Chapter Twenty-Five #2
“I’m fine.” At his doubtful expression, I add, “Really. All things considered. I won’t say I’m not shaken up, but we’re all dealing with it.”
Fallon’s expression softens. “Okay. Good. But I’m talking about the fact that you just came out to a room full of strangers.”
Right. “Honestly? That was easier than dealing with Gina when she showed up at my hotel room while Troy was doing the world’s most obvious walk of shame out the door.”
Fallon laughs. “That was real, huh? Sounds exactly like something he’d do.” He sobers quickly. “Seriously, though? I know things have been tense between us lately, but you’re my brother. I want to know you’re okay. Last couple of times we’ve talked, you haven’t sounded like yourself.”
Well, the last time we talked I was on all fours and Troy was fingering my asshole, so…
Even as the memory makes my blood surge, I wince. Not a conversation I want to have with my brother. Or anyone.
“I’ve been a controlling dickhead,” I say instead. “Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m different lately.”
“Thank fuck someone finally said it,” PJ puts in.
Fallon turns to glare at his boyfriend, who only grins.
My brother turns back to me. “I’m serious, Wes. What happens when everything the three of you went through comes to a head and you need to get away from each other?”
“Watch yourself, Fallon.” Troy’s warning is clear.
“Don’t threaten my brother.” To Fallon I say, “Look, I can’t see that far into the future. I’m trying to get my feet underneath me again. Honestly, if you want to help me, you could go visit Mom. She’s been nagging me about when I’ll come see her, and I can’t handle that right now.”
It’s hard to take the sympathy in my brother’s eyes.
“You shouldered a lot, dealing with Mom when she couldn’t get out of bed after Dad died, and then making sure I got to school and soccer practice.
I didn’t understand for a long time, and I’m not excusing the shit you pulled with me and PJ, but I can see how you felt like it was still your job to look out for me.
Your actions were fucked up, but your intentions were good. ”
“Thanks. I think.” I give my brother a tired smile.
“Sure.” He slaps my shoulder. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure whether this is the new you or something you’re trying on, but I’m happy if you are. And I’ll see if PJ and I can get up there to see Mom soon.”
PJ pipes up. “She’s gonna fucking love me.”
I try not to laugh at that, but I do anyway. She’s always been overly concerned about Fallon and me having a partner, so maybe she will.
And thank God. I should want to see my mom, shouldn’t I?
But I’ve been the adult in our relationship for so long.
What I need right now is a little time and space.
Space to figure out my own shit, space to process every mind-fuck discovery I’ve made about myself lately, without having to parent my mother alongside everything else.
While Troy is turned in his seat to talk to Prince, his hand slips under the table to squeeze my upper thigh.
Adam moves to wedge his chair sort of in between and behind us both, threading his fingers into my hair.
I still can’t make sense of how simply having them both touch me like this calms me the way it does.
“You know, you could come and stay with us if you need to,” my brother says quietly. “We’ve got plenty of room.”
How do I politely tell my brother that I never once wanted that?
“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve accidentally walked in on PJ fucking you enough times that I need to soak my brain in bleach.”
Really, I’m usually better at diplomacy than this.
“We can…” Fallon clears his throat. “We can keep it to the bedroom. It’s not a big deal. I’m worried about you, Wes. I want to help.”
All the times I wished my brother would worry about me—that someone would—this isn’t one of them.
“I’m serious, Fallon. Maybe this is my karma for not believing you when you tried to tell me your relationships with Marina and PJ were consensual, but I’m, uh…
” My hand finds Troy’s under the table. “I’m good right now. Really.”
“Will you at least let me help out a little bit? I know money’s been tight?—”
“No.” I spit the word out, sharper and louder than intended. “No,” I say again more quietly. “Thank you. But I’m fine.”
The last thing in the world I want to do is mooch off my little brother. Especially after the number of times I accused PJ of being a gold digger.
I’m given a break from the questioning when the waitress comes around to refill our drinks. “Thanks, Bethanne,” I say after checking her name tag. After we all assure her we don’t need anything else, she smiles at me and disappears.
I’ve managed a couple of bites of Troy’s pancakes when Fallon starts again. “If you don’t want to stay with us, I understand, but I don’t want you to think you aren’t welcome?—”
“Baby.” PJ lovingly slaps his hand over my brother’s mouth. Who knew such a thing was possible? “Leave it alone.”
Let’s call this event the first time in history that my brother’s boyfriend has come to my aid in any way. I silently thank him for intervening.
Until he adds, “He doesn’t want to stay with us because he’s clearly all about that A-plus double dicking, and you can’t blame him for not wanting to give that up.”
I stand corrected. Fuck you, PJ.
I’ve never had to work so hard not to squirm in my seat like a kid who got caught stealing.
“Hey, Wes.” Ravi gets my attention from across the table even as my face melts.
Grateful for the distraction, I lean forward. “What’s up?”
“So, Liam mentioned wanting to follow up with you about, uh, what happened. I think they’ve got a lead on whoever was responsible. Is it okay if I tell him where you’re staying?”
I glance at Adam and then Troy, who both nod. “Sure.”
“Oh, shit.” I flinch at the sound of PJ’s voice. “This is delicious. He’s asking his daddies for permission.”
Jesus. “I’m staying at their place. It’s called being polite.”
PJ stands, jamming his hands into his pockets. “Look, it’s cool you’ve turned over a new leaf or whatever, but your new leaf is pretty damn funny considering how you used to give Fallon shit about how our relationship worked.”
“I’ve already apologized. What else do you want, a body part?”
“That’s enough.” Troy pushes out of his seat.
Adam follows. “Yeah, PJ, you’re the one being a dick right now.”
The guy with a lot of metal in his face asks “What the hell is going on now?” and the next thing I know, everyone is talking again. Arguing . Troy and PJ are getting in each other’s faces.
When the pushing and shoving starts, I grab hold of Troy’s shoulder and spin him toward me. “Hey. Stop. Eyes on me.”
Troy surges forward again. “He doesn’t get to talk to you that way.”
“Can’t hate on me for speaking the truth, asshole.” PJ’s hand goes deeper into his pocket. I’m pretty sure he keeps a knife in there.
Stepping between them, I nudge Troy backward while Adam tugs him from behind.
“Stop,” I repeat. Firmer. Louder. In spite of how I know it’s going to look, I lean in to put my lips against his ear. “Thank you for defending me. I don’t want to fight with my brother, and I don’t want to cause drama. Let’s just get some to-go boxes and get out of here.”
“You’re right. We’re going to go.” Adam takes a drink of his coffee and slams it on the table, towing me out toward the cash register in the main room.
Well, we tried. I give everyone an apologetic wave, avoiding my brother’s concerned gaze.
I’m sure he’s looking for an explanation. How do I give him something I don’t have?