Chapter 7
My heart feels like it’s going to explode, right out of my chest, every heartbeat a rush of panic in my ears. I can’t believe this is happening. Not now. Not like this. Why now as I stand in the middle of the hotel lobby, with Lily crying in my arms. Oren’s staring at me like I’m a puzzle he’s desperate to solve. Why the hell are we at the same hotel? I figured I would see him at the game, sure, but not here—never like this, not with every ounce of my control unraveling before me.
"Rachel?" he says again, his voice softer, uncertain, like he’s trying to make sense of what he’s seeing. I turn slowly, forcing myself to meet his gaze even though every instinct is screaming at me to run.
“Oren…” I manage, my voice barely above a whisper. I watch as his eyes flit around, his confusion deepening into something sharper, something more intense. I can see the questions forming in his mind, the pieces starting to come together, and panic grips me tighter.
He takes a step closer, and I instinctively take a step back, holding Lily closer to my chest. I keep my voice steady, calm, like I’m not internally spiraling out of control. “I’m just here to cover the game,” I say quickly, hoping to brush past the four-month-old elephant in the room. “It’s just… work.”
His eyes narrow, “to cover the game?” He repeats slowly, like he’s trying to make sense of it. “And you brought… a baby?”
“Yes,” I swallow hard, my mouth dry. “I had to. I didn’t have anyone to watch her,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. As if my answer is the most logical explanation in the world.
Nope, not satisfied. I can see it in the way he steps closer, his face twisting with confusion, frustration, and hurt… something that makes my heart start to crack.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a kid?” he asks, his voice still soft but carrying an edge. “Why didn’t you say anything, Rachel?”
I can’t look at him. I stare down at Lily, who’s still fussing, her tiny face scrunched up in distress. “It didn’t come up” I lie, quickly, too defensive. “Telling you…I..I didn’t want to complicate things.”
“Complicate things?” Oren repeats, his voice rising slightly. His eyes beg me for more answers. “Rachel, why would you having a baby complicate things?”
I feel a tear slip down my cheek, and I quickly swipe it away. I can’t do this, not here, not now. “Oren, I’m here to work. I don’t have time for this.”
“Nope, not buying that shit. Make time.” He steps in front of me, blocking my path, his voice more insistent now. “Did you think I would judge you for having a child?” He glances at Lily, his voice softer but filled with urgency.
“I really need to go,” I try to move past him, my mind racing for an escape. “Please, just let me go.”
Oren’s wide, big-as-a-house body is blocking my path. I feel like I’m caught in a trap, every escape route blocked.
“Rachel,” he says, reaching out but stopping short of touching me. His voice is pleading. “Wait…” his voice is firmer now, more urgent. “How old is your baby, Rachel?”
I don’t want to answer him. I don’t want him anywhere near this part of my life. “Why do you care?” I snap, my voice harsher than I intend.
Oren’s eyes cut me, frustration creeping into his expression. “Just tell me,” he insists, his tone demanding but also desperate.
I swallow hard, nowhere to run to avoid the truth. “Four months…” I say, barely above a whisper. I can’t bring myself to look at him, to watch the realization dawning in his eyes.
“Four months?” he repeats. His mouth opens, then closes, like he’s trying to speak but can’t find the words. His brows knit together, and I watch the math equations in his head. His expression shifts from confusion to alarm. His face pales. I watch as his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. His eyes never leave Lily’s face.
“Oh....okay…four plus” he mutters, almost to himself. “Hold on…”
He steps closer, the dawning horror crossing his face. “Four months…?” he keeps repeating. His voice is thick with the kind of bewilderment a desperate man has as he’s piecing it together. I watch the exact moment everything clicks into place unfold on his face, and my heart shatters in my chest. “Rachel… is she…?”
I’m trembling, my hands clinging to Lily so tightly, like I’m afraid someone is going to steal her away from me. I want to escape his questions and the look in his eyes that feels like a knife twisting in my gut.
“Oren, please, let me leave,” I say, my voice breaking. I’m trying so hard to keep it together, but I can feel myself slipping, the hysteria creeping in around the edges.
But he’s not budging. I can see the determination all over him, the need for answers. “Is she mine?” he whispers, his voice barely more than a breath, his eyes pleading for the truth.
I feel the ground crumbling beneath me. I can’t lie to him—not anymore, not with Lily as witness to my greatest shame. But I’m terrified of what this means to the carefully constructed life I've built for us. It will unravel in an instant. I can’t draw oxygen into my lungs, the walls of the lobby are closing in around me. All I know is I have to get away from facing the truth that I’ve been avoiding for so long. But Oren leans even closer, his face inches from mine, his eyes burning with a thousand questions, each one more desperate than the last.
“Rachel, tell me the truth,” he demands, his voice edged with anger, anguish even. “Is she my daughter?”
The shattered pieces of my heart turn to dust at the sound of that word— daughter. The sharp pain in my chest, like a dagger twisting deeper, only gets worse. Tears well up at the corners of my eyes, and I look away, unable to meet his gaze, unable to find the words that I know he needs to hear.
“Rachel!” he presses, his voice a loud, tormented plea. “Is she… mine?”
“Oren…” I whisper, my voice breaking.
“Tell me,” he says again, softer this time, trembling with emotion. “Please, Rachel… I need to know. Is she my daughter?”
I close my eyes, tears slip down my cheek, hot and unwelcome. There is nothing to say, my silence is enough to give him the answer he’s searching for. I hear him take a sharp breath, a sound that slices through the shards left in my chest.
“Oh my God…” he whispers, his voice thick with shock, and it cuts so deep that I feel like I might pass out. I force myself to open my eyes, to watch as his world comes crashing down, just like mine did months ago when I first saw that positive pregnancy test.
The world around me feels like it’s spinning out of control, everything moving in slow motion as if I’m trapped in some kind of nightmare I can’t wake up from. My heart races, each beat thundering painfully in my chest, and I feel like I can’t breathe, like I’m drowning in a sea of my own regrets. I want to say something, anything to make it better, to soften the blow, but what can I even say? There’s so much to talk about—everything I’ve hidden, everything I’ve kept buried deep inside, all the truths I was too afraid to face. But I can’t do this now, not with him standing so close, not with the raw pain in his eyes. I have to get out of this conversation before he makes me face the reality I’ve been running from.
My legs move my brain and my body, just instinct driving me forward. I run toward the elevator, my heart pounding like a drum in my chest, my breath coming in ragged gasps. I hear him call my name, desperate, angry and raw, but I don’t stop. I can’t. Fuck, the extra towels, they aren’t worth it anymore. I reach the elevator and jab the button frantically. My vision blurs with tears, my hands shaking so hard, barely keeping my fingers steady. I’m desperate, so desperate to get away before he catches up, before he says something that will break me completely.
As soon as the elevator doors open, and I rush inside, I slam the button for my floor. “Close, close, please close,” I mutter under my breath, my voice shaking, willing the doors to shut.
“Rachel, wait!” he shouts, but the doors close, sealing me inside, cutting him off from me.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, my body shaking with sobs I’ve been holding back for months. I press my back against the wall, sliding down to the floor, clutching Lily tighter against me. She presses her palms against me as my grip tightens and she starts to groan and fight against my tight hold. Lily doesn’t seem scared, or start to cry but I can tell I’m confusing her. I try to comfort her but it seems pointless because even I’m terrified of what I’ve done, of what this means, of how everything I’ve tried to protect is slipping away. I stare at the elevator numbers lighting up one by one. This isn’t the first time I've run away from Oren, but this is drastically different. This time, I’m running away from figuring out how to survive the fallout.
Back in my room, I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. I pace around, my thoughts racing in circles. There’s no way out of this now. Why did I come here? Why did I ever think I could keep this type of secret? I grab my phone and text my boss, my fingers fumbling over the keys.
Rachel: Something came up.
I need to head back home
ASAP.
Steve: Is the baby okay?
Is someone dead?
Rachel : No, no we are fine.
Steve: Then tough shit, Rachel.
Whatever it is will still be
there after the game tomorrow.
Shit! Immediately seeking comfort, I text Ziggy. I know I can’t tell her the full truth but she can still probably talk me off the ledge I'm currently on.
Rachel: Hey… you asleep?
Ziggy : Hey, Rach! Nope, not yet.
What’s going on? You okay?
Rachel: I don’t know…
I just… Today was terrible.
Ziggy: Oh no, Rach.
What happened?
Is everything okay
with Lily?
Rachel: Lily’s fine. It’s… it’s just
I made a mistake and
now I can’t see a way out.
Ziggy: Is there anything
I can do? Can I call you?
Just tell me what you need.
Rachel: I don’t even
know what I need.
I’ll be fine.
Ziggy: I’m always here
for you, you know that.
Rachel: Thank you.
I don’t know what I’d
do without you, Ziggy.
Ziggy: I love you so much.
Don’t forget that, okay?
Rachel: I won’t…
I love you too.
Thanks, Z.
Ziggy: Always. I’m here
when you are ready.
I drop the phone onto the bed, my hands shaking, my eyes stinging with tears. I feel trapped, cornered, like there’s no way out of this nightmare. I sink to the floor, pulling Lily against me, holding her so tightly. She squirms a little before settling, and I bury my face in her soft hair.
“I’m so sorry, little goose,” I whisper through the sobs, rocking her gently. “I’m so, so sorry.”
The weight of every decision I’ve made crashes down on me, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve been running in circles, hiding from everything, trying to pretend like I had it all together. But I don’t. I never did. I cry harder, my tears soaking both of us, feeling the pain and fear flow out of me, but also knowing that whatever comes next, I have to face it.