CHAPTER 17
Axel stood between Clint and Abel throughout the service, clutching both their hands.
When he saw Dan Brown pull the Healy boy into his arms as they both broke into tears, Axel couldn’t hold back his own.
He’d been so frightened for the young man, but when Dan Brown embraced him—literally and figuratively—Axel’s fear quieted.
With the older man’s appearance on the news interview, Axel had hope that the public might be less harsh toward Connor Healy and his mother.
He looked at Abel as a tremor ran through the young man.
Tears streaked Abel’s face. Axel wasn’t surprised; Abel had a tender heart and felt others’ pain.
Even Devlin, Wil Jordan, and Frank Hayes couldn’t hold back their emotions as family members stepped forward and spoke with deep love for the lost boys.
Rita Healy struggled to hold back tears as she spoke of her son, Gage. Connor Healy stood at her side, openly crying. When he tried to speak for his brother, he broke down, sinking to his knees on the brittle grass before his little brother’s casket, his face in his hands.
Axel swallowed hard and let out a slow, shaky breath.
Clint squeezed his hand, drawing Axel’s gaze to his face.
The cowboy stared ahead at the mourners, the strain in his face betraying his inner struggle.
No one would blink an eye if he let the tears flow, but it was hard for Clint to show his feelings in front of others.
Tonight, alone with Axel, he would let the emotion out.
Axel felt both thankful and honored that he was such a “haven” for Clint, a place where the cowboy felt safe enough to hold nothing back and show him everything of who he was: his joys, dreams, and fears.
And what cut him to the core of his heart.
Axel didn’t take his place in Clint’s life for granted. He knew how special it was.
Rita sank to the grass beside Connor and wrapped an arm around his trembling form.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she whispered through her tears.
“You don’t have to speak. Gage knew how much you loved him.
” She stroked her fingers gently through his hair and kissed his head. “He loved you, too, so much.”
Connor curled forward, his face pressing harder into his hand, his sobs breaking him. Rita felt grateful when Dan Brown sank to his heels beside the young man. He didn’t speak, just rubbing his back until the boy’s sobs subsided. Rita and Dan gently helped him to his feet.
Connor took a few deep breaths and straightened his back. Rita handed him a tissue to wipe his eyes and nose. “Hon, it’s okay if you don’t speak.”
He shook his head and cleared his throat.
“I… I have to,” he whispered, a quiver in his voice.
All murmurs hushed as Connor stared at his little brother’s casket, only a few feet from Jamie Brown.
He sniffed and wiped his eyes again. “Gage…” His breath shuddered, and fresh tears trickled down his face.
“… was my best friend. He was…” His chin trembled.
“… he was the coolest little brother in the world.”
Rita leaned against him, her arm around his waist, sobbing quietly. Dan stayed at his side, his strong hand resting comfortingly on Connor’s shoulder.
“He… He was… so funny… He could always make me laugh.” His lips pressed tight as warm tears streamed down his cheeks. “I loved him… so much.” His head dipped, and he cried. Rita hugged him as he wilted against her.
“He loved you, too, baby,” she whispered. “You were his favorite person in the world.” She held him tightly, sobbing into his hair, wondering how they were supposed to move on from this very moment. It didn’t feel possible.
Dan trembled beside the mother and son. He took a shaky step forward, then another, and pressed his palm to his son’s casket.
It was cold to the touch, an embodiment of death.
The flowers draped across the top blurred as his eyes swam.
“Jamie was our miracle,” he said so quietly he wasn’t sure anyone heard.
“The child they said we would never have.” He swallowed hard, pressing his hand firmly against the casket.
“He was… perfect. He had a kind heart, a beautiful soul.” Nora came to his side and held him, sobbing.
He drew her into his arms. “He was our whole world.”
As soon as the words slipped out, he felt Connor Healy crumble beneath his guilt.
The boy’s sobs grew stronger. Dan turned just in time to see the young man backing away, about to flee.
Dan’s shattered heart broke a little more, and he moved toward the boy, catching his arm and drawing him back.
Connor Healy clung to him, crying against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” The boy’s body strained under the force of his sobs, the crushing weight of guilt.
Dan held him tightly. “It’s not your fault, son,” he whispered brokenly. “It was never your fault. The man who took your brother away… he took Jamie. Not you. Not you.”
Rita and Nora moved closer and hugged the young man, offering words of comfort and assurance. Dan feared for the boy’s mental state as he crumbled under his guilt and remorse. Connor Healy would need therapy… and soon.
Devlin ducked his head as tears fell. Watching the Healy boy come apart was more than his heart could take.
It broke him in a different way to see Dan Brown comfort the shattered young man, stepping so naturally into the role of a loving, compassionate father.
That instinct offered insight into the kind of father he had been to his own son, making his tragic loss hurt even more.
Jamie was our miracle. The child they said we would never have. He was our whole world.
Devlin had watched those declarations crash down on Connor Healy, crushing him more with each syllable. If Dan Brown hadn’t stopped him, the boy would have fled the cemetery.
“How is he going to survive this?” Axel whispered, standing beside Abel, his face a mask of sorrow and fear, tears streaming. “It’s not his fault, but… how could anyone not carry that guilt? I don’t think I could survive that kind of guilt.”
Devlin didn’t miss the look the cowboy gave Axel. Regardless of what Axel was going through, Clint wouldn’t allow him to slip so far that he couldn’t come back. Fortunately for the cowboy, Axel offered the same “stability” when he came home with burdens too great to bear.
Devlin squeezed Abel’s hand, and the boy pressed against him. Devlin would never take his healing relationship with the young man for granted. Without Abel—and others very close to them—he might not have survived the revelation about his brother.
Midway through the service, Clint glimpsed two figures in the distance, their faces obscured by shadows cast by a large oak at the cemetery's edge.
He observed them out of the corner of his eye; both were dressed in dark suits.
They did not try to come nearer, and after the service concluded, instead of greeting the families, they disappeared into a nearby grove of trees.
Soon after, Clint heard a distant car engine rumble.
Clint and his small group hung back, waiting for the other mourners to drift away before approaching the two families. Rita Healy cast Clint an affectionate look and thanked him for coming.
Nora Brown gazed at Axel for a long moment, then a spark of recognition lit her eyes. “It was you,” she whispered. “That day on the street…”
Axel nodded, swallowing hard. Tears welled in his eyes.
“You… You tried to help my son…” Her chin trembled as she stepped forward and hugged him. “Thank you.” She held him tightly, crying softly.
Axel returned the hug. “I’m so sorry.” He closed his eyes as tears fell.
Clint’s chest tightened, aware of how much this was affecting Axel. Dan Brown met Clint’s gaze, then took him aside while the others spoke with the rest of Clint’s group.
“I want to thank you,” Dan Brown said, emotion thick in his voice.
“For what you did at the hospital. If you hadn’t stepped in…
” Genuine fear rippled in the man’s eyes as his gaze shifted to Connor Healy.
“I couldn’t have lived with it if I had hurt that boy.
” His throat worked, and he whispered, “I’ve never harmed anyone. That poor kid…”
“You were in distress,” Clint murmured. “Understandable.”
Dan cleared his throat. “I’m worried about him. The guilt is more than he can bear. What if it becomes too much for him…?”
“Talk to his mother,” Clint said. “She needs to get him help. Now… before she’s faced with another tragedy.”
A shudder ran through the other man. “I will.” He hung his head and pressed his fingers to his eyes.
“Maybe… Maybe it’s good for me to have someone to focus on and care about.
” He swallowed hard, raised his head, and wiped tears from his face.
“Thinking about Jamie right now… it hurts too much. I think helping Connor… might help me, too.”
Clint nodded. “I think so, too.”
“That young man…” He nodded toward Axel, who stood close to Nora Brown, her hand resting affectionately on his arm. “You and him…”
“He’s my fiancé,” Clint said.
Dan nodded, his eyes resting on Axel. “Nora told me about him,” he murmured.
“That he was the first at her side, trying to help.” His jaw tightened with the strain of emotion.
Tears welled. “I’ll always be grateful for that,” he whispered, thickly.
“That in that moment… she wasn’t alone.” He pressed his hand to his eyes.
“She’s so lost now.” His chin trembled. “All she ever wanted to be was a mother. And she was such a wonderful mom.” Dan sniffed and lowered his hand.
“She cherished Jamie so much. Without him… without a child to love… I don’t know what that will do to her. ”
Clint looked at the woman, almost clinging to Axel. The way she touched his arm with such deep affection… he could sense her motherly instincts trying to surface. Axel was hurting, and though it was her child who had been taken, she was trying to comfort him.
Clint didn’t know if now was the right time, but he spoke his mind anyway.
“If the day ever comes,” he said softly, reverently.
Dan looked at him. “That you and your wife might want to adopt another child.” He swallowed.
“I know of many kids who need a lot of love. A lot.” Sympathy warmed his eyes.
“I don’t expect you to be thinking about that right now.
And I apologize if I’m out of line even bringing it up. ”
“No,” Dan whispered, his voice a rasp as his gaze settled on his wife.
“I think, in time, Nora might need that. She’s a mom at heart.
” He wiped away fresh tears, his chin trembling.
“A mom needs a child to love.” He shook his head, a flicker of anger darkening his eyes.
“It isn’t fair that someone can just… destroy people’s lives and walk away Scott-free.
I mean…” His jaw clenched, driving fresh tears into his eyes. “How the fuck is that fair?”
“It isn’t,” Clint said quietly, squeezing the man’s shoulder. “And he didn’t.”
Axel sat quietly in the passenger seat the entire drive home. His heart hurt, and he wanted to cry, but somehow the tears had dried. Which made it hurt worse. He looked away from the passenger window when Clint reached out and took his hand.
“They’re going to make it through this,” Clint said, and Axel knew they were more than just empty words; hope resonated in the cowboy’s voice.
“And Connor Healy…” Axel whispered. “How is he going to make it?”
“They’ll get him help,” Clint murmured. “It’ll take time, but he will heal.” He squeezed Axel’s hand. “I believe that.”
Axel threaded their fingers and brought Clint’s hand to his lips. “If you believe it,” he said with a tremor. “Then I can believe it, too.” He trusted the cowboy completely. If Clint truly believed in something, Axel couldn’t help but have faith as well.
“Good.” Clint smiled small. “I don’t like seeing you… like you have been the last few days. I need you happy, content, and smiling.”
That made Axel smile.
“That there.” Clint gave him a quick kiss. “That’s what I like to see.”
“If you play your cards right…” Axel kissed his hand, an impish smile creeping onto his face. “… you might see a lot of it tonight.”
Clint chuckled softly. “I’m a hell of a card player.”
“Yes,” Axel admitted, his smile growing. “You are.”
“Feeling any better?” Clint asked sincerely.
“A little, yeah.” He kissed his hand again. “Thanks. You always know how to make it better.”
Clint winked at him, though his tone was sincere as he replied, “I learned from the best.”
Axel smiled, ever thankful that—for reasons he didn’t quite understand—he was Clint’s sanctuary, and that in his arms was where the cowboy felt safest.
“Who do you think donated all that money?” Axel looked at Clint. “Any idea?”
Sighing, Clint shrugged. “Maybe some idea,” he mumbled, his eyes fixed straight ahead.
“Who?”
Clint’s voice dropped as the skin around his eyes pinched. “Someone I didn’t think gave a damn.”