Chapter 18
Being back in Oslo after their weekend away felt especially brutal and Mats was struggling to focus on his work.
It felt like something had shifted. It was tempting to think that the time had come to tender his resignation, but he knew it was far too soon.
With things progressing on the island more quickly than he’d originally planned, it was only a matter of time before he’d need to be there more often.
He was enjoying being there so much, it made these jolts back into his Oslo life ever more difficult.
But today was not the day. He was nowhere near the point where he could afford to leave his job yet.
The ready cash he had from his salary was becoming more important now that he’d depleted his savings.
His practical side knew it was a knee-jerk reaction to the weekend.
He was craving the island. Lotta. The solitude.
He sighed and got up to make himself a coffee.
Hanne looked up and smiled at him. ‘Another coffee? Was it a late night?’
‘I’m not feeling it today,’ he said.
‘Good weekend with Lotta?’
He hadn’t really told Hanne about Lotta but she’d booked his flights so she knew he’d taken Lotta to Bergen with him.
‘Great weekend. I think that’s the trouble.’ He’d been honest with Hanne about his plans to leave. She wouldn’t lose her job if he left the bank; they both knew that, but she’d worked with him for years and he didn’t want her to be the last to know.
‘Maybe it’s time?’ she said, reading his mind.
‘Wouldn’t that be nice?’ he said with a wry smile. ‘It’s too soon. I need the money, Hanne, so perhaps not today.’
‘It’ll come around soon enough,’ Hanne said, going back to her screen. ‘Switch to decaf after this one.’
He grinned and headed to the kitchen.
Lotta was still in his apartment that morning. Her flight back to London was tomorrow, so they had another night together. She was meeting Oda today to see some options she’d been working on for the collaboration, then she’d be back in London for a couple of weeks.
‘I nearly resigned today,’ he told her as they sat on his balcony sipping steaming cups of tea after they’d eaten dinner.
‘That’s what your plan is, anyway. What difference would it make?’ It wasn’t a rhetorical question; she was genuinely asking.
‘It might mean a few hundred thousand kroner less for the hotel.’
‘But you wouldn’t have to stay in Oslo after your apartment sells, so you’d save money on travelling and rent.’
‘True.’ But that was a drop in the ocean compared to what he was paid. ‘But I wouldn’t see you when you come here.’
‘Don’t factor that in, Mats,’ she said gently. ‘It was always going to be a short-term thing, me visiting Oslo, so we’d be up against this problem soon anyway. It won’t change anything.’
He sighed. ’It’s far too soon to think about leaving. I’ve used up almost all of my savings, so I need to be smart about when to do it, otherwise, I could find myself with a cash-flow problem.’
‘You’ll know when it’s the right time.’
‘I wish it was the right time every Monday after a weekend in Bergen.’
She smiled. ‘I know what you mean. It was idyllic.’
‘It was. Until Fredrik turned up,’ he laughed.
‘I didn’t mind that at all. Emil is fun to be around.’
The following day, Hanne said good morning and told him his boss, Oskar, wanted to see him.
He had no idea what it was about, so he headed upstairs to the floor where Oskar’s office was, as well as the conference rooms and corporate hospitality areas.
It was all a lot nicer up here than it was downstairs, with upholstered furniture, softer lighting and spongy carpet rather than the utilitarian office carpet that ran everywhere else.
He greeted Oskar’s assistant, and she waved him into the inner sanctum with a smile.
‘Mats. Thanks for coming up. How’s the work going for the new client you closed in London?’
‘Yes, okay, thanks. They seem pleased with what we’ve done so far.’ This was odd. Oskar hardly ever checked in with him like this.
‘This is awkward,’ Oskar began. There was suddenly a weird atmosphere, putting Mats on edge.‘There are going to be some changes that I can’t go into right now, but ultimately it means we’re restructuring and your post is being made redundant.’
‘What? I don’t understand. I’ve done the entire strategy for that client. You just said it yourself — the one I closed in London.’
‘It’s Ole’s client.’
‘With the greatest respect to Ole, he did not close that deal. And he has had no input into what I’ve worked on since.’
Oskar looked uncomfortable, but Mats let the silence continue. He’d stated hard facts that were difficult to argue with. And it seemed Oskar was struggling to come up with a response.
‘It’s his client, Mats. We’re making some changes and Ole is going to head up strategy.’
‘Are you joking?’ He stood up and walked over to the window. It was difficult to stay calm, but he took a couple of deep breaths before he turned back to Oskar. ‘Look, this is a terrible time for me to be out of a job. Is there anything I can do?’
‘It’s a delicate situation. You’re not the only person this is going to affect, but I’m not in a position to say anything else at the moment.’
‘If this is part of some wider plan, why are you telling me now before it’s announced?’
Oskar sighed. ‘This can go no further.’
Mats gave a curt nod of assurance.
‘We’re being taken over.’ He held up a hand before Mats could get the words out. ‘I can’t tell you who. But Ole has been offered a job elsewhere, so we’ve had to make this move to keep him. To keep his client. It’s pivotal to the deal.’
It hurt to hear they’d chosen Ole over him. ‘Right. Nothing I can do then.’
‘I’m sorry, Mats. We’ve worked together for a long time.’
‘So my notice period starts today.’
Oskar shook his head. ‘You need to leave today. We’ll pay your redundancy immediately.’
Mats was stunned. ‘You want me to leave without a proper handover?’
‘Sorry Mats. It’s out of my hands. If there’s anything I can do in terms of references, please let me know.’ He stood and held out his hand. Mats shook it and left.
‘How did it go?’ Hanne asked. ‘Are you alright, Mats?’ She frowned in concern, got up from her desk and shepherded him into his office.
‘I have to leave today.’
‘What? Why?’
‘I can’t go into it, Hanne.’ He wasn’t entirely sure he could explain what had happened, it still wasn’t clear to him. ‘I’m out.’
Hanne stood there in complete shock and Mats felt awful that he couldn’t explain the very little that he knew. ‘Mats… But why?’
‘I’m sorry. I don’t know exactly.’ That was true.
So much of what Oskar said didn’t stack up.
‘I didn’t want it to happen like this.’ He felt sick and had no idea what he was supposed to do next.
This wasn’t part of the plan. The redundancy money would help in the short-term, but it was nothing compared to what he could have earned by staying in his job for longer.
And he couldn’t get a job in another bank knowing it would only be for a few months at the most.
‘It shouldn’t be happening like this. You’re a valuable person, they can’t treat you like this.’ She poured them both a glass of water from the carafe on his desk. ‘Here. What are you going to do?’
‘There’s nothing I can do. I guess I’m leaving today.’
‘Oh my god, Mats. This is crazy.’ Hanne had tears in her eyes. Neither of them had expected his leaving to be an immediate wrench apart like this. ‘Is there anything I can do?’
He shook his head, too stunned to feel anything. ‘I’ll send you the work I’m not going to be able to finish. I guess keep that for whoever needs it. I’ll try to make some notes this afternoon.’
The rest of the day disappeared in a daze.
He didn’t have much to pack, but Hanne helped him gather his things and found a box for him to use.
They hugged, promising to keep in touch, then Mats left for the last time.
He felt as if he were doing the walk of shame with his box.
Like he’d done something wrong, and people were looking at him as if that’s exactly what had happened.
It wasn’t the ending that he’d wanted, or deserved.
‘Hey,’ Lotta called out when she heard the door. She appeared from the bedroom where she had her desk set up, arguing that the living room was too distracting because of the view. ‘What’s in the box?’
He sat down heavily on the sofa, his head in his hands. ‘I’m out.’
‘What do you mean? I didn’t think you were ready to leave yet.’ She put an arm around his shoulders and bent down, trying to look at him.
‘I didn’t resign, I got made redundant.’
‘But… that doesn’t make any sense.’
He didn’t know what else to say. He felt her get up, but he felt too drained to move. She came back with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. ‘Here,’ she said, pouring a small measure. ‘I think you’re in shock.’
He took the glass and downed it in one gulp, the liquid warming his chest and helping him feel less numb.
‘It’s what I wanted, but not yet.’ As well as his mind working overtime trying to figure out what this would mean for his finances, it was just so uncivilised, that’s what he couldn’t come to terms with.
That all those years he’d worked there, the loyalty he’d shown counted for nothing in the end.
All of it gone in the time it took Oskar to tell him.
‘They’re being bought out and they’ve given Ole my job,’ he said.
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I don’t know why it’s upset me. I was leaving anyway.’ He tried to smile, but it wasn’t funny. It had broken his heart to be treated that way.
‘It’s a betrayal, however you look at it. And even resigning is a big step that you weren’t ready for. This is on a whole other level.’
He nodded.
‘It’s tough to get over something like this but at least you have the island to focus on.’
Even in his brain-fogged state of shock, Mats could hear the unsaid words and the thought of something like this having happened to Lotta shifted his attention from self-pity to curiosity.
‘This happened to you?’
She tipped her head from side-to-side before she answered. ‘Something similar. In my first job. I chose to be loyal to someone, and it didn’t work both ways.’
He nodded. ‘Yes. It feels like that.’
‘And it’s tough when you lose out because of it. Even if you have something to fall back on.’
‘Did you have something to fall back on?’ He sensed the answer was no.
‘It’s been for the best in the end. I’d never have gone freelance if it wasn’t for what happened and it’s been the best thing I ever did. And it brought me here,’ she smiled.
He wanted to ask her what happened. It would be a distraction if nothing else, but he didn’t have the energy. When he asked her about it again, he wanted to give her the attention she deserved since it was clearly a huge part of her life.
Lotta refilled their glasses. Thank god this happened today when she was here to come home to. He couldn’t imagine having to cope with feeling like this alone.
‘And it’s sad because you wanted to leave there the way you deserve to. With your head held high, because you haven’t done anything wrong. Being made to leave today gives you no time to process anything.’
He buried his head in her shoulder and felt all the emotion he’d held in his chest since the meeting with Oskar release. And she held him. He didn’t know how long for, but for as long as it took for him to feel okay.
‘Why don’t you take a shower,’ she said. ‘And I’ll order a pizza.’
He nodded. He couldn’t wait to get out of his suit and into something comfortable.
‘Mats,’ she called as he walked into the bedroom. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
He needed to hear that, and he knew on some level it was true.
This was a blip that was going to make everything else harder.
He would have to put the apartment on the market straight away and hopefully the redundancy money would be enough to see him through until it sold.
It was such bad timing. Just as everything was ramping up on the island, he might have to slow everything down again.
And that meant he could lose Lars to his next job, and he wasn’t sure where that would leave the project.
He stood in the shower with his eyes closed, the steaming water raining down on him, soothing him.
‘Is this okay?’
He opened his eyes and saw Lotta. Naked, and ready to take his mind off all of this by the looks of things. Wordlessly, he pulled her into the shower and into his arms, the warmth of her body grounding him and momentarily making him wonder what he’d been feeling so bad about.
She kneaded his scalp with her fingertips, making him moan. It felt so good. Then she took some of his shampoo and massaged it into his hair, taking care of him and showing him she understood how bad today had been for him.
They stepped out together, and she handed him a towel that was warm from the rail, wrapped a towel around her hair and another around herself.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I needed that.’
She smiled and gave a small shrug. ‘Everyone needs a bit of that sometimes,’ she said.
But no one had ever done something like that for him before.
Something as insignificant as washing his hair but was so much more than that.
She’d come to him when he could easily have retreated into his own thoughts, and she reminded him that Halvorsen he needed to know, and she realised that.
He raised his eyebrows, letting her know he was ready for her explanation.
‘But it’s not the night for radical decision making.’
‘It’s been a radical day,’ he said with a wry laugh.
‘I know. It has. I feel the same as you, Mats, but we don’t need to go all in now.’
‘But I am all in,’ he said, suddenly feeling helpless. The rug had been pulled out from underneath him today and he was looking for something to cling to. He wanted it to be Lotta.
‘I am too. But let’s deal with one thing at a time.’