32
Oh, but it is love
T he deck was alive with laughter, the sound of fabric swishing and the crew excitedly picking out what to wear. I watched as Raaq laid out the dresses and masks, each one more intricate than the last. The masks, carved with delicate sea-themed details, seemed to shimmer in the evening sun. There were masks of every color—deep blues, vibrant greens, rich reds, and sleek blacks, all adorned with waves, seashells, and delicate coral patterns.
Raaq was kneeling in front of Ela, trying to sew a part of the skirt of her long red dress so that her marble leg could be seen. I couldn’t help but smile. Ela wore her usual dark red lip colour, her black hair undone, with those gold rings she liked woven into the strands. She kept tugging at the long sleeves, trying to make sure they covered her tattoos. And then there was Raaq, looking so elegant in his purple jacket and black pants. His long hair was tied up in a bun, and his eyes, as always, were lined with black kohl and silver sparkles.
He smirked at Ela, whispering something that made her smile, and it caught me off guard. Ela, smiling at a man? At Raaq, of all people? The same man who kissed her just days ago? I was sure anyone could see my wide smile.
I was still holding a few masks and fabrics, trying to decide what to wear, when Jonah came over, holding a light pink mask in his hands.
“This one has your name on it, Pink Arrow,” he said with a grin, handing it to me.
I smiled, taking it from him. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”
Before I could say anything more, Efren sidled up, casually draping his arm around Jonah’s shoulders. He nodded towards Ela and Raaq, his eyes full of mischief. “So… are we going to talk about those two idiots?”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I know the same as you know, nothing.”
Efren scoffed. “Oh, come on, princess! You and Ela are like sisters—she must’ve told you something.”
I just smiled, shaking my head again. “You can always talk to her, you know?”
“You know she won’t tell me shit.” Efren’s smirk was playful, but there was a hint of truth behind his words.
“Ask yourself why then,” I teased.
Efren grinned. “I’ll go ask Coco.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, you do that. ”
Efren found a gold mask on the floor and tossed it to Jonah. “You wear that one, Goldie Tusk,” he teased with a wink before turning to leave.
I watched Efren go, then turned to Jonah with a mischievous smile. “So, are we going to talk about that idiot?”
Jonah crossed his arms, feigning confusion. “I don’t know what you could possibly mean.”
We stood in silence for a few moments before I finally asked, “For how long have you known each other?”
Jonah exhaled and looked down. “For too long.”
My smile softened as I tilted my head and said, “And for how long of that ‘too long’ have you been in love?”
Jonah’s face changed in an instant. He took two quick steps closer to me, and whispered loudly, “Love? Really, Pink Arrow?”
I smiled knowingly. “Oh, but it is love.”
He rolled his eyes but couldn’t quite hide the flustered look on his face. “Yes, love as in like a dear friend because he’s my crewmate. Just like I can love Ela or Duke. And he does the same”
I chuckled softly, leaning in. “Are you blind?”
Jonah shook his head, but his smile faded slightly as he glance at Efren in the distance, talking to Coco. The look on his face wasn’t the playful one he’d worn earlier, this time it was sad, almost resigned.
“If I’m blind, maybe it’s because I need to be,” he said quietly.
My heart ached at his words. I gently took his hand in mine, my voice soft. “What are you afraid of seeing if you open your eyes? ”
Jonah looked at me, his expression conflicted. I held his gaze and continued, “Is it romantic love? You mustn’t be afraid then.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “Why? Because you know it so well? You think if I decide to love, I’m not going to get hurt? I’m not afraid of love, Donna. I’m afraid of myself. Because I’ve been there before.” He looked at me. “Have you?”
His words stung, and my smile faltered. Because he was absolutely right.
I dropped his hand, and stepping back with a softer voice, I said to him, “You are right. I don’t know love like that. But I think I know about loving, and I know it can be wonderful if you just give it a chance. It was just advice. I apologize if I offended you—that wasn’t my intention at all.”
I turned to leave, gripping the pink mask tightly in my hands as I walked away, Jonah’s voice calling my name behind me. “Pink Arrow! Wait! I didn’t—”
I left the crew behind, their laughter and easy camaraderie fading as I made my way to the aft cabin. Jonah’s words echoed in my mind. He was right—about everything. I was always trying to proclaim love as if I were some expert, some oracle of all things tender and romantic. But the truth was, I didn’t know it at all. Not the way Jonah meant. Not the way that rooted itself in the heart and never let go.
It was a bitter realization, one that left a sour taste in my mouth. How hypocritical I must have seemed, preaching love when I had never truly known it. I thought back to those days in the castle, back when Philip was courting me. When I was supposed to have felt romantic love for the first time.
He was charming in his way, always polite, always saying the right things. But I had to make an effort to imagine him as something more. I had to reinvent him, mold him into the idea of what I thought love should be. I pretended I felt something deeper for him because, wasn’t that what I was supposed to do? Wasn’t that what everyone expected of me?
And then Diego. Things were always different with him. I could remember the day he confessed his love to me, how he kissed me that first time when we were eighteen. My whole world shifted, and I had no idea how to handle it. I wanted so badly for things to go back to how they were before—when we were just kids picking shells from the shore, laughing and running from the law, not tangled in something I wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t want him to love me like that.
But I couldn’t choose that. I couldn’t choose something like that. And he didn’t stop loving me. He said it to me again just before the wedding, published that narrative forward as if his love alone could guide me to feel the same.
He told me how he had been loving me all along, and I—I felt like I was scrambling to catch up, to be where he was, to feel what he felt.
I remembered how he kissed me in the stables that morning, how his lips pressed so firmly against mine, full of certainty. And me? I was still that confused girl, that same kid on the beach. I kissed him back not because I felt it, but because I thought maybe it was what I was supposed to do, maybe that would show him that I cared. That’s how far I had gone—faking something so natural, something that should have been real. Jonah was right. I didn’t know romantic love. Not really. I have lived a counterfeit love, I wasn’t sure I could even recognize it if it hit me in the face.
With Philip, I projected a version of him that wasn’t real, hoping it would make me feel something I thought I deserved to feel.
With Diego, I ran from his love when he first kissed me, and years later, I was still lying to myself, convincing my own mind that maybe Diego was what I needed. Maybe if I just gave in, it would all make sense. Maybe I could feel something more than obligation or nostalgia for the days when we were nothing more than childhood friends.
But it never felt right. I never stopped feeling like I was playing a part, like I was pretending to know a script I had never been given. And now, after all this time, I had to admit to myself that maybe I would never really know what romantic love was supposed to feel like. Maybe that was why I clung to the idea of it so desperately.
My thoughts were heavy, and I couldn’t shake the truth of Jonah’s words.
What did I know of love, really? If anything, I had been running from it my entire life. Exactly the opposite of what I've always wanted to do. I craved it like I longed for someone to ever ask me if everything was all right.
When I opened the door to the aft cabin, Captain Calico Pierce was standing there, his eyes soft with concern.
“Everything all right?” he asked, his calm voice breaking through the storm of ugly thought swirling in my head.
Something wonderful bloomed inside me at the sound of him, as if everything could suddenly be fine. It was overwhelming, and I felt the tears coming before I could stop them.
I nodded, although it felt like the most fragile thing I had ever done. Calico tilted his head, studying me with that keen gaze, somehow sensing what I wasn’t saying.
“Who spoke badly to you? I will make them walk the plank right now.”
Gods, he always knew what to say.
I couldn’t help but smile. “No one did.” I cleared my throat.
His eyes flicked down to my hands, gripping the pink mask, and a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“Did you find a dress yet?” he asked.
I glanced down at myself, feeling like a child caught in something too big for her. “I was thinking of wearing this one,” I whispered, motioning to the dress I had on, the one I loved so much.
Calico made his way towards me, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “Oh no, love. You can’t wear the Soulshroud to a Kingdom driven by greed. ”
I looked up at him, the weight of my thoughts still pressing heavy on my heart. “But I really like this one,” I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper. “You bought it for me.”
His ears tinged red, and I had to bite back a smile. Was he blushing?
He cleared his throat, shifting slightly. “You can…” he hesitated, then continued, “We can keep it safe here, so you can wear it again when we come back. It’s a very dangerous dress, you know that.”
“Aye,” I said softly, a hint of a smile playing on my lips.
Calico’s laugh was soft and beautiful, the kind that made my chest tighten in the best way.
“What?” I asked, feeling myself grin.
“Nothing,” he replied, his eyes crinkling with amusement. “Just you answering with an aye. ”
I raised an eyebrow, trying to hold back a blush of my own. “Like every other pirate.”
He shook his head, his voice a whisper. “It doesn’t sound like every other pirate to me.”
I looked down at the mask in my hands, my cheeks burning.
Calico’s voice softened even further. “I apologize about this morning.”
My eyes widened as I met his gaze. “But what kind of pirate does that, Captain?”
He smirked. “You know… I heard Ceol yesterday, apologizing to Coco for almost stepping on her. ”
I couldn’t help but laugh, the tension inside me easing.
“There’s a pirate who’s been changing my ship,” Calico continued, his tone gentle.
“Really?” I asked, playing along. “And who might that be?”
He stepped closer, his fingers brushing against mine as he touched the mask, then slowly trailing over the tattooed serpent on my finger.
His voice dropped to a whisper, so close I could feel his breath. “The Pink Arrow of the sea.”
I met his eyes, and in that moment, I felt everything.
The world around us seemed to stop, the wind barely brushing the surface of the ocean.
My heart swelled with the kind of feeling I had been searching for all my life but never found.
This was it . Everything around us falling apart, castles crumbling and fire devouring the land, but both of us still standing. Right here, looking at each other.
Like it didn't matter if the world ended tomorrow because today I was lucky enough to look into his eyes.
“I apologize too,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I’m just… so confused with everything that’s happening.”
“I know,” he said softly, his hand lingering on mine. “And… I’m going to tell you. You deserve to know the truth.”
My heart fluttered at his words, and I smiled wide, feeling lighter than I had in days .
Calico’s gaze dropped to my mouth, his expression softening. “Try not to smile like that to The King,” he said, his voice teasing but serious, “or I fear he’ll be forced to unleash a war against me.”
My heart stopped, and something in my stomach turned.
This. This was what I wanted. The world trembling, yet his eyes still locked to mine.
I opened my mouth to say something, but Calico stepped back, turning to the large chest by the table. He lifted the lid and pulled out what looked like a dress.
“You can wear this,” he said, holding it up.
I approached the table, a smile tugging at my lips.
“It’s pink,” he added with a hint of a smirk.
“Oh.”
“Yes,” he replied, his eyes dancing with amusement. “Oh, indeed.”