Chapter 8 Quinn #2
“Ugh.” She grimaced and gave me a wobbly smile. “I didn’t mean to lose it like that.”
“How long have you known you liked girls?” I asked quietly, trying to piece together her behavior over the last couple of years.
“I think really since I was fourteen, but I definitely knew when we moved to Oban and I met Hazel.” Heather pulled her knees to her chin. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I just wish you’d felt like you could tell me. I’m not Grandpa Donnelly.” Kiera’s father was a prick who spouted casually racist and homophobic remarks all the time, which was why Kiera spent as little time as possible with him. “Did you tell your mum?”
She shook her head. “Hazel’s parents won’t be happy. She already knows they won’t be. So we kept it quiet.”
I asked her how long they’d been dating, and she said it had been a year.
“Did you think I would be against it?” That really worried me because I’d never had a homophobic thought in my life, so why would my own daughter be concerned about my reaction?
“I … I honestly didn’t know, Dad. When I try to ask you how you’re feeling about anything, you just give me vague answers and pat me on the head like a wee girl, and it makes me mad because then you turn around and tell me I need to start thinking like an adult.
It felt like you didn’t trust me. So … I didn’t feel like I could trust you in return.
You telling me I hurt you”—her chin wobbled again—“is like the first time I’ve ever heard you admit anything like that. ”
Shit.
Fuck, shit, fuck, fuck.
Cammie had been right.
My daughter, my everything, hadn’t trusted me. That knocked me on my arse.
I leaned back against Heather’s bed and released a shaky breath. I took a minute to collect my thoughts before I spoke quietly. “You have to understand, flower. My mission in life has been to protect you from everything. Even from me and my emotions.”
Her expression softened and she reached over to squeeze my knee. “And that was fine when I was ten. But our relationship has to change as I get older.”
I gave her a tender smile. “So much wiser than your old man.”
Heather nibbled on her lower lip. “I don’t know about that. I’ve been acting like a brat.”
That brought me to what she’d confessed. “Because you’re worried about losing Hazel to Olivia?”
She gave me a wry, uncertain smirk. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on anyone.”
“Does Hazel know how you feel about her being alone with this other girl?”
“I told her I was fine with it. But she should know better.”
I chuckled. “Baby girl, you can’t expect her to read your mind. You need to tell her how you feel.”
“And have her think I’m insecure and uncool? Nah.”
“Do you love her?”
Her cheeks flushed. “I do.”
“Then tell her how you feel. It’s not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable at the idea of your partner spending time with someone who has admitted to having feelings for them. And how Hazel responds will tell you a lot about where she stands and how much she values her relationship with you.”
Considering my words, Heather nodded slowly. “I suppose so.”
“I know so.” I exhaled shakily. “If we’re being honest with each other … I should tell you that Taran Macbeth and I used to be in a relationship. Before your mum and I.”
Heather straightened, her curiosity obvious. “Really? She’s so pretty, Dad.”
My answering laughter was husky. “Aye, Taran’s always been beautiful. Inside and out.”
“When did you date?”
“Fourteen to nineteen. Taran’s a year younger.”
“Seriously? You were childhood sweethearts?”
I nodded.
“Did you love her?”
“I want to know before I answer if me being honest will hurt your feelings because I’m talking about someone who isn’t your mum.”
Heather grimaced. “Dad, Mum’s already told me Gary is the love of her life. So, no.”
I nodded because I was glad for Kiera. “I would have sailed to the ends of the earth for Taran Macbeth.”
My daughter’s lips parted at my gruff admission. “Dad. I didn’t know you were a romantic.” She gave me a small but confused smile. “If you loved her so much, what happened?”
“I got jealous and insecure when she went to uni.” I gave her a look so she’d understand the parallels I was drawing.
“And I didn’t tell her that I was jealous and afraid of losing her, or that I missed her every second she was in Glasgow.
Instead, I got pissed off that she didn’t seem to care as much as I did.
And we fought and she was hurt and she pushed me away. ”
Heather stiffened. “Wait … if you were nineteen … Dad … did you get Mum pregnant and leave Taran for her?”
Christ, my kid was too smart. “Not quite like that. Taran and I broke up. I didn’t take it well.” How much detail was too much detail?
“And you started dating Mum?”
I hesitated because I didn’t want to lie to her face.
Heather’s nostrils flared. “Was Mum a fling?”
I grimaced. “When I got home from Glasgow, I was a wreck. And I got very, very drunk.”
“Oh my God, am I the consequence of a bad one-night stand?”
Shit.
Maybe there was such a thing as being too honest. “Heather, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I promise you that.” I leaned into her, holding her gaze. “I’d do everything the exact same way if it meant it led to you.”
Sensing my sincerity, her eyes brightened with fresh tears. She sucked in a shaky breath and released it. “But that means … did Taran find out?”
I nodded.
Heather winced. “Was it bad?”
I nodded again.
My daughter tilted her head in thought. “But Dad, she’s back. And she’s single. And I knew there was something seriously up between you because you could cut the tension with a knife.” She slapped my leg. “You have to win her back, Dad!”
“Heather.” I snatched her hand in mine and squeezed. “My point of telling you was to be honest with you but also to let you know what you can lose if you’re not honest with the people you love. Tell Hazel how you’re feeling.”
“Fine. I will call Hazel tomorrow, but you … you have to tell Taran you still have feelings for her.”
My heart jolted at the thought. “She’s not interested, flower.”
“Uh, trust me, I can tell she’s interested. Plus, Dad, like … she’s a total face card.”
“What on earth is a face card?”
She snort-laughed. “You’re so old. It just means she’s an absolute snack.”
“She’s attractive?”
“Uh, aye. Hot. She’s hot. If you don’t take a chance with her, a much smarter man than you will come along and waste no time snapping her up.”
Jesus. First Cammie. Then Ramsay. Now my own daughter was pushing me to pursue Taran.
“And Dad …” Heather’s lips curled at the corners, her eyes kind. “I get why you wanted to be this perfect human for me and Angus, but we don’t need you to be perfect. We need you to teach us that it’s okay to be imperfect.”
My throat constricted with emotion. “I think I did all right if I raised a kid as wise as you. But I hear you. I’ll do better.”
“I know you will. Good talk, Dad.” Heather leaned over and smacked her lips against my cheek, hitting my beard. “I feel loads better, and I love you tons, but I really am at a good bit in my book.”
Chuckling, I pushed up to my feet, but I pulled her into my arms again. “I love you more than anything, flower. More than anything.”
“I know, Dad,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for pushing you away. I won’t do it again.”
“Good.” I kissed her temple and released her. “Now don’t stay up too late reading.”
She grinned. “I won’t if you won’t.”
As I moved to pull the door closed, she called out, “Dad.”
“Aye?”
“Is it … would it be too late for you to build me some bookshelves for my room? I know I’ll be at uni, but they’re just lying in piles at Mum’s, and I thought maybe I could keep them in my bedroom here. I think I’ll like coming home to the island on my uni breaks.”
I swear my fucking heart swelled two times its size. “I’ll start building them this weekend.”
“Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too.”