36. Aspyn
Chapter thirty-six
Aspyn
A spyn Aged 20
I stare wide-eyed at the alphas. I think their eyes fairly glow as they look back at me.
“You can’t be serious, Omega.”
A soft growl escapes me, and I start tugging the mattress into the spot I’ve chosen for it.
“You can’t have a heat in a cave!” Shale thunders.
I wince at the sound but ignore him.
Cave is safe. A cave can’t be swept away. A cave can hide me. No one can see. I’ll be hidden and safe. A wave of this blistering, delicious heat sweeps through me, and I moan.
Panic chases it back. It’s an exhausting see-saw of feelings that are ripping me apart.
Beau reaches out and brushes my hair back, so gentle, so mine. His eyes search my face with so much compassion, so much empathy. He’s not at all like everyone says he is. None of them are.
I don’t deserve them.
“This really what you want, Cher?”
I bite my cheek until I taste blood.
I hate myself and this situation; I wish I could be better for them. I wish I could be more.
With deep regret and self-loathing, I nod my answer.
“Okay,” he whispers and closes his eyes. “Okay.”
P resent Day
The darkness of the Boothe mansion’s deepest hallways call to me. I’m nothing but a bother to the pack. I can’t help them here. All I can do is walk with the ghost of my family following me around.
It rains almost every day.
I run into the house to escape it, venturing further and further, but no matter how deep I go, I can’t escape the sound of it pattering against the home.
Gael, Kelly, Shale, and Ezy are busy most of the time. When they come to bed, they drop in exhausted.
It’s Keagan and Beau who are my constant companions. They follow me quietly, letting me stew. Keagan holds me. His touch, his quiet support can’t ease the black clouds that are crushing me.
I’m falling into an abyss of treacherous thoughts.
The newspapers print out daily opinions of me, Keagan, Shale, and Beau, and our unworthiness to be part of pack Raines. I want to shout at them, to defend ourselves, but Kelly is struggling to get the board members to work with him, and Ezy is at war with his past.
Even Gael has turned inward. He spends as much time as he can on the estate paperwork, diving in so he can’t relive the nightmares that haunt him.
The vision of that black wave is something I see with increasing frequency, and I wonder if this is the black wave. If I’m drowning in it now. Was this what my Sight was trying to tell me? If it is, how do I survive it?
The Boothe family glare down at me. I’ve given them all nicknames now. There’s Boofy, Busty, Broly, and it goes on. I should have named them alphabetically so I could remember who was who, but it didn’t occur to me that I’d still be here to care.
Keagan answers a phone call and puts a hand on my shoulder.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
“Okay, I’ll stay here.”
He makes an unhappy sound but kisses my forehead and disappears.
I watch him go, feeling all sorts of out of control. I’ve become a spectator in my own life, watching it careen everywhere I never expected.
Five minutes later, I hear a whisper of movement on the carpet and turn with a smile. Which promptly fades away.
Holt stands there. He’s thin and old, but he’s bigger than me, and he’s got two legs that work. He also stares at me with venom in his eyes.
“Typhor sends his hello. He is looking forward to meeting you.”
I step back, half a step before I can stop myself. “I don’t understand what I did to get this kind of hatred from you, Holt.”
Keep him talking, Keagan is on his way. I can feel the spikes of stress through the bonds.
“That child is tainted. He is scum and a disappointment. But he made it all worse when he brought back a defective mate. I’ve seen your medical record. You can’t even have children. What purpose is in an omega’s and beta’s life if they can’t bear young? You are not for the Boothe line!”
The absolute fanatical look in his eyes only convinces me that he’s crazy.
You can’t reason with crazy.
I watch him carefully, thinking of how I used to make them let me have my heats in the cave. There was no logic or reason to my decision, it was all based on fear. I wasn’t well, I couldn’t be talked out of it. I believed I deserved to be there.
“Whatever they did to you, I’m sorry for it.”
His eyes widen and then narrow.
“Impudent bitch.”
He raises his hand, but Keagan catches it and squeezes until he drops to his knees on the floor.
“You were told the other day to watch how you talk to this pack.”
Holt hisses. “Typhor will bring glory back to the Boothe line.”
“Oh, will he? Is he going to pop out some hybrid Boothe kids? Or are you just okay if he steals the Boothe name, too?”
The old man looks so pitiful on his knees, his eyes milky and lost. I reach out to Keagan, placing my hand on his arm.
“Let’s go. Leave him be. He hasn’t hurt me.”
Keagan turns on me, and, with one look, his anger evaporates. He sweeps me up, letting Holt crash to the floor.
“Keagan?”
“Yeah?”
“I just wanted to say that I know that I’ve not been myself here, but I’m not giving up on you. On our pack. I’m going to fight all of this because we belong together.”
Keagan stops and closes his eyes. I look around, wondering what’s happening.
“You amaze me, and I’m not sure we deserve you, Aspyn, but we are yours. Forever and always. We will always fight for you, too.”
I cup his cheek and lean into kiss him.
“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” I ask when I pull back. “Like, we’ll figure it out?”
“Whatever happens, we will sort it out together.”
I nod my head. “Then you should know that no one is doing okay, Keagan. We have to get out of this house.”
He sighs and starts walking again. “Yes, I know.”
“Even if we go to a hotel or hire another house, we need to get out just for a couple of days.”
“We need to set up for the Raines coming down and the party, and then we can go. Can we last that long?”
I love the fact he respects me enough to ask. I think of the black wave, poised to slam down on us, and it doesn’t feel urgent or threatening.
“We can last.”
But the pressure is weighing on the pack.
It’s weighing on me.
But I’d go anywhere, be anywhere, if it means I get to be with this pack.