13. Chapter 13
“And where the hell were you?” Carmin asks as we explore the Great Theater.
Ephesus is beautiful, but I haven’t been able to focus on anything since this morning.
I didn’t even mind the small lecture Elijah gave because of me and Leo’s lateness.
I’ve been floating on the world’s softly cloud, and I’ve yet to come down.
I don’t think I ever will. I would have never imagined I’d allow myself to be so open to the idea of getting fingered in such a public place.
It was definitely a fantasy, but I always thought I would have been too afraid to come, yet my body was craving it again.
The way his fingers slid over my clit in tandem with his tongue as it circled my nipple with pure determination…
“Ginny!”
“Hmm?” I breathe as Carmin shakes my arm. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I said what happened to you last night and this morning? I was worried about you, and then Elijah said you were probably with Leo? What the fuck happened?”
“Oh, right.” I tuck my hair behind my ear, the coolness of the breeze between my legs a stark reminder of the quick turn of events. “Umm, Leo got hurt at the club last night, so he stayed the night with me.”
“Wait, Leo was there? I thought he said he wasn’t going?”
I nod, doing everything I can to withhold any form of eye contact. “Right, well, he showed up later in the night, I stepped on his foot with my heel, and yeah.”
“And yeah?” Carmin looks at me, her concern turning into confusion. “And what about Justin?”
“That!” I exclaim in my nervousness. “That’s not going to work out.”
“What, why?”
“You’re full of questions today,” I remark as I pull ahead of her.
Carmin picks up her pace to keep beside me. “Well, I wouldn’t have to if you’d answered any of my texts or calls.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek, recalling the pile of texts I’ve still yet to read. “I’m sorry, okay. I was worried about Leo’s foot, considering he still has a slight limp. And Justin, he—the man kissed another girl last night.”
Carmin stops in her tracks, her eyes widening before narrowing in his direction, where he’s chatting with some of the other groomsmen. “Oh, I’m gonna—”
“No,” I interject, placing my hand on her arm. “It’s fine, I’m over it. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”
“That’s still no excuse. I can’t believe him.” Carmin’s expression softens as she looks back at me, and a heavy weight falls in my stomach.
“Please don’t feel sorry for me. It’s really okay; I know I deserve better now.”
Carmin pulls me into a hug anyway, which I accept before stepping back and offering my best ‘See? I’m okay’ face. I assume the questioning is over until her brows furrow as she does the math. “But where were you this morning?”
“I woke up late, so Leo and I got breakfast at the buffet.” The lie comes out with ease.
“But Melody said it was his idea to eat at the restaurant for breakfast.” Carmin looks over to Leo, who, of course, has his eyes on me with the goofiest smile.
Damn, this nigga just can’t help himself.
He attempts to look away quickly when he sees the annoyed expression of my face alongside Carmin’s glare. “Hold up. Did y’all…”
“No,” I say casually, keeping my head up and maintaining eye contact with her. Her eyes narrow at me this time as her head tilts to the side slightly and her arms cross over her chest. I roll my eyes as my tongue tingles with the truth. “We didn’t sleep together.”
“Then what did you do? Or maybe I should ask him?” When I don’t bite immediately, Carmin shrugs as she starts over to Leo.
“Okay, wait!” I exclaim in a hushed and hurried tone. She turns back to me, still unamused, yet expectant. “We didn’t have sex last night, but we did… kiss.”
I watch her face in anticipation, and her arms unfold as her hands come to her mouth with a tiny squeal. “I knew it, oh my god. Oh my god, that makes so much sense. I’m so happy for you.”
“Yeah, yeah, just don’t tell anyone, especially not Eli.”
Carmin zips her lips shut before crossing her heart.
“You know I would never, but shit, Ginny.” Her hands come to my shoulders, squeezing me tightly.
“This is amazing. I mean, I would have suggested it myself, but you two are so opposite, I didn’t think it was possible.
This is so perfect. How are you feeling? ”
I shrug, sitting on one of the nearby steps.
“I don’t know. I mean, I’m happy and so excited.
For once, things feel like they’re working out for me.
I am worried about how Eli will react, but I also can’t help but be a little afraid of what’s next.
I’ve never jumped into something so quickly before, especially not like this. ”
Carmin bobs her head, her lips pursed. “I get that. For the record, I don’t think Tee will be upset. He can be a little stubborn and bossy, but he does love you—you’re his sister. Do you think you’re afraid because of your past experiences?”
“Yeah, I do.” My head falls into my hands as I try to shake the feeling.
“It’s easy to say not to worry and to go with the flow, but I’ve never been that girl.
Leo does make it easier, but it’s hard when my whole life has been me living in the shadows and not drawing attention to myself out of fear that I’ll drown in my own shame.
I’ve tried to come to the surface, but I’m always burned or given just enough for me to stay inches away from what I truly desire.
I feel ready to move forward with Leo and allow myself to be appreciated the way I’ve always wanted, but I can think of a million excuses that that feeling is wrong. ”
“I hear you, and I understand.” Carmin sits down beside me before grabbing my hand.
“It’s easy to get caught up in the “what if” of negative possibilities when good things happen to us.
I won’t tell you that it’s okay and that you’ll be fine because that won’t help you.
What I will say is to consider how you’re feeling before you pull away too much.
And in pulling away, are you loving yourself through that decision?
I want you to be happy and do what’s best for you, but consider what will fulfill you more: loving or losing by your own hand? ”
I look up at Leo, who tries and fails to discreetly look over at me. I let out a giggle, shaking my head at how obvious he is and noticing how light my chest feels. My hands are steady; my body is still.
“You’re right,” I say. “I have to give it my all this time.”