Chapter 9
nine
. . .
Indi
E l Honey's bedroom is just as I remembered. I feel as if I've stepped back in time, and not just back to my childhood but back to the early days of Rockhurst, when the town was loud and filled with the chaos brought about by gold fever. A walnut four-poster bed with a calico print canopy takes up most of the room. El Honey's granny square quilt, filled with every color in the rainbow, sits folded across the end of the bed. The colors are a little more faded now, and it's soft as silk as I smooth my hand over it. Kinsley's grandma, or Nana as she called her, collected porcelain kittens and angels. The shiny trinkets sit in a cluster on top of the antique dresser. A pair of pewter candlesticks rest on a delicate lace doily. There are two ivory tapers sitting on top, waiting for that storm outage that El Honey always worried about. She grew up east of the coast in a rural area that had no electricity or running water. She always liked to remind us how good we had it since we never had to trudge to the outhouse in the snow and rain.
Kinsley knocks lightly and pokes her head in. "Sorry it's so dated. Nev and I didn't have the heart to—well—you know—" She sniffles.
"Kiki, I'm so sorry I didn't make the funeral. You know I loved your grandmother. Everyone loved your grandmother."
She takes a deep breath to gather herself. A smile appears under the teary eyes. "Everyone was there, including Finn and all the boys." She lifts her eyes dreamily. "They all looked so gorgeous in their suits. And Zander, he was visibly shaken. It was so cute. I thought Nev might melt into a puddle when he came up to give her a hug."
"Poor Nev. I didn't realize she was so fond of him."
Kinsley nods. "I can put the porcelain collection into a box, so you have room on top of the dresser."
"No, don't touch a thing. I won't be here long. I've got to find a new job and restart my life."
Kinsley's green sundress swishes around her tanned legs as she spins around. "Then restart it here, in Rockhurst."
I'm shaking my head before she gets the last syllable out. "There's nothing for me here, Kiki."
She crosses her arms angrily. "Thanks a lot."
"You know what I mean. This town—as much as I love it—it makes me sad too. There's a lot of unpleasant baggage here."
"Says the girl who was head cheerleader, top of the class, girlfriend to the high school quarterback and who everyone referred to as the school jewel. Remember my nickname? Kooky Kiki, that's what everyone called me."
I walk over and give her a hug. "You're the one thing I miss about this place."
She sniffles again and we part. "Then stay. At least for a while. Did you get your bank stuff straightened out? I still can't believe that nightmare woman you worked for repossessed everything, even your purse."
"Well, the purse was just an innocent bystander. The bank is sending me new cards, so I'll be able to pay for things like an adult again. I'll have to go into the DMV to get a replacement driver's license, but since I have no car, it's not a hurry."
"What an ordeal you must have gone through." Her phone beeps. "And speaking of ordeals, it's going to be lunch hour at the shop. I've got to help Nev. Help yourself to whatever you like in the fridge." Kinsley looks at her phone and cheers. "Yippee, Nev said it's not that busy today, so she doesn't need me. We can spend some time together." She claps. "Let's go to the ranch."
"The ranch?" It takes me a second to understand. "You mean the Wilde ranch?"
"The only ranch I know of in a fifty-mile radius and probably past that too. I wouldn't know because I rarely leave my tiny three-mile circle here in Rockhurst. What do you say? Zander invited us. I haven't been out there in ages."
"Maybe I'll just hang out here and rest. I'm still kind of tired."
Kinsley reaches over and grabs my hand. "No way. You're coming. He said the twins are back in town, and there's nothing finer than Ronan and Colin Wilde on horseback." She put on her puppy dog eyes. "Please. It's been so boring around here, and you've been all snooty and ignoring me while you were in the city." I know Kinsley well enough to know she won't stop begging until I say yes.
"Jameson will be there with Rio. Zander is giving her riding lessons," Kinsley adds.
"That is not the selling point you think it is. Jameson and I left on sort of rough terms this morning. I feel bad about it because he took me in last night, but—" I shake my head and realize how disappointed I am about the way things ended this morning. "We just went right back to our old ways—always angry at each other. Something about the man just raises my hackles. I get instantly defensive."
Kinsley is not working very hard to hold back a grin.
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing. Let's just say I think there's a lot more layers between you two than either of you see. But us outsiders can see them plain and clear."
"That is about the most riddle-laden comment I've ever heard."
"Come on. I bought the cutest straw cowboy hat for country music night at the Gold Rush, and I'm dying to wear it."
"So, this is more about a cute hat than a visit to the ranch," I tease. Before she can start up again, I nod. "All right. A short trip to the ranch. I need to visit the cemetery when we get back. It's been too long since I stopped by Dad's grave."
"Think I'll pull on some cowboy boots too." Kinsley practically skips out of the room.
I slather on sunblock, and Kinsley finds me a cap to wear. It isn't nearly as cute as her cowboy hat, but it's better than nothing. The sun is hot today, and though I haven't been there in years, there was always a lack of shade at the ranch.
K insley's small car wobbles side-to-side as it shambles up the gravel road to the ranch. The big farmhouse, a beautiful log cabin, looms into view, and seeing it takes me straight back to my teens. Suddenly, I miss Weston. I pick up my phone and take a photo of the house to send him later. My brother still doesn't know about the sharp turn my life has taken.
"Memories, eh?" Kinsley says, echoing my thoughts exactly.
"We did have some good times up here. It was like a teenager playground with absolutely no supervision. Sometimes, Nate's mom, Stevie, would come out and tell us not to race tractors or jump out of the hayloft, but for the most part it was a nonstop carnival. Weston broke his arm twice hanging out here with the brothers."
"Seems like someone was always getting hurt. You could always count on exciting chaos when the Wilde boys were around." Kinsley looks up into the rearview to check the tilt of her hat.
"And trouble," I say as we reach the barn area. Jameson is holding onto a dirt bike, and Rio is straddling it, lowering herself down over the handlebars like she's racing.
"Forgot about the Founders' Day disaster," Kinsley says quietly. "I still remember them on those dirt bikes, causing complete havoc in the parade."
"Yeah, havoc is a good word for it. Disaster too." Seeing Jameson makes me consider staying in the car. I'm definitely regretting my decision to tag along. This morning's bitter words are still fresh in my head.
Kinsley practically flies out of the car. I, on the other hand, trudge behind. Rio spots us first. "Hey, look at me!" She lifts her hands off the handlebars and slips sideways. Jameson catches her and sets her back on the seat with an admonishment we can't quite hear.
Now that Rio has pointed out our arrival, there's no turning back. Jameson's gaze falls directly on me, then we both look away. This morning's argument seems stupid considering we're both adults.
Rio turns to her dad. "Can we start it?"
"Told you that wasn't going to happen. Honestly, it probably doesn't even work right now."
Zander steps out from the shed. He's carrying a helmet. "Actually, I've been working on the bikes. Got bored a few weeks back and decided to get them back in shape for a little racing."
Rio takes her hands off the handlebars to clap. This time Jameson is ready. He catches her before she slips. She turns to her dad with a pleading look. I knew that look well, and it worked wonders on my own dad. "Please, Dad. Can Zander give me a ride? He's even got a helmet."
Zander grins at Jameson as the helmet dangles off his finger.
"Fine, but go slow," he tells his brother.
Zander nods. "We will." He winks at Rio. "Now get off, squirt. I need to kickstart the bike. And no selfies. You've got to hang on the whole time."
"I'm already regretting this," Jameson says. "I'm not kidding. Slow," he reminds Zander.
"Oh my gosh, is that Colin and Ronan in the arena?" Kinsley says with fake surprise since she already knew they'd be at the ranch. She pushes her hat low on her head like a cowboy and heads off in that direction.
The dirt bike rattles to life. It's loud enough to cause Rio to move closer to her dad. He stoops down and tells her she doesn't have to ride this time. It's hard not to think how adorable he is as the doting, protective dad. It's never a role I would have imagined him in. Rio nods confidently and steps forward for Zander to put on the helmet.
"I think this was Nate's back when he was still a little squirt like you," Zander says.
"In other words, it no longer comes even close to today's safety regulations," Jameson points out.
Zander smiles at me. "Can you believe this?" He motions with his head toward his brother.
"If I weren't witnessing it firsthand, I would never believe it."
Jameson shoots a sly look my direction and then double checks the fit of the helmet. "Slow," he says pointedly to Zander.
"Yeah, yeah, slow. You should get the other bike started, and the two of us can race. Some of our old track is still visible under the weeds and grass," Zander says.
Rio climbs on behind Zander and attaches herself like one of those cute hugging creatures we used to put on our pencils.
"Hang on, squirt." Zander takes off at a nice, reasonable rate but picks up speed as they pass the barn area. Dust kicks up behind them, and Rio's squeals of delight roll back toward us.
"Guess there's plenty of worry that comes with being a parent," I say. I've decided to leave the morning's harsh conversation behind and start again.
"You never stop. Sometimes, I wake up with a start in the middle of the night, and I race to her room to check on her. Did it the other night and stubbed my toe so friggin' hard on her bed that I had to slap my hand over my mouth to stop the cuss words from pouring out. I hopped out of the room on one foot. Had to put ice on my toe."
"I know the man delivering this cute story is Jameson Wilde. Doesn't make it any easier to believe." I'm teasing, but my words strike the wrong note.
Dark lashes cover his eyes as his face drops. "That's cuz you think you know me, Jones." He turns and heads into the shed.
I'm reluctant to follow, but I'm so tired of this back and forth between us. I march in behind him. "Can't you take a joke?"
"Sure as hell can. But that wasn't a joke. Your mind is settled on the Jameson Wilde you think you know, but you don't know me at all." He yanks a dirt bike out from the corner.
"Oh, I don't know you? Is that what you think? Sorry, but you're not all that complicated. You like to pretend you're deep and mysterious, but you forget I was there for most of your fuck ups." I wave at the bike. "Like the Founders' Day Parade. There was no reason for you guys to ride through that parade like Hells Angels with your hair on fire. You destroyed that day."
Jameson finally looks up from the bike. I'm not expecting the clash of his harsh blue gaze, and it catches me off guard. "You've just proved my point. You think we blew through there just to wreck the day. Well, Jones, you don't know shit. Maybe we had a good reason."
The derisive laugh shoots out before I can stop it. "I sprained my ankle jumping off that float."
He refocuses on the bike. The muscles in his arms and shoulders are bunched tight. "Then you got off easy."
"Sure didn't feel that way. It seemed like you guys were just pissed that the town was celebrating something. You guys always hated any kind of community spirit or get togethers because you didn't fit in."
"Never said we wanted to fit in." He rolls the bike out, and I have to back up to get out of the way.
"And that's fine, but why ruin it for everyone else?"
He lifts his face, and the coldness of his gaze causes pain somewhere deep inside. How did this happen again? How did this spiral out of control so fast? "I guess the school jewel didn't get to have her big day on top of the parade float. Sorry to have ruined it for ya, princess ."
"And you don't know me at all, asshole," I say and turn on my heels.
"That's just it, Jones. I know you. That's why I said it. Struck a nerve, eh?" he calls to my back as I hurry out of the shed.
Kinsley is hanging over the pipe railing on the riding arena. A dust storm practically hides her as the twins race around on horseback. I'm so upset by the time I reach her, I can barely talk.
She sees my face and hops down. "Uh oh." She spots Zander and Rio out riding in a field. "I left you alone with him. My bad. Stay out here with us. The twins are such great riders."
I shake my head. "You can stay. I'll walk home. I need the exercise to clear my head."
"It's three miles," she reminds me unnecessarily.
"I'll be fine. I've got my cap. See you later." I take off before she can try to talk me out of leaving. I spot Jameson standing in the doorway of the shed. Our cold gazes clash and take hold of each other for a moment, then I pick up my pace. Jameson Wilde, he is one of the reasons I dreaded coming back home. Should have listened to my gut instinct.