Chapter 14 Taran
Ididn’t regret exposing the truth to Quinn.
Just a year ago, I wouldn’t have done it.
I’d never wanted him to know how deeply he’d scarred me.
I’d been mortified by my emotional response to his news all those years ago—the memory of the violent physical reaction of vomiting in front of him had plagued me for years.
That was as much as I wanted him to know how much his defection hurt.
Yet since losing Mum, I no longer cared about anything so inconsequential as “saving face.”
I’d attempted to be the bigger person for Mum’s sake.
Because she’d made me promise before she died that I would forgive Quinn.
For her, I wanted to. Therefore, I’d tried to be civil.
But him bringing up the past with this benevolent attitude—like he was doing me a favor by giving me my say—I found myself hating him all over again.
I didn’t know how to get past it.
Truthfully, I wasn’t even sure if I was still as angry at him or if I was just directing my anger from losing Mum toward him.
It had been two days since the night in the lifeboat station, when everything had felt so raw in the moment. I was calmer now as I took a seat in my doctor’s office.
Dr. Molly Stornoway had been my family’s GP since I was thirteen. She was the one who examined Mum’s lump and sent her for tests in Inverness.
“How are you, Taran?” Dr. Stornoway asked as she sat down in the chair opposite me. Her expression was kind, her eyes filled with lingering sadness. She and Mum had become friends over the years, and I knew she grieved her too.
“I’m getting there.” I twisted my fingers together nervously on my lap.
“What brings you in today?”
One of the reasons I felt calmer about what happened between me and Quinn was big-picture stuff.
Like trying to face a fear that had plagued me for a year.
“Mum’s oncologist mentioned last year that because of our family history, I should get tested.
I’ve been in a bit of a fog after losing Mum, but I should take that advice seriously. Shouldn’t I?”
Dr. Stornoway’s tone was gentle, careful. “Well, both your mum and your grandmother had metastatic breast cancer, correct?”
“Aye. I never met my grandmother. She died even younger than Mum.”
“Okay, well, I think the first thing we do is refer you to a genetic specialist and they’ll assess you.
The most common inherited altered genes that increase your risk of breast cancer are called brCA1 and brCA2.
These are the genes that usually protect us from breast and ovarian cancer, but if you inherit an alteration in one of those genes, it can increase your risk of developing cancer.
There’s also the PALB2 gene, which helps to control cell growth.
If there’s inherited alteration to this gene, it also may increase the risk.
The specialist will run an assessment on a few of the less common altered genes as well. Does that all make sense?”
I nodded, my stomach churning. “So, if I have inherited the altered gene, what happens next?”
“It depends on how high of a risk the specialist decides you are. If you’re at high risk, we’ll start regular mammograms. If you’re at low risk, you’ll be invited to your mammogram screening from age fifty every three years like every other woman in the UK.”
“And if I want more regular checks just in case?”
“You’ll have to pay for those privately.”
My mind raced, battling the fear of knowing. “O-okay.”
Dr. Molly leaned closer. “Is this a cause of anxiety for you, Taran?”
“Aye, I must admit that it is.”
“We’ll get you to the specialist as quickly as possible, all right?” She gave my hand a squeeze. “You’re taking control of the situation. Being cautious is the right thing to do here. The more we know, the better.”
“The more we know,” I murmured, not sure I agreed with that.