Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Maisie was able to cross the bridge back on her own. Finn stood right behind her, speaking words of encouragement, but she hadn’t needed it as she kept her eyes fixed forward, her pace steady and unhurried.
While she felt encouraged, accomplished, and invigorated returning to the mainland—especially with having seen Rathlin Island across the sparkling sea—by the time she made it back to the bus, she was thoroughly exhausted.
Not only was she still recovering from her embarrassing breakdown in front of total strangers on and off the bridge, she was also trying to make sense of what happened between her and Finn. Her mind teemed with images and memories of his hands on hers, the way he’d encouraged her to finish crossing, and how a connection had been made between them, despite her stress, as they moved together.
So many things were keeping them apart. They couldn’t date. She was going back to America. Daphne needed her. Finn needed his job. Maisie’s dreams couldn’t drift to him, and yet, she was beginning to see that’s exactly where they were headed.
This morning, she’d felt lonely and controlled. Now, driving to their next stop, knowing Finn had shown up exactly when she’d needed someone most, Maisie was overcome with disappointment.
She should have known this would happen, falling for someone completely unavailable to her. Such was the way of her life. Such was the way of her dreams.
With only a short, fifteen-minute drive to Giant’s Causeway, Maisie still hadn’t found time to unwind, so instead of heading directly down to the causeway with the rest of the tour—Finn included—Maisie headed to the museum and gift shop first, where she meandered around in silence, clearing her loud thoughts and trying to be present.
After exploring the museum, she purchased a pair of sea-blue, teardrop earrings for her mom, a photographic print of Northern Ireland’s green hills for her dad, and a magnet for Daphne, Maisie headed to the causeway, hoping she could remain alone—though the irony wasn’t lost on her that she’d been upset about being alone only that morning.
The last bus driving down to the causeway had already left, so Maisie began the twenty-minute walk down the paved road, focusing on the cascading hills swooping down to meet the sea with dark, wet stones and vibrant green grass.
When the actual causeway came into view, her breath escaped her, just as the bridge had caused. The unique formations of tens of thousands of connecting columns made up of stone trailed down into the sea like irregular stairs. Finn had said they’d been formed by volcanic activity, though legend described a giant building a pathway to Scotland with the stones, instead.
She kept her eyes trained on the unique sight, then took her time walking across the basalt columns, using them as stepping-stones as she made her way farther from society and closer to the sea.
With the tide coming in, the waves were rough, slapping against the columns at the base of the mounds with choppy, blue and white crests.
The sun was past its highest point, and though it wasn’t near setting, the calming light it brought as it lowered near the horizon carried a peace across the land and into Maisie’s soul.
As the air cooled around her, she began to see things a little more clearly. She drew closely toward the lower parts of the columns away from the waves’ reach, sitting down so she was mostly hidden to those still traversing the rocks. With the sea stretching out in a broad expanse before her and no one’s voices around to distract her, she grounded herself. Breathing, watching, being.
There, she allowed herself to feel all the emotions she’d suppressed for too long. Disappointment from unfulfilled dreams. Fear and sorrow that they’d never be realized. Relief when Finn had come to her rescue. Sadness that their relationship could be nothing more. All the while, she forced self-compassion, refusing to criticize herself for falling for the man so hard and so swiftly.
At the thought of him, the feel of his hands on hers returned, and she closed her eyes, as if he held her then.
Her reaction to him had been more than tangible excitement. It was a magnetism she’d never experienced before. One that pulled her close and refused to let go. One that told her that there was something more than mere physical attraction she held for Finn, but that she trusted him with her very life.
It was a strange feeling, knowing she could rely on a man she’d known for less than a week. But already, he’d proven himself worthy, not only to keep her safe, but to read her needs, encourage her wants, and comfort her desires.
How was this even possible? And how, how , was she going to move on? Nothing could happen between them. But she couldn’t deny any longer that something already had.
So much so that when she heard Finn’s voice behind her, she’d somehow half-expected it already.
“Hi, there,” he said.
She turned to look up at him, hands in his pockets, muscles edging along his forearm .
“Hi,” she greeted simply.
“I won’t stay,” he said. “I just came to make sure you’re alright. Breathin’ and thinkin’ of me eyes still.”
That humor had been her saving grace today. “I’d forgotten what they’d looked like, so you came at the right time.” She motioned to the pillared stones beside her. “Pull up a basalt column, if you’d like. They’re probably more comfortable than the bike seat.”
He gave a little laugh, then hesitated, staring at the open spot next to her.
“You don’t have to,” she reassured him. “Especially if it’s breaking the rules.”
“Nothin’ wrong with talkin’,” he said simply.
That seemed to give him the permission he needed, as in the next moment, he lowered himself on the flat-topped pillar beside her.
She watched from the corner of her eye as he settled down, his knees bent as he leaned forward, propping himself up with his arms resting against his thighs. He laced his fingers together and stared out at the sea.
Maisie couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. He looked like a GQ model, so perfectly he’d posed himself. But then, he was better than a model. He was real. He hadn’t positioned himself to give off his best angles. He’d merely sat down beside her. Her , Maisie King.
But why had he come? To make sure she was okay? Or dare she hoped that it was simply because he’d missed her and wanted to be with her?
They sat in peaceful silence for a moment, the waves rushing toward them one after another, splashing higher and higher up the rocks, though they sat safely out of reach.
“How you farin’?” Finn asked, his eyes still trained on the sea.
“After embarrassing myself, you mean?” she asked. “Better than I probably should be, honestly. ”
“I hope you’re not scundered for long. What you did today was more admirable than anythin’.”
“I guess,” she mused. “Honestly, it was just stupid to walk across it in the first place. I don’t know why I did.”
He looked over at her, resting his chin against his shoulder as he leaned slightly forward. “Why did you, then?”
Maisie hesitated, wondering what she’d even say. “Oh, I went because I was feeling sorry for how my life is turning out because I want to be married and have kids so badly that I chose to do something reckless just because I could.”
She liked Finn. But she might just run him off faster by being that open.
Instead, she settled with something safer. “I was just… feeling like I had no control over my life, so I tried to prove to myself that I did.”
He nodded, seeming to understand. “It’s like the quiet part of you—the part that usually remains unheard and ignored—decided to stage a wee rebellion.”
Maisie stared. That was exactly what it was like. “Sounds like you have experience with something similar.”
“Aye, that I do.” His eyes took on a faraway look as he stared at the incoming waves. “The trick is to find out what part of you you’re tryin’ to silence, then listen.”
She hmphed. “Well, I already know what part I’m not listening to.”
He looked over at her again, waiting for her to continue.
“I just don’t know how to manage disappointed hopes,” she began, praying she would be able to articulate her thoughts enough to not reveal too much. “I’ve had this certain dream ever since I was a kid to…to make a life of my own with a family of my own. Each year, I get older and older, and each year, the dream doesn’t happen. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve just given up all hope. It doesn’t help that my life has turned out basically the same as my aunt’s. I’ve just kinda fallen into her dreams and given up mine, you know? ”
He nodded, seeming to mull over her words. “And the dream of openin’ up a restaurant isn’t fulfillin’ enough,” he stated.
“No,” she finally admitted aloud. “It’s not.”
“Have you spoken to your auntie ’bout this?”
She glanced at him sidelong. “What do you think?”
He gave a half-smile. “Might help if you do.”
She stared at the pillar her feet rested on, a few spare pebbles gathered in the center where a small puddle remained. She picked up one of the stones and tossed it into the waves. “I know, but that’s easier said than done. She’s got it in her head that we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together, single and chasing after the next best thing. That life has worked for me for the past few years, but being here…” She paused, wanting to add “with you,” but didn’t. “Being here in this country,” she said instead, “has made me realize that even though I’ve tried my best to ignore my real desires, there’s no fooling myself. Counterfeit dreams are nothing to the ones that reside deep in our hearts.”
She finished, willing her discomfort to remain at bay after sharing such vulnerable emotions.
“I understand what you’re sayin’,” Finn responded.
She looked up at him, a sober expression across his features. “You do?”
“You know how I said I only made it through half a year at Eton?”
She nodded.
“It’s a fairly prestigious school. Quite expensive,” he continued, his tone low and rumbling like the sea, his characteristic humor gone. “Me parents saved for years to earn enough for me to attend. They had high hopes that I’d do well enough to earn a scholarship, graduate with the highest honors, and go on to make a name for meself at Oxford or Cambridge. They wanted me to become a doctor or a professor. Anythin’ of the sort would do.
“I tried to make it for me parents’ sakes. I tried to make their dreams me own. I did me best to pay attention and do me work, but I wasn’t a scholar. I made great friends who helped me study and taught me how to write papers, but even then, I was failin’. It wasn’t the classes that were hard, I just couldn’t handle bein’ away from home. Me folks, me granny and granda. Norn Iron. I missed it all too much.”
He sighed, giving his head a little shake. “Anyway, I didn’t tell me folks or me friends. Didn’t want to be seen as a wee babe. So I started gettin’ creative, findin’ ways to get me home. Skippin’ classes. Pickin’ fights.” He seemed to fall deeper into his story. “Nearin’ Christmas, I was dared by an older student to sneak his own girl into the dorms for him one night. He promised me five hundred quid, so I figured I could send that money home to me folks to lessen some o’ the guilt I felt for not bein’ able to cope.”
Maisie’s heart reached out to him, and she yearned to comfort the young Finn—misunderstood and missing his home.
“So what happened?” she asked.
His jaw twitched. “I did it. Would’ve gotten away with it, too, but the rat sold me out. His girlfriend spoke against me as well. I was sent home that night.”
Maisie frowned. “I hope he got into trouble, too.”
“Naw, he had all the right connections.” Finn shrugged, his jaw relaxing. “It was better that way. He was where he belonged, and I got to go back to where I belonged.”
He paused. “Me parents were crushed, understandably so. But what made matters worse was that they understood me actions and accepted me all the more.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “It would’ve been easier had they been upset with me. I just felt worse that I didn’t achieve the dream they had for me. After secondary school, I did everythin’ I could to make it up to them. I tried countless jobs that I thought they’d want me to have, only to be fired or quit shortly after. Eventually, I found out about tourin’ companies, but I wouldn’t allow meself to apply.”
He looked at Maisie, then. “The longer I tried to suppress what I really wanted, the more miserable I became.”
Maisie couldn’t look away from him, the understanding in his eyes captivating her. That was exactly how she felt. To hear it from him, to hear his own vulnerability, was more than validating—it was comforting.
“What was stupid of me, though,” he continued, “was that I was makin’ meself miserable. Me folks would’ve been happy with whatever I did. That’s just the type of people they are. As soon as I told them what I really wanted to do, they encouraged me, just like I knew they would.” His features softened, his brow raising. “I don’t know your circumstances. If they’re like mine or not. But I can promise you, even if your dreams aren’t attainable now, and they’re out of your control, it’s far better to pursue them anyway. Ignorin’ dreams makes you miserable. But hope is what makes life worth livin’.”
His words settled deep in her heart, and the truth of what he’d spoken lingered in her soul. Of course he was right. When she had hope, life never seemed bleak. She still didn’t know if she would marry and have kids. If Daphne would ever be happy with her if Maisie did end up leaving. Or if Maisie would spend the rest of her days working with food and nothing else.
But no matter what happened, she needed to have hope that one day, all of her dreams would be realized. Like Finn said, what was life without hope?
“You alright?” Finn asked.
Maisie smiled, shaking her head, watching the waves crash down on the columns below them. “Yeah, I’m just letting it all sink in. Thank you. That really helped.”
He nodded, shifting against the pillar as he stared down at his interlocked fingers. “Listen, at the risk of talkin’ any more than I already have…” He hesitated.
“Yeah?”
“I came over here to make sure you were alright, but also…to apologize.”
Maisie stared, completely taken aback as he continued.
“I’ve made some pretty stupid decisions lately, which, honestly, after the story I just told you, should come as no surprise—what with my decision-makin’ and all. I wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been behavin’. I know it can’t have made sense. Flirtin’, then ignorin’ you, then flirtin’ again, then…” He sighed, straightening on the columns and removing his cap, running his fingers through his hair. “Anyway, I just wanted to explain that I have a lot more than me relyin’ on my income right now.”
“Right, your fish.”
He smiled. “Aye. But more than them, like.” He seemed to want to say more but shook his head in the end. “I need to keep this job, me income, the bonus, for my family. That’s the short of it.” His eyes delved into hers. “I love spendin’ time with you, though. More than anyone I’ve ever had on tour, easy. And were it not for these stupid rules, I’d have taken your wee bet, and we would’ve had a cracker date this weekend.”
Maisie’s breath was snatched away as he looked down at her, his dark hair lifting in the breeze. To hear him say that he’d wanted to date her, that he’d been drawing too close to her, was exactly the hope she needed.
A lightness took flight in her heart. Her circumstances were still the same as this morning, but the very fact that Finn liked her had shone the light of hope on the darkest shadows of her heart, and her spirit flourished.
“So,” he said, “there’s two vulnerable Finns for you today.” He leaned back, pulling away from her and slapping his hands on his thighs. “Feel better about your embarrassin’ moment after I’ve shared two of mine with you right here?”
Maisie laughed. “I do feel better, yes. Thank you again.”
His smile softened. “Friends, then?”
Maisie nodded. “Friends.”
His eyes lingered on hers before dropping to her mouth. He pulled in his lower lip, giving it a little lick that sent her heart racing before he looked away.
“Friends,” he repeated, as if trying to remind himself. “Would you like to walk with me back up to the bus? I’d hate for you to be late again. ”
She nodded, and she made to stand before he extended his hand to her. Maisie would have had no trouble standing up by herself, but his offer was so gallant, she couldn’t refuse. She stood with his help, his fingers warm around her cold hands as swirls of energy sailed up her arm like magic.
His hand lingered for a moment after she straightened, but he soon released his hold of her and said once again, “Friends.” Then he motioned for her to precede him across the pillars. “Watch your step. These rocks are slippy.”
As she did so, leading the way across the columns, Maisie stepped carefully, looking up and catching sight of the Uncks making their way from the rocks to the paved road, as well as the Waterstones.
Mrs. Waterstone’s eyes were fixed on Maisie and Finn, though she looked away in the next minute without another glance.
Just as Maisie had figured she would, a fission of guilt entered her heart regarding the words she’d said to her yesterday. She needed to be kinder to the woman. Maybe Mrs. Waterstone was living without hope, too.
With renewed resolve to spread kindness, Maisie walked the rest of the way to the bus with Finn. Her spirits had improved drastically, though something else was beginning to take root in her heart—a concern, though a good one.
Now that Finn had just admitted that he liked her…she had no idea how on earth she was going to keep away from him.