Chapter 13
WALKER
“Ihad a great time.”
“You have to be kidding me.”
“No, I mean it. I had a great time.” Her brows furrowed with disappointment. “You didn’t?”
“It was definitely something.”
“That’s not really an answer.”
“Let’s just say, I never would’ve thought you could have fun sucking at something so bad. This place proved me wrong.”
“You weren’t that bad.”
“Yeah, I was.”
I ran my hand through my hair and groaned as I thought about how terribly I’d played.
Hell, I’d missed the ball more than I’d actually hit it.
I swung too early or too late. Don’t know which, and even when I made contact, the damn thing seemed intent on embarrassing the hell out of me and would only go a few damn yards.
If any of the brothers had seen how bad I’d played, they would’ve never let me hear the end of it. That alone should’ve been enough to bother me. I was a man who took pride in doing things right, in winning, but I couldn’t have cared less about winning tonight.
I just wanted to be there with her and soak in her smile.
The damn thing was contagious. I can’t remember the last time I’d smiled so much, and that really stuck with me. I wasn’t worried about making a fool of myself. I was actually having a good time, and I might’ve actually laughed a time or two.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d really laughed, and that got to me, too. But what got to me the most was I wasn’t having a good time because of some silly golf game.
It was her.
All her.
She hadn’t cared how bad I played or how many balls I missed. She didn’t tease when I shook my head and grumbled at how bad I was. She just smiled, soft and sweet, and instead of laughing at me, she laughed with me.
There were no expectations, no pressure, and no weighing look in her eyes like she was trying to decide if I measured up. It was nice. I could just be me, and that said a lot about her. Hell, it said everything.
And I couldn’t deny that I liked her.
It wasn’t just a passing kind of interest that could be brushed off or that I could ride off and forget about. This was different. Somewhere between the missed shots and the easy laughter, I’d found a sense of comfort I hadn’t felt in years.
It was the kind of comfort that could get a man like me in trouble.
She caught me watching her and smiled as she asked, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah… all good.” I cleared my throat before asking, “You ready to get out of here?”
“Probably should. I’d hate to be late for curfew.”
I nodded, and she followed me downstairs and out to the parking lot.
I gave her a moment to put on her helmet before helping her climb on behind me.
I started the engine, and as soon as I eased back on the throttle, she leaned into me, like she trusted me in every sense of the word. That got to me, too.
In a blink, we were turning into her driveway, and I wasn’t ready for the night to end. I killed the engine and stood, then turned and held out my hand to her. She took it without hesitation and smiled as she removed her helmet. “I’m glad we took the bike.”
“You liked it, huh?”
“More than I expected.”
“That’s good. We’ll have to ride again soon.”
“I’d like that.”
I followed as she started for the front porch, and when she reached the steps, we both stopped. She ran her teeth over her bottom lip before asking, “You want to sit for a bit?”
I nodded, and we both sat down on the steps. We hadn’t been there long when she lightly bumped me and said, “I had a really good time tonight.”
“Even with the terrible golf?”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“I don’t think I could’ve been worse.”
“I think we proved we’re both equally as bad at it.”
“I missed a ball six times, Rae… Six times.”
“Yeah, you did. It was quite impressive.”
“Ah, now you’re just fucking with me.”
She giggled. “You’ll do better next time.”
“I hate to break it to ya, but I doubt there’ll be a next time.”
“Well, that just makes me sad,” she snickered.
There was something about her smile that had me watching her for a second too long. I was suddenly hit with an unwelcome memory. It wasn’t a full one, but it was enough to remind me what happens when you let yourself have something good.
It was like she knew my head had gone somewhere it had no business going, and she tried to pull me back by asking, “You mentioned earlier that you’d been on the road for a while… Where all have you been?”
“Too many places to name.”
“Okay, then, how about a favorite place you’ve visited?”
“The Dakotas are nice, but the weather can be tricky. Same for Colorado. Like the mountains, but the winters can be brutal. All in all, I like quiet places where nobody asks questions.”
“I get it. Seems like all anybody does around here is ask questions, and it’s usually the ones I don’t want to answer.”
“Every damn time.” Intrigued, I asked, “So, what’s the question you hate the most?”
“Anything to do with Dan and CeeCee. You know, the ex and the best friend.” She rolled her eyes. “It seems everyone is curious about that. They’re always asking things like are you guys still cordial? Do you want to get back together? Did you know CeeCee is pregnant?”
“Oh, damn. Those sound pretty tough.”
“They are, but I’ve gotten pretty good at deflecting.”
“Is that right?”
“Hm-hmm. It’s all in the tone.” She gave me an easy smile as she asked, “So, what do you do? Besides riding across state lines and sharing words of wisdom to teens in diners?”
“A little of this and a little of that. I’m pretty good with my hands… building and working on bikes and… Oh, wait. You were just doing that deflecting thing, weren’t ya?”
“Maybe.”
“That’s impressive,” I chuckled.
“I try.”
“So, what about the librarian thing? Is that something you’ve always wanted to do?”
“Since I was old enough to read. I loved being surrounded by books… the smell and the quiet.”
There was movement behind us, and we both stilled, trying to decipher whether it was the boys or not. After a moment, I turned my attention back to Rae and said, “I should get going.”
She nodded, and we both stood. Before I could overthink it, I stepped toward her, and her breath caught, just barely. But she didn’t move. She just stood there, watching me as I brought my hand up and brushed a loose strand of hair from her face, gently tucking it behind her ear.
It was a simple gesture, but it was also intentional.
Very intentional.
I wanted to touch her, and a simple tuck of hair wasn’t enough.
My eyes never left hers as I slipped my hand over her shoulder and rested it at the nape of her neck. I held it there as I stood there staring at her, watching as she barely raked her teeth over her bottom lip.
I knew she was expecting me to kiss her.
I could see it in her eyes, but this wasn’t about that.
This was about me trying to stay there in the moment, to be in the moment, with her.
I didn’t let my mind wander. I didn’t think about what this meant or what it could turn into. I didn’t think about what I might lose.
I kept waiting for the memories, the guilt, the weight of the past to bear down on me, but they didn’t come.
None of it.
I just felt warmth, real and steady, and it engulfed me in a way I hadn’t expected. I searched her eyes for some kind of confirmation that she’d felt what I had, and before I could truly read her, I pulled back my hand and looked away.
That’s right.
I, a man who’d done unthinkable things, killed and tortured, and a man who’d faced death head-on without so much as a flinch, looked away. I couldn’t stand the thought of being wrong about this, wrong about her, so I did the only thing I could.
I got the hell out of there.
Without any warning, I turned and started down the driveway. “Good night, Raelyn.”
“Goodnight, Walker.”
I got on my bike and put on my helmet. I could feel her eyes on me as I turned the ignition, and against my better judgment, I glanced up at her.
She was standing in the same spot with her arms loosely folded and hair catching the porch light.
She didn’t wave or call out. She just stood there, silently watching as I started down the drive.
I tore my gaze away and throttled forward, and I didn’t slow down until her house vanished from my mirrors.
The ride back to the clubhouse didn’t clear my head like it usually did.
If anything, it made it worse. I kept circling back to that moment on the porch, and the disappointment that marked her face when I told her goodnight.
My stomach was still in knots when I pulled up to the clubhouse.
I wasn’t ready to go inside. I didn’t want the noise or the fucking questions, so I headed around back to the garage. The boys had thrown together a workout spot in the back with some weights, a bench, and a punching bag that had seen better days.
It wasn’t much, but it would do in a pinch.
I yanked my shirt over my head, tossed it on the bench, and stepped up to the bag. I didn’t bother stretching or thinking. I just swung, and the hit cracked through the silence. The second came harder, and the third brought the sting to the knuckles.
It didn’t take long before I was wailing away, and I wasn’t going easy. I was hammering this damn thing with everything I had, and every swing carried something with it.
I let it all out.
All the frustration, the anger, and most of all, the restless edge that had been crawling under my skin since I’d left her place.
It didn’t matter that my rage didn’t make any fucking sense.
It didn’t matter that nothing had actually gone wrong.
That was the problem. Everything had gone too damn right.
It was what I’d hoped for. It was what I’d wanted.
That’s what I told myself, but now, I wasn’t so sure.
I hit the bag harder. My shoulders burned and my knuckles stung, but I didn’t stop. I knew what would happen if I did. I would go right back to that porch, with her staring up at me with those beautiful dark eyes, waiting for me to kiss her.