15. Botherly Love
Botherly Love
fifteen
E m e r s o n
Soaking in the spacious jet tub in my private bathroom, I lean my head back against the fluffy built-in pillow, letting the soft music sweep me away. The bright sun shines in through the blinds covering the large window, reminding me that it's a brand new day, full of more secrets, desires, and obsessions with forbidden men.
My entire body aches, as if I got hit by a fucking bus, even though Kane let me be in charge last night. Still, the way his massive cock ripped me apart makes me shiver and ache as I continue thinking about it.
Oh, Emerson, I sigh aloud, disappointed in myself for sleeping with not only one of the men that my father told me to stay away from, but two of them.
Even though the guilt is heavy and intense, a small part of me doesn't feel bad at all.
Does that make me a bad person?
I force the filthy thoughts to the back of my cluttered mind, squeezing a glob of soap onto the black loofah in my hand as the pulsating jets in the tub hammer into my back. Washing every inch of my body, I notice the bruises left by Damon are slowly fading, and a grateful smile curls on my lips. Finally.
But just as soon as Damon entered my mind, he was out of it, and Kane and Seven took his place.
I remind myself of the lies I need to tell. The excuses, the stories, to keep my secret life hidden from the people who care about me.
But why should I have to lie? Why can't I just be myself and live without fear of judgment and consequences? Because the truth is, the mystery and danger are what draw me in. The allure of these forbidden men and the adrenaline rush of my double life cloud my judgment and fuel my desires, making me want them even more.
Stepping out of the tub, I wrap myself in a plush robe and pad over to the closet to choose my outfit for the day. As I flick through the clothes, I catch my reflection in the mirror and pause. There's a fire in my eyes—a determination to embrace the thrilling chaos I've created for myself.
Despite the guilt, the fear, and the self-doubt, a part of me revels in the chaos. And as I slip into my jeans and tank top, I feel a surge of confidence.
Maybe I am a bad girl, but does it really matter if I'm enjoying every moment of it?
I shake off the doubt and head out the door, ready to face the day and whatever secrets, desires, and obsessions it brings.
Of course, the first one I see when I enter the kitchen is Eli, sitting alone at the table with a cup of coffee, looking over security footage on his laptop from the club back in Dorchester.
"Morning, Em," he says without looking up, his tone unreadable, making me slightly nervous.
"Morning, Eli," I answer cheerfully as I pour a cup of coffee and join him at the table, the sound of chirping birds creating a symphony just outside the open French doors.
"Sleep well?" He looks at me, raising his pierced eyebrow, a cunning grin on his lips.
"Like a baby." I nod, stretch, and look around, uncomfortable with the silence that follows my words, filling the very foundation of the house. "Where is everyone?"
He sets his cup down and closes his laptop, giving me a once over with a curious look in his blue eyes that eerily resemble mine.
"Well, Stone and Ace rode back to Dorchester to take care of a few things at the club. Kane went for a ride to handle some side business. Nova went home to grab a few things she forgot, and Seven is still upstairs, sleeping, I think." The look he gives me makes me nervous, and I'm heavily wondering if he knows what happened on the beach last night.
"I see the fucking marks that asshole covered you in are fading." Eli moves his eyes over my bare arms, making me feel self conscious.
"Yeah, they're getting there." I take a sip of my coffee to kill the awkward silence, trying to think of something else to say.
"We're gonna fucking get him, baby sis; I promise." He smiles, reaching his arms across the table, covering my hands with his. "No one fucking hurts you—no one." I can see his anger begging to be set free, but he does his best to keep it at bay.
"I don't think Damon will be bothering me anymore. I haven't heard from or seen him. I think he got the hint," I say, hopeful but skeptical at the same time.
"That's not the fucking point,” he says, raising his voice, making me flinch involuntarily. “Besides, you're here with all of us, so he isn't stupid enough to try anything because he knows we'll fuck his ass up."
I sigh, glancing over his shoulder at the beach, admiring the crystal blue water as the sun hits it. "Don't underestimate him, Eli. Trust me, he's always one step ahead."
As Damon keeps getting brought up, my heart thunders maniacally, feeling as if it's about to burst from within my chest. My anxiety begins to rear its ugly head, making me feel like I'm about to have a fucking panic attack the longer we talk about him.
"Emerson, take a deep breath and look at me," my brother says softly, gliding his thumbs along the tops of my hands to try and calm me down.
He knows just how to help me. He knows the cure for my anxiety and panic attacks, and I'm so fucking thankful that he understands.
Finally looking at him, he smiles, reminding me of our father with his charming grin and boyish good looks, which breaks my heart all over again.
"Don't you fucking dare go to that place in your mind."
"What place?" Even though I know what he means, I play stupid, wondering how he's going to prevent it.
"You know, the dark, suffocating place in your mind—in your heart—that always threatens to break you until you're nothing but a shell of the amazing person we all know you are. You deserve to shine, Emerson. You deserve every ounce of light that casts over you, not the darkness and gloom that's controlled you almost all of your adult life."
His words hit me like a fucking punch to the gut, tugging at my heartstrings, and it takes all I can fucking do not to cry on the spot.
Because it's true. My life has been filled with darkness and gloom, secrets and danger, and I feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all.
But Eli is right; I deserve better. I deserve to be happy and to live without fear.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding at Eli. "You're right, and I'll try. I promise."
He gives my hands a reassuring squeeze and then releases them. "Good. Now, let's finish our coffee and figure out what we're going to do today."
"I think I want to take my bike out for a ride to clear my head." My hands itch as I think about my bike, the one thing I have complete control over—the one place I feel safe and free.
"That might be good for you, Em," he says, giving me a look that tells me there's something else on the tip of his tongue.
"But?" I exhale, pushing my chair out from the table.
"But I think you should take Seven with you. I don't want you out riding alone, especially when we have no fucking clue what Damon is up to."
"Eli," I scold him, knowing he's only looking out for me.
"Listen, I would go with you, but I have some club business I need to handle and I have a meeting with mom and dad's lawyer a little later today."
"Fine, I'll see if he wants to go, but if he doesn't, I'm still going for a ride," I point out, feeling sick as I think about Damon, and the fact that he still might be stalking me.
But I can't rely on my brother or the guys to protect me forever. I'm a big girl, and as much as Eli doesn't want to hear or admit it, I can take care of myself on my own, regardless of what past events prove.
Even so, knowing I have good days and bad days, some wicked worse than others, all spiraling from the selfish murder of our parents, I can't shake off the feeling that despite everything—the chaos, the fear, and the danger—I feel a tiny glimmer of faith deep within me.
Maybe it's not too late to turn things around and find my way out of the depths of the terrifying shadows that I constantly allow to swallow me whole. But as I hear my thoughts loud and clear, even I know that it'll take a fucking miracle for me to escape the comforting darkness and enter the light where I used to feel so safe and secure.
No longer able to bear the weight of these thoughts, I get up from the table and walk out of the kitchen, stepping onto the back porch and into the hot sun.
My head is spinning with all the confusion and fear that’s been gripping me since my parents died. But I'm determined to let go of the pain that I've held for so long.
First, I need to figure out how, though.
Outside, the fresh air hits my skin and the sun warms my face, a wave of peace washing over me as the ocean waves wash against the shore. Maybe taking a bike ride with Seven wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. It’s my escape, my way of feeling free—even if just for a little while.
And he is too.
But deep down, I know it won’t be easy. The secrets, the danger, and the forbidden allure of men like Kane, Seven, and the others have too tight a grip on me. And knowing that as much as I crave the serenity and the light, the darkness will always have a fucking suffocating hold on me.
But I refuse to let it consume me any longer.
The warm wind rushes through my hair as it blows, and as I gaze at the calm ocean and the slow, rippling water, I smile, thinking about one thing in particular. My bike is calling out to me, and I already know that Seven's soothing presence might bring some peace to my racing mind, and a ride along the coast will bring some clarity to my scattered thoughts.
Right?