Chapter 20
twenty
Iwish I could say travel gets easier with time, but after spending two months at home, the thought of the long trip to Brisbane makes my stomach turn.
At least I’ll have Nic with me for the first tournament of the season.
Harper and Sahar are going to Adelaide, which begins in a week and a half and ends right before the Australian Open.
I’m not a fan of starting a tournament the day after arriving, especially in a different hemisphere, but Francesca and I want to make sure I have a week off before the slam in Melbourne.
Anya, Matteo, and a few other players from the facility, along with our teams, are booked on the same flight to Dubai, where we’ll go our separate ways. I’ve tried not to think too hard about not seeing Matteo for a couple of weeks, but it’s the nature of this beast and we knew it was coming.
We’ve spent every night together for the past week since movie night, sensing the end of whatever phase of our lives we were in.
That first night, we went to his apartment, and when I pointed out that it is, in fact, in the opposite direction of mine, he said, “I thought that was obvious. I thought everything about how I feel about you was obvious,” which in turn led to me jumping his bones for a second time that night.
Knowing all his family has either passed or is estranged, I invited him to spend a couple of days with me and my siblings. I couldn’t imagine him by himself, and having him by my side in Tampa felt exactly right.
My family has never really celebrated Christmas with the big tree and lights.
For as long as I can remember, our gifts came in the form of the neighbors chipping in to make sure we were well-fed, garage and attics pillaged to find us hand-me-downs.
Sometimes, if we were lucky, Dad would sober up and bring us a treat from a bakery or a meal from a nearby fast-food place.
This year, much of our time in Tampa was spent on the couch watching reality TV with Hazel and helping Finn prep for a private lift with a scout from his dream school.
Chase was standoffish, making an occasional appearance, but I couldn’t be sure if that was because of me or the seemingly strained dynamic between him and Hazel—one she explained away by saying he’d said some rude things to her that she wasn’t ready to forgive.
During Christmas Eve dinner two nights ago, with Matteo’s hand squeezing mine beneath the table, I let my siblings know I have no issue with them getting part-time jobs as long as it doesn’t impact school and Finn’s football.
Dad showed up after dinner, barreling through the front door with a handle of vodka in one hand and a beer in the other.
Just like old times. But the next day, in what I can only describe as a Christmas miracle, we all sat down for dinner.
Dad seemed sober enough, and it was the first time, maybe ever, that we ate a meal together.
When Matteo and I got back from Tampa, we spent a few hours apart, packing and getting ready to be away from home for months.
I spent the night at his apartment, though we didn’t talk about what we’re going to do during the season, and now that we’re on our way to the season opener, I’m not sure we will.
I hope I can handle whatever that means for us.
I find him as he gets his bags checked. As a group, we don’t scream understated and normal, but I’m not sure people in this airport would recognize any of us besides maybe Anya and Matteo.
When he finishes, Matteo turns, eyes zeroing in on me waiting for him. He gives me his best imitation of a smile, though it looks more like a grimace, and I suspect he’s not a big fan of flying either. Or maybe he’ll just miss me as much as I’ll miss him.
The thought makes me beam despite the cracking in my chest.
“It’ll be weird not traveling with Austin. I saw him so often between tournaments and at airports,” he says as he reaches me. We walk side by side, approaching the security line.
The Wards decided to hang back for a week or so since Austin won’t be training.
They’ll join me in Melbourne, sitting in my box for each tournament until Austin is ready to get back on tour.
I told them I didn’t want them to spend so much money to come see me, that I’d be happy to know they’re watching from home, but they insisted.
“He’ll be back in no time. He seems to be throwing himself into PT.”
Matteo nods. We reach the back of the security line right as my phone rings. Finn’s name flashes across the screen, and I frown, answering immediately.
“Finn? You okay?”
“Uh, yes and no. You know the private lift I have today?”
“Yeah…”
“Chase was driving me, and he…” Finn sighs. “I didn’t realize he’d had a drink. I don’t know when. He seemed sober or I would’ve insisted on driving.”
My stomach sinks, crashing through the rest of my organs, so uncomfortable, I yearn for the travel churning I experienced before this call. Worst-case scenarios flash through my mind. Chase dead in a ditch, Finn injured. “What happened, Finn?”
“He tried to avoid a pothole and swerved too hard. Car scraped against the median wall. The front is messed up, and the sideview mirror is gone. It’s drivable—the airbags didn’t even deploy.
I moved it to a side street, but I have to get going.
I’m going to call a rideshare. I just…I don’t want to leave him alone, and I’m not sure Hazel’s going to be willing or able to come get him.
They’re not in a great place right now, and she doesn’t have a car,” he says, the words coming out of his mouth so fast, I can hardly process them.
Overhead, a final call for passengers of a flight to Los Angeles rings out. A couple runs past us, suitcases in tow.
“Is he okay? Are you?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. He seems alright, if not a little shocked. He’s sitting on the curb with his head in his hands.”
I sigh. At least they’re safe. My mind’s running faster than a bullet train trying to come up with a solution that doesn’t involve me picking him up.
If I screw up my training schedule for the Australian swing, I could lose all the money we’re going to need right now, especially if the car needs repairs and with my plans to buy the twins a used car as a late Christmas present.
A balding man in a sweatsuit taps my shoulder impatiently and gestures for me to move forward. Smiling the best I can, I step out of his way so he can move ahead, scarcely conceptualizing the distance my group has moved through the maze of retractable stanchions.
“Are you in a busy area?” I ask Finn.
“Not really. I don’t think anyone saw it, and like I said, the car is drivable, I just don’t think Chase should be driving.
” When I don’t answer immediately, his tone turns more panicked.
“Should I leave him? I don’t know what to do.
I’m worried if I don’t show or I’m late, I’ll lose this chance. This is my top pick.”
“I know.”
Finn is so excited for this opportunity.
The scout watched one of his teammates at the last game of the year a couple of weeks ago, and after seeing Finn play, he decided he wanted to get Finn in as soon as possible too, which is why it was scheduled during the holidays. I can’t let him lose this shot.
I’m going to have to go back.
“Fuck,” I breathe. Sweatsuit man has hurtled past my friends—who stopped ahead and now watch me with concern—as has another couple, who passed me while I was distracted. If I weren’t so wrapped up in this call, I might have been embarrassed.
I’m simultaneously weightless and stapled to the ground, my head dizzy like static. “Dad’s too drunk?”
“Yeah.”
Rubbing my forehead, I say, “Alright. Can you put Chase on for a second?”
There’s movement and then Finn’s muffled voice.
“Hello?” Chase answers with the foresight to sound at least a little contrite.
“Are you injured anywhere?” I ask again, just to be sure.
“No. I’m okay. Look, I know you’re mad—”
“Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
“But Dad told me I was good to go. I was hesitant, but Dad said it’d been long enough and that I’d be fine.”
I want to yell at him. Shake him until he sees how ridiculous it is that he’s taking advice from a man who never drinks unless it’s to the point that he can’t see straight. A man who has at least one DUI.
Knowing I won’t be able to stomach this conversation from miles away, I ask, “Are there any restaurants nearby that you can walk to? Somewhere you can safely stay until I get to you?”
There’s a pause while he searches. Then, “Yeah.”
“Then go there and stay there. Do not drive the car anywhere and stay out of any more trouble. Do you understand me?”
He mumbles a yes, and then the phone is handed back to Finn.
“He’s walking there now. I’ll make sure he gets inside and then call the rideshare, if that’s alright.”
“Of course. Send me the location and I’ll get him.”
“I’m really sorry to do this.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. I love you. Kick ass and stay safe.”
Finn sighs with what sounds like relief, but I’m a long way from joining him there. “Thank you. I love you, too.”
When I finally glance up again, the girls have pushed away from the group and toward me. “Del?” Harper asks quietly, her eyebrows pinched. Nic’s eyes flick over my face, analyzing. Sahar looks ready to fight.
My vision swims for a second before I slam my teeth together onto the scars on the insides of my cheeks, willing the tears away.
I smile at them. “All good! I’m going to have to meet you guys there.
Where did Matteo go?” Trying not to feel disappointed that I’m losing a few more hours with him before we have to part, I scan our party.
Sahar points toward security. “He went to get your bags unchecked.”
My heart is in a vice, an unfamiliar warmth wrapping tightly around it. I nod, giving them each hugs and texting Francesca. She was running behind anyway, so she’ll likely hang back until I’m ready to fly out again. Whenever that may be.