29. Sienna
Chapter 29
Sienna
“The offer to kill him is still on the table.” On her bed in our dorm, Juliet sharpens her pocket knife with a literal sharpening kit. Like a serial killer.
“No murder necessary,” I remind her. “Where the hell did you get a knife sharpening kit, and more importantly, why?”
She rolls her eyes. “Knives get dull, Sienna.”
In the three days since I last saw him, a literal ache has grown in my chest, but I won’t let my broken heart send me back into Luke Valentine’s arms. I’ve never gone through a breakup before. This is simply what breaking up with somebody feels like. Wallowing over how much you still want to be with them, even when you know you’re not right for each other.
Juliet’s blade scrapes along the sharpener. “If you’re not going to kill him, then you should forgive him.”
“What?” The word practically leaves my mouth in a screech. Juliet is the last person I’d ever expect to tell me to forgive Luke. “He lied to me for years. He literally fucked me while leading me to believe we didn’t already know each other. When he knew our parents were already married. Then he ghosted me, even though he knew how much that would hurt me.”
Juliet shrugs. “If you can forgive your dad for abandoning you, you can forgive Luke. After you make him grovel, of course.”
I shake my head. “No, you were right before. I’m a people-pleaser. I forgive too easily. That’s what got me into this whole mess.”
I’m done playing nice girl. Done being the people-pleaser. Where the hell has that gotten me? Broken-hearted with the sex tape of me and my stepbrother broadcasted online for anyone to see. Whispered and gossiped about on campus, the lingering gazes and snickers following me everywhere I go.
I should’ve pressed charges after Marcus and his cronies attacked me. If the police hadn’t been willing to listen to me or take me seriously, I could’ve gone over their heads. I could’ve reported the assault to another law enforcement agency or gotten an attorney. I could’ve fought back.
But I didn’t. I didn’t want to make things worse for anybody else, even if that meant making things worse for me. I was willing to accept every shitty hand the world dealt me.
If I’d fought back, I wouldn’t have ended up here. Luke never would’ve ghosted me, and I wouldn’t have lost my friend or my dignity.
I need to be more like Juliet. I need a tougher shell. I need to stop forgiving people who hurt me.
Juliet slips her sharpened knife into her pocket. “Again, killing him is still on the table. So where are you staying for the summer now that his mom is divorcing your dad?”
“I don’t know, actually.”
Marcus is still free, but Deb said they should be able to make an arrest soon now that we have a case against him. He could be locked up awaiting trial by the time my finals are over. I could go home.
A knock at the door makes my heart leap into my throat.
Since I broke things off, Luke has been sending texts and voice messages asking to talk. Now I’m the one ghosting him.
I’m honestly shocked he hasn’t broken my door down to get to me again. But that must be him now.
I’m not ready to face him. Maybe I never will be. But I won’t let him know that. With a long, deep breath, I open the door.
“Hey, kiddo.” Dad smiles at me, hand-in-hand with Mom.
My parents are holding hands . What kind of parallel universe have I teleported to in the past few days?
“Can we talk to you?” Mom asks.
Juliet hops down from her bed and slips on her boots. “Sounds like awkward family shit. I’m out.”
When the door swings shut behind her, my parents hover in the middle of the room while I sit cross-legged on my bed. “What’s up?”
They exchange a smile before turning back to me. It’s like they didn’t spend any time apart, let alone ten years.
“We’re going to try to make our relationship work again.” The grin crinkling Mom’s eyes is the most genuine I’ve seen on her face in a long time. “We were thinking you could move back home with us after your finals. Unless you want to continue attending Diamond.”
A tornado spins in my head. Not only are my parents back together, they’re already planning to live together. And they want me to go home with them. “You want me to transfer again?”
“It’s fine if you want to finish out your degree here. But now that we have a case against Marcus, you can move back home. You’ll be safe. We can be a family again.”
“New and improved.” Dad’s eyes are lit up behind his glasses.
I should be happy. This is what I’ve wanted—my parents happy and together, getting to live safely in my hometown again, Marcus facing legal consequences for the hell he’s put me through.
But it’s not happiness squeezing my chest. “Okay. I’ll move back.”
There’s nothing left for me in Diamond, anyway.
Mom’s soft footsteps fall across the thin carpet before she sinks onto my mattress. Her hand rests on my knee. “Hon, would you grab us some lunch?” she asks Dad. “I haven’t eaten yet today.”
Dad nods enthusiastically, all too happy to be useful as he notes our orders on his phone.
Once he’s gone, Mom squeezes my knee. “Are you sure you’re okay with your father and I getting back together? I want you to be honest with me. It’s not your job to spare everyone else’s feelings, okay?”
I nod, her words creating a twinge in my chest. That’s something Luke would say. “It’s a little strange, but I really am okay with it.” For the first time since the breakup, a real smile pulls at my lips. “You two seem happy.”
She beams. “We are. Really happy.” Then she forces her smile away. “I just feel awful for Deb. And for all the drama this has been for you and Luke.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m just glad you’re happy.”
She shifts uncomfortably on the mattress beside me, dragging her hair behind her ears. “Actually, that’s something I wanted to talk to you about. I’m sorry you felt like you had to take care of me after the divorce. I didn’t do my job as a mother. I let you take care of me instead of the other way around, but that’s not how it should be. At least not until I’m really, really old.”
A shocked laugh bursts out of my chest, despite the stinging tears. My knee-jerk reaction is to deny it, but I’m done with the secrets and lies. “I didn’t think you knew.”
Mom gives me a weak smile. “Luke told me.”
I straighten. “Luke told you? When?”
“After you left Deb’s house. He also said you blamed yourself for the divorce. For what happened to Marcus.” Tears brim in Mom’s brown eyes. “I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying those burdens for so long. I hope you know none of that was your fault. None of it. Our divorce had absolutely nothing to do with you. And what happened with Marcus was an accident. You were only trying to protect your friend.” Her mouth sours. “I can’t wait until that little shit is in jail.”
I manage another laugh even as my chest squeezes. “Luke told you all of that?”
She nods. “He did. He wanted me to know because he didn’t think you’d ever tell me yourself. Because you wouldn’t want to hurt me.”
Those words choke me up and a full body ache washes over me. He told my mom the truth because he knew I couldn’t, but he wanted her to know my pain. He wanted to heal this wound.
Despite everything, no one has ever loved me like Luke Valentine does.
“If you want to stay here to be close to him, I understand.” Her brows pull together. “But no more public hookups, hear me?”
My face is actually on fire. “We’re not together anymore.”
She pats my knee with a sigh. “It’s okay, honey. We can’t control who we fall in love with. He told me why you ended things. I had no idea you’d already been friends for so many years.”
“Neither did I,” I grumble. I never told my mom about Ten, convinced she’d be horrified that I was chatting privately with a stranger I met online who, for all I knew, could be a ninety-year-old creep.
“Do you think Luke might’ve kept that secret from you out of fear?”
I frown at her. First Juliet, now my mom? “You’re taking his side?”
She shakes her head. “I’m always on your side. But I think you’ve both been afraid of what getting close to each other could mean. I set a bad example for you of what love and relationships can look like.” She squeezes my hand. “But they can work with the right person.”
“You think Luke is the right person?” She can’t possibly know that. But for some reason, I still want to hear her say yes.
Mom shrugs. “You’re the only one who can answer that. I just want to make sure that you don’t miss out on happiness out of fear. Like your father and I did for so many years.”
When her phone rings with a call from my father, she answers it with a megawatt smile.
I pick up my phone and call Deb.
Deb welcomes me into her home with open arms, just like she welcomed me into her family all those months ago. I still can’t believe how much has changed since the wedding.
“Come sit down.” She leads me out to the deck, sun reflecting off the black spa cover on the hot tub. An iced tea already waits for me beside one of the patio chairs.
When we settle into our chairs, I sip at the cold liquid, the ice clinking against my teeth. “Are you feeling okay? Since the separation?”
She smiles warmly at me and pats my hand. “You’ve always been so sweet. I’m doing just fine. Actually, I’m a lot happier now that Mike and I aren’t pretending to be in a happy marriage. I felt like I was putting on a show for everyone. Slapping on a fake smile to make everyone else happy, even though I wasn’t.”
For so long, I had no idea that Deb was putting on an act. We’re more alike than I thought.
“I’ll always care about your father as a friend.” Deb sips at her iced tea. “But I know we’ve never truly been in love. To be honest, I miss your mom more.” We both laugh at that. “She’s a firecracker. But we’ve already made plans to form a virtual book club. She recommended a thriller to me, and I couldn’t stop reading it last night. I was up until four in the morning! I can’t remember the last time I did that.”
“I’m glad you’re doing okay.” I twist the iced tea in my hands, condensation dripping onto my skin. “Can I ask...when did you realize my dad wasn’t the right person for you?”
My pulse picks up speed. I need to know when she finally came to her senses. When I’ll finally come to mine about Luke.
“Honestly?” She mulls the question over while she examines the bright, blue sky. “I had a gut feeling when he moved in. But I didn’t listen to my gut—I listened to my head, which was telling me that I’m a mother to a college kid and I had a nice man who cared about me and maybe I shouldn’t be picky. Maybe I should stop waiting for someone like my first husband and commit to a man who’s good to me. But my heart never got on board.”
I have the opposite problem. My heart wants Luke, but my head is telling me to stay away.
“How are you doing?” she asks.
“Okay. Still kind of surreal how much has changed in such a short amount of time. I’m still getting used to it.”
“Do you miss him?”
I chug my iced tea. I don’t just miss Luke—I ache for him. I see his face every time I close my eyes, I long for his arms around me when I’m asleep, I dream of the masked man chasing me through the woods and catching me and holding me while I profess my love to him. “Yeah, I miss him. But I’m not sure I can forgive him yet. It might not matter, anyway. I’m moving back home.”
Deb nods, even though her brows soften with disappointment. “If you change your mind, you always have a place to stay with us. Just because your father and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean you’re not family. You became my family that first day I met you.”
Tears burn my eyes until I blink them away. Luke told my mom everything I couldn’t. Even if I never talk to him again, even if this is the end for us, I want to do the same for him. “Luke told my mom some of the secrets I was keeping from her.” Deb nods. “But he was keeping one from you too.”
Her brow lifts and she leans closer, clutching her iced tea in both hands.
“Luke has been feeling guilty about his dad’s death. He blames himself for not being able to save him. And he blames himself for not being able to save Chloe.” I can’t blink the tears away fast enough this time. I swipe at one that escapes down my cheek. “I think he needs someone to help him through it. He shouldn’t feel guilty. About any of it.”
Deb presses a hand to her chest. “I had no idea.” Her voice is hushed now. “That explains why he didn’t want to tell you the truth—he didn’t want to lose you too. You’ve always been so important to him.”
I sniff, trying unsuccessfully to blink the tears away. “He told me to stop being a people-pleaser. That I shouldn’t let people treat me however they want.”
That includes him.
“No, you shouldn’t. I know he’s my son, but I can admit when he’s made a mistake. I’ll be the first to tell him when he’s screwed up.” Deb’s voice is sure, and I don’t doubt her for a second. “But I know my son. And he would never hurt you intentionally. Your pain hurts him more than his own.”
Another crack in my heart. That’s the part that hurts most—not that he hurt me, but that I’m hurting him. “So you think I should give him another chance?”
“You should listen to your heart.” Deb sets her iced tea down and stands, pulling me to my feet and in for a warm hug. I bury my face into her shoulder and finally let myself shed the tears desperate to escape. “But I will say, regardless of whether you have a relationship with my son or not, you’ll always be a daughter to me.”