Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“ U h, hi.” Sarah gave me a cautious look as she came in the door of the bakery, already dressed in her baker’s whites.
“Hi,” I muttered, not looking up from the stainless-steel counter I was staring at.
After much debate, I had decided to open The Lost Lamb as usual—mostly because I don’t believe in hiding from the consequences of your actions. Even though it was an accident, I had to take responsibility.
“So…I hear there was a lot of excitement yesterday,” Sarah said tactfully as she came around the counter to join me. “How are you doing?”
“About as well as you can expect considering that I gave everyone in Hidden Hollow a magical aphrodisiac,” I said tartly.
“Yeah, that was, er, strong stuff in the tarts,” she murmured. “Rath brought some home for us to share and well…” She shook her head. “The sex was incredible, if that’s any consolation.”
“It’s not,” I snapped. Then I sighed. “Look, I’m sorry Sarah but I’m afraid I’ll have to let you go.”
“Let me go? Why?” She gave me a wide-eyed look full of shock. “I don’t understand!”
I sighed again.
“It has nothing to do with you—it’s just that I’m afraid I’ll probably have to shut down the bakery. After all, who’s going to trust me enough to eat a single thing I make after I poisoned them all yesterday?”
“You didn’t poison anyone!” Sarah exclaimed indignantly. “It’s not like you dumped a jar of rat poison in the tarts—you just got people excited to be with the ones they love!”
“Tell that to Goody Albright,” I said glumly and then relayed everything that had happened the night before.
“Oh my—none of them under five hundred?” Sarah’s eyes went wide. “How are they doing this morning?”
“I don’t know but I’m sure Goody Albright has her hands full. I should probably go down and apologize and take responsibility in person as soon as it’s breakfast time,” I said morosely. “The Red Lion serves breakfast from eight to nine-thirty so if I go down there around nine, I should be able to catch most of the members of The Council of Wisdom. I hope anyway.”
“Well, that should help some,” Sarah acknowledged. “But I really think you’re overestimating the number of people who will be upset. I mean, a lot of people will probably be happy with what happened—Rath and I had the best sex we’d had since we bonded as Heartmates last night.”
“But what about all the single people who probably hooked up with strangers—or people they never met before?” I demanded. “What about people who just stopped in for a treat or dessert and didn’t expect—oh my God!” I slapped a hand over my mouth.
“What? What is it?” Sarah asked, looking worried.
“Goldie! I gave her two dozen tarts to serve at the diner yesterday and I forgot to warn her! Oh my God, I should have called her last night!”
Goldie’s diner stays open later than any other business in Hidden Hollow, which meant she had probably been serving the tarts for some time after I had found out what happened the night before.
“I’ll get her on the phone,” Sarah was already dialing. But when she put her phone on speaker and held it out, all we heard was ringing over and over. Then finally we got a message,
“This is Goldie from Goldie’s Diner. If you missed me, you know what to do—leave a message and I’ll get back when I can. And if you can’t wait, come on in to the diner for a slice of pie and I’ll see you then. Toodles!”
There was a click and for a moment Sarah and I just stared at each other. Then I grabbed the phone and started talking.
“Goldie, this is Celia. It may be too late to tell you this, but please don’t serve anyone the Golden Warbler tarts you picked up yesterday! There was a…a problem with them. Anyway, don’t serve them and don’t eat them!”
The phone beeped at me before I could add any more and I handed the phone back to Sarah.
“I’m really worried that she didn’t answer—she should already be opening for breakfast!” I said and started pacing. “Maybe I should go check on her.”
“I’ll go,” Sarah said at once. “You stay here. I’ll be back to help start this morning’s pastries in a few minutes.”
I shook my head glumly.
“Why bother to make anything? Nobody’s going to want to buy it.”
“Yes, they will!” Sarah insisted. “Look, Celia, the people of this town love you. They won’t hold a grudge. Just let them know that you made a mistake and you’re sorry and it won’t happen again. They’ll understand.”
“Well, I can absolutely promise that it won’t happen again,” I said glumly. The only reason it had happened in the first place was that being around Malik made me so unrelentingly hot and bothered. Now that the big Incubus was gone, I was absolutely not feeling even remotely horny—just sad.
Sarah left to go to the diner but she was back shortly with a worried look on her face.
“They’re closed,” she said. “I haven’t been in town as long as you, but I don’t remember Goldie’s ever being closed before.”
I groaned and shook my head.
“She’s probably at home hating me because I poisoned her clients too.”
“Will you stop with that poisoning stuff?” Sarah demanded. “I’m telling you, you didn’t poison anyone. Now come on, let’s make a batch of blueberry muffins and some cinnamon rolls.”
Her brisk words got me moving and we spent the next couple of hours getting several batches of baked goods out. Even though I was sure I was going to have to throw them all away since no one would buy them, the act of baking soothed my soul, as it always had. By the time the doors opened I was braced for the first customer, an apology ready on my lips.
The first ones through the door were Hubert and his wife Zelda. The two of them are red Dwarves that live on the far end of town and both of them have reddish-gold beards. (Yes, Dwarf women almost all have beards—that’s normal for them, although Zelda wore hers considerably shorter than her husband’s, which was down to his belt buckle.) The two of them are regulars who love my cinnamon rolls so that was what I was expecting them to order—if they didn’t curse me out instead.
“Celia, hello!” Hubert said, coming right up to the counter. He was about a head shorter than me but extremely stocky with a powerful build.
“Hi Hubert,” I said warily. “Er, how can I help you?”
Hubert looked around as though someone might be watching. Leaning across the counter he murmured,
“Do you have any more of them pear tarts left to sell?”
I was surprised.
“Er, I’m afraid not.” I shook my head.
“I told you she’d be all sold out!” Zelda exclaimed. “That kind of sex magic don’t last long—especially when you’re selling it cheap!”
“Are you talking about the, er, effects the pear tarts had on some people?” I asked cautiously.
“’Course I am!” Zelda exclaimed. “Those tarts got Hubie all excited for me for the first time in nigh on two years! See, he has trouble getting his pecker hard but after eating those tarts?—”
“Shut up, woman!” Hubert snapped. “She don’t need to know nothing about my problem! Besides, the only reason I can’t get hard is you. You never try to make yourself sexy for me and you wear your beard so short it’s hardly there at all!”
“I can’t help it I can’t grow a beard as long as other women,” Zelda protested, putting one hand to her closely-clipped reddish gold beard. She had tried to make it pretty—the part growing on her chin was braided and there was a pink bow at the end of it.
“So the two of you aren’t upset about how the pear tarts made you react?” I asked, just to be sure.
“No, we’re just sorry you don’t got no more of ‘em,” Zelda said sadly. “Are you sure you’re not hiding just one more in the back?”
“I’m sorry.” I held out my hands. “We sold out yesterday.”
“We do have some fresh cinnamon rolls though,” Sarah added helpfully.
“Do they got the lust spell on ‘em?” Hubert asked, looking hopeful.
“I’m afraid not.” I shook my head.
“Aw, too bad.” He sighed deeply. “Well, give us some cinnamon rolls then. Two oughta do it.”
“Regular or Creature sized?” I asked because I make a lot of extra-large pastries for the Creatures with big appetites in town.
“Better make ‘em Creature sized,” Hubert said. “But if you ever do make any more of them lust tarts, let us know—we want some!”
“We sure do,” Zelda agreed eagerly.
“I’ll, uh, keep that in mind,” I said, nodding. “What happened with the pear tarts was kind of an accident. I don’t know if I could duplicate it again.”
In fact, I was pretty sure I couldn’t. Only having Malik near me, keeping me hot and bothered, had allowed my magic to leak into the baked goods. I couldn’t see myself feeling that way when I was just baking on my own or baking with Sarah.
“That’s too bad. You could make a mint if you sold those on the regular,” Zelda told me as she and Hubert accepted the extra-large white paper bag containing two hubcap-sized cinnamon rolls. “I know I’d certainly pay for ‘em. Why, Hubie’s pecker got so hard?—”
“Hush, woman!” Hubert snapped. “I told you, stop talking about my pecker!”
The two of them walked out of the store, still arguing. The moment the door closed behind them, I turned to Sarah, whose eyes were dancing with suppressed amusement.
“Well, that was weird,” I said.
“Not just weird—hilarious!” She burst into peals of laughter. “Oh my God, I just can’t with those two! Who knew you were selling some kind of magical Viagra in those tarts?”
“I certainly didn’t know,” I pointed out, laughing as well. “Of course, I didn’t even know I’d put a lust spell on the tarts. Not that it was a spell, exactly…”
“What was it anyway? I mean, how did it happen?” Sarah asked curiously. All morning she’d been keeping quite while we worked, clearly trying to respect my feelings. But now that we had laughed together, she felt free to ask.
I didn’t mind—I needed someone to talk to and Sarah is a great listener. I explained about how I had inherited a Demon—Malik—from my Great Aunt and everything that had happened afterwards.
“Wow!” Her eyes were wide by the time I finished. “So your emotions leaked into your baking because of your new Incubus boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I protested. “He’s not anything now—he left because I yelled at him over the tarts.” I sighed, feeling sad all over again. “I wish I hadn’t been so hasty.”
“You were upset,” Sarah pointed out. “Besides, all relationships have problems. I’m sure he’d come back if you called for him. Or maybe summoned him? I don’t know how to go about getting a Demon to come to you,” she added apologetically.
“I don’t either but it doesn’t matter. He’s never going to want to see me again,” I said dolefully. “Right now, he’s probably back in Hell’s Waiting Room waiting for his next assignment. Or maybe he’s already on his next assignment, making some other witch feel horny and desirable.”
Just the thought of Malik with another woman made me green with envy and sad at the same time. I didn’t even want to imagine it, so I did my best to push it out of my mind.
Luckily, I was helped by the fact that the bakery started getting busy—even more busy than usual. Some of the customers were there to complain, as I had anticipated. I apologized profusely and explained that the lusty tarts had been a magical mistake. And to my surprise, most people really did seem willing to forgive me. Maybe it was because a lot of them were magic users themselves who had gotten spells wrong in the past.
The bigger surprise, though, was the number of customers who came in asking for more of the tarts or any pastry, really, that had the “lust spell” in it.
“You don’t know how rare it is to find a good aphrodisiac with no negative after effects,” one plain-spoken witch who had apparently really enjoyed the effects of the tarts told me. “Most of them leave you feeling hung-over something terrible the next day! Or they make your boobs swell up to the size of balloons and start shooting nectar. Or if you’re a man, your tallywhacker gets as big as a baseball bat and the cum shoots out like a fire hose!”
“Oh my,” I said blankly. “I had no idea.”
“It’s true.” She nodded. “So if you ever decide to make more of those tarts with the lust spell in them, let me know—I’d like to stock up!”
The only really negative reaction I got was, unsurprisingly, from the head of The Council of Wisdom when I went to The Red Lion to apologize.
“I want to take full responsibility and explain that none of what happened after you ate my pear tarts last night was in any way Goody Albright’s fault,” I said to the elder witches and warlocks who had assembled in the large dining room to have breakfast. Many of them looked out of sorts and grumpy—though there were a few who had a suspiciously satisfied glow.
“So it was you that made us all crazy!” A senior warlock with long gray hair and a bushy gray beard rose to speak. He was wearing a tall pointy hat and a cloak which made him look like a Lord of the Rings extra.
“Yes, sir. I’m so sorry,” I said contritely.
“Grand Wizard Henkleman, please—I can vouch for Celia,” Goody Albright said, stepping up. “I can promise you that she didn’t do this on purpose.”
But the elderly warlock was clearly not appeased.
“Young lady, this kind of thing is just unacceptable!” he exclaimed, shaking his long, crooked staff at me. “We members of The Council of Wisdom are too old to be staying up all night having sex parties! Why the chafing alone?—”
“Now, Grand Wizard Henkleman, do we really want to go into details?” Goody Albright asked hastily.
From the coughing and clearing of throats in the room, it seemed no one really did. Still grumbling angrily and shaking his staff at me, the elderly warlock settled back into his seat.
“I’m so sorry,” I said again. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to take me up on this, but I’d like to offer all of you any pastry of your choice to try and help make up for the inconvenience. I promise none of them are bespelled in any way,” I added quickly.
“Celia is especially famous for her delicious cinnamon rolls and blueberry muffins,” Goody Albright said, backing me up.
I shot her a look filled with gratitude—it was nice of her not to be mad at me and to try and help me out.
“That’s what you said about her pear tarts—that they were famous!” Grand Wizard Henkleman groused. “And they kept us all up having carnal relations half the night!”
“Don’t you listen to him, young lady!” An older female witch tugged at my sleeve. Her tiny raisin eyes, set in a nest of wrinkles, twinkled with glee. “I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in two centuries,” she whispered to me when I leaned down to hear her. “Don’t you listen to Henkleman—he’s just mad that nobody wanted to have fun with him, so he had to make do with an old knothole in the wall!” Her voice dipped even lower. “I think he might have got a splinter in his peter—you know?
“Oh, um…” I had no idea what to do with this information, but luckily she didn’t wait for an answer.
“I’m sure your cinnamon rolls are delicious,” she went on, raising her voice so everyone could hear. “And I’d love to try one.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling at her. “If you’d like to come over to The Lost Lamb, I’d be happy to give you one for free.”
“You bet I’ll come to your bakery!” she grinned at me. “We all will—won’t we?” she added, speaking to the rest of the room at large.
There were a few mutters and gripes, but for the most part—and with the notable exception of Grand Wizard Henkelman who might or might not have gotten a splinter in his penis the night before from getting frisky with a knothole—the rest of The Council of Wisdom seemed to agree with her.
I gave the elder witch a grateful nod and thanked them all for their forgiveness. Then I excused myself and Goody Albright walked me to the front door.
“Well, that went better than we could have hoped for, I think,” she said, beaming at me as we stepped out onto the wide front porch. “You’re lucky that Goody Tandy took a liking to you—that’s the witch who got everyone to promise to stop by the bakery,” she added. “It was nice of you to come apologize in person.”
“Of course,” I said. “I couldn’t let you take responsibility when it was all my fault.”
“Well, not all your fault. I’m the one who gave you the picture of the Incubus to start with,” she said apologetically. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t know what a mess it would make. Where is that handsome devil now?” she added, looking around as though Malik might suddenly appear out of thin air.
I shrugged unhappily.
“I don’t know—back in Hell’s Waiting Room, I guess. I haven’t seen him since I told him off yesterday.”
“I bet he’s not too far away,” she said, patting my arm. “I can tell you have feelings for him, despite the mischief he caused.”
“No, I don’t!” I protested.
“Oh, really?” Goody Albright looked at me skeptically over the rim of her gold spectacles. “Are you sure about that?”
“Okay, I do have feelings for Malik—but he’ll never want to see me again after the way I talked to him!” I said.
“Don’t be too sure about that, dear. After all, he has ties to your bloodline and your family. That counts for a lot in the magical world,” she told me. “All you need to do is call his name and I bet he’ll appear instantly.”
“I just don’t—” I began but just then a strange looking person came up the porch steps and approached me.
“Excuse me, but are you Celia Hatch?” she asked. She was wearing a long black cloak that rustled when she walked and her face was extremely ugly with a large, beak-like nose, thin lips, and narrow orange eyes.
“Er, yes—that’s me,” I said.
“Good. I’m here to serve you with some legal documents,” she said, pronouncing it “dawk-uments” in a voice that sounded like the cawing of a crow.
“Legal documents?” I said, feeling my stomach drop to the floor. “You mean because of the pear tarts?”
“Exactly.” She nodded and spread her cloak open—I realized when she did why it had been rustling. It was made of long black feathers the length of my arm. Underneath she was wearing a black business suit and her legs, when they were revealed, were spindly and yellow. They ended in three-toed feet that looked like enormous bird’s feet.
I couldn’t figure out what kind of Creature the woman was—maybe a Harpy? At any rate, she clearly wasn’t human. However, I was more concerned about the documents she was holding out to me than placing exactly what magical species she was.
“What are these for?” I asked, looking down at the documents which were covered in a tiny, dense script I didn’t think I’d be able to read without a microscope. “Is someone upset about the, er, effects of the pear tarts?”
“Not quite—this is a suit brought against you by Mr. Goremouth,” she said in her cawing voice.
“Who?” I shook my head—I didn’t remember having a customer with that name.
“Mr. Guglor Goremouth—the Ogre you stole the Golden-Skinned Warbler pears from in order to make your tarts,” she snapped. “He’s summoning you to court at once for immediate satisfaction!”
“What? You can’t just—” I began.
“Yes, we can. I’m his attorney, Counselor Heketate. Here!” And she shoved the papers at me.
Goody Albright, who was still standing beside me, suddenly gripped my arm.
“No, Celia! Don’t accept—” she began but my hand was already closing on the sheaf of papers.
The moment the paperwork was in my grasp, the world around me melted away. The front porch of the Red Lion and Main Street itself were suddenly gone and I was floating in a terrifying black void.
I had no idea what as happening—all I knew was that I was scared to death.