Epilogue Dreams of Ash and Smoke
Verena
1 year post-war
I jolt awake, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. The nightmare has become a routine, haunting every night since the war ended. It always starts with Eryx’s lifeless body, before shifting to Hadeon’s confused eyes as he chokes on his own blood and then Dryston with his hard unrelenting gaze, practically blaming me for the entire war.
Leaving Zorya was the hardest decision I ever made. Every day, I am haunted by the thought that if I had stayed, Hadeon and all the other lives lost in the war would still be alive. But at the same time, I know that staying meant being a part of that endless cycle of violence and loss. It’s a constant battle between guilt and regret, with no clear answer in sight. Not to mention, I’d have never found Eryx again and that thought sends jolts of pain through my heart like no other.
A relentless grief consumes me, a blazing inferno that never dies down. It lies dormant beneath the surface, waiting for any moment of distraction or solace to creep up and steal away any sense of peace I might find. Eryx’s attempts at comfort only serve to intensify my guilt for not being able to save Hadeon. I am torn between desperately wanting to move on and clinging tightly to the memories that continue to haunt me, like ghosts refusing to leave my side. This sorrow weighs heavily on my heart, a constant ache that I cannot escape no matter how hard I try.
He is— no, was my best friend, and now he’s gone without me getting to say goodbye. That is the hardest part. It’s surreal how death can either give you time to prepare or take everything away without warning.
As I lay there, trying to calm my racing heart, I feel a presence next to me in the darkness. Eryx, always the silent pillar of strength, reaches out and gently touches my shoulder. His touch is warm, grounding me in reality.
“Verena,” he whispers softly, his voice a soothing balm to my frayed nerves. “You’re not alone in this. We’re in this together.”
I turn to look at him, his face illuminated faintly by the moonlight filtering through the curtains. His eyes are filled with understanding and compassion, a silent promise of unwavering support.
“I miss him too,” Eryx continues, his voice barely above a whisper. “But we have to stay strong for each other. For him.”
His words resonate within me, breaking through the walls of grief and guilt that I have built around myself. In that moment, I realize that I am not alone in my pain. He lost a childhood best friend, a brother in his heart. Together, Eryx and I can carry on Hadeon’s legacy, honoring his memory with our actions and choices. The weight of responsibility settles on my shoulders, but this time it feels different, lighter somehow with Eryx by my side.
As dawn breaks, casting a golden hue across the room, I make a silent vow to myself and to Hadeon. I will no longer be consumed by the past; instead, I will forge ahead with Eryx, looking toward the future we can build together. The nightmares may still visit me in the dead of night, but now I know that Eryx will be there to chase them away with his unwavering presence.
Standing up from the bed, I reach out and take Eryx’s hand in mine. A flicker of a smile crosses his lips as he squeezes my hand gently, a silent affirmation of our unspoken promise to each other.
In this new chapter of our lives, we will carry the memories of those we have lost with us, but we will not let them weigh us down. Instead, we will use their memories as fuel to drive us forward, to make a difference in the world that they no longer inhabit. Eryx and I share a solemn nod, a silent agreement passing between us as we prepare to face whatever challenges lie ahead.
He helps me dress for the day, brushing my hair out behind me as I sit in the vanity chair in comfortable silence.
Leaving the room behind, we step out into the morning light, a fresh sense of purpose guiding our steps. The war may have scarred us deeply, but it has also forged a indestructible bond between Eryx and me.
As we walk side by side, the weight on my shoulders feels bearable with Eryx. Together, we will navigate this new reality, honoring the past while striving toward a brighter future.
And as we venture forth into the unknown, I know that no matter what obstacles may come our way, as long as Eryx is with me, we can face them with courage and resilience.
He has work to attend in his office with Esmeray so I make my way to the kitchen, needing some love from Mama Zen.
She greets me with a large smile and wraps my apron around me in haste. “We have a lot to do today, Miss Verena. Your esteemed guests get very hungry.” I laugh, knowing the three guards have been stressing her out with how much they eat.
“They sure can put it away,” I laugh boisterously with her as we start on the meats and vegetables. I help season them.
The savory aroma of seasoned meats and vegetables fills the kitchen as Mama Zen and I work side by side, a comfortable rhythm flowing between us. The simple act of cooking alongside her brings a sense of normalcy to my otherwise tumultuous world. As we chat and laugh, the weight on my shoulders lightens, just for a moment.
Mama Zen places a hand on my shoulder, her gaze warm and understanding. “You’re a strong one, Miss Verena. Stronger than you think,” she says softly, her eyes twinkling with wisdom earned through years of experience.
I smile gratefully at her words, feeling a surge of gratitude for her presence in my life. Mama Zen is more than just a cook; she is a confidante, a source of comfort in times of need.
Together, we prepare a feast fit for royalty, knowing that our esteemed guests will appreciate the effort and care we put into each dish. The clinking of pots and pans, the sizzle of meats on the stove, and the aroma of spices fill the air, creating a symphony of warmth and familiarity that helps to drown out the lingering memories of the war.
As I turn to slice some ripe, juicy tomatoes for the crisp summer salad, my eyes catch a glimpse of Eryx and Esmeray entering the outer courtyard. They move with grace and confidence, their footsteps light as they exchange small talk with the guards stationed at the entrance. The sound of their laughter and easy camaraderie reaches my ears, filling me with a sense of warmth and familiarity. A gentle breeze carries the scent of blooming flowers and fresh herbs from the nearby gardens, adding to the tranquil atmosphere around us. Despite the looming danger outside the castle walls, this moment feels peaceful and idyllic.
As my eyes fall upon them, a warm smile tugs at the corners of my lips. Eryx stands tall and strong, his presence a steady force amidst the turbulent currents of grief and guilt that threaten to overwhelm me. Esmeray’s sharp wit cuts through the darkness, her unwavering loyalty a beacon of light in the midst of chaos. And Ruelle, with her gentle kindness, sweet smile, and lighthearted jokes, completes our quartet with a touch of warmth and joy. Together, we weather the storms of life, anchored by our unbreakable bond.
They have each other, and they have me. And we will face whatever challenges come our way. We will honor the memory of Hadeon, and we will forge a new future, one full of hope and purpose.
* * *
He finds me shortly after that and we make our way to the grand throne room, knowing we are receiving a highly admirable visitor from a distant land. As we enter, the majestic hall comes into view, its high walls decorated with intricate tapestries and its floor covered in plush carpets. We take our seats on the thrones side by side, sitting tall and regal. The throne room has always been my favorite place in the castle, with its open ceiling revealing the beautiful sky above. Even in moments of rain, I find solace in its beauty.
The visitors enter the room, their movements graceful and polite as they bow deeply before us. Their voice is filled with gratitude and respect as they address us, their eyes shining with admiration.
Eryx, being the more familiar of the two, takes the lead in greeting our guest. His voice is warm and welcoming as he speaks. “Lieve, you know there’s no need for such formalities. We’ve known each other practically our entire lives.” He playfully rolls his eyes at her. A genuine smile spreads across Lieve’s face as she looks between us, her bright blue eyes and expression radiating friendship and fondness.
“What can I say? I love the theatrics.”
“Our hospitality was not intended to extend to your three…guards.” His words are hesitant, mirroring my own uncertainty over how to refer to the three different males constantly by her side.
Though they were all known to be skilled in charming women, rumors abounded about their true natures. One was said to have a dangerous and unpredictable thirst for blood, lurking behind his suave facade. Another exuded a bright charm and playfully flirted with any woman within reach. The third had a mysterious aura, often keeping to the shadows and giving off an air of reserved intensity. Some whisper that he was the queen’s spy master, but in this place of secrets and whispers, it was hard to know what was the truth and what was just speculation.
“I am grateful for it nonetheless.” Her smile is bright and contagious, reminding me of Hadeon’s. Sunlight catches in her warm blonde hair, giving it a golden glow that matches her vibrant personality. She is dressed elegantly in a flowing gold gown, befitting of her royal status. I have only met Lieve once before, at Calanthe’s grand party last year, but she had been accompanied by her father then.
“As you may know, my father has passed away.” She does not mince words. We nod, understanding the gravity of her loss. “I am now the rightful heir to the throne, but there are sinister forces at play and I am in need of your assistance.” Her gaze is earnest and pleading. Eryx motions to our guards and they leave the six of us alone before shutting the doors as she reveals the true reason for her visit.
* * *
I swipe the staff at the feet of my husband, forcing him to jump to avoid it. He chuckles deeply at me, coming toward me with his own move to throw me off balance on the beams we currently spar on.
Esmeray attacks from behind him, making a curse flee his lips as we laugh. I’ll give it to him, he sure knows how to fight us both off at the same time. But, I guess with him being king it is almost expected. Ruelle and Calanthe sit on a large blanket that rests over the grass in the courtyard. They munch on fruit and crackers, sipping fruity wine and enjoying the sun just as we all are.
The chilled breeze of seasons changing cools my hot skin as I use every muscle I have to throw another blow at Eryx just as his staff smacks into his sister and she falls to the ground with a grunt.
“Now it’s just you and I, Seren Fach.”
I narrow my eyes at his attempts to smirk at me with his darker charm and intimate thoughts that I can only guess are running through his brain.
“For now.” The wooden stick I hold lets out a loud thwack as it meets its mark on his side. He hisses and almost topples over. I don’t give up, moving forward to aim again for him, hoping he blocks me so I don’t hurt him but wanting him to lose this game.
His weapon deflects me, but I swiftly duck and spin, delivering a quick strike to his knees that sends him stumbling backward. Eryx regains his balance with a grin, admiration shining in his eyes as he faces me once more.
“Well played, my love,” he concedes, his voice laced with both challenge and affection. The familiar thrill of competition pulses between us, igniting the air with tension and exhilaration .
As we continue our sparring match, the courtyard fills with the sounds of laughter and playful banter. Ruelle and Calanthe cheer us on from the sidelines, their infectious mirth blending harmoniously with the sunlight dancing around us, Esmeray counting on me to avenge her in this playful battle.
I lock eyes with Eryx, a silent promise passing between us—a promise of unspoken vows and shared battles yet to come. In this moment, surrounded by loved ones and bathed in the golden glow of the setting sun, I know that no matter what challenges lie ahead, we will face them together.
With a dramatic sweep of our staffs, I manage to deftly knock his feet out from under him. Like a marionette with their strings cut, he tumbles to the ground with a satisfying thud. The earth trembles beneath him as he hits the dirt, sending dust and debris flying in all directions.
My victory leaves a lingering sense of triumph in the air as I stand over him, my staff held confidently at my side. Our duel comes to an end, both of us breathing heavily but grinning like fools.
Eryx extends a hand toward me, and I take it gladly, feeling the warmth of his touch seeping into my skin as he helps me down.
“You never cease to amaze me,” he murmurs, his eyes filled with pride and adoration. I feel a rush of emotion welling up inside me, grateful for this man who stands by my side through every trial and triumph.
As the sky above us transitions into a canvas of dusky hues, we gather our belongings and make our way over to join Ruelle and Calanthe on the blanket. The sweet scent of ripe fruits and the gentle hum of laughter envelop us, creating a sense of contentment that settles deep within my soul.
We bask in each other’s company, sharing stories and dreams beneath the tapestry of stars that begin to twinkle overhead. In this moment of perfect serenity, I am reminded once again of what family feels like.
Hopefully, my dreams of ash and smoke will cease and then maybe I will be truly healed.