Chapter 29
Dread fills my every cell as I watch in horror as Oren crumples onto the ice. His body contorts awkwardly with the force of the hit. Gasps echo through the arena. I register them faintly, but all I can focus on is the sound of his body hitting the ice with a sickening crack. It’ll be a long time before I ever forget—if I ever do—the sound of contact reverberating through me. Time slows down, freezing me in place, as I stare unblinkingly at Oren lying there, motionless.
My heart shutters against my ribs as I clutch Lily tighter to my chest; I don’t want her to see him like this, shielding her from the trauma if possible. I try to keep my voice steady as I murmur, “Everything will be fine, Lily. It’ll be okay.” But my words are hollow. They feel like a lie I’m telling both of us because I don’t know if he’ll be fine. I have no clue if anything will be okay after this.
The team doctors, both teams, because right now it doesn’t matter what side you are on, rush into the mix. I can barely breathe as they reach Oren, kneeling beside him, their hands already working to assess the damage. I watch as the players on the ice idle nearby but out of the way with worry and concern written all over their faces. I can feel every single person in the crowd holding on to their worry and uncertainty. The entire arena holds its breath, waiting for Oren. But he doesn’t move.
The paramedics rush onto the ice, their gray shirts flooding the scene, blurring my vision as they push past the group of professionals surrounding him. This is bad. So bad. The team doctors gesture urgently to the paramedics. They pull out a backboard. My stomach lurches, and tears sting my eyes as they strap him down, securing him like he’s broken. They treat him as if any move is a risk of further injury. My mind races through all of the worst case scenarios I can think of. What if it’s his neck, his back, his legs? Oh no, what if he broke his back?
Lily squirms in my arms, sensing my anxiety, but I hold her even tighter. The weight and sensation of her in my arms is the only reason I’m keeping my shit together. I never let my gaze leave Oren’s still form. The whispers spread like wildfire through the crowd, haunting the edges of my consciousness. Everyone is concerned about what this means to the player but to them, he is just a random player, maybe their favorite player in some instances, but a stranger nonetheless. To me, he is so much more. My throat tightens, and I swallow hard, trying to keep my composure, but inside, I’m falling apart.
They carefully lift Oren onto the stretcher, his limbs strapped down. I can’t see his face through the flurry of activity around him, obscuring a clear view. My chest tightens painfully as they start to wheel him off the ice. I have to get to him. I don’t think. I just act. I need to be there. Now.
I’m already halfway down the aisle before I realize it, clutching Lily, rushing us toward the nearest exit. My feet move on their own accord, and the second they hit the tunnel, I’m running. The pounding of my heart is the only thing I hear as anxiety pours through me. By the time I reach where the ambulance is, I’m gasping for breath, probably looking a little deranged, but I’m not stopping. The paramedics have already gotten the stretcher locked into place. Oren’s limp form can barely be seen through the swarm of bodies around him. I shove my way forward, swallowing down the bile that rises up my throat, the fear just making my stomach more sour.
Holding Lily tightly, I rush toward him, only to be stopped by security as I near the paramedics pushing his bed into the back of the ambulance.
“Ma’am, you need to stay back,” one of the guards says, stepping in front of me.
His hand goes up, signaling me to stop like I’m a threat. The sight of Oren lying so still makes everything inside me twist painfully.
“No! I need to see him!” I shout at the man, trying to slip past. The guard blocks my way further, getting closer to my personal space.
“Ma’am, we can’t let you through right now. Family only.” He sticks his arm out, blocking me, using his body as a wall.
“That’s the father of my child in there!” I start to panic, “I’m not just going to stand here while they drive away!”
The guard doesn’t even bother considering what I said, doesn’t even budge, and the lack of action makes my fear turn into fury. As the words leave my mouth, I even stun myself. “I said he’s my fiancé, and our child is right here! You’re going to fucking let me see him, or I swear to G—”
The guard exchanges a quick glance with another member of security, and one of the paramedics steps forward, nodding. “Let her through.”
“Oren!” My voice cracks as I rush toward him. "Oren, I’m right here." But I get no response, not that I expected one. His face lacks its normal color, his eyes are closed, and they still have all of his limbs strapped down and one of his legs wrapped in a brace and ice packs. Oren’s so wrong; he's always so sure of himself, so all of this is so wrong like this, so out of place, now lying there completely still.
“We can let you two ride along with him if you want?” The medic who let me in, asks me quickly, “but we gotta move.”
I shake my head, my voice watery. “No, I’ll follow in my car. I need to have my car with me, a car seat….”
My mind starts to ramble, but I cut myself off. I pull Lily closer to me, her wide eyes taking in everything around us. She’s too young to understand. I just hope that this experience doesn’t scar her for life. I can feel how my fear and anxiety is making her tense, even as I hold her tight, trying to comfort her.
“Just tell me which hospital you are going to. I’ll be right behind you,” I say, more calmly this time, though my heart feels like it’s going to explode.
They direct me where we are all going quickly, and close the doors of the ambulance. They take off into the night, the flashing lights reflecting off the glass as it pulls away. Not wasting a second, I rush to my car, buckle Lily into her car seat, and take off toward the hospital. Any attempt to follow behind the ambulance is a lost cause because they are long gone. That doesn’t keep me from searching for the emergency lights in the night, like a beacon.
The drive takes forever, even though we are only ten minutes away. By the time I get to the hospital, my nerves are shot. I barely throw the car into park as I pull into a random parking lot. I grab Lily from her seat and rush inside to the ER. The harsh fluorescent lights are jarring and do nothing to calm my anxiety. I beeline straight to the desk, looking around rapidly for any indication of where they might have taken him.
“I'm looking for Oren Samuels,” I say breathlessly, trying to keep my voice steady, bouncing Lily gently on my hip as she starts to cry. “He was just brought in by ambulance.”
The receptionist glances up, “I’m sorry, only family members can go beyond the waiting room.”
“No, you don’t understand,” I plead, my voice getting higher. “I am family.”
The nurse behind the desk looks at me with practiced calm, her fingers moving over the keyboard. “Ma’am, please take a seat. You will have to wait for visiting hours. Only family will be allowed back after they finish an initial exam.”
“I have to see him. He’s my fiancé—he’s my child’s father! I need to know if he’s okay!” I cry out, willing to keep the tears welling in my eyes from spilling over.
“Okay, ma’am. I understand.” The nurse gives me a sympathetic, understanding look. “We’re finishing up his exam now. Once the doctor gives the go ahead, we’ll let you in.”
I open my mouth to argue, but the words get stuck. They're only doing their jobs, but the helplessness of waiting, of not knowing, is unbearable. Instead, I nod stiffly, then I give them my name and move to the waiting area, pacing as I bounce Lily in my arms, trying to soothe her, and secretly myself.
Minutes pass by so, so slowly. With nothing to focus on, all I can do is relive the moment over and over. The hit, how Oren fell to the ground, the sound of his body hitting the ice, and the deafening silence that followed. All of it plays over and over in my mind. I’ve seen plenty of players get injured before, but this was different.