Chapter 45 Taran
Quinn and I boarded the earliest ferry leaving Glenvulin for Oban.
We needed to get to Kiera and Gary’s house first and then we’d follow them in our car to Glasgow.
It was a five-hour round trip. Quinn and I had decided to stay in a hotel, but Kiera and Gary wanted to get Angus home afterward, so we needed to depart early.
Some things hadn’t changed, and one of those things was that Quinn grew brooding and quiet when he was concerned.
When I was younger, I never pushed him to talk to me when he was like that.
But last night as we lay in bed, I coaxed his anxieties out of him.
Like any dad, he was worried about Heather’s safety and happiness.
He worried she’d get caught up in drinking and partying, forget about her classes, put herself in risky positions.
Having experienced what Heather was about to experience, I reassured Quinn as much as possible and asked a lot of questions about Heather’s academic ambitions and her time at school.
We talked for hours about her, and it seemed to calm him enough to sleep. However, this morning I could feel his turmoil. I held his hand tight in mine as I guided us to a small booth inside the ferry cabin since it was raining outside.
I grabbed us a couple of coffees and a pastry each before slipping into the booth across from him. Sliding the coffee and croissant over to Quinn, I prodded. “Eat something.”
He studied the proffered items.
Then looked at me with that intensity I’d come to love all over again.
“Distract me,” he demanded.
Lips twitching at the command, I flirted. “It’s a wee bit too public for that kind of funny business, Mr. McQuarrie.”
As I’d hoped, he let out a huff of laughter. “As nice as that would be, I didn’t mean that kind of distraction. Talk to me. Anything new going on with Pages & Perks? With London?”
Quinn’s words from yesterday were the first thing that came to mind at his question.
I want you to tell me everything.
While I didn’t think that was at all realistic, I did want to be able to talk to him about all the big things.
The important things. The emotions we hadn’t discussed when we were kids.
Because this time around, I wanted us to last forever, and the only way that would happen is if we were better at communicating.
That sense of dread I’d felt every time the thought cropped up made my stomach roil, and I suddenly wasn’t hungry. “I do have something I want to talk about. It might prove distracting.”
Sensing the shift in my mood, Quinn straightened. “What’s going on?”
Keeping my voice low because I didn’t want anyone else to know my business, I relayed the day I’d gone to Dr. Stornoway regarding the altered gene testing for breast cancer. I explained to Quinn what it was they would test for and why.
“The referral to the specialist came through pretty quickly, and I’ve had two letters since to confirm an appointment. I’ve avoided a few phone calls. Even from Dr. Stornoway. It’s like this storm cloud no one else can see, following me around everywhere.”
“You’re afraid to know,” he guessed, reaching out to take my hand.
I nodded.
“Okay.” Quinn squeezed my fingers. “What happens if the tests reveal you have those altered genes?”
“I’d have to undergo regular breast screening.”
“Which sounds like a good thing to me.” Quinn ducked his head, so I had to meet his gaze, filled with understanding and reassurance. “It puts you in as much control as you can be, Taran.”
“It doesn’t scare you?”
“The only thing that scares me is you putting off something that’s important for your well-being. Do the testing, Taran. Please. I’ll come with you.”
“Aye?” A slight heaviness lifted from my shoulders. “I have to go to Inverness …”
“Then we go to Inverness. And whatever the results are, we’ll handle them. What we’re not going to do is waste our time being so afraid of something that might not even happen that we forget to live. We’ve already lost nineteen years together, Taran. I won’t lose any more time with you.”
“I love you.” The words wheezed out of me in a breathless pant of emotion.
“I’ve loved you my whole life.” Quinn pulled my hand to his mouth to scatter kisses over my knuckles, his beard tickling my skin as much as his lips. “I’m going to love you for the rest of it, and whatever lies beyond this life, I know I’ll love you there too.”
Tears stung my nose and blurred my vision. I turned away, batting at the escaping salty water with a huff. “God, Quinn, can you not say such beautiful things to me in public?”
He laughed throatily and pressed my hand to his lips again, eyes tender with adoration.
Despite Kiera being so warm and welcoming, I still felt awkward around her.
I knew it would take time to be fully at ease in her company.
When we were kids, I didn’t really take the time to get to know her because it was public knowledge that she had a crush on Quinn, and I instinctually disliked her for it.
As an adult, I could see she was a truly lovely person who felt deep regret for the way things played out when we were kids.
There was clearly nothing but platonic affection between her and Quinn, and she seemed to be totally in love with her husband.
Watching her with Heather and Angus only made me like her more.
Even in the height of stress, having filled their car to the brim with Heather’s belongings and making sure she had everything she needed, Kiera was patient with Angus’s constant prattling, whining, and generally getting in her way.
It became obvious that this was Angus’s way of dealing with the idea of his sister leaving, and I loved that Kiera recognized it and showed him nothing but motherly kindness and affection.
She reminded me of my mum.
I wondered if that was the kind of mum I’d be too. I could only hope to be.
What if … what if Quinn didn’t want to have another child?
We probably should have discussed that before deciding to jump with both feet into this relationship!
“You okay?” Quinn asked, frowning at me as he clipped on his seat belt.
Since Kiera and Gary’s car was filled with Heather’s stuff, Heather and Angus were traveling in Quinn’s truck with us.
Therefore, I pasted on a smile and nodded.
His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, as if he knew I was lying, but he didn’t push it. Instead, he let the kids argue for ten minutes about what we were going to listen to before he made a decision and told them to lump it or leave it.
They decided to both leave it, sticking in their earbuds to listen to whatever was on their respective phones.
“Not exactly the drive I had in mind,” Quinn muttered, flicking Heather a look in the rearview mirror.
I squeezed his arm in reassurance, pushing my own worries to the side to focus on him.
We had to stop at a service station to let Angus pee, and I got a moment alone with Heather where I subtly suggested she engage in conversation with her father before he helped her move out into the big wide world.
She took the hint, and for the next half of the drive, she chatted away to Quinn about her schedule, about her and Hazel’s plans to meet up every weekend to keep their romance alive.
Quinn also suggested she bring Hazel back to Leth Sholas on their winter break and Heather perked up at the idea.
“She does want to visit. Would that really be okay?”
“Of course. I’d quite like to meet her, you know.”
“It’s a deal! She’s dying to meet you too, Taran.”
“Really?” I turned to look back at Heather.
“Absolutely. I told her you like the same books as us and that you were the operational director for Food4Everyone. She thinks you’re legit.”
I grinned, cheeks warm with pleasure. “Do you hear that, Quinn? I’m legit.”
“I’ve known that for years.”
“Ugh, Dad. You’re so cheesy these days.”
He flicked me a droll look. “You’re legit, but I’m cheesy.”
I snorted. “Apparently so.”
An hour later, when we parked outside Heather’s accommodation, she unclipped her seat belt just as Quinn turned off the engine. She wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re legit too, Dad.”
Quinn curled his hand around hers and brought her palm to his lips in reply.
I had to look away from the emotion on both Heather and her father’s faces, or I’d burst into tears right there and then.
“This is rubbish,” Angus announced, his features scrunched up in disgust as he stared around Heather’s small dorm room.
It was the exact opposite of my thoughts. My first-year accommodation had been a damp, old midcentury building and was so depressing, I’d covered every inch of the walls with posters, even though it was against the rules.
In comparison, Heather’s first-year accommodation was very modern and comfortable.
There were five bedrooms off a shared kitchen and living area.
Our common room had included a small kitchenette we were always fighting over and hard, uncomfortable chairs.
Heather’s was a full kitchen with shiny new appliances and a large, comfy sectional sofa with a television and coffee table.
Her bedroom, while small, had its own en suite (try sharing a bathroom with four other girls, not all of whom got along), a double bed (mine had been a single that Quinn fell out of a few times in those first few months when we were still together), and a lovely study area with a desk.
Angus, however, was blind to it all.
“It is not.” Heather scowled at her brother.
“It is so!” Angus threw up his arms in exasperation. “Enjoy your rubbish new place.” He spun toward Kiera who was helping her daughter unpack. “Mum, can I go wait in the car?”
“No. Not alone.”
“I’m waiting in the car!” he yelled, face turning red before he whirled around, stomping out.
Heather sighed heavily. “Why can’t he just say he’s going to miss me instead of being a pain in the arse?” She dropped an armload of books onto her new bed. “I’ll go get him.”
“Good girl,” Quinn muttered, squeezing her shoulder as she passed.
My heart ached for his wee boy. “Poor Angus.”
“They fight like cats and dogs, but he looks up to her.” Kiera threw me a trembling smile.
“He’s going to miss her.” Her voice broke and Gary crossed the small room to pull her into his arms. “I-I can’t.
” She tried to pull away. “I can’t let her see me upset.
I feel sick. It feels wrong leaving her here.
My wee gi—” Kiera covered her mouth to stifle a sob.
Gary jerked his chin toward Quinn, and he hesitated ever so slightly before glancing at me.
Understanding, my chest squeezed with a bit of discomfort. But I pulled up my big-girl knickers and gestured to Kiera. “I’ll wait outside.”
Gary followed me out as Quinn pulled Kiera into his embrace. The sight sent a flare of jealousy through me that I hated but couldn’t deny. They would always be connected by their children, and nothing would change that. Kiera had years with the man I loved. I just had to accept it.
“There’s nothing there.” Gary assured me as we walked through the common room, nodding to Heather’s new roommates. We were the last to arrive, so they were already getting acquainted with one another.
“Where?” I played dumb as we stepped out into the hallway by the entrance.
“Kiera and Quinn. It’s just … only they know what this really feels like. Dropping a kid off they’ve raised together for eighteen years. That’s all that is in there.”
“I know that.” I did know that. It didn’t change the fact that it would always sting, even if that sting was getting easier to bear. Being with Quinn was worth it.
An hour later, Heather had talked Angus around, though he’d grown quiet now.
We unpacked Heather and then offered to order takeaway for her and her new roommates.
That went down a treat and hopefully ingratiated Heather to them, but we left just as the food arrived.
Gary and I walked out first to leave Heather to say goodbye to her mum, Dad, and Angus.
Kiera kept it together until we reached our parked cars and then she started to cry. I gave her a hug and reassured her Heather would be fine. Quinn hugged her next and then he kissed Angus goodbye and told him he’d see him in a few weeks.
Gary, Kiera, and Angus left for home, leaving me to comfort Quinn.
“I’m all right,” he promised as we drove toward our hotel. “She seemed nervous but excited, so I’m happy for her. This is life. Your kids grow up.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him about the kid thing, but I quickly decided against it. Today wasn’t the day.
But at some point, we needed to talk about it.
I just hoped it wasn’t going to be another obstacle in our way.