Chapter 28 Gianna
Gianna
PRESENT
The last few days have been as much of a blur as a quarter-mile race. With the mayor’s blessing, Ryker’s started helping me clean up the rest of Hammer Time Circuit.
If someone had told me a month ago that Ryker would be back in town, let alone become a doting boyfriend, I would have called the psych ward.
I love the smile that takes over Ryker’s entire face when he takes his bike or one of his cars for a lap.
It feels like the old him again.
I thought he had turned into an emotionless monster.
Instead, it turns out he feels things deeply, so hard, that they consume him from the inside out.
The last four years have been a black hole of guilt for him.
Earlier this morning, as we pored over the piles of newspaper clippings and old photographs in the speedway lobby, he told me about the text messages and the images of Jace’s silver mask, and though they’ve stopped, Ryker still believes Erik is a threat.
Right now, we’re in the Fernando Garage, installing new anti-theft mechanics on the Mustang while analysing this whole Erik situation.
There’s been no movement at Midnight Spares; the boys have been keeping an eye on it.
There have been no more whispers of another race. He’s just disappeared. Again.
‘We should go find the fucker,’ Renny says, wiping his hands on a shop cloth.
‘What do you think we’re fucking doing?’ Ryker snaps as he leans over the engine bay. ‘Tyler’s out there now.’
From the garage creeper she’s lying down on, Monique rolls her eyes. ‘So let me get this straight.’ She sits upright. ‘Erik has been running from you guys, putting on a rip-off Lost Tropics, and you guys have just been following him? For four years?’
‘Vermelhinha—’
‘Stop calling me that!’ Monique glares at Renny then mumbles, ‘I don’t know what it means.’
Ignoring Monz, Renny hikes a thumb at Ryker.
‘The Grim Reaper here,’ Renny continues, ‘has been looking for Erik since that night four years ago. After Jace was taken away, we all got interrogated by the cops but Erik had already gotten his money into their pockets. They claimed he had an alibi. They weren’t going to help us, but Erik had to pay.
We all left, hunting down different leads.
After the second year, I stopped chasing.
I couldn’t do it anymore myself, but I kept an ear out.
But, yes, over the past four years, Erik’s been hustling racers for money at the same time as sending us texts of Jace’s mask. ’
Monique frowns as she strings together the story. ‘I don’t get it. Why would he continue to antagonise you guys?’
Renny sucks his teeth and shrugs.
‘It doesn’t matter why,’ Ryker says. ‘The point is, he has. And he’ll continue to.’
‘How can this have gone on for so long?’ Monique shakes her head. ‘Gia, you really didn’t recognise him?’
I fiddle with Jace’s necklace, now hanging around my neck, my thumb tracing the grooves. ‘No. I really only got a proper look at him the morning I saved Chuckie. That was four years ago.’
Her lips pull down. ‘I guess I didn’t recognise him either. It was dark that night of the fight.’
‘Besides, he’s stacked on the weight,’ Renny tacks on.
‘He’s also good at hiding,’ Ryker grumbles, sifting through an assortment of tools.
‘He’s on the move constantly and we’re always a step behind.
Which reminds me, I still don’t know if the person in the trench coat was Erik …
Like Renny said, he’s put on a few pounds.
That person was slim and really fucking agile. ’
‘God.’ Monz rolls her eyes. ‘Another person to worry about?’
I feel sick. Erik. A mystery person in a trench coat. Trying to open a business. It’s all too much. ‘What are you even gonna do when you get him—’
The staff door swings open with a crash. Our heads all whip toward an exhausted Tyler.
‘Erik’s fucked off,’ Tyler says, not bothering to look at any of us.
‘Where?’ Ryker growls.
‘Just gone.’ Tyler shrugs and doesn’t say another word as he drops onto the office couch next to Chuckie, giving him a gentle pat. Then Tyler spins his blue cap backward and leans back, closing his eyes. His lips move inaudibly. I can’t be certain, but it looks like he’s counting.
I walk over, and his eyes flutter open. He shifts on the couch to make room.
‘You okay, Ty?’
He nods curtly, looking uncomfortable. He always seems so calm, but his hands are shaking. I wonder how much more he can bottle up before he explodes.
‘Do you want to talk about anything?’
He looks up, and I recognise the same haunted look Ryker sometimes has.
‘No,’ he says softly. ‘I’m good, Gia. I’m just … tired. Y’know?’
‘Can’t Deputy Dellenty handle this?’ Monique asks everyone.
‘Dellenty’s a pussy,’ Renny pipes up. ‘Besides, Erik’s putting his money in all the pigs’ pockets.’
‘Then let’s leave Erik alone,’ I say, causing a deathly silence.
‘He won’t come back. He knows he’d be screwed if he came back while you three are back together and after him.
But that’s not the important thing here.
You’ve all wasted four years looking for him.
Don’t you think that’s enough? Jace wouldn’t want this.
’ I pause, looking at each of their faces.
‘This has all been for him, right? But he wouldn’t have wanted this. ’
Renny, Ryker and Tyler exchange looks with each other before studying me, and I can only hope they are reading between the lines I’m laying out.
There’s already been so much pain. So much time lost. We’ve all been doing things to bring Jace some sort of vengeance or peace.
But the truth is, none of this would have made him happy.
He’d want Ryker to be loving life with his motorbikes and playing in the national league.
He’d want Renny to run the most successful garage in town.
He’d have wanted Tyler to pursue the hockey career he was gunning for since he first put on a pair of skates.
And he’d have wanted me to keep painting. I’ve been living in the memory, or maybe even the shadows, of what Jace and Pa would be doing if they were here. I haven’t been able to find myself and explore what I love. Because how do you find yourself when everyone who loved you has left?
‘We all need to start living for ourselves again,’ I say under my breath.
‘Well …’ Renny sighs, shifting on his feet. ‘What now, then?’
‘What do you mean, “what now, then?”’ Ryker snaps. ‘Nothing changes. We fucking find him.’
He belts a ratchet into the toolbox and stalks out to the front of the garage. We sit in the heaviness of the silence for a beat. Then I realise all remaining eyes are on me.
I scoff and stand up. ‘Oh. Well, don’t everyone rush after him at once.’
Pacing a hole in the driveway, Ryker runs a hand through his hair. Smears of grease line his corded forearms, mixing with his ink. Each breath leaves puffs of condensation in the frigid air.
‘Ryker?’ I come up behind him and reach for his shoulder. ‘This isn’t right.’
He turns, nostrils flaring as he shakes his head.
‘Four years, Gianna,’ he rasps out through gritted teeth. ‘I’ve spent four years looking for him. Seeing him at the carnival was my chance. It’s either we get him or he’ll get us. This is the closest we’ve ever got to him since that night. If I can—’
‘Do you really want to make it five years? Or eight? Maybe make it ten? That choice is on you, Ryker.’
My heart aches that he’s wasted time like this, so fixed on revenge that he’s forgotten about everything else in life.
Then again, I gave up on things I loved too.
‘I gave up art because it hurts too much,’ I admit.
I expect Ryker to say something, but he looks at me, waiting.
‘I haven’t touched a canvas since we lost him,’ I go on after a shaky breath.
‘But cars are different. After the accident, I looked at the Mustang sitting in the driveway every day. I wanted to feel a piece of him was still with me. I started to race because it’s cathartic.
I finally understood why Jace did it. I wanted him to keep winning.
I wanted us to win. He would want that. He’d love that …
but Jace wouldn’t have wanted me to forget the things I love.
And he would’ve wanted you to love life, too. ’
Ryker pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Gianna,’ he speaks slowly, gripping my shoulders. ‘You’re everything. Don’t you get that?’
Maybe it’s the look in his eyes, or the conviction in his tone. Maybe it’s the lethal cocktail of both. But I know Ryker means what he says.
I hate Erik. My heart aches when I think about what he’s stolen from me. But my heart breaks when I think about how much more he could steal.
I take a deep breath, reaching up on the tips of my toes to brush my lips against Ryker’s.
‘I don’t want us to waste another four years,’ I whisper.
He cradles my face in his palms, resting his forehead on mine.
Softening. His resigned breath fans across my face.
‘Then we won’t. For the first time in a long time, my future’s looking better than chasing the past. I choose you, Gianna.
I’ll always choose you. In this lifetime and the next. Every day.’
‘Every day?’ I ask.
‘Every day,’ he assures, leaning in to trail kisses over my cheek and down my neck. ‘Wear black tonight.’
My entire wardrobe lately is black, and still I ask, ‘Why?’
‘I have a date idea, but it’s a surprise.’
‘You want to take me on a date?’
‘Hell yeah, I do. Oh, and it’s kind of illegal. Do you still have that purple rock?’
* * *
I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
Outside the gates of the creative arts wing of Booker Bay University, Ryker laces his fingers together and stands in a way that shows me he’s just as insane as he looks.
‘You want me to do what?’ I ask.
‘Step here.’ He gestures to his hands. ‘I’ll hike you up.’
I estimate the height of the new fence. It’s at least two feet taller than Ryker, which means it’s three and … whatever feet taller than me.