Chapter 14
They had walked a lot and taken slow-moving escalators to ascend to the higher levels of the mall.
Fian thought he had been very sneaky when he’d carefully maneuvered them to where he could smell things cooking on the air even as Kai looked this way and that, examined colorful window displays and stared at humans interacting.
During his staring, he’d overlooked children running toward them with no notion of spatial relationships such as how you collided with people if you ran straight at them.
Fian had tugged Kai out of the path of the tiny human disturbances, and with almost a twirl, Kai had ended up in Fian’s arms. Ah, if only I could shift.
I would cover him in suckers, and then nothing could hurt him.
After the look of surprise was gone, Kai actually smiled and said, “Thank you. I didn’t see them coming.”
Whoever knew humans could be cute? “My pleasure, but you shouldn’t thank me for such a little thing. Look, they’re selling food over there. We should get some. Please? I would really like to buy you food. It’s only proper demonic etiquette at this point.”
“Yeah, you said you wanted food. It’s fine. It’s strange, I really want to grab my stuff and run, but I also don’t want to go back there.”
They walked past tables where other humans were eating, the warm and spicy smells of this unfamiliar cuisine mingling, blending, creating something unique and precious.
“I don’t think that’s strange at all. Why would it be strange?”
Kai shrugged. He didn’t speak.
Fian stopped, ostensibly to look around, but he kept half an eye on Kai, who showed no interest in food at all.
“That says stuffed rice balls.” Fian pointed at conch shell-shaped morsels. According to the sign, they came with a mushroom and veggie filling.
“Okay.”
Kai followed Fian to the vendor, but the human didn’t show much interest, not for anything.
A human child, this one old enough to be annoyed by her parents, pointed at them. “Look, they’re a couple. That’s so cool,” she said.
Fian was always surprised at how very little it took to be considered cool in the human realm. Their public display was still only handholding, but if even such a little thing made them “cool” and marked them as a couple, Fian would graciously accept it.
Kai had not listened to the child and was still caught in his thoughts, so Fian ordered for them both.
The vendor put their conch shell rice on two separate plates, yet on the same tray, and Fian added several napkins before finding them a table in a quiet corner that had a window overlooking the outside of the mall.
It was a busy place out there, humans going about their human day, so many of them awake all at once.
When Fian held a chair for Kai—the one that would offer the nicest view—he looked around as if he had forgotten where he was.
“Thank you. Oh, what did you get?”
Fian sat as well and placed one of the plates in front of Kai. “They’re both the same. They have mushrooms and vegetables. I don’t know if the mushrooms are good or what kind they are.” Fian had clear forgotten to ask about that because Kai had worried him in his silence.
“I’m sure they’re delicious.”
Fian waited for Kai to take the first bite before digging into his own rice ball.
“Oh! These are very delicious. I like this rice and the spices.” A few suckers popped up on his fingers, but Fian didn’t care. This food should be savored with all my senses.
“Yeah.”
Kai didn’t sound enthusiastic. Fian didn’t need him to be enthusiastic, that would be a ridiculous expectation, but he didn’t want his landbride hurting. And as they sat there, in their quiet corner, being a cool couple, Fian realized he had no idea whether Kai was in pain, tired, or scared.
“Kai, are you okay?”
Kai looked up, amber eyes sharp and sad at the same time. “How could I be okay? I don’t remember everything. Not much at all if I’m being honest. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he did. I mean, I thought I was dating him. I thought I loved him. I’m such an idiot.”
Kai looked at his rice ball for a while before biting into it and chewing with great concentration.
“You’re not. Love magic can do these things.
And no need to protest—I know it wasn’t love.
It’s just what it’s called. However, magic also has limits.
In some ways you remember. Last night I noticed that you were tired, physically tired, and you would have had nightmares if I hadn’t been there.
I don’t want you to have nightmares, Kai. ”
Kai put his half-finished food on his plate and wiped his fingers on a napkin. “I think I lived a nightmare. For three years, can you believe that? It took me three fucking years to come to my senses. What’s wrong with me?”
His voice was like an air bubble rising from the deep, unsubstantial and fleeting. Once again, Fian longed to hold Kai, wrap him tight. Would that be right? I don’t know. I don’t know what to do either.
“Why do you assume that something is wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with you, that’s obvious. You’re smart and sassy. You have great taste, both in your fashion choices and in your food choices.”
“Sassy. Work buddy used to say that. I used to get these headaches. I think that was when I tried to think for myself. So I stopped. I just stopped fighting. Who does that?”
Fian reached out across the table but stopped just short of taking Kai’s hand. “Kai. A smart fish who is caught in a brutal net does exactly that. He freezes. He does it to survive. He does it in order to live long enough to slip the cruel fisherman’s cold hands. You’ve slipped your net.”
“Then why the fuck doesn’t it feel like I did?” Kai asked, salt spilling from his eyes.
And for that, Fian didn’t have an answer. He scooted closer, said, “You can lean on me if you want to be held.”
Eventually, Kai did, and Fian wrapped his arms around him.