22. Gael
Chapter twenty-two
Gael
G ael- Aged 26
I sit in the hotel room in the dark, only the small lamp is on. It’s the middle of the night. Kelly and Ezy are asleep, but I’m awake thinking about her again.
She is the reason I don’t sleep. No, it’s Noah.
It’s both of them. I failed to save Noah.
I need to know that she is doing okay, but Aspyn Montauk is not just a ghost. She virtually disappeared off the face of the planet. Just like Noah did.
Even the private investigator I hired can’t find her.
I look down at the only picture I have of her.
A tiny girl with a too big smile and shining eyes. A photo of Noah sits beside her. School photos are all I have left of these two that disappeared so long ago.
I pick up the whiskey and drink it until it’s gone. Then fill my cup up again. I’m drinking to forget tonight.
I don’t want to remember the way he cried for our parents. I don’t want to remember how scared he was. The way he held my hand and how he gurgled as he slipped away. All I could do was tell him I loved him and hold him while he passed.
It happened so long ago, but every year on the day he died, I feel it all like it was yesterday.
It was so stupid. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The idiot with a knife who lashed out and ran for a handful of cash.
A tear slips down my cheek just as an arm wraps around me, drawing me up and away from the book and my drink.
“Gael,” Ezy whispers. “You told me you were okay.”
“I was, then,” I protest.
Ezy smooths my hair back and presses a kiss to my jaw. “You’re not okay, and that’s all right. Come on, Kelly is waiting.”
I shake my head, but he doesn’t give me an option.
I loved my brother.
But Kelly and Ezy are my future.
I need to stop living in the pain and let Noah and Aspyn live in the past where they belong.
P resent Day
‘What have I done’ is a question I’ve asked myself a lot over the years. I did it when Noah died. When my parents blamed me for his death, I took that into me and asked it again. And now, seeing the wariness and fear in the eyes of the omega that is supposed to be mine, I can’t help but wonder yet again: what have I done?
What possessed us to do that? When did she become a pawn in our game of revenge? I miss the wide-eyed wonder in which she used to regard us with. Now, instead, her eyes are shuttered. She takes a step away for every step we try to move closer.
It’s pathetic. We are pathetic. How could we hurt her so badly? The justification wasn’t even halfway decent. It was simply we got hurt, so we lashed out, and who cares about the collateral damage?
That collateral damage was Aspyn.
I expected the Daane to fight us tooth and nail, to beat us black and blue, to war with us. They have been kind and forgiving and far better alphas than we deserve.
I think perhaps I made a mistake.
And that hurts.
I can see how they are with her, and it’s not an act to get into her heats. They genuinely love her. Why couldn’t I see that before? No, I did see that before. I just kept talking myself into the thought that they were evil.
I return from my short walk and smile at her, though she doesn’t smile back like she would have a few days ago. Now she stares at me as if I am a danger or a threat to her.
“I found us a way up there.”
Shale turns to me with a small frown. “How did you do that? We’ve tried everyone?”
My face gets all hot, and now the pride I had in this achievement whittles away, leaving me feeling embarrassed and reluctant to explain.
“I, ah, pulled some strings. The, uh, name got us a ride up there.”
Shale doesn’t take my embarrassment or shame and rub my nose in it like he should. Instead, he claps his hand on my shoulder.
“Good job, Alpha.”
I’m reminded vividly of our kiss. The way he felt made me feel wanted and needed.
I haven’t felt like that in a long time.
I look down at my hands, and when I look up, Shale has gone, and he’s left me with her.
“Aspyn?”
She looks at me and raises an eyebrow.
“I want to apologise. What we did was wrong. So fucking wrong on so many levels, and I’m sorry. The gravity of what we were doing to you got lost in the anger we had towards the Daane.”
My words surprise her, but she quickly covers it up and shrugs.
“Thank you for the apology.”
“I would like to start again-”
“Look, Gael, you seemed nice, but I think it’s clear I can’t trust my judgement. I have no interest in you. I don’t want to even know you. But the Daane has decided that you are pack, and I’m pack, but I’m not convinced it means the same one. So, let’s be polite, but we don’t have to do this.”
My expression slowly morphs, and I feel like weeping. It’s the same feeling as when I sit up alone, feeling like half of me is missing when I think of Noah. I don’t want to lose her. She doesn’t fill that hole, but she feels like another Noah. Someone who is so important to me that it would be like that. A total and complete amputation of part of my heart.
“I understand,” I say through numb lips.
She almost looks guilty, but I don’t want that.
“Don’t feel guilty, Aspyn,” I murmur. “We did this to ourselves. You don’t need to feel bad about how you feel.”
Her eyes get glassy, and she takes a moment to inhale deeply.
“Aren’t you still angry with the pack? Or did that suddenly disappear?” The angry tone is easier than her emotion-filled eyes.
I ponder it for a second. “No, I’m still angry. I have never felt so helpless and afraid as I did that night. To be bonded to people I didn’t know, who had no scruples, who appeared to delight in our fear and pain. Of course, I’m still angry at them.”
“Then how can you be talking about starting again?” She asks in an icy voice.
From what I can see, this omega has spent her whole life at the whims of people who are stronger than her. Who have done things for reasons that have simply been to humiliate and cause her pain. The Daane did this thing to us to protect her.
I am an idiot.
“Because my desire to see you smile at me again, to earn your trust back, is more important to me than my feelings towards the pack, and I think…no, I know I will do whatever it takes, even forgiving them. Please, excuse me, I don’t want to upset you further. I’ll go and find you something to eat and see if our driver is ready.”
Before she can protest, I turn on my heel and try to march away, but the soft feel of her hand on my arm stops me faster than a million chains.
I glance back at her, but I can see her fighting for words, fighting for something.
“You don’t need to try so hard to accept us, Aspyn. Treat us badly, make us crawl. Don’t feel guilty at all for being mad.”
She fights for a moment longer and then lets her hand slide off of my arm.
The lack of physical contact is like stepping out into a winter’s day. It’s cold, and the wind has an echo. I feel alone.
I always feel alone.
Shale has materialized behind her. I meet his gaze, remembering the way his teeth sank into my chest and how his tongue invaded my mouth. I didn’t think I could feel anything for this alpha but hate, but I’m not so sure there isn’t more underneath it all.
I force myself to turn away, aware that all these feelings are being broadcast to the alpha himself and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it. I might look cold and collected, calm on the outside, but I’ve always had big, loud emotions.
I go into the small café and order seven drinks and enough food to feed a small army. The guy I’ve hired turns and smiles at me.
“Ready to go?”
What was his name?
He picks up the food and then steps out of the café and grins. He’s tall with brown hair and deep green eyes.
“Emrys!”
Shale stalks past Aspyn and reaches out to hug the guy. Why can’t I catch this stranger’s scent?
“Emrys?” I ask.
“Hey, bro, how are you?”
I tense, wondering if these alphas are related to the entire world.
“Bro? Have you got another brother?”
Shale turns to Aspyn. “This one is the nice one, I promise.”
What does that mean?
“Aspyn is the wonder of my life and my omega, Emrys. And this handsome git is my step brother Emrys. How did you escape your people? I thought they had you on a short leash?”
“I ran away!”
Shale and Emrys burst out laughing. It’s so funny, ha ha ha. Not. Who is this guy? Why does he look familiar?
Kelly joins us and stops dead. “Mitro?”
Mitro! Of course. He looks so different without the candy apple red hair. Mitro is a famous star, he’s done movies, been in music videos, and now has his own show where he interviews celebrities. Kelly made us watch one a few months ago with Fate’s Destiny on it.
Why is he here?
I bristle slightly as he moves in and kisses Aspyn’s cheek.
Keagan appears and rips him away. “No can do, little bro. Lips off!”
Emrys laughs. “Good to see you again, Keagan!”
“You look far too healthy and happy for someone who is on the world’s shortest leash.”
“Just enjoying one last day before I head home.”
“You’re heading home?” Shale asks with a tone that makes me think home is bad.
Emrys glances around at us and bursts out laughing. We’re all here, and he’s being hit with multiple different suspicious glares. His laughter dies, and I think I sense bitterness.
“Dad died. I’m meeting someone outside of town and signing paperwork. Maybe. I’m not sure if I’ll get there.”
Shale exhales. “Do I congratulate you on your freedom or commiserate?”
“Commiserate because now I have to deal with your mother, who is coming back to deal with the estate.”
Shale growls. “Tell her to play nice or I’ll bring the pack for a visit.”
Emrys looks at us and laughs again. “So, Shale’s dad is a controlling piece of shit. But his mother is a manipulative bitch. She ran off with my dad and bonded with him. Eben,” Emrys trips over the name and clears his throat, “and I grew up together, but we got to see Shale occasionally. My father is a miserable son of a bitch who wants everyone else to be miserable with him.” Emrys’ explanation is so calm and flat that it takes me a moment to really absorb the horror of his childhood.
“Oh, I see,” Ezy says with a grin. “I just lost two of those, too.”
I’m finding this conversation a bit morbid. “My parents didn’t notice my brother had died for a month.” I add before I can stop myself.
My words fall into the group like a grenade.
Beau sidles up and pulls me into a hug. “Fuck them. You have us now.”
What. Is. This?
I’m baffled, but I am already struggling to control the urge to cry. Keagan presses Aspyn into us, who lets out a squeak.
“It was a long time ago,” I murmur.
“And, clearly, you’re over it,” Beau murmurs into my ear. “It’s okay to be sad, Gael. You can let it all out, and we will be here to pick you up.”
“I’m not sure what to do when you guys are being nice,” I admit.
“We will always be nice to each other. It’s everyone else we hate. Pack is pack.”
I glance at Kelly, who looks lost for words.
Is it that simple? Pack is pack. Everyone else is not?
“Come on, heartbreaker, let’s go show our omega her dreams.”