Chapter 20
Fool for Love
Cam
Now that his primary goals for Allie had been fulfilled—getting her to his family, ensuring she was healing—Cam found himself at loose ends when it came to her. More so, he was frustrated that they really didn’t have any time alone.
He was busy enough, to be sure. Since they were traveling, he’d been occupied with the familiar routine of his roles when they were on the road—making sure the bikes were in good repair, going on patrol, scouting ahead and behind, taking out the occasional Z.
Of course, Allie was in Gray’s trailer. During breaks, they’d shared glances and smiles. They’d been in conversations with the group. They’d been around each other, but they hadn’t been with each other—not like they used to be.
The others were as supportive of Allie as he’d hoped.
She and Key had even had some kind of goddess-talk confab earlier in the day, one that must have worn them both out.
When they came back to the camp, a tired-looking Key had announced an afternoon siesta before the final leg of their trip to the Armory.
No one minded too much, as they’d get there before dark even with a two-hour break after lunch.
The only one bothered seemed to be Odette, who had a conversation with Key that looked more like an argument than Cam would have liked.
However, his moms ended things with a hug, and Key had gone into her bedroll while Allie crawled back into Gray’s trailer.
Allie was moving better than she had that morning, though, so the resting was doing her some good. That helped his peace of mind.
Still, he couldn’t help himself from approaching Odette once Jessie and Ripper had headed out for patrol and Gray had left to sort the group’s laundry for washing at the Armory. Dette had taken weapons maintenance for her afternoon chore, so she was cleaning guns and humming a familiar song.
Cam sat on the ground across from her and picked up a knife and a whetstone.
“I thought Tony Croatto was para los viejos.” Dette had brought her Puerto Rican grandmother’s record collection with her to San Fran, and she would listen to the albums occasionally in their apartment, but only on special occasions—or when she was feeling particularly homesick.
She laughed. “Soy los viejos estos días, papito.” Then she gazed at him and leaned in to raise one hand to his cheek. “Cameron.” She had always pronounced his name with the long O. Her accent was faint most of the time, but he could hear it when she said his name. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
He smiled, his throat tight. “Me, too, mami.”
She patted his cheek then bent her head and went back to her task. “Don’t make me get weepy.”
“No promises.” He paused. “Dette. Is Key okay?”
She sighed. “Depends on how you define ‘okay.’ She and Odie have been...” Dette put down her rag and the gun barrel, balled her hands into fists, and rammed them into each other a few times. Then she shrugged. “It’s hard on her, to know he wants to leave the group. Be on his own.”
“I know.” Cam could see both sides, as he knew Dette could. “Did she say anything about what she and Allie talked about earlier?”
“Nope.” Dette raised one eyebrow at him. “But I can tell you that Allie’s going to be okay.” Her brown eyes, so dark they were almost black, stayed steadily on his. “She’s strong. And she’s been through a lot, but her body will heal. Her heart too.”
He could only stare at her, mouth open.
Odette nodded. “I know you’re afraid of losing her. After Laurel.”
“I’m... I’ve had some time to think about that.
About Laurel.” He reached toward where the medallion rested on his chest, rubbed it through the cloth of his shirt.
“I’ve made some peace with that. About our relationship and about what happened to her.
” As he said the words, he realized they were true.
“Good.” Odette sighed. “I despaired of you ever figuring that out.”
He laughed a little. “Does everyone think I’m an idiot?”
“Cameron. A fool for love is not an idiot.”
“Not enjoying ‘fool’ as a substitute term,” he muttered, “but okay.”
“You loved Laurel. That wasn’t your mistake. Not being able to let her go was the problem.” She cast her gaze over to where Key lay sleeping across the camp. “It seems to run in the family.”
“What if Allie doesn’t actually love me? What if she’s just grateful?” It was out of his mouth before he could stop it. “What if it was being together in the bunker that made us feel this way, and it doesn’t last?”
“Well, what if?” She put down her rag and gave him a calm look. “What if that’s the way it shakes out? What will you do?”
“I’ll...” Beg her to give me a chance. Let her go. Stay allies. Be friends. “I don’t know.”
“Then how about you wait and see before you try to plan for the worst?”
He grimaced. “That’s super helpful.”
“You’ll figure it out. As your mama likes to say, you’re a grown-ass man.”
“My mama is also super helpful. Best moms ever, you two,” he grumbled, but he grinned, too, his heart lighter despite everything.
They got back to work, and when Dette began humming again—Gordon Lightfoot this time—he joined in, and they ended up singing “Carefree Highway” in harmony like the old days when they were laying Odie down for a nap.
After they finished cleaning and sharpening, Cam puttered around with the solar motors. He wanted to make sure they’d be ready for when Allie could begin riding on her own.
Engrossed in his task, he didn’t raise his head again until he heard Jessie walking back to the camp. “Where’s Ripper?” he asked when she was in earshot.
“Scouted ahead about an hour ago, making sure nothing’s blocked the road. He should be back soon.”
“Cool.” He looked over to see Dette sitting by Key’s bedroll, and he stretched a bit. “Should I go wake Allie?”
“Probably.” Jessie smiled, bending down and scratching under her pant leg before standing up again. “I like her.”
“Me too.” He watched her shift her weight back and forth. “Okay there, Jess?”
“I think I got chiggers in the tall grass yesterday.” She grimaced. “I should have worn long socks, and I’m going to remedy that right now if Odette has any to spare.”
She waved and headed toward Odette and Key.
Cam approached Gray’s camper trailer, feeling weirdly nervous.
The trailer doubled as a wagon and emergency shelter, with a lightweight steel frame, lightweight canvas, and a waterproof cover.
Gray had transferred some of his supplies to various saddle bags on the others’ bikes to make room for Allie.
He took a breath and stuck his head into the trailer, surprised to see that Allie wasn’t asleep but lying on her side, propped up on one arm.
“Hey, you’re up,” he said. “Well, you know. Not ‘up.’ Just awake.” Wow. Be a bit more lame, Hale.
“Hi,” she said, voice soft. “I’ve been... I don’t know. Thinking.”
He nodded. “Are you okay? Can I get you some water or more food? Or... anything?”
She gave him an odd look. “No, thank you.”
“No problem.”
A few beats of agonizing silence followed.
Then they both started speaking at once.
“Allie, I hope...”
“Cam, are you...”
Allie chuckled. “Wow, we’re suddenly really bad at this.”
“Right?” A rush of relief came out in laughter. “What the hell?”
She smiled at him with a hint of the old sparkle in her big brown eyes, and his heart thumped. “Would you... come in here with me? I know it’ll be a tight fit, but—”
She stopped talking because he was already climbing in and instead laughed breathlessly as he fitted his longer body to hers, muttering curses as he pushed aside plastic containers and bags and hanging plants. Jesus, all this shit everywhere. I mean, it’s Gray’s important shit, but still.
Once he was in place, his heart was pounding, and it wasn’t entirely because of the exertion of getting settled. It was her, all warm and smelling like the sun and lavender and Allie, a scent he would recognize anywhere, even in the fragrant trailer.
When she moved closer, shifting her arm, her mouth ended up right below his own, and he had to taste her because he was afraid he’d die if he didn’t.
Their lips fit together, slow and ravenous, and the next few endless moments were full of rediscovery and need and... yes, love. How could he help loving her? Even if she didn’t love him back?
God, could their kisses be like this if she didn’t? Could she express this much hunger, enough that it felt like she was consuming him, if her feelings didn’t match his?
His lower body tensed, tight and aching. Shut that shit down up there, it demanded of his brain. We’re busy.
Cam slid a hand down to her ass and moved his hips, and she squirmed against him, a little moan on her lips that sent all questions flying out the window.
Between them was nothing but friction and want, and she pressed her teeth into his lower lip in a way that sent fire streaking through his belly.
Then either he moved the wrong way or she did, and the next sound she made was one of discomfort.
Everything came to a halt. Cam hauled himself back. “Angel. You hurting?”
Allie sighed and her head dropped onto the bundle of rags serving as a pillow. “Yes, damn it. A little.”
Heart racing, he swallowed. “Let me see.”
“No, no. I’m fine—only sore.”
“But you might have pulled stitches.”
“I didn’t, I promise.” When she raised her head, her eyes were still heavy lidded, but her smile was rueful. “I got a little carried away. I missed you.”
“God, Allie, me too.” He ran his thumb across her cheek then threaded his fingers into her hair. “I didn’t know if... if you’d still want... this.” He paused. “Me.”
She frowned. “Are you kidding? I didn’t think you’d want me.
” Her gaze grew troubled. “I went so completely feral back there. After tricking you and leaving to confront those men without you? Then nearly getting myself killed?” She laughed without much mirth.
“Morrigan gave me one hell of a tongue-lashing over it. You know, She’s a goddess.
Maybe She knows me better than I think.”
Before he could respond, she continued, “I thought I was doing it to protect you, but now I’m worried that I’m more fucked-up than I thought. Maybe I’m suicidal or something, and I just don’t realize it.”
Cam shook his head against the idea. “You’re not. I know you’re not.”
“Well, that makes one of us.”
“I shouldn’t have taken you out of the bunker.”
Allie’s eyes went wide. “Didn’t we already go over this?” She pushed herself up on her elbow a little. “Do you regret me being here?”
“I took you out of a safe place—a genuinely safe place, with plenty of food and water—and brought you out into this hell world full of Zs and cannibal rapist bushwhackers. I mean, fuck.” He rolled onto his back.
“I could have... I don’t know. Left and come to find the group on my own, given them the bunker’s location.
That way, they’d know what happened. That I was okay. Then I could have come back to you.”
Allie’s gaze narrowed. “Leaving me alone to worry that you might get killed or decide not to come back? And the best part would be that I wouldn’t know for sure either way. Love that for theoretical me.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “I didn’t say it was a good plan. But it would have kept you safe.”
“Cam. Please look at me.”
When he did, he saw a slight frown of irritation but not anger or recrimination. “Listen up. I want to be here.”
“Baby,” he said hoarsely, unsure how to make her understand. “I came so close to losing you back there, and it scared the fuck out of me. I yelled at you, trying to bring you back. Dette wouldn’t let me anywhere near you while they were checking you and trying to stop the bleeding. I was...”
“Feral?” she offered.
“Yeah. Useless too.”
“Never that. Not you.” Allie let out a rush of breath. “I worry that I’m going to freak you out. There are things that kind of come along with the goddess stuff—things I know are going to be hard for anyone else to understand. There’s more than you know, more than I can tell you yet.”
Cam ignored the chill in his blood. “I’ll be able to handle it.”
Allie’s smile was sad. “I want to believe that.” After a moment, she added in a rush, “I don’t want to be without you, Cam. You leaving me to keep me safe—that’s never going to be ‘for my own good,’ okay?”
Cam raised one eyebrow. “Well, ditto.”
She grimaced, obviously taking his meaning. “I know. I’m sorry.”
He turned toward her again and gathered her against him, this time with a tenderness he hoped she recognized as love, even if he hadn’t said—shouldn’t say—the words to her yet. But God, he loved her. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.
“I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to,” he said. “Even then, I’ll do my damnedest to talk you out of it.” He nuzzled into her hair, breathing her in deep. “From now on, I’ll remember what I promised you in the bunker. I won’t leave you behind. Ever.”
She threaded her fingers through his short hair, holding him to her. “I’ll tell you what I can when I can. Be patient with me.”
He’d said the same thing to her once upon a time, hadn’t he? “Keep whatever secrets you’ve got, as long as you tell me when I need to know.” That felt right, even if it went against his instincts. It felt fair.
She relaxed against him. “Thank you,” she murmured. “Thank you, Cam.”
They lay there, and Cam heard the rest of the group packing up to go. They would need to join the others soon.
But not yet. He savored the feel, the sweetness, of Allie’s warmth.
Not yet.