Chapter Nineteen
Zade
The music pounds through the room, the beat vibrating in my chest like a relentless hammer.
The crowd around me is a sea of bodies, all moving in sync with the music.
Flashing lights cut through the haze of smoke and alcohol, casting eerie shadows over the scene.
The faces blur together, just like my thoughts—fuzzy, disconnected, lost.
“Zade, you're so tense,” a blonde murmurs, her fingers trailing down the front of my shirt. Her touch is light and teasing, but it feels like nothing. Just another hand on my chest, another warm body pressing against me.
From the other side, a brunette leans in closer, her breath hot against my ear. “Let us help you unwind,” she whispers, her lips grazing my skin as she speaks.
I force a smile, one that doesn’t reach my eyes. I let them pull me towards a private room, the door shutting out the noise of the party. Their hands are all over me, but it’s mechanical, empty. There’s no thrill, no spark. Just a hollow feeling in my gut.
The blonde starts kissing my neck, her lips soft and warm, but all I can think about is Juniper. Her laugh, the way she looked at me, the way she made me feel something real. Damn it, she’s ruined me for anyone else.
The brunette’s hand starts to slide lower. I pull back.
That’s it. I’ve had enough.
“Stop.” I take a step back, sharper than I mean to.
Both of them glance at each other, confused now. Whatever playful thing they thought this was—it’s gone.
“Did we do something wrong?” The blonde asks and her voice sounds small, almost hurtful.
I run a hand through my hair, trying to shake off the irritation. “No, it’s not you,” I mutter, forcing a grin that feels as fake as this whole situation. “Maybe I’ll just watch.”
They exchange looks again, then shrug, eager to please. The blonde steps closer to the brunette, her hand sliding down to cup her hip. The brunette leans in, their lips meeting in a deep, eager kiss. Their moans fill the room, but I feel nothing.
Their hands move with urgency, but it’s all just noise to me. I can’t stop thinking about Juniper, the way she got under my skin in a way no one else ever has. The sight of these women only amplifies the emptiness inside me.
“Is this really all there is?” I mutter under my breath, the question directed more at myself than at them .
The brunette’s hands slide down the blonde’s body, pulling at the hem of her dress, but I’ve already checked out. I turn and head for the door, muttering a quick, “This isn’t working.”
The blonde looks up, her expression confused. “Are you sure? We can try something else...”
I shake my head, already halfway out the door. “No, just... enjoy your night.”
They don’t argue. They probably don’t care. As I step into the hallway, I collapse onto a couch, burying my face in my hands. Juniper’s face haunts me, her eyes, her smile—everything about her is burned into my mind, and I can’t escape it.
As I push through the crowd, the strobe lights flickering in sync with the pounding bass, someone grabs my arm.
I turn, ready to brush them off, but then I see her—Meredith.
Her long blonde hair falls in perfect waves over her shoulders, and she looks as polished as ever in a sleek black dress that hugs her curves.
She’s the picture of elegance, just as I remember.
“Zade,” she says, her voice soft but carrying a hint of sadness. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
I nod, my gaze dropping to where her hand rests on my arm. “Meredith,” I reply, my tone neutral. “It’s been a while.”
She lets go of my arm, a small, wistful smile playing on her lips. “You’re right. It has been.” Her eyes search mine, as if looking for something familiar. “How’ve you been? ”
“Busy,” I say, not wanting to delve into the mess that my life has become. “You?”
“The same,” she says, though there’s a slight tremor in her voice. She hesitates, then steps closer, lowering her voice. “Zade, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. About everything.”
I sigh, already sensing where this is headed. “Meredith, there’s nothing left to talk about.”
Her smile falters, but she doesn’t back down. “I know we ended things a long time ago, and I understand why. But... I wanted you to know that I did care about you, more than I probably showed.”
I meet her gaze, trying to muster up some semblance of warmth. “I know, Meredith. But you and I—it was never real. The engagement was just something my mom pushed for. I wasn’t in it, not the way you deserved.”
Her eyes flicker with hurt, but she nods, accepting the truth. “I figured as much,” she admits, her voice tinged with resignation. “But it doesn’t change the fact that, for a while, I did love you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. Meredith didn’t deserve the half-hearted engagement I offered her. “You deserve someone who’s all in, someone who can give you everything you want. That was never me.”
She forces a smile, though I can see the sadness in her eyes. “I know that now. It just took me a while to accept it.” She takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. “Well, Zade, I hope you find what you’re looking for, whatever that is. ”
I nod, appreciating her honesty. “Thanks, Meredith. I hope you do too.”
She lingers for a moment, as if debating whether to say more. Finally, she gives a small, bitter laugh. “You know, for someone who was supposed to have it all, you sure do seem lost.”
Her words sting, but they’re not entirely wrong. “Yeah,” I admit, running a hand through my hair. “I guess I am.”
She looks at me one last time, her expression softening. “Take care of yourself, Zade.” And with that, she turns and walks away, disappearing into the crowd.
I watch her go, feeling a strange mix of relief and regret. Meredith wasn’t the right person for me, and I wasn’t right for her. But she deserved better than the half-truths and shallow affection I gave her.
As I walk away from the club, Meredith’s parting words echo in my mind.
Lost. Maybe that’s exactly what I am. I keep on walking, not really caring where I’m going.
The city lights blur around me as I get lost in my thoughts.
I can’t get Juniper out of my mind. The guilt is like a weight on my chest, reminding me over and over of what I’ve done.
I’ve tried to reach Axel, but he’s blocked my number. I get why. Juniper must’ve told Cora everything, and Cora would’ve gone straight to Axel. Now they all know what I did, and they hate me for it. Honestly, I hate myself too.
I should've never gotten involved with Juniper. It was a mistake from the start, but she drew me in. I couldn’t resist her, no matter how much I tried.
Now, I can’t stop. thinking about her, I can’t shake the feeling of missing her every day.
But as much as I wish things were different, I just hope she’s alright.
This whole mess... it’s on me. I should’ve kept my distance.
Back at my apartment, I head straight to the gym.
I need to clear my head, to get rid of this restless energy.
I push myself harder than usual, lifting weights until my muscles are screaming at me to stop.
But it doesn’t help. No matter how hard I push, I can’t escape the thoughts swirling in my mind.
Just as I’m finishing my workout, the doorbell rings. I open it, and Axel’s fist connects with my jaw before I can even react. I stumble back, pain shooting through my face.
“Axel, what the hell?” I manage to say, rubbing my jaw where he hit me.
Cora steps in behind him, her eyes blazing with anger. She doesn’t waste a second and slaps me. Hard. My head jerks sideways. “You bastard!” she screams, her voice trembling.
I’m left standing there, trying to figure out why they’re here. “Look, Cody is business. People have more jobs because of the resort.“
“I don’t give a damn about Cody or its people!” Cora cuts me off, her voice shaking with fury. “I care about Juniper!”
A chill runs down my spine. “What happened to her?”
Cora’s eyes are filled with rage. “She’s been missing for two m onths! Since you threw her under the bus and left her to take the fall, you jerk!”
I’m stunned. “Brian told me everything was under control. He said Juniper was fine.”
Cora laughs, but there’s no humor in it.
“Fine? You think she’s fine? She disappeared, Zade!
She stopped doing her work; her phone’s off.
I thought it was because of her brother.
But after two months, I called her home.
Her mom said Juniper’s dead to them. Her brother told me everything. I came here to kill you!”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. No, this can’t be happening. My mind races, trying to make sense of it all. “I didn’t know.” I stammer. “I didn’t want this.”
Axel’s eyes are cold and full of contempt. “You never wanted anything but your own success. Look at what you’ve done, Zade. She’s gone because of you.”
I stagger back, their words slamming into me like a freight train. My chest tightens, and my breath comes in short, panicked gasps. “I have to find her,” I say, more to myself than to them.
Cora shakes her head, her eyes filled with tears. “You better hope she’s still alive, Zade. Because if she’s not, I swear I’ll make you wish you were never born.”
They leave, slamming the door behind them. I collapse onto the floor, my body shaking. How could I have been so blind? How could I have let this happen?