Chapter 34 #2
And the more he thought about it, the worse it all felt. “Bad enough we’re in the same fucking building as those things.”
“It’s awful,” she said. But her mind wasn’t with his, he knew. She wasn’t feeling his outrage. She was thinking.
Cam wasn’t sure he wanted to know the direction of her thoughts.
A knock sounded on their door. Cam rose reluctantly but was surprised to find Gray on the other side of the door when he opened it. “Hey, Cammy,” Gray said, looking and sounding exhausted. “Wanted to check on you two, see if you could use some meds to help you relax.”
Could we ever. When Gray held up a baggie with two honest-to-God cookies, Cam wanted to weep with gratitude.
“Thank you, Gray,” Cam said, taking the baggie. Since that didn’t seem to be enough to fully express how he felt, he enveloped the older man in a hug.
Gray returned the embrace, and he was smiling when Cam released him. “I saw your moms when I was making the rounds, and they sent me your way.”
Allie was up now. “Pot cookies? We don’t deserve you, Gray.”
Cam agreed. It was a treat they didn’t often get these days.
“I asked the bakers to help me with them earlier today,” Gray said. “And a damn good thing.”
Gray left after getting a hug from Allie, then Cam and Allie ate their cookies in bed, sipping water as they tried to relax. Cam savored the slightly smoky taste and aroma that mingled with the brown sugar and cinnamon as he chewed—so much more pleasing than Gray’s road tincture.
As they finally began to relax, they curled into each other, seeking comfort.
“I’m so sorry about all of this,” Allie finally said. “I’m sorry it’s all so freaky.”
“Don’t use that word.” He paused, trying to find the right words. He needed her to understand. “I’m not worried about you using your gift. I’m on board with you doing your thing. I’ve pledged myself, remember?”
She pulled his head to hers for a kiss. “I remember.”
“It’s the thought of you doing what Malcolm asked. That’s the part we might consider freaky, or at least what’s freaking me out.” Cam rubbed her back. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened to Frankie.”
“I know.”
That’s it? Just “I know”? “Why did you tell him you’d think about it?” Her words had burned Cam’s heart before they’d left the War Room, before he’d left Key’s hopefulness and Odette’s fear and Malcolm’s excitement—that fucking bastard—taking with him his own trembling fury.
Allie’s tired eyes, bloodshot with exhaustion, had looked so resolved, so calm, when she’d sliced through the arguments by stating, “I need some time to think about it.”
He rubbed her back again, holding her a little closer. “I need to know how you’re feeling, Allie-cat.”
She took a breath. “First and foremost, I needed to get out of that room.” She shuddered against him. “It was overwhelming. All the emotions.”
“It was a lot.” He sighed. “They all went haywire.”
“And you, too, Mr. You’ve-Got-to-Be-Fucking-Kidding-Me.”
He let out a breath that might have been a ghost of a laugh. “Yeah.”
She shifted against him. “They want answers.”
“I know.”
“I do, too, Cam.” She craned her neck, raising her head to look up at him. “Half of me was terrified at the thought of it, wanted to lock myself in this room with you forever. The other half of me wanted to do it right then and there. March outside and do it immediately.”
Horror bled into his bones at the thought. “Jesus Christ.”
She buried her head in his shoulder again for a moment before she spoke again.
“I’d never thought of that before. Never even considered trying to use the seeking that way.
” After a second, she snorted. “Thank God, or I’d probably have tried to do it when I was alone and went fucking insane, gibbering and dribbling all over the bunker if I managed to make it back inside. ”
The thought of that made him almost as cold as the Z-terror. “Would Morrigan have let you do that? If it meant you’d lose your mind?”
“I don’t know. I mean, She looks out for me. To an extent. So maybe not.” She shifted then let her head fall back onto his chest. “Does Morrigan know what caused it all?” She paused. “I mean, does She? Really? Why wouldn’t She tell me if She did?”
“Fuck.” This all seemed way above his pay grade.
“I just...” She sighed, closing her eyes. “I’m so confused right now about what we know and what we don’t.”
“Seems like SOP for the zompocalypse.” The languidness spreading through his limbs with every passing second made it more difficult to be upset. Thank God for that. Or Goddess. Whatever.
Thank Gray.
“I’m tired of not knowing things.” Allie yawned, cuddling closer to him.
“Me too. Maybe.” He thought about it, but his brain was slowing down. “Maybe not. Not if you get hurt looking for them.”
“But maybe it’s worth me getting hurt?”
“Nothing’s worth that.” He kissed her forehead, and she sighed against him. “Go to sleep.”
She didn’t answer, and when he realized her breathing was deep and regular, he had time to think, I hope she doesn’t dream, before he, too, fell asleep.