minutes, you need hydration. The painkillers are for the morning.”
I moved my hand, to show him they rested against my thigh, only to find out he was correct.
“Right.”
Raina came back into the room, now changed into her pyjamas. “Are you feeling hot?”
“I’m fine.” I said, and paused, my eyes fixated on my socked feet. “Where are my shoes?”
“You took them off near the front door.” She replied, as I pulled my legs up, taking the socks off. “Do you want the air-conditioning on?”
I sighed. “You’re fine.”
She frowned. “I asked if you want the air-con on.”
“And I'm saying I'm fine.”
She gave me a look, before she shook her head like she wasn’t even going to bother explaining.
I sighed as I pushed myself back and into my bed.
“Sorry.”
Her expression softened. “You don’t have to apologise.”
“I should.”
“For what?”
“For making you look after me.” I replied, already moving and to the bed side drawer, even though the strange movement twisted my stomach more.
I felt the bed dip near me as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Rihaan.”
I paused before looking at her. “I've been good recently, but there’s just been alot going on.”
The words came tumbling out before I could stop them.
She smiled faintly. “I know.”
“I haven’t done this for nearly a year now.”
“I know.”
“I haven't even—”
She stopped me. “It’s okay. You’ve earned this one.”
I stared at her.
The words caught somewhere deep.
“Yeah.” My voice came out small. “I had earned the other ones.”
For a moment, she said nothing. Like maybe she finally understood what I meant, or maybe she didn’t agree.
I didn’t say anything, just reached into the drawer and pulled out the letter I’d kept in.
The room felt strangely quiet.
Just quiet enough that I could hear my own breathing. “Can I tell you a secret?”
She paused, confusion flickering in her expressions. “I’m not sure. You’re a chatty drunk tonight and I don’t want you waking up with more regret.”
“I want to. You told me yours,” I pointed at her belly…or somewhere around it. “So I won’t regret it. Also, I’m fairly sure I’m not gonna remember most of tonight anyway.”
“Now, that? I believe.”
“Here,” Oliver entered the room, and placed a some meds on the bed side table near him and offered me the giant glass of water.
“I’ll drink it later. I feel like if I drink anything right now, I might just puke.”
He offered his palm then, a sprinkle of salt in it.
Raina grinned. “It helps with the nausea, trust me.”
Offering him my palm, he dumped the contents on it and I licked it all in one go. My eyes cringed at the weird taste before I drained the entire glass of water.
“Feel better?” Oliver asked and I gave him a short nod, not in the mood to test my dizziness. “Good. C’mon, Gorgeous. We have an early flight tomorrow.”
“I’ll just be a minute.” Oliver nodded, and left us to it.
“What were you going to tell me?”
I swallowed, my eyes flicking back to the letter in my hand.
“Did you know no one even told me Ma had passed away?”
She paused, her brows furrowing. “What?”
I released a staggered breath. “Yeah…Dev came to pick me up at the boarding school and he told me that we were going to check in on Ma. That she wasn’t doing well.
I had an exam that day, and I remember being so exhausted—because I’d spent the entire night before studying for my exam—that once I got on the plane…
I just went to the back room and knocked out on the bed before I realised Vedant and Dad joined us too.
The next thing I remember was we had landed, and driving to Mehar Villa.
I’d been so drowsy from the travel and exams that I didn’t even ask, and then suddenly, we were outside the house with everyone looking at us… and then I saw her body.”
She bit her lip, like she was trying to keep it together but a hot tear ran down her face. “I—I don’t even know what to say,” she shook her head then. “I’m so sorry.”
I nodded, feeling like there was a red ball stuck inside my throat.
She looked away then, tears still streaming down her face. “She told me about your call from the day before.”
I stiffened.
“Not all of it…obviously. I don’t even remember much of what she told me know.
I just remember it was one of the rare times you’d actually talked to her without fighting each other in four years, and how happy it made her.
I’ve tried repeating that memory so many times in my head, but every time she flashes across my mind, it just goes so quiet. ”
She looked at me expectantly, like she waiting for me to fill in the blanks.
It was at that moment, I didn’t see her as Raina.
All grown up. Someone who had built her own life without me, and our brothers, away from us.
I saw her as my little sister. My baby sister who I’d taught the one trick Ma had left me with.
Just like Ma had left a different way for each of us to memorise our own moments with her.
Vedant and Dev journalled, just like her.
Raina vlogged her life, capturing her memories in photographs, just like they had most of the time in Delhi.
And me, her most overactive child that needed a way to relax before bed, she made me pick a memory each night from the day and repeat it.
She’d tell me that it would be a great way for me to relax, and also keep a memory box. It was what she used to do as a kid.
“I forgot I taught you that,” I whispered.
Raina laughed softly. “It was when I’d gotten sick, and Ma and Vedant had to go for one of his karting races.”
I nodded, like the memory was coming back to me in pieces. “You were scared of sleeping alone, and afraid to ask Dad.”
She nodded.
“I can’t believe you still do it.”
“You don’t?” She frowned, and I shook my head. “Not if I can help it.”
When she remained in silence, I finally added. “She wanted to congratulate me for making the Under 19s.”
Finally, Raina smiled. “Do you know what’s weird?”
“Hm?”
“Even though all of us had a tricky relationship. She spoke to all four of us the day before she passed away.”
I could see it then, it was something that haunted her. Almost like she was trying to find a reason to it. Only, I was sure, nothing could make it go away.
I knew that better than anyone. I may have stopped repeating memories that I wanted to remember, but there had been a memory that haunted me regardless of how much I tried to forget it.
The sound of tiny feet padding across the hardwood floor reached us, and we both looked at the doorway to find Milo standing there.
Only, it was clear in his gaze that his favourite person had sent him on an errand to collect Raina.
“You need anything else?” Raina asked softly. When I shook my head, she gave me one last smile. “Good night, Rihaan.”
“Night, little sis.”
Her shoulders dropped, and I realised how much that meant to her.
Closing the door behind her, I finally sunk into my bed. My hands moving on their own accord as I opened the letter again.
The one I’d received years ago.
To my dearest Rihaan,
I don’t know if there are any words that could express how sorry I am for leaving you behind. Know that it was never my intention, but that doesn’t mean the consequences of my actions won’t hurt you and for that I am really sorry. I love you, and maybe someday…