12. Maxwell
CHAPTER 12
Maxwell
For once, I dreaded Friday.
I knew this was the day Kamaya and Zach were supposed to go out on their date. I should have been happy for my friend to get what she wanted, but the thought of her and Zach together only pissed me off more. Was it just jealousy? It was a combination of thinking my friend could do so much better than that creep but also realizing maybe that could have been us had I not been so vocally anti-relationships.
In all, I couldn’t be bitter because I’d done this to myself.
The workday dragged more than normal. I was relieved when I could finally escape the office. Seeing Kamaya and Bree mooning over texts from Zach, discussing what she would wear and what they were going to do, only made my day worse.
Eight hours was too much of the insidious reminders of Kamaya’s infatuation with Zach.
Kamaya spent most of the day going over the info Franco had given us. Since he could no longer access the email he was sent, she began tracking the IP address from the emails that Harry received, hoping it could somehow be connected. I could see the toll this assignment was beginning to take on her. Kamaya’s normally sunny disposition grew quieter the longer this took.
I was used to protection details lasting a long time, months even, but this was a first for her and me.
Glancing at the time on the laptop screen before me, I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize I’ve put in enough of an appearance at work. I was ready for the day to end. No point in staying late because I wasn’t going to get much work done with Kamaya gone. She’d promptly left at five to get ready for her date with Zach.
Earlier in the week, I received a call from my father saying he would be in town for the Harlem Summer Jazz Festival and how he hoped he’d be able to see me. Seeing my father was always a good time since he was always the carefree, fun parent. Summers spent in Harlem with him, hundreds of miles away from my mom in DC, were some of my best memories. Staying up as late as I wanted and eating whatever junk food I wanted was the height of fun as a kid.
Then I remembered the times he didn’t show up or call when he said he would because band rehearsals ran late, or because he was getting on a flight to the next gig. Plenty of excuses for important absences like little league games and birthdays.
Still, he was my dad, and as a grown man, I had to learn to accept him as who he was and not who my mom and I wanted him to be. Though throughout my life, that sentiment was easier said than done.
The bar we discussed meeting at wasn’t too far from his old neighborhood. Smokey’s Bar was a neighborhood legend. One of many historical sites still remaining from the rich history of Harlem. When I was technically too young to be in a bar, the manager turned a blind eye due to my dad playing in the band for many nights. I wasn’t trying to sneak any drinks yet; I was fascinated by the bandmates and people in the bar who I thought were so cool. Then I got older and realized a lot of those bandmates were either alone or neglecting a family in order to pursue their art.
My parents’ contentious relationship and lack of commitment always reiterated to me how hard relationships were to maintain, and it felt like a family curse since none of us could get it right.
Then, of course, there were all my missteps in my own relationships. I couldn’t solely put all the blame on them.
All of these thoughts weighed heavily on me on my way to the bar located farther uptown. I sat down at Smokey’s and ordered my go-to—an old-fashioned—and glanced at the time on my phone. My father should be arriving in twenty minutes, though I couldn’t remember an occurrence in my life when he’d been on time. If he said twenty, it was more like half an hour.
A half hour was too much time to sit and think about Kamaya getting ready to see Zach, and I wallowed in my feelings. What would happen if this date went really well? They could potentially become a couple, and I’d be forced to hang out with him if I wanted to see her. Inevitably, couples often became a package deal, and Zach was the last person I wanted to spend time with.
No, I was getting ahead of myself. It was one date. If anything became too serious between them, I’d have to say something. I couldn’t protect Kamaya’s feelings any longer. Not if it potentially became dangerous.
After polishing off my glass, I glance over at the pool table, thinking it was funny how I learned to play pool in this very bar and thought everyone in here was so fascinating. Now I wondered how many adults came here to avoid their lives like I was doing right now.
After selecting a cue and pool stick, I shot a couple of striped balls before a familiar voice called out behind me.
“Max Scott?”
I turn at the sound of my name to see Faith Tucker, my ex-girlfriend. I hadn’t seen Faith in almost two years. Since moving to Jersey City, trekking uptown to Harlem wasn’t easy or feasible, so we were living far apart now, and we didn’t really share any of the same friends. It was strange to go from seeing someone every day to now whole years passing without any contact.
The last time I saw Faith, she was storming out of my old apartment, slamming doors, and asking when I would get my shit together and grow up.
Now I wondered the same as Faith had.
“Faith, it’s been a long time,” I say, stepping into her outstretched arms. Our hug is brief, and neither of us is coming off as comfortable anymore. Faith was probably thinking of the last time we saw each other as well.
“You look good, Max,” she says, pulling back and leaning her hip on the side of the pool table. “You still have that fancy security job?”
I bristle because my long and often inconsistent hours were part of the reason for our breakup. Only because I was working with Kam were my work hours more normal again. Otherwise, I would be acting as a protection agent for high profile or celebrity clients and had to travel when they travel, which included international trips. It meant having to drop what I was planning to do at a moment’s notice.
Something Faith said she was okay with but ended up hating.
“Yes, Faith,” I say, placing the solids and stripes back into the triangular rack. “Still working in my fancy security job. You still teaching?”
“Yeah, for now anyway,” she says, twisting a red-dyed lock around. “My fiancé and I are considering moving, so we’ll see what happens next.”
I can’t help the surprise at hearing she’s engaged now. I instinctively look down at the small diamond on her left hand. “Congrats, Faith,” I say, truly happy for her. I remember another point of contention in our relationship was how important getting married was to her.
“Thanks. I’m actually meeting him after leaving here. My friends from work and I stop in here sometimes since, you know, we’re so close to the school.”
I nod. I was so distracted thinking about Kamaya all day that I forgot that Faith worked only a few blocks away at the middle school. Faith and I were such a long time ago. In the interim two years, I’d met Kamaya and now… No other woman really exists for me.
The epiphany hits me, and I have to purposefully relax my tightened grip on the cue.
“Well, I should get back to my friends,” Faith says, hooking her thumb toward a cocktail table in the opposite corner. “It was great seeing you, Maxwell,” she says.
“Likewise,” I say, watching her walk away, a little sad for what could have been but realizing that ultimately Faith and I just would not have worked out long-term.
No longer able to concentrate on pool, I move to replace the cue back in its holder when in walks my father.
“Maxy! Hey, man!” It’s been almost a year since I’d last seen him, and he looks exactly the same as he always does. Black Kangol hat and wearing all black, including a leather vest. My father has no qualms shouting across the room in a public space, but his lack of shyness is what has always made him have great stage presence.
Despite living only one state over, he toured so often that it was as if he lived on the other side of the country with the frequency of time we had together. Though my childhood was the last thing I wanted to dwell on right now, I couldn’t help but think about the constant shuffling between both parents. Summers and winter breaks in New York while the rest of the year I stayed in DC with Mom.
“Hey, old man,” I say back, grabbing him in a one-arm hug and slapping him on the back. He returns the gesture. My father is from the particular generation who thought masculinity should never be questioned, so demonstrative touches were always a rarity. Again, something I had to accept about him.
“What you drinking, man? Whatever it is, it’s on me,” my dad says and motions towards the bartender. “Two more,” he says, indicating towards my now-sweating glass.
The bartender nods and grabs two highball glasses.
“So, how long are you in town?” I ask.
He taps his fingertips against the wooden bar before answering. Something he’s always done when in the middle of thoughts. “I’m here for two nights for the summer festival. Then the guys and I will be heading to Memphis after this. After that, who knows? You know I’m not one to do all that worrying about what’s ahead.”
Didn’t I know it. Something I’ve had to learn the hard way when it comes to my father.
“What about you, Maxy? How is everything in your life?”
I didn’t know where to begin but figured work was an easy enough topic. “Good as can be,” I start, taking a sip from the glass the bartender just put down. “This work assignment has thrown Kamaya and I for a loop, but otherwise everything is good.” I begin giving him some details about Financial Journal and what is happening with the log in leak, but this kind of nerd stuff only interests Kamaya, and I can see his interest waning.
My father smiles at the mentions of Kamaya. “Oh that Kamaya is a sweetheart. If you wouldn’t let my and your mother’s dysfunction scare you away from relationships, she’d be perfect for you.”
I almost spit out my drink. “What? You’ve never said this before. You know Kamaya and I are just friends.”
“Mm-hmm, that’s what you say, Maxy. I don’t believe you,” he responds.
I shake my head at my father’s unexpected honesty. “I think you’ve been knocked around too many times on that tour bus, old man. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Dad and I share a laugh. Teasing is how we’ve always related to each other. “I know what I saw the last time I was here and the three of us had dinner together. I could tell even then that you’re interested in Kamaya. Beyond friendship.”
Wow. Was it obvious to everyone but me how I felt towards my best friend?
“I don’t hear you denying it,” he says.
I couldn’t deny how I felt, though I desperately wanted to. I wanted to run away from my feelings, not face them head-on.
I sigh before continuing. I wasn’t at all ready to face how I felt, but the time was approaching when I really didn’t have another choice. “Okay, fine. Let’s say you’re right. What should I do about it?”
“Maxy, you’re a grown man and ultimately it’s your decision what happens next. You have to live with the consequences of whatever you, or you along with Kamaya, decide.”
“So what exactly?—”
“Let me finish,” Dad says, taking another sip of the old-fashioned. “All I will say now is you don’t want to end up like me, at an age where you think back on your life and have more regrets than accomplishments you’re proud of. I wish I could have been a better dad and husband. You’re young enough to make significant changes to your life.”
He was right. If not now, when would be the right time for Kam and I? How I was going to compete with Zach, I didn’t know. I needed to make my feelings known. It was the timing that couldn’t be worse.
“I hate to say it, but you’re right,” I say, nudging his elbow that’s resting on the bar top. “I ran into Faith a few moments before you arrived. Seeing her made me remember all of the bad that comes with relationships. I would not want to go through that with Kamaya.”
Dad shrugs, finishing his glass. “Ultimately, decide if you’re going to keep living in fear so that you end up like your mom and me, or try something new and see where it takes you,” he says, reaching into his back pocket and placing cash in between us.
We both turn at the sound of the equipment being moved on the stage. “I’ll be up soon,” he says, glancing at his watch. “Think about what I said, Maxy.”
“I will,” I say. “I’ll be here to listen to your set.”
My dad smiles like I’ve just told him the best news. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye,” he says, reaching down, grabbing his saxophone case, and heading towards the bar’s backstage area.
For the next hour, Smokey’s fills in quickly with many people looking to have a good time and blow off steam from the long work week. I’m enjoying my dad and his bandmates’ sound. Many of the songs selected were favorites from when I was younger, but I kept thinking of my father’s words on a loop. Did I want to risk my friendship with Kamaya by admitting my feelings? What if they weren’t reciprocated? Maybe she was having the time of her life with Zach right this instant, and I was foolishly nursing my blues with whisky like some sad character from an old movie. “My Woman Dun’ Left Me” was one of the songs performed tonight.
A little too on the nose, Dad, I thought.
As they finish their last song of the evening, I glance at my phone and realize it will probably be another hour before I get back to Jersey City from Harlem. Would Kamaya have returned home from her date with Zach? I wasn’t sure how much time to give them or when she’d come home. From the overheard conversations, I knew the date was in the city tonight, but I had no idea where.
I’d made my decision. Even if I had to look like some lovesick fool, I couldn’t wait to speak to Kam.
Dad was right. I didn’t want to reach his age and live with regrets. What sucked was the timing of all this. Better late than never, I guess.
The sound of applause snaps me out of my wild thoughts, and I quickly move towards the backstage area to say bye to Dad.
There’s already a crowd gathering in the narrow space. Cigarette smoke, colognes, and the scent of dark liquor tickle my olfactory senses. A flurry of activity is going on as people, mainly women, as was custom for my dad and his band, gathered round to meet the band.
“Maxy! What did you think of the set?”
“It was amazing, Dad. As always,” I answer honestly. “I’m gonna head out. Going to Kamaya’s place.”
He nods, getting a twinkle in his eye. “For once, my advice doesn’t fall on deaf ears. Good to see you, Son, and good luck.”
I return his side hug and make my way out of Smokey’s. A night to see my dad and forget my problems turned out to be a night where I ran into Faith and got an unexpected life lesson from my dad.
I just hoped I was making the right decision.